Polygyny

[LJC]

For those that don't know, polygyny is defined as the practice of having two wives at the same time, although I'd rather define it as an arrangement rather than having two legal wives.

At any rate, I've been thinking a lot about the possibilities here for myself lately. For years I've stressed over the concept of marriage. I never liked it. Although seeing how miserable many men in my family, co-workers and friends are in marriage has a little something to do with why I'm not crazy about getting into it, their main reason is because of my lifestyle and habits.

I've always worked a lot of weekends in exchange for having more time off in general. I mean, I make over 60K working only 6 months out of a year. It's nice. On top of that, I like my alone time to pursue some hobbies I have such as writing, painting and things of that nature. This is how it's pretty much been for me going all the way back to college and I like it.

Now, when I'm dating a heterosexual woman my availability always becomes an issue with them sooner or later. A lot of them say it's not an issue in the beginning, but it usually becomes one anyway. Eventually, it gets to a point where these women realize nothing is really going to change, so they give up the fight. I'm not interested in changing it all up because some three month girlfriend isn't happy with it. And so they stop complaining about it and start to play the availability game. You know, when I'm available, they suddenly aren't and that kind of sh*t. The trust dies, I start wondering what the hell they're doing when I'm not around; whether or not there's some other guy working his way into the fold and that sort of thing. Sometimes that's the case, but even when it isn't the outcome is always the same: it never works out. It doesn't matter how independent the woman is, it's always the same sh*t.

I know damn well if I were to marry it wouldn't be long before I get a divorce. I see it a mile away. So, I've dealt with it by keeping my relationships with these women light, sexual and short. I spin plates, or whatever the hell it's called, and just have my fun.

However, whenever I date bi-sexual women, and this was as true in college for me as it is today, I never have this availability/solo time issue. I always encourage these women to have a side relationship with another woman and the benefits to me seem to be plenty. They never complain that I don't spend enough time with them because they supplement that time with their girlfriend, who I usually get along well with. I don't worry about who she might be hooking up with when I'm not around because I already know. I get my freedom, she gets her freedom and it typically works out much better. I'm a happier person even when these relationships don't pan out because it's never about my hobbies or me being forced to make a life-altering decision like find a new career just to keep someone else happy.

That's why I've given the idea of polygyny some serious thought lately. I'm wondering if it's a reasonable, long term possibility. I don't mean finding women willing to do it. I mean as far as settling down, buying a house, maybe even kids; things of that nature.

Does anyone know of someone doing this outside of religious circles? People who aren't Mormons and such? What do you guys think about it? Am I crazy to even consider this as an option?

 

[joekerr31]

That's why I've given the idea of polygyny some serious thought lately. I'm wondering if it's a reasonable, long term possibility. I don't mean finding women willing to do it. I mean as far as settling down, buying a house, maybe even kids; things of that nature.

you can do whatever you want so long as you don't legally marry multiple people.

theres no law saying a man can't have multiple families or that those families can't all live in the same house, etc.

as for whether it would work? well, its basically the villiage model right. humans use to live in villiages, with extended families raising the next generations in the same place, huge interpersonal networks of support, etc.

now today most of us have maybe 3 people we can count on.

so polygymy is starting to make more sense in that its more people committing to share the responsibilities of life.

the only reason society will never endorse it is simply because with a 50:50 ratio of men to women, if some men start marrying 6 wives, there won't be enough women to go around.

 

[joekerr31]

just a quick caveat...

as mainstream social constructs begin to fail (the nuclear family for instance) you'll start to see more and more people adopting alternative lifestyles.

in 20 years from now i dont think many peopel will be getting married.

i bet probably 70% of 30 year olds today are (or have been) married.

in 20 years from now i bet only 10% of 30 year olds will be (or been) married. peopel will still have kids but the institute of marriage is going to die on the vine.

 

[Phyzzle]

For those that don't know, polygyny is defined as the practice of having two wives at the same time, although I'd rather define it as an arrangement rather than having two legal wives.

I think you're a little confused. Polygamy means having multiple wives. Polygyny means steadfastly non-commited relationships. So you are dead-on with your label.

I've known a few polygynists in my life (and read about many more). Alas, they are mostly the same. When they eventually find a mate they are extremely attracted to, all that "mutual freedom" crap goes straight out the window. The normal man's mind is not made to derive pleasure from the thought of the woman you are closest to sharing everything with another man.

That's just in general. There are exceptions. There are true polygynists, just as there are true homosexuals and true asexuals. Don't let anyone say there's something wrong with you, if you feel completely happy.

 

[MacAvoy]

With the feminist movement making the progress it has and women wanting more and more from men, do you really think you can find 2 quality women who are willing to settle for less than a complete committment from a man.

Your pipe dreaming buddy but don't let me get in your way. You go out and find a wife who's willing to marry you eventually knowing that you'll want to marry another women and I'll kiss your feet.

Your best bet if you truly want this is to find a way in to the Church of Latter day saints and become a mormon.

 

[Maxtro]

That is an idea. The institution of marriage as we know it is failing. I don't really see a point in getting married anymore. But I have never been in a LTR so take my opinions with a grain of salt.

I wonder what it would be like to have a house and live with two long term girlfriends. The women would be your "wives" in everything but title. The women can alternate having kids. I can see how it would work out in many ways but there could also be a lot of trouble. I still think it would be a very interesting thing.

 

[squirrels]

I think you're a little confused. Polygamy means having multiple wives. Polygyny means steadfastly non-commited relationships. So you are dead-on with your label.

And here I thought polygyny meant a woman with two cooters. :cheer:

 

[joekerr31]

I can see how it would work out in many ways but there could also be a lot of trouble.

well part of the problem is that in today's society those who still believe in marriage tend to see their spouse as a 'possession'.

so no, multiple relationships under one roof wouldn't work with that mentality. you'd have to have more of a commune type of attitude towards life.

i actually think that women would be way more open to this than men. i hold that the number one concern women have in life is security. i actually think a lot of women, if they know they will only be sharing their man with one other woman (and that he's not out there banging every woman he can, but just her and the other woman) would be fine with that.

what a woman wants to know is that her man is going to do whatever he can to ensure her survival and her offsprings survival. if bringing another woman into the picture increases her perceived sense of security, im telling ya, there are TONS of women who would be more than fine with that.

heck, why do you think so many single women chase after married guys? they want just a taste of that stability and security that married men are perceived to have.

a lot of women, even though they won't express it in a monogomous relationship, are actually quite open to the idea of alternative relationship arrangements.

 

[joekerr31]

Think of it more along the terms of having an in-house nanny who keeps the wife company in various ways. I can see a lot of benefits to such an arrangement and I can see quite a few women finding interest in this.

My concern isn't in how to make it happen, it's in the uncharted territory of it. I don't know of people who are actually doing it this particular way.

well to make this happen you better be making enough money to support three people comfortably.

most women are going to buy in to this for that reason. basically you'll have to be a bit of a sugar daddy in all this.