Poll: "Play on" or "NEXT!"

[DJorBUST]

I met yet another girl on an online dating website who messaged me first. I tried to setup a simple coffee date with her after throwing a couple of emails back and forth. She says she is free on Monday or Tuesday. I chose a place about 20 minutes away from me and 10 minutes away from her and gave her the time and address.

Here is her reply:

"well i dont want to sound like a flake, but i have class at night,
so thats not a good time, and im not against meeting, but i think
we should at least know more about each other before meeting,
or else we are not going to have anything to talk about.............
and the man should come to the lady, yes its 2008 blah blah,
we still follow customs and traditions,right?

anyways, i might be house sitting in about 2 weeks from now
so i will be closer to your side of the tracks, im not good with directions
anyways, but most likely ill be in the **** area, somewhere near the *** freeway ........."

So, even before I meet this chick, she has:

(a) Rejected first date idea: I know she has a class but she should have mentioned it when she originally said she was free that day.
(b) Insisted I come to her! It's 10 minutes from her! Jeebus...
(c) Thinks we should talk more before meeting. She has already learned enough about me from my emails and profile. Rarely do people know this much about each other when they first meet in public.

So, already she comes off as demanding and feeling like she's a prize to be won. My instinct is to ignore her message and find somebody else. Am I right here?

 

[Skepsis]

I like her. But living 30 minutes away from her is impractical to begin with.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So, already she comes off as demanding and feeling like she's a prize to be won. My instinct is to ignore her message and find somebody else...

Can you think of a good reason why you shouldn't?

 

[Interceptor]

DJB,
she's figutring out her emotional investment with you

She may also be feeling vulnerable right now, there may be a lot of expectations and maybe she doesn't want to be rejected, or have you not live up to her expectations.

Ask her what EXACT time and day she will be free, that's all.
Insist on a meeting, not a date.
But be cool, still be gentlemanly with manners.
And make sure you analyize your emotional investement in this one.

She's not your wife or GF, not even a potential one right now.
So treat her as a nice woman whom you'd just like to know. Nothing more than that for now.
This woman is very wary and has her guard up.
See if you can navigate through it, but don't be expecting anything amazing.

Remember, a lot of guys start getting panicky about 'losing their power' BEFORE anything has happened. Not realizing that a confident man acts confidently and self assured throughout the ENTIRE length of the interactions, from the initial beginning through the middle and end.

If it is SOOOOOO impossible for you to pick her up, then don't.
But if you're really confident and KNOW for a fact this woman cannot hurt you or take anything away from you, or pass judgement on you, then you won't really be bothered by picking her up.
You can just operate on giving her the benefit of your doubt, and pick her up, and then have a nice meeting, and decide if after thii meeting you want to continue to see her, and make an effort and emotionally invest in her.

Remember , you're REALLY not 'losing' anything here. It's just your current criteria or standards. If they are incredibly unwaivering, then stick to them.
If you feel that you can extend her this gesture, after all she DID contact you first, then do it feeling strong and confident. She is feeling a little out of 'role' here.

If she thinks she can assert some power and step on the pedastle with you, SHE IS FLAT OUT WRONG,man.

So , if you feel this woman IS worth further investigation, then do it

Remember, it's better to live with rejection than with regret.
So it's better to just meet her and get to know her, and decide then, than BEFORE you've even met her in person.

Try to set up the meeting, and send her another message or two, but nothing lengthy.
Because if she knows everything about you BEFORE the meeting , sometimes what ARE you going to talk about, to a degree?
I'm sure you can start a conversation on a liot of things, but it is pretty normal to share personal details during the meeting.


Anyway, just think about it.
You really don't have anything to lose.
And you might just meet a 'good' girl.
Maybe....

 

[JackPrescott]

Shes a flake. Dont bother with her. If she was anywhere interested, she'd invest a simple coffee date.

 

[The Bat]

Well, she did re-arrange for a later date. Keep the conversation light and playful during e-mail messages and throughout the meeting, if there is one. Don't let her string you along though. Test her and see if she tries to arrange a meeting when she is home sitting 2 weeks from now. If she flakes yet again, then next her.

In the end though, it's up to you. Do what you please.

 

[ready123]

listen to Francisco and Interceptor

 

[ezily]

I honestly wouldn't reply to her message unless she was hot. It's not worth your time to sit and email and UG or even lesser HB without the chance of meeting. But hey in all honesty this chick sounds pretty old fashioned so you may have to tone down your game if you do want her. It might come off the wrong way with her.

 

[DJorBUST]

Ready -> it seems like francisco and interceptor are saying different things.

She does seem old fashioned. Honestly she's not that hot and I could do better. On the other hand, I dont have a lot of plates to spin and I'm not exactly eager to throw away plates as easily as I would if I had more going on.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Honestly she's not that hot and I could do better. On the other hand, I dont have a lot of plates to spin and I'm not exactly eager to throw away plates as easily as I would if I had more going on.

[rant]
No offence DJoB but it's really sad how the fear of scarcity makes men act like desperate junkies who'll sniff glue, huff spraypaint or drink cold medicine just to get a high, any high. Choosing just any type of woman who will give them any attention because they'd rather be in a bad situation than none at all; just another cheap high. A desperate DJ is just another junkie looking for a cheap fix. With a DJ it's just the attention from a woman (any woman) no matter how much she'll mess with his head.
[/rant]

 

[Interceptor]

You're absolutely positively correct, Frank.

Man...it's the desperation and being a slave to your desire and NEED for female attention that HAS to be dealt with swiftly and powerfully.

Look, it is perfectly FINE and NATURAL to be with women.
Having sexual desire for women is NATURAL nd not to be ashamed of.

But, having said that, beware of the drug that can be 'female attention."

Read that again, please.
beware of the drug that can be 'female attention'

Stay aware. Stay present , aler,t and grounded. And do not let your self be 'drugged' with that, and start developing a weakness for it, in the sense that you become DEPENDENT on it, and start to lose focus on your life and BALANCE and HARMONY in your LIFE, men.


Although, I don't feel this is precisely DJoB's circumstance, as he is definitely willing to walk away, I do feel that he shoudl always remain alert to the 'desperation' gremlins creeping in.

It can get tough, man.

It really can.

But you have to find ways to nourish and nurture yourSELF. It has to be that way.
Im sorry , guys..but you cannot have that frame of mind that women will 'save' you, or take away all your troubles, and make everything 'all right.'
Stop living life that way, and looking at women that way too.

I say DJB has a decent opportunity, not a fantastic one.

But why is this good?

Because it tests his Confidence.


Truthfully.
I am all about living at the edge of your confort zone. And I know that women can't hurt me, or take anything away from me.
So I base my decisions on that kind of notion and mind set.

In short, I never 'give up' my power, so to speak.
And I can't CONTROL how a person WILL perceive me can I?
It's up to them. that their responsibility.

I decide if I feel like spending my valueable resources on a woman, or not.


Look, eventually you will have to learn how to be more discerning, and sometimes that mean furtherinvestigation before making a final decision.
That's all, man.

 

[JackPrescott]

[rant]
No offence DJoB but it's really sad how the fear of scarcity makes men act like desperate junkies who'll sniff glue, huff spraypaint or drink cold medicine just to get a high, any high. Choosing just any type of woman who will give them any attention because they'd rather be in a bad situation than none at all; just another cheap high. A desperate DJ is just another junkie.
[/rant]

Scarcity of women, or "Pathetic male to female ratios" is the main reason why women can afford to be completley aloof, arrogant and picky. Picture the opposite scenario. 3 SINGLE women for every man, and women are the ones who will be desperate for attention, and not just BS "Attention Wh*ore attention" but actual sexual attention. Last night, I went to a little Irish pub for a late night ****tail, and EVERY woman there was with a boyfriend. One who showed up late had a boyfriend at home. It was like being in the ****i*ng Twighlight Zone, the "Land of no free women" All I needed was Rod Sterling to come out of the men's room, and start talking into the camera.

 

[Interceptor]

Jack, you bring up a very very REAL point, man.

It does often seem like there are no single women left.

this is why I have to stress to guys to look deep into themselves and make peace with that.

To address their needs and desires, and eliminate their desperation.

Working out, training martial arts, doing Yoga, drawing painting and playing an instrument..ALL these thngs are activities that MUST be looked at by all rational mature men.
If you want to remain healthy and happy and sane, and maintain your peace of mind, I see really no other choice.

Keep women in the proper perspective, wonderful things to be enjoyed,and given your Love to when deserved, but they cannot be your MAIN focus in Life. That is, the PURSUIT of women may not be a road to joy and fulfillment. It may be far more fleeting that you realize.
Love women freely.

Protect your heart, but be strong enough to love and let yourself be loved.
THis is soooo incredibly deep , you should take a minute to think about this.

A good woman will appear eventually.
But as they say "You have to be ready for it."
Again, guys..men have a very very narrow margin for error.
Women can focus a lot more energy and resources to their marriage and relationships without fear of negative consequences. Men have to focus what is NEEDED , not anymore. Even women will tell you that.


If you happen to find someone you want to stay very very close to, then do so with the strength that you and she need to keep the relationship strong, attractive, passionate, and full of love and affection.
And you CANNOT do that when you have grownup all your life like a desperate hungry hyena.


Stay strong, guys. Stay focused.

 

[Obsidian]

I can honestly understand your annoyance with this girl, but it sounds like she's blowing you off not out of spite or disrespect but instead out of caution and tradition. If you take it a bit slow, things might pay off. Also, it won't take up much of your time to send her a few more of those stupid online msgs.

I bet if you just keep chatting with her, she'll suggest a meeting; you won't even have to.

 

[DonJuan11]

I met yet another girl on an online dating website who messaged me first. I tried to setup a simple coffee date with her after throwing a couple of emails back and forth.

Here is her reply:

"well i dont want to sound like a flake, but i have class at night,
so thats not a good time, and im not against meeting, but i think
we should at least know more about each other before meeting,
or else we are not going to have anything to talk about.............
and the man should come to the lady, yes its 2008 blah blah,
we still follow customs and traditions,right?

anyways, i might be house sitting in about 2 weeks from now
so i will be closer to your side of the tracks, im not good with directions
anyways, but most likely ill be in the **** area, somewhere near the *** freeway ........."

This email is tricky because she is rejecting you for coffee but putting it back on you to ask her out again with her "the man should come to the lady."

"Yes you are right, we should know each other more meeting in person and we have to follow customs and traditions since its 2008. Let me know the day what day works best for you when you are closer to my side of the tracks."

Put it back on her. If she balks again, forget it.