poking fun at self to express confidence

[mofro]

Everyone has shortcomings, try poking fun at your own to show that you're not bothered by them.

 

[Answers]

I agree. One thing you shouldn't do is be too serious about everything. Everybody should learn to lighten up a bit.

 

[Sun Tzu]

If you do this, it must be extremely apparent to the girl that the direct opposite of your joke is true. If it isn't obvious, then don't do it. You will look like a chump.

If it is obvious, then that good quality will be emphasized in her eyes.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know, I see a lot of people without confidence use self deprecating humor and occasionally the first time they do it's funny, but after a while the just drain the energy from the room and seem even more lame.

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

^^^I agree. Its alrite sometimes if you do something stupid but theres nothing more patheic than watching someone with Low Selfesstem mocking themselfs so people will think there funny or so people wont mock them about. You get back what you advertise after all.

 

[D!ck Ramsey]

This is a good way to deflect insults, but don't rely on it as a sole means to convey confidence.

 

[Bourne]

Self depricating humor is not a way to show self confidence.

Not taking things seriously is important.

Why do you need to show anyone that you are self confident. Seems like approval seeking to me.

 

[comic_relief]

I don't know, I see a lot of people without confidence use self deprecating humor and occasionally the first time they do it's funny, but after a while the just drain the energy from the room and seem even more lame.

I disagree with you this time Francisco. I use self-depricating humor to show that I am human AND that I am not too arrogant to show that I have my own shortcomings (my friends think that i am extremely gifted and don't screw up that much in front of them. Therefore, I come off with a bit of arrogance which I check-and-balance).

comic_relief

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I disagree with you this time Francisco. I use self-depricating humor to show that I am human AND that I am not too arrogant to show that I have my own shortcomings (my friends think that i am extremely gifted and don't screw up that much in front of them. Therefore, I come off with a bit of arrogance which I check-and-balance).

comic_relief

How often do you do it?

 

[comic_relief]

How often do you do it?

once or twice a day.

Like girls that think that I am cute, I will go, "What you mean this ugly mug?" or "Do I got a little bit of ugly right around here?" *pointing at my face*

They usually laugh and then say how sexy I am

The one thing that makes my jokes different is that they know that I know that I am sexy and could pull them all the time. Hell the one last week told me that when I am single, she will give me the best d@mn blowj0b that I have ever had.

comic_relief

 

[shyguy32]

HELL NO...IMO

Act like there is nothing wrong with you...if you point things out your going to demonstrate Lower value.

Comic Relief can pull his stuff off if he's a good lookin guy, but if your not good looking and you walk around saying your fat or ugly...then guess what thats how chicks are going to see you.

Not showing confidence in my opinion...it's saying...throw me some pity and tell me that I'm not all that bad.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...They usually laugh and then say how sexy I am ...

*COUGH*Attention wh0re*Cough*

But seriously, daily???

 

[Demon]

Self depricating humor is not a way to show self confidence.

Never heard of JFK?

Why do you need to show anyone that you are self confident. Seems like approval seeking to me.

Everyone seeks approval in some way, even when they deny that they are doing so. The very act of claiming you don't seek approval is your way of seeking approval from people who respect the idea of being independent.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Everyone seeks approval in some way, even when they deny that they are doing so. The very act of claiming you don't seek approval is your way of seeking approval from people who respect the idea of being independent.

I think you're confusing approval with acceptance. Approval is action based while acceptance is personal. Given that, no matter how many people accepts you, it's all moot if you can't accept yourself first and foremost.

 

[Bourne]

There is much fine line here.

Approval vs Acceptance

Self Depricating Humor vs Showing Humility and disqualifying yourself.

Taking action and trying to poke fun at yourself to show that you are not bothered by them. That statement reeks of approval seeking. You doing that at the expense of others.

Not caring one way or another what others think and accepting yourself as you are, thats different.

 

[Demon]

If you're not familiar with the personality of JFK, the people of the time adored him because he, as President of the United States, had the ability to poke fun at himself. What he often expressed was not humility. He had a good sense of self-deprecating humor.

["Self-deprecating" is spelled with two Es.]

I think you're confusing approval with acceptance. Approval is action based while acceptance is personal. Given that, no matter how many people accepts you, it's all moot if you can't accept yourself first and foremost.

Both "approval" and "acceptance" have a common synonym. When you draw a line between the two, at least in this context, you're just doing what women do with their various levels of intimacy, such as "seeing someone" versus "dating."

"I approve of you" and "I accept you as satisfactory" mean the same thing. Likewise, if you are denied entry to a party because someone has disapproved of you, you are also denied entry because you have been rejected, which as you know is the antonym of "accepted."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If you're not familiar with the personality of JFK, the people of the time adored him because he, as President of the United States, had the ability to poke fun at himself. What he often expressed was not humility. He had a good sense of self-deprecating humor.

["Self-deprecating" is spelled with two Es.]

Both "approval" and "acceptance" have a common synonym. When you draw a line between the two, at least in this context, you're just doing what women do with their various levels of intimacy, such as "seeing someone" versus "dating."

There is a definite distinction just as there is a difference between dating someone and just seeing someone, although in this example both are intrinsic. There is a difference between approval and acceptance in the true sense of their definition instead of the merging of today's definitions for the sake of simplicity (American language has deteriorated over the last 10-15 years because of this).

Think about it, if you go to a bank for a mortgage do you loan approved or accepted? Now consider a marriage proposal, is it approved or accepted? One example deals with an action, the other a person; there's a definite difference wjen the terms are use correctly.

 

[squirrels]

Everyone has shortcomings, try poking fun at your own to show that you're not bothered by them.

Can you give an example of where this has worked for you?

If you're not bothered by them, then you don't HAVE to poke fun at them to try to excuse them. Try turning them into strengths instead.

 

[comic_relief]

*COUGH*Attention wh0re*Cough*

But seriously, daily???

maybe

actually I started to write a post entitled "Comic_Relief is an attention wh0re" but I lost the post when power went off of my computer.

Yeah, most of my friends and me use self-depricating humor all the time because we don't like making fun of other people that much. Or we use it as a deflection like "Your such an assh0le!"
Me: "Yeah, I know. Proud of it too. Plus got this ugly crooked nose thing going on too. Why don't we add ugly to the mix too."
Girl: "What?!? no you aren't ugly. You manage to get more girls numbers thrown at you then anyone else that I know."
Me: "I know."

See I'm able to do it in a tactful way that doesn't hurt my reputation that i have with the ladies. Most people do it as a way of validation. I do it as a fun thing that my friends and I do all the time. It's a fun thing to do.

Plus if you turn the tables on the women in the room with the "I'm too fat" especially if you have 5.1% body fat, then it teachs them a lesson that they won't forget.

comic_relief

 

[mofro]

Wow I didn't expect this much debate.

Can you give an example of where this has worked for you?

If you're not bothered by them, then you don't HAVE to poke fun at them to try to excuse them. Try turning them into strengths instead.

Their not strengths and they are weaknesses. The kind that almost everyone has, but nobody else will admit to. Also, I definitely started out behind the curve; I was very shy up to the last two years or so, and that means I'm not as sociality adjusted as I'm going to be 5 years from now. Not by a long shot.

Most guys with my shortcomings would be terrified to admit them because it says I haven't led the life I wanted to live for over two decades. This is incredibly attractive because I'm laying my insides out in the open for all to see, which is a brave thing to do. AND I am making rapid progress towards being "normal", so by the time I get there I will be both "normal" and brave. Most "normal" guys aren't brave, in fact I'd say they're cowards (such as the cowardice many on this board express when it comes to ceding half the control in a relationship to a girl...who might dump them).

I guess my gf was looking for something long term and she viewed my bravery as something that will always be a part of me, and the social awkwardness as only temporary. It might not work to just get you a quick lay, but then again thats not what I was looking for.