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Positive self talk/self confidence

BJP1991

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What techniques or things do you practice for this?

Ive found that occasionally, I lose touch with it. Specifically if things with a girl turn sour. For example, the other day I cut things off with a plate who started showing me her true side (needy, very selfish, borderline disrespectful at times) and even that puts a slight hit on my self-value for a few days. Why, no clue. It’s not because she’s the only one I’m seeing either. I think it’s just the finality of it and seeing how I wasted time on someone so salty and sour.

Thoughts/tips/resources?

thanks y’all
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I was planning on making a charisma thread. Charisma comes from seeing the positive in any situation and charming people with it. When my life is going well there is nothing anyone can say to upset me or get under my skin. I enjoy giving and give people the benefit of the doubt. If I suspect foul play I disengage with a smile, because I'm just an extension of a natural force that will teach this person what they need to learn. It all happens very naturally and effortlessly.

When you talk with lots of girls and dismiss most of them you start to realize it's just a natural process of filtration. There's nothing wrong with you, you're upholding your standards. Personally I see myself as able to talk to anyone and make a relationship work with anyone, but I choose to hold out for qualities I adore. I trust in my ability to make good choices for my future self.

When you catch a self critical thought rejoice, as that moment of insight is a sign of mindfulness and self awareness. Realize that lessons of any kind are best learned in a calm, collected, and empowering state of mind, not a self defeating one. Also realize that you can manifest positivity as easily as you can manifest negativity. Like any undeveloped skill it will seem forced and uncomfortable at first, but the mind gets better at anything it does repeatedly. Over time it becomes second nature. If you think you're faking it then it will feel fake and hollow to you, and by effect to those around you. If you truly believe in your thoughts, choices, and actions, if you go 'all in' on positive beliefs, it will feel wholesome and fulfilling, and you will radiate that vibe to others through your subconscious behavior.

If a person is able to make me sour or angry then I've already lost. I resign at that point and take it as a sign to focus on mastering my mind. When you're slaying dragons and loving the crap out of it rejections don't register as anything negative. If anything it registers as positive. Precious time and effort saved, more freedom.

The skill of positive intention is much like improv, you learn to be quick witted. When something happens that irks me and I catch myself starting to go down a negative thought path I rejoice for the mindfulness I've developed to notice it, then think of a clever way to lift the mood. If the other person continues to try and bring the mood down it's only more practice for me. When nothing upsets you because you've gotten so good at this you'll feel invincible, and others will pick up on that. Don't do it for the attention, do it because you are more useful to society and the world in a positive state of mind, because you want to serve the world as best you can.

I'm a tall built mofo with a serious resting face, so constantly charming with a positive attitude works wonders for me. It helps mitigate any intimidation people may feel, and usually brightens their day. I actually get off to making people laugh so hard they stop breathing. It's a weird power trip that I really enjoy exercising.

I've disarmed countless situations with a simple smile and a funny observation about the environment. Positivity is infectious and healthy folk bask in it. When you radiate it effortlessly you'll find yourself in good company.
 
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Jack12345

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First of all, I can assure you 100% that meditation works from my own experience. It's like entering another dimension you dont even know that exist. But meditation needs dedication.

As I see it lately negativity is just a bad habit you developed. Being sad, angry, motivated are all just emotions and there is nothing wrong with each one of them, the choice to whether be positive or negative at a moment is in your hands, I know it sounds cliche but I really believe this is how it works. Try to take out the negativity and the positivity should remain, rather then forcing fake positive thoughts. Like, stop blaming random people, curse, overthink and etc.

I remember once I tried to approach some girl at the street, and a man on bicycle just crossed between us, I haven't approached her and in my head i said "this mother****er on the bike" while I used the poor guy just as an excuse for me not approaching the girl - this is a negative pattern

The problem is to embrace this while u always stay in your own head where negativity rules the mind, and here's the meditation may be handy
 
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BJP1991

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First of all, I can assure you 100% that meditation works from my own experience. It's like entering another dimension you dont even know that exist. But meditation needs dedication.

As I see it lately negativity is just a bad habit you developed. Being sad, angry, motivated are all just emotions and there is nothing wrong with each one of them, the choice to whether be positive or negative at a moment is in your hands, I know it sounds cliche but I really believe this is how it works. Try to take out the negativity and the positivity should remain, rather then forcing fake positive thoughts. Like, stop blaming random people, curse, overthink and etc.

I remember once I tried to approach some girl at the street, and a man on bicycle just crossed between us, I haven't approached her and in my head i said "this mother****er on the bike" while I used the poor guy just as an excuse for me not approaching the girl - this is a negative pattern

The problem is to embrace this while u always stay in your own head where negativity rules the mind, and here's the meditation may be handy
Recommendations for getting started with meditation? Like how often, locations, duration?

I have done it before, but only a handful of times. Or maybe 6 attempts, only one of them ever made me feel any sense of weight lifted off me. Other times I think I was maybe too distracted during the process.
 

Jack12345

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Recommendations for getting started with meditation? Like how often, locations, duration?

I have done it before, but only a handful of times. Or maybe 6 attempts, only one of them ever made me feel any sense of weight lifted off me. Other times I think I was maybe too distracted during the process.
Can tell you only from my experience bro

The most effective meditation is just to sit down, relax, breath normally, and try to concentrate on your breaths. Now all the point is that every time a thought comes up, you realize it, and try to concentrate again on the breaths.

Maybe you can start just for a beginning to do 5min meditation a day until it becomes a habit and gradually increase the times. The 5min meditation can be useful because you start to recognize the patterns in which your mind works, so you stop to take it as a part of "who you are" and realize this is just an independent system that works how it wants to work and has huge impact on how you take yourself and interpret things.

Anyway what worked for me the most and what I would suggest you to try was a week long experience I did, 30min-2hrs (2hrs is extreme, make it 1hr) long meditations each day. I did combinations of various meditations, like start with 5min meditation where u just concentrate on particular organs of your body, like starting from the bottom and gradually going all the way up, each time stop on particular organ (like your fingers, lips etc) and try to derive all your energy to it. Then I would go through a combination of all kind of breaths techniques, like long slow breaths, deep breathing, really just play with it, and then just try to concentrate on breathing normally and filter thoughts. The order is really not important, you just playing with it how you want and experience all kind of things, the point is to stay in the moment. After 2-3 days you'll see a real change through the day. Like I felt kinda zen and easy, very calm and focused, motivated, could filter the thoughts and etc

Never tried it, but group meditation seems to me like a great motivator
 
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stringpuller

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What techniques or things do you practice for this?

Ive found that occasionally, I lose touch with it. Specifically if things with a girl turn sour. For example, the other day I cut things off with a plate who started showing me her true side (needy, very selfish, borderline disrespectful at times) and even that puts a slight hit on my self-value for a few days. Why, no clue. It’s not because she’s the only one I’m seeing either. I think it’s just the finality of it and seeing how I wasted time on someone so salty and sour.

Thoughts/tips/resources?

thanks y’all
Positive self talk doesn't work for me. I think its cultish bullshyt.
What works for my is staying upfront and right now good or bad.
Frame of mind is weak and thin when you try to make It something.
This comes from a deep internal knowing you are all you need.
Frame is not positive self talk its making yourself your own own focal point of origin.
Not the woman. .
Mental point of origin.....
 

Jack12345

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Positive self talk doesn't work for me. I think its cultish bullshyt.
What works for my is staying upfront and right now good or bad.
Frame of mind is weak and thin when you try to make It something.
This comes from a deep internal knowing you are all you need.
Kinda agree but on the other hand if you are like a really unconfident and not social person positive self talk is a one way out. Like self affirmation stuff and etc
 

Dash Riprock

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Positive self talk doesn't work for me. I think its cultish bullshyt.
What works for my is staying upfront and right now good or bad.
Frame of mind is weak and thin when you try to make It something.
This comes from a deep internal knowing you are all you need.
Frame is not positive self talk its making yourself your own own focal point of origin.
Not the woman. .
Mental point of origin.....
Just for discussion sake, do you think a professional basketball player that:

a) Visualized (and created the emotion of how he would feel after the miss) missing a free throw every time he went to the line or b) Visualized himself (and created the emotion of of how he would feel after making the shot) making the free throw every time, would have the same success rate (+ or - the standard deviation for such an experiment) no matter what he thought before the shot?

Or maybe a MLB pitcher who focused on giving up a home run to batter. I mean he really thought this guy was going to knock it out of the park. Imagine him behind the mound before the pitch saying over and over, "He's going to crush it, he's going to crush it..." Do you feel the pitcher's success rate would be the same whether he intensely thought about giving up the home run or striking the batter out and it would have zero effect on the actual outcome?
 
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stringpuller

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) Visualized (and created the emotion of how he would feel after the miss) missing a free throw every time he went to the line or b) Visualized himself (and created the emotion of of how he would feel after making the shot) making the free throw every time, would have the same success rate (+ or - the standard deviation for such an experiment) no matter what he thought before the shot?
I dont think this happens at such detail in the moment at this level.
More or less a flow or a feel.
If you have ever been above average at something or know someone who has they most likely will tell you it just comes out.

Certain training can get you to "flow" but flow is controlled by life or God. Its beyond my mind
 
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