pof meet up, sudden loss of interest. i've been downgraded?

[Naughty Ninja]

i actually used your method word by word.. literally..

i also used your profile description word for word.. the thing which was hurting me initially was the DTF = down to fish as the headliner.. that got me no replies initially.. then i changed it and started to get responses.. i think it creeps out europeans.

but yes it's my pics.. ive only got 2 decent pics of myself so i keep it at 2

i def have seen an improvement but not significant enough to get lots of responses, either way im keeping your profile description you suggested cos i'm getting favorable responses sometimes of 'you're not my type but your profile is amazing!!' etc.. but then they dont follow on after.

If you have better facebook pics or been tagged in good pics take them off there and save them to upload to POF. You need your absolute best looking pics. The better you look...the more h0rny these chicks get, the easier it is to start going to sexual innuendo and getting them straight over to your place for drinks, movie, cuddling. No meets or dates needed. No joke.

 

[incognito42]

no im doing terrible with his method.. it's not the method.. it's me.. my pics.. nothing i can do.. i send 100s of msgs and barely get 1-2 responses.. it just so happens i got 2 numbers but both flakes. it's just surprising that she is all flakey.. but i see why now, there's always someone else better looking more interesting than you on there so you have to accept that unless you're really good looking your game means f all..

she was treating me as an option so i wont make her a priority.

Maybe you're right, but just want you to kno her behavior is typical and everyone here deals with it. Don't be so surprised. Pof chicks are bottom of the barrell and hav no respect for themselfnor anyone else

What are you doing to impove yourself? If you lift weights consistently and eat a strict diet I guarantee you can have success there. I'm an average looking dude but I ate right and lifted weights and in only a few months I completely changed my physique

 

[pete101]

Maybe you're right, but just want you to kno her behavior is typical and everyone here deals with it. Don't be so surprised. Pof chicks are bottom of the barrell and hav no respect for themselfnor anyone else

What are you doing to impove yourself? If you lift weights consistently and eat a strict diet I guarantee you can have success there. I'm an average looking dude but I ate right and lifted weights and in only a few months I completely changed my physique

yeah i lift weights already.. it's my pics i think because i dont have any good ones of me in groups.

 

[pete101]

If you have better facebook pics or been tagged in good pics take them off there and save them to upload to POF. You need your absolute best looking pics. The better you look...the more h0rny these chicks get, the easier it is to start going to sexual innuendo and getting them straight over to your place for drinks, movie, cuddling. No meets or dates needed. No joke.

no all my photos i've been tagged in are terrible, i'm like the most unphotogenic person out there.. i keep making odd faces in photos taken of me.. i know it's practise makes perfect but still i only have 2 which are worth even putting up.

the question i have for you is: after the 3rd response asking her to give you her number, if most decline by saying 'i dont give my number out that easily' or 'i dont like to give my number out do you have facebook?'

should you just ignore and carry on or work on them a it more with a few more messages to increase their comfort level?

i understand if they like your pics they'll want to meet you but if they've been on a few dates with psychos who keep harrassing them after on the phone surely you'd understand why they wouldn't want to give out their number so readily after 3 msgs?

 

[Naughty Ninja]

no all my photos i've been tagged in are terrible, i'm like the most unphotogenic person out there.. i keep making odd faces in photos taken of me.. i know it's practise makes perfect but still i only have 2 which are worth even putting up.

the question i have for you is: after the 3rd response asking her to give you her number, if most decline by saying 'i dont give my number out that easily' or 'i dont like to give my number out do you have facebook?'

should you just ignore and carry on or work on them a it more with a few more messages to increase their comfort level?

i understand if they like your pics they'll want to meet you but if they've been on a few dates with psychos who keep harrassing them after on the phone surely you'd understand why they wouldn't want to give out their number so readily after 3 msgs?

The more you talk online and work they make you put in the less chance they will give out their number let alone meet you.

They go out on dates with "psychos" who look good enough in their pictures for them to meet. PERIOD. You have to ask yourself how normal and worth it is a chick who keeps dating "psychos" she meets online. Just how many "psychos" does one "cluelessly stumble across" before they themselves or YOU realize they are the one with issues?

While you keep working on them they are going through their other messages and meeting more of the better looking "psychos" they love to hate and date.

They claim they don't give out their numbers that easily yet give it out and MEET the "psychos".

They want a Facebook to see more pictures of you and social proof. If you don't look "hawt" and look worse than the pictures you have up on POF. It's a WRAP for you kid. No joke. I wouldn't waste my time with a chick who asks for Facebook. Because she'll find ANY reason not to bother with you and just disappear or string you along till some God "psycho" writes her and she goes into sexual chat and throws her number out.

Trust me dude. If you were a fly on the insides of these chicks POF inboxes. You and everyone else would see what really goes down with these chicks who play Ms. Goody two shoes and use the same generic profile fluff filler.

Fvck their comfort level and their couch too. That's a waste of your time and you are letting them PLAY you for for the moment entertainment.

Start working out and getting cut up. Dress and groom your best. Try to have your absolute BEST pictures taken and use them. ONLY use POF as a suppliment. But then again once you get cut up, have a good wardrobe and look your best...at that point you most likely won't care about POF as you'll meet more chicks in real life.

POF should ONLY be used for praticing talking to chicks. If you can. Meet. Pump and dump. (I'm not saying become a low life sex fiend either.) But not for nothing I can tell you for a FACT that's what 99.999% of POF chicks are using POF for and God help the fool who's desperate enough to attempt to wife up or take ANY of those chicks seriously.

Hate to come off negatively. But that site is what it is. I can't control the way people are on that site. Nor can you or anyone else. It's chicks and DUDES looking to hook up with as many people as they can and desperate people looking for ANYONE to complete them while stumbling around in the dark not willing to improve themselves but looking for ANYONE as a band aid to their "life".

Dudes wonder why I never bothered to meet ANY chicks off there. Why would I? ( Same reason I wouldn't go to a dive bar or anywhere else the local h0es/losers hang out in droves.) They're all lunatics, complete slores, liars, and are running through the c0ck carosel till they (who sit their lazy azz online looking for the "God" who's a moron enough to wife them up so they can live vicariously through him and make their friends "jealous".) Till that "relationship" ends and they are back online...Rinse, cycle, repeat. The dudes on POF are no different than the chicks. They aren't fooling anyone either.

Now certain dudes may get jealous others are having "success" on POF. Then again what "success" are they really having? If their goal is for a hit and quit then that may be their "success" but it's not doing anything for them to grow as a person. And those same dudes who are having more "success" are only good enough till the next best thing or things come along.

I never kidded myself with anything online. Take everyone and everything said on POF with a grain of salt. In the end it's only worth the experiment and experience of it as a small tool to be used if and when you feel like it. Nothing more.

If you or anyone NEEDS to rely on it. God help you, because you or anyone else who does is going to be in some serious sh1t. That's all I'm going to say.

 

[pete101]

The more you talk online and work they make you put in the less chance they will give out their number let alone meet you.

They go out on dates with "psychos" who look good enough in their pictures for them to meet. PERIOD. You have to ask yourself how normal and worth it is a chick who keeps dating "psychos" she meets online. Just how many "psychos" does one "cluelessly stumble across" before they themselves or YOU realize they are the one with issues?

While you keep working on them they are going through their other messages and meeting more of the better looking "psychos" they love to hate and date.

They claim they don't give out their numbers that easily yet give it out and MEET the "psychos".

They want a Facebook to see more pictures of you and social proof. If you don't look "hawt" and look worse than the pictures you have up on POF. It's a WRAP for you kid. No joke. I wouldn't waste my time with a chick who asks for Facebook. Because she'll find ANY reason not to bother with you and just disappear or string you along till some God "psycho" writes her and she goes into sexual chat and throws her number out.

Trust me dude. If you were a fly on the insides of these chicks POF inboxes. You and everyone else would see what really goes down with these chicks who play Ms. Goody two shoes and use the same generic profile fluff filler.

Fvck their comfort level and their couch too. That's a waste of your time and you are letting them PLAY you for for the moment entertainment.

Start working out and getting cut up. Dress and groom your best. Try to have your absolute BEST pictures taken and use them. ONLY use POF as a suppliment. But then again once you get cut up, have a good wardrobe and look your best...at that point you most likely won't care about POF as you'll meet more chicks in real life.

POF should ONLY be used for praticing talking to chicks. If you can. Meet. Pump and dump. (I'm not saying become a low life sex fiend either.) But not for nothing I can tell you for a FACT that's what 99.999% of POF chicks are using POF for and God help the fool who's desperate enough to attempt to wife up or take ANY of those chicks seriously.

Hate to come off negatively. But that site is what it is. I can't control the way people are on that site. Nor can you or anyone else. It's chicks and DUDES looking to hook up with as many people as they can and desperate people looking for ANYONE to complete them while stumbling around in the dark not willing to improve themselves but looking for ANYONE as a band aid to their "life".

Dudes wonder why I never bothered to meet ANY chicks off there. Why would I? ( Same reason I wouldn't go to a dive bar or anywhere else the local h0es/losers hang out in droves.) They're all lunatics, complete slores, liars, and are running through the c0ck carosel till they (who sit their lazy azz online looking for the "God" who's a moron enough to wife them up so they can live vicariously through him and make their friends "jealous".) Till that "relationship" ends and they are back online...Rinse, cycle, repeat. The dudes on POF are no different than the chicks. They aren't fooling anyone either.

Now certain dudes may get jealous others are having "success" on POF. Then again what "success" are they really having? If their goal is for a hit and quit then that may be their "success" but it's not doing anything for them to grow as a person. And those same dudes who are having more "success" are only good enough till the next best thing or things come along.

I never kidded myself with anything online. Take everyone and everything said on POF with a grain of salt. In the end it's only worth the experiment and experience of it as a small tool to be used if and when you feel like it. Nothing more.

If you or anyone NEEDS to rely on it. God help you, because you or anyone else who does is going to be in some serious sh1t. That's all I'm going to say.

yeah you talk sense.. ok if they ever ask me for a facebook i'll just say i dont use it and end it then and there.

 

[pete101]

back on topic with this chick in the thread.

so i do my 2 strikes rule and try one more time today wishing her a happy new year. i was in town shopping and we were suppose to meet here so i call her, no answer.. so i shoot her a text for an immediate date. she lives the other side of town and where i am is mid distant for us both.

me: happy new year HB. hope the hangover isn't too bad. let's get together this evening for that drink, im in x place shopping now so how's around 8pm? pete

40mins later her: happy new year pete! hangover is pretty bad as i am a light weight i wont be coming to town tonight as i really need a break x

no counter offer so i delete the number.

20mins later her again: how about thursday eve?

to me at first glance i thought.. hmm.. this is a counter offer but i think she just wants my attention to see if she still has me.. i was tryna decide whether to wait till tomorrow to reply to make it look like i have options and not too available but at the same time didn't wanna p1ss her off playing games given we reply immediately to each other. i think she's not interested so is toying with me.. we'll see if she agrees, i decided to not ask her about a time and just state a time when i was free and where to meet.

i wait about 20 mins and send: ok i finish work around 6 so i can do in the evening at 8. meet me at x place outside the y shop if you know where it is? we'll go to the z place, it's 2 min walk from there. x


no response yet. there's your answer really.

what would you guys have done after she came back with a counter offer 20mins later?


to me it seems like a counter offer within the first reply from her would have been adequate but the fact she sent it 20mins later suggests to me that because i didnt respond she was afraid she was losing me and sent it to get validation that i was still interested and available.. and now she's gone back to not being forthcoming.

ok i get a response after 35mins that's positive: her: ok i know where x place is and i can meet you there at 8pm

sounds positivr, we'll see if she flakes. i'm not getting my hopes up.

i guess she reread my pof profile and thanks to Naughty Ninja she must feel that she should meet me. you would think she'd want to speak to me on the phone first but no seems like texting is sufficient, tho a phone convo might reduce flaking esp since i'm meeting her at night.

 

[pete101]

interestingly she's deleted herself on pof.. hmm.. maybe all the perverts on there got too much.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

For starters, I wouldn't have called her on New Year's Day for a date. Remember the part where I said "wait til' after the holidays to ask for the date?" Dude, I spent all New Year's Eve night laughing and partying, and spent the whole day yesterday in my apartment, tired as shiznit because of the night before, and didn't go ANYWHERE because I didn't feel like it.

At any rate... what do we constantly say on the postings on here? When you ask a girl out, she'll either give you an excuse that means no... OR, she'll say "Yes" and/or COUNTER-OFFER you for a different day. And, in this case, she DID give you an alternative date.

However, you still did a few things wrong here:

1. You should have CALLED her instead of texting. Asking a girl for a date via text, especially one you just met and don't have much time in with, looks WEAK. Plus, look at how long you had to wait for her to respond back to your invite - you could have gotten all the answers you needed with a 5 minute phone call instead of a two hour "text-and-wait" session.

2. You're not giving her options to choose from. Your chance of a "yes" increases when you give a girl options because (a) it gives her a range of times to choose from for when she might be available, and (b) people are psychologically programmed to make a choice between two or more options when it's presented to them, making it harder for them to choose the "no" option.

For example: you write her and say "Hey, I get off work at 6, let's meet at 8 for drinks." But what if she can't do 8? She may assume that's the only time you have available, but it may not work for her. So, she tells you "no" and you think she doesn't like you. BUT, if you had said "Hey, I get off work at 6, let's meet up after that - would 8 or 9 work better for you?" Now, because she's been presented with more than one option, the likelihood of her choosing either one of those options verses saying "no" goes up considerably. (And, in case you were wondering what would happen if she DID say "no" to both options, you would just ask what time would best work. At that point, if she says "I don't know," she's NOT interested.)

BTW, in case you're wondering why I always say "Texting KILLS relationships," re-read what you wrote here:

to me it seems like a counter offer within the first reply from her would have been adequate but the fact she sent it 20mins later suggests to me that because i didnt respond she was afraid she was losing me and sent it to get validation that i was still interested and available.. and now she's gone back to not being forthcoming.

Sorry, man, but this sounds SOOOOO girly. No, seriously, this is what girls do - they obsess over every single signal a guy sends them, and it gets even WORSE when they do it with text messages. Chances are, if you're doing something as feminine as this, you may be giving off other girlie-type traits - i.e. being clingy, needy, etc. - that can turn girls off. I used to be the same way so please don't think I'm insulting you, but just letting you know that girls can pick up on these things. And, if you're giving off this kind of vibe via your text messages... all I'm saying is, don't leave evidence of AFCness for any girl to go back to and re-read over. It kills any kind of attraction they may have had for you.

Hope this helps!

 

[pete101]

surprise surprise she flaked... she texts me at 5.30am with a long winded text to cancel. low IL. it makes me wonder if what someone else said before is true i.e. another guy in the picture (possibly f;ing her brains out last night)

i suspected she was just stringing me along for attention... here's her text:

Hi pete, i am sorry i have to do this but i wont be able to make it tonight. i am on my way to the airport (after 3 hours sleep) to pick a colleague arriving from the US, after which i have to go to work :-(. i will be to tired to go out after this and i think i should not go to a date feelign like this. i hope you understand. HB x

no counter offer again, wtf.. i still haven't spoken to her yet, (she didn't answer my call the other day when i tried for an immediate date that night)

i know you guys say just next it and leave it but im sure someone said here that if you speak to them on the phone esp if it's an internet date it minimizes flaking.

i really shouldn't send texts when i just wake up, i feel i should have not responded to that text or if i did a simple 'ok hope you feel better' text instead of me sayign to rearrange it till tomorrow. (my plan is to try once more next week if she doesn't come back with a suitable time or agreement)

tbh with a girl off the internet who you've never met or spoken you can't be surprised she's going to flake.. maybe her deleting herself off pof was a sign that she's serious with this other guy and the reason she's only had 3 hours sleep is cos she's been f'ing all night and using me as bargaining to get the other guy to commit.

i sent: ok hope you feel better. im busy Sat so let's rearrange it for tomorrow night in that case, same time same place? wouldnt want you to miss out on meeting me. haha. x

maybe should have left out that last part.. might sounded creepy :-s anyway i realize now i am coming across way too available and shouldn't have offered another time as it should be her place.

i'll call her next week failing that i'll just leave it, she's not interested enough to come out now.

ok update: it appears the last part did what i wanted it to and has increased IL slightly (tho as Harry says you can never tell from a text) and she's counter offered with a day next week.

her: ) I like your confidence and i want to meet you! however i am away for the weekend. How about next Tuesday? x

tbh all this could be fluff talk for another flake.. then i'll have to walk away once and for all.

given i've offered the same day date, then she offered thurs evening and i accepted immediately, then flaked with no counter offer then i've offered tomorrow night and now sh'es offered tues.. should i decline the tues and make it wednesday instead? given tuesday is so far away making it wednesday isn't gona make much difference.

i think im coming across too available so need to switch it up a bit.. i've agreed to meet each time and jumped at the chance every time she's offered (well once)

i was thinking of saying something like: i can't do mon or tues, make it weds instead and reserve 8pm for me, same time same place. make sure you're properly rested and not jet lagged so you're ready for me! haha. see u then. x

would this suffice? i feel i need to demonstrate somehow this is her last chance and she needs to capitalize or she'll miss out.. i know walking away is what you're suppose to do but that isn't going to work if i've never met her let alone spoke to her on the phone. i sense another potential flake on the cards so i should say something to premeditate this without seeming needy.

 

[pete101]

For starters, I wouldn't have called her on New Year's Day for a date. Remember the part where I said "wait til' after the holidays to ask for the date?" Dude, I spent all New Year's Eve night laughing and partying, and spent the whole day yesterday in my apartment, tired as shiznit because of the night before, and didn't go ANYWHERE because I didn't feel like it.

At any rate... what do we constantly say on the postings on here? When you ask a girl out, she'll either give you an excuse that means no... OR, she'll say "Yes" and/or COUNTER-OFFER you for a different day. And, in this case, she DID give you an alternative date.

However, you still did a few things wrong here:

1. You should have CALLED her instead of texting. Asking a girl for a date via text, especially one you just met and don't have much time in with, looks WEAK. Plus, look at how long you had to wait for her to respond back to your invite - you could have gotten all the answers you needed with a 5 minute phone call instead of a two hour "text-and-wait" session.

2. You're not giving her options to choose from. Your chance of a "yes" increases when you give a girl options because (a) it gives her a range of times to choose from for when she might be available, and (b) people are psychologically programmed to make a choice between two or more options when it's presented to them, making it harder for them to choose the "no" option.

For example: you write her and say "Hey, I get off work at 6, let's meet at 8 for drinks." But what if she can't do 8? She may assume that's the only time you have available, but it may not work for her. So, she tells you "no" and you think she doesn't like you. BUT, if you had said "Hey, I get off work at 6, let's meet up after that - would 8 or 9 work better for you?" Now, because she's been presented with more than one option, the likelihood of her choosing either one of those options verses saying "no" goes up considerably. (And, in case you were wondering what would happen if she DID say "no" to both options, you would just ask what time would best work. At that point, if she says "I don't know," she's NOT interested.)

BTW, in case you're wondering why I always say "Texting KILLS relationships," re-read what you wrote here:

Sorry, man, but this sounds SOOOOO girly. No, seriously, this is what girls do - they obsess over every single signal a guy sends them, and it gets even WORSE when they do it with text messages. Chances are, if you're doing something as feminine as this, you may be giving off other girlie-type traits - i.e. being clingy, needy, etc. - that can turn girls off. I used to be the same way so please don't think I'm insulting you, but just letting you know that girls can pick up on these things. And, if you're giving off this kind of vibe via your text messages... all I'm saying is, don't leave evidence of AFCness for any girl to go back to and re-read over. It kills any kind of attraction they may have had for you.

Hope this helps!

i hear what you're saying.. and it's all true however i think my over analysis was justified in this case, i mean my actual thought process of the fact she texted me to counter offer 20mins after her initial decline text (she was afraid she'd lose me after i didn't respond to her text from last week about letting me know) so was seeking validation. i took the bait instead of making her work harder for it. i should have either: said i was busy on thursday and see if she came back again, or just said i was busy thursday and offered friday.

it may well be that the same result would happen and now she's flaked, she already got her validation that i was still interested and hadn't lost me.. it's probably over now, me offering tomorrow and saying i wouldnt want her missing out on meeting me she's either gona think im a serial killer or what i hope that the underlying msg is this is your last chance to meet me and see if she takes the bait.

we'll see.

either way i did not play this right and at same time there isn't much i could do.

btw i did call first! she didn't answer remember? i was reading your advice from another thread and you said always call and i did.. she didn't answer.

 

[pete101]

i sent this after about 4 hours at 5.15pm (im purposely slowly taking longer to respond to make her sweat a bit): i cant do Mon or Tues, make it Weds instead and reserve 8pm for me, same time same place. Make sure you're properly rested and not jet lagged so you're ready for me! haha. See u then. x

after an hour her: i can't do Wednesday, how about thursday? Sorry . x

this is starting to get silly, yes i understand she has low IL and wants to meet me when it's 'convenient'.. straight up she could have met me last week after xmas but didn't come back with a time, the best thing i did was not respond to her 'i'll let u know tomorrow ok?' text showing her i dont accept 'let know' answers.. i offered same day date on new years day (ok bad idea cos of hangover but still she could have came out IF she wanted and her IL was high) she offers today and flakes at 5am (she could have came out tonight or gone to sleep at a proper time yesterday instead of taking me for granted) now it's like a back n forth negotiation of gettign a time to meet.

i understand that she's not treating me like a priority BUT is the fact that it's an internet date make any difference?? i.e. do i need to let some things slide because it's an internet meet and inevitably i'm not going to be treated as a priority until we've met and gone past that barrier?

i have to be very careful not to be too available and at her beck n call which i appear to be doing now. one more flake next week and i have to cut her off completely.. 2 flakes unacceptable.

i was considering sending this: haha. i hope it wont be this hard in future arranging dates with u! haha. i'll say yes on the provision that it's def Thurs and u reserve that night for me, deal? u can make it up to me somehow later x

i kind of was trying to call her out about how difficult she's being with my first line of text.. is this ok or do i come across as needy or clingy? i can easily remove it.. i just find it frustrating being this easy going laid back guy about all this flaking BS.

 

[Zarky]

me: hey there HB, this is my number it's the most important no. you'll ever save.. pete. x

That's really try-hard. Not recommended unless it's some sort of inside joke between you two.

me: we should get together for a drink, where in town are you based and when do you get back? i'll choose somewhere equidistant for us both. Pete. x

Did you really say "equidistant" over text? And please stop signing your text messages.

And why wouldn't you choose some place near her so you could go back to her place and bang?

her: hey pete , i am free after christmas and i dont mind meeting you somewhere central. i am based near (place)

Positive response.

6pm me: merry xmas HB let's get together for that drink tomorrow or Thurs. im not going shoppping tomorrow so i can meet u during the day (there's a train strike tho_, how's 3pm in x place? x

Waited too long to set up a time/date/place.

[...]

2 mins later her: i will let you know tomorrow as i need to check something first, ok? x

She's not interested.

Frankly, I wouldn't be either. You sound like a real prick over text to me.

i haven't replied, nor am i going to.

Good idea.

i'll prob need to call her at some point

Bad idea. She's likely done with you.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Real talk, internet dates aren't this hard to set up. They're actually EASIER to set up than girl you meet in person prior to asking for a date. With those ones, if they've already met you they have an idea of your personality, so they have better reason to flake on you because they already know they don't like you despite giving you the number. At least with someone you meet on the 'net, there's always the mystery (for women) of wanting to know if the person they've been talking to is the same one they'll meet in person.

I did online dating for 2 years, and never had a problem with a meet up. But, i also wouldn't spend 2 weeks talking to them. A few messages to feel them out, then a meet up so I could see if they were B.S.ing me and vice-versa. YOUR problem was:

1. Talking for them too long online
2. Talking to her during the holidays
3. Asking her out via text message

At any rate, now that she's moved the date around a few times, it's obvious to see: she's not interested. I once had a girl I asked out for a whole year, and every time we'd be set to go out something would "suddenly come up" on her end. I finally got a date with her, and while it was cool it was just an OK date, and I realized that, as friendly as she was to me, she wasn't into me enough to keep wanting to see me.

I say that to say, she may end up going on a date with you, but if she wanted to see you she would have done so by now. Right now she's doing the "stall" tactic where she delays the date week to week, hoping you've eventually get the hint that she doesn't really want to see you. At this point, she KNOWS you want to take her out. You've called/text her enough times for her to have said "yes" to at least one of your invites already. If she was interested, she would have already gone out with you. Also: the phone works both ways - has she called/text YOU and asked YOU out yet? 'Cause when a girl is interested in you, she'll do that, ya know...

 

[pete101]

Real talk, internet dates aren't this hard to set up. They're actually EASIER to set up than girl you meet in person prior to asking for a date. With those ones, if they've already met you they have an idea of your personality, so they have better reason to flake on you because they already know they don't like you despite giving you the number. At least with someone you meet on the 'net, there's always the mystery (for women) of wanting to know if the person they've been talking to is the same one they'll meet in person.

I did online dating for 2 years, and never had a problem with a meet up. But, i also wouldn't spend 2 weeks talking to them. A few messages to feel them out, then a meet up so I could see if they were B.S.ing me and vice-versa. YOUR problem was:

1. Talking for them too long online
2. Talking to her during the holidays
3. Asking her out via text message

At any rate, now that she's moved the date around a few times, it's obvious to see: she's not interested. I once had a girl I asked out for a whole year, and every time we'd be set to go out something would "suddenly come up" on her end. I finally got a date with her, and while it was cool it was just an OK date, and I realized that, as friendly as she was to me, she wasn't into me enough to keep wanting to see me.

I say that to say, she may end up going on a date with you, but if she wanted to see you she would have done so by now. Right now she's doing the "stall" tactic where she delays the date week to week, hoping you've eventually get the hint that she doesn't really want to see you. At this point, she KNOWS you want to take her out. You've called/text her enough times for her to have said "yes" to at least one of your invites already. If she was interested, she would have already gone out with you. Also: the phone works both ways - has she called/text YOU and asked YOU out yet? 'Cause when a girl is interested in you, she'll do that, ya know...

i was thinking just this exactly, she's stringing me along.

if anything i got the number too quickly or maybe the correct amount of time, i got it on the 3rd msg as naughty ninja suggested however she was abroad so we couldn't set up a date till 2 weeks later.

i didn't do any more talking apart from the texts in the original post like 3 days after i got the number and 2 days after that. we've barely said anything to each other bar what our profiles say.

if she hasn't internet dated before wont that be a cause for her to be not so in to it or willing to come out with all the stigma attached to it?

i mean some girls intend to internet date but when the reality hits of actually having to do it they flake. there's a lot of stigma attached to meeting someone off the internet if they haven't done it a few times then they're likely to be difficult. im not saying that's what this one is.. it's quite possible she's just an attention wh0re.. she's deleted herself off pof, could be any number of reasons i.e. met a guy in real life or got fed up of all the perverts.

like you say if we would have met we would have done so by now.. 2 occasions she could have met up with me i.e. yesterday but didn't because she was 'too tired' after gettign up at 5am.. i sense spoilt only child syndrome here and her not feeling it.. plus im some internet guy she's never met it's not too difficult to blow me off with her not missing out on anything.

it's why i've had to not lose my temper otherwise all the stereotypes of internet guys will come to the fore.. if i cease contact that wont work either cos she's never met me that tactic isn't going to work.

if she flakes on me this coming thurs then i'll have to just leave it mainly for self respect, i've given her 2 chances, 3 in fact. that's more than enough.

 

[incognito42]

She is interested, she just has a life and isn't nearly as invested yet as you are. You need to back down a little or else you will scare her away on your date if not via text before you even go on the date

You should not have canceled for Monday just for the sake of playing mind games. Trust me she's not stringing you along at this point. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have responded so positively in the last few texts and made efforts to reschedule. If she was just looking for entertainment she would've already passed that stage and ignored you by now.

Also, texting is your friend. Who likes to text more than chicks? Nobody. I agree that calling is more personal and in a lot of situatiONS calling is preferable over texting wen setting up dates. Online dating is a very impersonal way of dating though. Most chicks are more comfortable texting guys in general, and when talking to dozens of guys online and giving a few their number they feel more comfortable texting. She probably ignored your phone call PURPOSELY if she never returned the call. Trust me texting does the trick. I've got nude pics, vids, sexting, and setup dates dozens of times before these chicks ever heard my voice. In fact the first chick I laid online texted me to come over and fvck her at 2am before I ever spoke onbthe phone with her. She called me just to hear my voice and "make sure i was not a psycho" right before giving me her address

Trust me, youre doing ok just care less. You just need to gain some Perspective and after you speak with and meet enough of these chicks you'll realize they're nothing special and in fact most are very damaged ad not deserving of so much of your attention and stressing out

Edit: just wanted to add that when I got numbers online I would always text them this message..."hey ____, this is incognito. Here's my number, I'll talk to you soon."...there'd always be an implication that I'd give them a call at some point. Many, many times they would respond telling me to text and not call. They'd sometimes give excuses like, "I have tonsillitis", "I'm at work", "can't talk now I'm with my kids", "just text me it's easier"....

 

[pete101]

She is interested, she just has a life and isn't nearly as invested yet as you are. You need to back down a little or else you will scare her away on your date if not via text before you even go on the date

You should not have canceled for Monday just for the sake of playing mind games. Trust me she's not stringing you along at this point. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have responded so positively in the last few texts and made efforts to reschedule. If she was just looking for entertainment she would've already passed that stage and ignored you by now.

Also, texting is your friend. Who likes to text more than chicks? Nobody. I agree that calling is more personal and in a lot of situatiONS calling is preferable over texting wen setting up dates. Online dating is a very impersonal way of dating though. Most chicks are more comfortable texting guys in general, and when talking to dozens of guys online and giving a few their number they feel more comfortable texting. She probably ignored your phone call PURPOSELY if she never returned the call. Trust me texting does the trick. I've got nude pics, vids, sexting, and setup dates dozens of times before these chicks ever heard my voice. In fact the first chick I laid online texted me to come over and fvck her at 2am before I ever spoke onbthe phone with her. She called me just to hear my voice and "make sure i was not a psycho" right before giving me her address

Trust me, youre doing ok just care less. You just need to gain some Perspective and after you speak with and meet enough of these chicks you'll realize they're nothing special and in fact most are very damaged ad not deserving of so much of your attention and stressing out

Edit: just wanted to add that when I got numbers online I would always text them this message..."hey ____, this is incognito. Here's my number, I'll talk to you soon."...there'd always be an implication that I'd give them a call at some point. Many, many times they would respond telling me to text and not call. They'd sometimes give excuses like, "I have tonsillitis", "I'm at work", "can't talk now I'm with my kids", "just text me it's easier"....

we have it set up for next thursday (a week away) i'm anticipating her flaking again with some long a$$ msg apologizing with no counter offer again.. things are too fishy.. she's going away this weekend, (with who?), and she cant do next weds (dont know why), i didn't really frame it that it's her last chance cos you shouldn't give ultimatums but at least hint that you're not going to offer any more times rather than just walking away. this is like her 3rd strike i think.. maybe 2nd.. im not sure how it works if you give 2 strikes and they counter offer with the 2nd but then flake.. do they still have 1 strike left?

anyway i may use somethign in igetit's signature about using her being too busy as a reason to not meet up but he has it to speak to her on the phone.. i think writing that in text may be too long winded.. we'll see.. i just need to not get p1ssy if she flakes again. ignoring her cold will just backfire.. i'll just withdraw the attention slowly and ignore her without seeming p1ssed off and take longer to reply back.

 

[NewAndImproved]

I think you need to preempt the flake this time around. A few hours before the scheduled date, text her and say you need to move the date back by 20 minutes and if she's cool with that.

If she had it in her mind to flake again, she'll opt out right then -- not seeming disappointed and without a counteroffer -- and you'll know for sure that she's just not interested.

 

[pete101]

ok tomorrow is the day of our date and her final strike.. it's been a week since we spoke.

i know you guys say don't confirm and just show up but surely one should at least indicate it's on? i understand what you mean by not confirming because if you show and she's not you see her interest level.. and really if she wasn't sure if we were on surely she should contact you to ask first.

i never actually stated what time and where exactly we'd be meeting as i kept just saying same time same place for the previous 2 texts and she just switched the days.

im anticipating a flake and like you guys say dont confirm to give her an out to flake.. however if she's going to flake would confirming really make any difference?

is not confirming really going to force her to have to show?

 

[DonGorgon]

she does not like how you look