poor me frame

[window]

have you guys noticed that during initial stages a girl will start going into the poor me frame ? like I have no direction / meaning, I feel lost, I'm not happy etc..

What is the best way to deal with it ? personally I dont want to hear all that crap but at the same time you dont want to come across as someone who doesn't want to listen to what she has to say etc....

 

[Die Hard]

No need to overanalyze... Suppose it wasn't a plate but one of your friends or colleagues, would you really be asking us this question too then?

Don't say to her what you think you are supposed to say. Just say to her what YOU feel is right at the moment. I'm sure you're perfectly capable of finding a middle ground between becoming her emotional tampon and being incredibly rude to her.

So unless you have some severe social handicap, you are overanalyzing here. And overanalyzing means you are overVALUING her. Think about that...

 

[Cheeks]

Personally, the aftermath of my failed LTR has left me cold and unsympathetic to these kind of wh0res. I fell into the trap of becoming her therapist and as soon as she was "healed" she ditched me for some other poor bastard.

Fvck that sh1t. If she starts whining to you about her problems just grab her and fvck her hard. If that's not good enough then just walk away from it. You just can't win sometimes.

 

[backbreaker]

I handle it by getting up and leaving and not calling back.

If a woman is supposed to add to your life and be fun and give you something look forward to, kwhy would I want to go out of my way to see a debbie downer? if a woman can't even pretend to put up a good facade she seriously isn't worth the time to call her back. I can be miserable by my god damn self.

 

[Die Hard]

I'm sure you're perfectly capable of finding a middle ground between becoming her emotional tampon and being incredibly rude to her.

Apparently, Cheeks and backbreaker are not so capable of finding this middle ground

Oh, I totally forgot to mention this earlier (even though it was actually the first thing that I wanted to write down in my first reply): This 'poor me frame' that you're describing...it's a red flag. Keep that in mind...

 

[scrouds]

Had something similar last night, was out hanging out with the gf for her birthday with some of her friends. Was chatting with one chick, I don't even remember how it segued in to it but she starts talking about ex husbands, abuse etc. To a skilled observer, I probably showed a flash of "oh shiit", then I readjusted towards the middle of the group, started talking to someone else with me tilted away from her. She then left the small huddle to where we had our stuff and lit a cigarette. Basically I treated it as if the conversation was over and moved on.

Generally I don't stick around for that sort of stuff.

 

[backbreaker]

I mean **** she doesn't have to be Tony Robbins or anyying lol but I mean, WTF man? It's no different than a woman not wanting a man who is always down on himself or down on life or doesn't like himself. I want someone who at the vreye least has a positive outlook on life. Who when I call she's going to have a perk in her step and be generally in a good mood. at least let her feel good about whatever it she is doing. My oneitis was like that (woe is me) she was just so damn hot no one ever called her on it. like when she called she just had this wave of depression "yeah my dad.... yeah my momj...y eah my BF..." it gets old.

 

[ilikecharlene]

Dump her. Vet out better quality (in this case mentally/emotionally healthier) women.

Everybody has challenges and problems, but I think if one has psychological issues that are not resolved/managed, then one shouldn't date, period. Life is too short to worry about an SO who is not healthy mentally.

 

[st_99]

miserable b*tches are the worst!!!!! they suck!

 

[zekko]

Someone who doesn't know how to be happy isn't likely to be happy with you.

 

[Aaron B]

in my experience, women seek sympathy, validation and compliments in many different ways

through your reaction, she will find out if you are going to be one of the people in her life that reassures her and seeks to help her feel better

interestingly enough, in my experience women respond most powerfully to the men who do not provide her with that validation and reassurance

for example, she lays the sob story on you, and instead of giving her reassurance, you say something like

"have you considered changing that part of your life, or do you plan to remain miserable for the rest of your days?"

we talk about frame control, however this seems like a good time to take her frame and run with it

 

[Jitterbug]

window, she's signalling to you that a few wines her way will surely lead to first date sex (emotional outpouring + alcohol = how people have been getting laid since 1812). And then you never call her back because who want to be with such a miserable chick, right?

 

[backbreaker]

makes me think about 2 different plates i had at one point. actually the same time before i settled down.

one was named anna, we couldn't be any more opposite. very punk rockish, but she had her mojo working and she was pretty cute. not what you would call hot.. cute. but she had the spunkist personality and i was very drawn to that. she, like my wife, rode horses in the morning for a living, when i met her she was getting back from like 6 months off work becuase she fell off a horse in the morning and hurt herself pretty bad, she was broke, she lived out of basically a suitcase with 2 roommates, always traveling to different tracks wherever she can find work, never really financially "secure", didn't have parents who had a lot of means.. and you know what, you couldn't ever wipe the smile off this girls face. she always put me in a very good mood. shhe would drag me to music shows i had no real interest in seeing but she woudl be so up beat about it how you can you say no? she had pretty high self esteem and liked herself very much. i really liked her actually but she moved across country.

i had another plate named crystal. more "pretty" than hot, petite, family came from money, her dad died and left her an inherantance of a stupid amount of money for a girl her age, actually left it to her mom but she is so spoiled rotten.. she was very stuck up, though at the same time had ****ty self esteem. she could never hold down a job, in the 4-5 months i messed around with her she had 3 jobs. every year or so she would have a breakdown and her mom would ahve to fly half way across the country and bail her daughter, who is 2 years older than me by the way lol, out of whatever **** she had gotten herself into. she just felt like the world owed her everything and she really.. just.. sucked as a person. every time you call her she had to complain about some ****. the boss, the friend, the ex, something. nothing was ever good in her life. the girl is so spoiled she was got tired of having room mates so her mom came pretty damn close to just up right, buying her her own damn house lol. what kinda fvckingg **** is that? who the fvck's parents can just buy you a house in LA on a whim. that **** actually kinda pissed me off.

the first girl was a joy to be around. she didn't have every advantage on earthh but she made the best of it and liked her life a lot. lthe seconn dhad the world at the balls with a knife in the other hand, and she had the lowest self esteem of any girl i have efver dated, by a long shot. just toxic to be around. yet you talk to her, no realtionship was ever her fault lol. not one.

 

[typical]

I would just say sorry hun I don't have the time to waste talking about how crap your life is, I have better things to do then hear the lamentations of a worthless person crying about their problems but not willing to fix it themself.

 

[window]

thanks the best answer from where I was coming from was Aaron B's...

This girl is always seeking compliments, saying what she does is no good. A classic is if she tells me something and I say yeah that sounds good she'll flip it so it suddenly is a negative.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I reckon being that shoulder to cry on is the first step in to the Friend Zone.
Don't fall for it. Change the subject, make a move on her or just GTFO.
Entertaining this crap and responding to it is what their girlfriends are for.

 

[speed dawg]

Avoid those women at all costs. If, within the first month, a new plate ever starts talking that nonsense about being mistreated or some psycho ex-boyfriend, all relationship goals vanish. She's nothing but a fvck buddy from that point on. Truth be known you might want to hit it once (with a rubber) and get the fvck out of there unless you enjoy drama.

 

[st_99]

spunkist personality and i was very drawn to that. .

sounds just like a girl i messed with a couple years ago. I'm not gonna lie, I was afc'd out over her because her personality was so damn uplifting and she never was not smiling, energetic, cute, but not hot. It was almost impossible to not be happy around her. That was very addictive.

 

[window]

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/its-a-trap/