Magma
Senior Don Juan
I have thought about the analogies between the qualities necessary for success in poker and success with women for some time now. I’ve always wanted to contribute a significant thread to this site, and I figured this concept would make a good thread, since there are many poker players here, I am sure. A little background…
During graduate school, I played semi-professionally. Meaning, I didn’t cover my monthly nut (expenses) by poker alone. However, I supplemented my nut by playing poker. I played my first hand of Hold ‘Em as a freshman in college back in 1996 at one of the local casinos. I was horrible. Sure, I had played nickel ante stud at the kitchen table growing up, but had never played this particular variation. In all honesty, I was a losing player for the first two years I played.
Eventually, I learned the hard way: I lost money. Lots of it. However, those lessons were burned into my brain because I had learned them the hard way, instead of just reading about them in books. My experience was practical, and not theoretical. Eventually, I became a solid, consistent, winning player. I know this because I kept stats. Then, when Moneymaker won the Series, floods of players entered the poker community and life was good if you could play the game. And I can play them all: Stud, Omaha Hi/Lo, Hold ‘Em, Duece to Seven, Ace to Five. My limits ranged from a fixed limit 10/20 game, to a spread limit 2-10 Omaha, to NL 1-2, and sometimes (rarely) NL 2-4. The first live tournament I played in, I won. $4,100. I went heads-up with my older brother for the dough and the title and kicked his ass. It was great! I continued to go on a tear with live tourneys (I won 3 of the next 5 I played in) and developed quite the reputation as a solid, all-around player both in cash games and tournaments. I had a reputation for pulling off HUGE bluffs, but would also turn over the stone nuts if you were trying to “keep me in line.”
I don’t play too often these days. I spent ten years in smoky casinos surrounded by the dregs of the poker community, playing a solid, tight-aggressive game. I grinded at the limit tables, mostly 5/10, with the occasional shot at the higher limits. I always played live, never on the internet. One of my biggest strengths was reading people, and that skill is diminished in the online environment. The games eventually dried up where I play, and I became focused on my teaching career. These days, I mostly play in private home games.
Enough qualifying myself to you azzholes as to my fitness for writing this piece. Let’s get on to the analogies! I will start with a poker concept, and then translate it into dating terms. Let’s get started…
1. Game Selection – this may be, hands down, one of the most important concepts in poker. Often, I would play in a very weak 5/10 Hold ‘Em game. I could have played higher, but I was crushing this particular game. However, occasionally I would see some weak players in the 10/20 Omaha game. In that case, I would sit in that game, even though I was exposing my bankroll to a significant hit if the beats rained down on me.
This can be applied to meeting and dating women as well. If we apply Game Selection to meeting women, we can see that we must focus on environments that compliment our tendencies, proclivities, and abilities, which also take into account our ultimate goals with women. For example, I thrive best in a daytime environment: coffee shops, grocery stores, video stores, etc. There are several reasons for this, of which I will not elaborate here. The point is that I focus on my STRENGTHS, and minimize what I feel are sticking points.
BUT! The opportunity to approach a beautiful woman that you find attractive can happen at any time, regardless of the environment. All of us have had the impromptu opportunity to approach or start a conversation. It’s a great moment, indeed. You see a woman that you want to sex, and you approach. This is how Game Selection in poker translates into meeting women. Play where you’re comfortable, but always be aware of a good game that may be happening across the room or down the street.
2. Money Management – This concept is one the most, if not THE most, important concept in poker. Money Management in poker refers to your ability to not play “above your head” and put your bankroll at a significant risk. This means that the player does not take a shot at a higher limit that would put his entire bankroll in jeopardy. Bankrolls can be very difficult to accumulate from scratch, and risking your entire bankroll in a game can have disastrous consequences. When I first began to play, I had no concept of money management. I went broke so many times that I could not begin to tell you. However, after I began to accumulate a decent ‘roll, I realized the importance of money management. My ability to manage my bankroll kept me in a very comfortable position throughout graduate school and further kept my stress levels low.
Much in the same way, we can make an analogy between Money Management in poker and your own emotional state with women. On this site, it is referred to as acquiring a ONE-itis. Many men fall into the trap of placing women on a pedestal. If men do this, they are risking their psychological “bankroll” on this one woman. In effect, they are putting all their chips in the middle, many times on nothing more than two overs and a gut-shot draw. Weak.
For the habitual loser (both poker and life), they scrape together a meager bankroll and take a shot in the big game, because “they are DUE” for success. In life, chumps do this with their emotions. They put all their attention and affection into one woman. Then, when that woman is no longer a part of their life, they feel sorrow, despair, and self-pity. Eventually, they will lick their wounds, scrape together their meager emotional bankroll, and get their heads back. They will rationalize this to themselves and say, “I have just been UNLUCKY in love! I am due for a big SCORE!” This is same roller coaster of emotions that both the degenerate gambler and frustrated chump experience. The only difference is that the degenerate actually derives a thrill from this roller coaster of emotions, and the frustrated chump will actually want to become better, but just doesn’t realize that it’s HIM that is causing this pain. Manage your emotional bankroll, and never put it all at risk.
3. The Psychology – Understanding the psychology of poker and the psychology of seducing women can demonstrate further similarities. To the initiated, poker can be a very mathematical game. Decisions can be reduced to mathematical probabilities. However, there is still a psychological element that must be understood in order to extract the most profit in any given situation. This is called "listening to your gut." Compare this concept to women, and you see that you MUST demonstrate a psychological understanding of how women think and communicate in order to achieve the highest degree of success.
Many times, your gut instinct will be right. It is a combination of past experiences and dilemmas that subconciously guide your instincts. If things don't add up, your gut will tell you. Listen to it. Do not deny your instincts. It took me a long time to trust my gut at the table and with women. You'll get burned only so many times before you realize this. Understand the psychology, and you will achieve more success.
4. Take the Lead – In poker, aggressive play gets the money. More specifically, SELECTIVE aggression gets the money. When you’re first to act, you have to decide whether or not to check the action or to bet. Often, it’s in your best interest to go ahead and bet out rather than check and call. If you’re going to call anyway, it’s best to lead. Too many players are scared that they will be raised if they lead out, and don’t feel their hand can stand a raise. So they check and call. That is weak poker, and a great player will recognize this weakness immediately and exploit it. You will be down to the felt in no time.
Now, apply this concept to women. When speaking of selective aggression, I mean that you must pick your spots/battles. Not every woman is worthy of your time, regardless of her looks. Be selective. But, when you decide to play a hand, or be with a woman, you must be the aggressor. Furthermore, calibrate the woman as to her required level of game. An international model is going to require every single weapon of mass seduction (credit Fingers) you have at your disposal. Can you take the heat? Be selectively aggressive and take the lead should you decide to play. You must take the lead. It’s power poker, and it’s power seduction. Aggression is king.
(continued)
During graduate school, I played semi-professionally. Meaning, I didn’t cover my monthly nut (expenses) by poker alone. However, I supplemented my nut by playing poker. I played my first hand of Hold ‘Em as a freshman in college back in 1996 at one of the local casinos. I was horrible. Sure, I had played nickel ante stud at the kitchen table growing up, but had never played this particular variation. In all honesty, I was a losing player for the first two years I played.
Eventually, I learned the hard way: I lost money. Lots of it. However, those lessons were burned into my brain because I had learned them the hard way, instead of just reading about them in books. My experience was practical, and not theoretical. Eventually, I became a solid, consistent, winning player. I know this because I kept stats. Then, when Moneymaker won the Series, floods of players entered the poker community and life was good if you could play the game. And I can play them all: Stud, Omaha Hi/Lo, Hold ‘Em, Duece to Seven, Ace to Five. My limits ranged from a fixed limit 10/20 game, to a spread limit 2-10 Omaha, to NL 1-2, and sometimes (rarely) NL 2-4. The first live tournament I played in, I won. $4,100. I went heads-up with my older brother for the dough and the title and kicked his ass. It was great! I continued to go on a tear with live tourneys (I won 3 of the next 5 I played in) and developed quite the reputation as a solid, all-around player both in cash games and tournaments. I had a reputation for pulling off HUGE bluffs, but would also turn over the stone nuts if you were trying to “keep me in line.”
I don’t play too often these days. I spent ten years in smoky casinos surrounded by the dregs of the poker community, playing a solid, tight-aggressive game. I grinded at the limit tables, mostly 5/10, with the occasional shot at the higher limits. I always played live, never on the internet. One of my biggest strengths was reading people, and that skill is diminished in the online environment. The games eventually dried up where I play, and I became focused on my teaching career. These days, I mostly play in private home games.
Enough qualifying myself to you azzholes as to my fitness for writing this piece. Let’s get on to the analogies! I will start with a poker concept, and then translate it into dating terms. Let’s get started…
1. Game Selection – this may be, hands down, one of the most important concepts in poker. Often, I would play in a very weak 5/10 Hold ‘Em game. I could have played higher, but I was crushing this particular game. However, occasionally I would see some weak players in the 10/20 Omaha game. In that case, I would sit in that game, even though I was exposing my bankroll to a significant hit if the beats rained down on me.
This can be applied to meeting and dating women as well. If we apply Game Selection to meeting women, we can see that we must focus on environments that compliment our tendencies, proclivities, and abilities, which also take into account our ultimate goals with women. For example, I thrive best in a daytime environment: coffee shops, grocery stores, video stores, etc. There are several reasons for this, of which I will not elaborate here. The point is that I focus on my STRENGTHS, and minimize what I feel are sticking points.
BUT! The opportunity to approach a beautiful woman that you find attractive can happen at any time, regardless of the environment. All of us have had the impromptu opportunity to approach or start a conversation. It’s a great moment, indeed. You see a woman that you want to sex, and you approach. This is how Game Selection in poker translates into meeting women. Play where you’re comfortable, but always be aware of a good game that may be happening across the room or down the street.
2. Money Management – This concept is one the most, if not THE most, important concept in poker. Money Management in poker refers to your ability to not play “above your head” and put your bankroll at a significant risk. This means that the player does not take a shot at a higher limit that would put his entire bankroll in jeopardy. Bankrolls can be very difficult to accumulate from scratch, and risking your entire bankroll in a game can have disastrous consequences. When I first began to play, I had no concept of money management. I went broke so many times that I could not begin to tell you. However, after I began to accumulate a decent ‘roll, I realized the importance of money management. My ability to manage my bankroll kept me in a very comfortable position throughout graduate school and further kept my stress levels low.
Much in the same way, we can make an analogy between Money Management in poker and your own emotional state with women. On this site, it is referred to as acquiring a ONE-itis. Many men fall into the trap of placing women on a pedestal. If men do this, they are risking their psychological “bankroll” on this one woman. In effect, they are putting all their chips in the middle, many times on nothing more than two overs and a gut-shot draw. Weak.
For the habitual loser (both poker and life), they scrape together a meager bankroll and take a shot in the big game, because “they are DUE” for success. In life, chumps do this with their emotions. They put all their attention and affection into one woman. Then, when that woman is no longer a part of their life, they feel sorrow, despair, and self-pity. Eventually, they will lick their wounds, scrape together their meager emotional bankroll, and get their heads back. They will rationalize this to themselves and say, “I have just been UNLUCKY in love! I am due for a big SCORE!” This is same roller coaster of emotions that both the degenerate gambler and frustrated chump experience. The only difference is that the degenerate actually derives a thrill from this roller coaster of emotions, and the frustrated chump will actually want to become better, but just doesn’t realize that it’s HIM that is causing this pain. Manage your emotional bankroll, and never put it all at risk.
3. The Psychology – Understanding the psychology of poker and the psychology of seducing women can demonstrate further similarities. To the initiated, poker can be a very mathematical game. Decisions can be reduced to mathematical probabilities. However, there is still a psychological element that must be understood in order to extract the most profit in any given situation. This is called "listening to your gut." Compare this concept to women, and you see that you MUST demonstrate a psychological understanding of how women think and communicate in order to achieve the highest degree of success.
Many times, your gut instinct will be right. It is a combination of past experiences and dilemmas that subconciously guide your instincts. If things don't add up, your gut will tell you. Listen to it. Do not deny your instincts. It took me a long time to trust my gut at the table and with women. You'll get burned only so many times before you realize this. Understand the psychology, and you will achieve more success.
4. Take the Lead – In poker, aggressive play gets the money. More specifically, SELECTIVE aggression gets the money. When you’re first to act, you have to decide whether or not to check the action or to bet. Often, it’s in your best interest to go ahead and bet out rather than check and call. If you’re going to call anyway, it’s best to lead. Too many players are scared that they will be raised if they lead out, and don’t feel their hand can stand a raise. So they check and call. That is weak poker, and a great player will recognize this weakness immediately and exploit it. You will be down to the felt in no time.
Now, apply this concept to women. When speaking of selective aggression, I mean that you must pick your spots/battles. Not every woman is worthy of your time, regardless of her looks. Be selective. But, when you decide to play a hand, or be with a woman, you must be the aggressor. Furthermore, calibrate the woman as to her required level of game. An international model is going to require every single weapon of mass seduction (credit Fingers) you have at your disposal. Can you take the heat? Be selectively aggressive and take the lead should you decide to play. You must take the lead. It’s power poker, and it’s power seduction. Aggression is king.
(continued)
