pof meet, no date, went straight to hers for sex, couldn't perform, buyers remorse

[big weezy]

ok i've read many guys threads about meeting women off pof who have literally invited you over for sex no date and thought it was only for the few but last night it happened to me!

i originally arranged a date for tonight but we were sexting on weds night and she messaged me saying i was driving her crazy, so i suggested i come to hers and she agreed. win.

downside: i haven't had sex for around 5 months and the last girl i met off pof was a bit abusive cos i sweated on her, so now i have a complex. ever since i turned 31 last year so for about a year i haven't been able to get a boner unless im lying on my back (years of masturbation to blame and lack of regular sex).

so i get to hers she's all dressed up for me stockings heels, no underwear.. so hot but i couldn't get boner, it was like i haven't had sex for so long my body has shut down. anyway as we're fooling around i eventually get a semi but couldn't get hard until she gave me head then i did then she rode me (prior to that i was struggling and she said 'im so disappointed' it just made me feel inadequate, i couldn't perform, performance anxiety, i needed to get hard then no time to waste, couldn't. in the end i should have let her ride me more instead of going on top cos when i thrusted she wanted me to go faster but my legs were exhausted full of lactic acid and i was out of breath so i lost it, we tried again later twice same thing. i didnt even cvm. she's all like 'you're supposed to be satisfying me!' when i suggested she give me head like the idea of me just thrusting her pvssy should be enough to turn me on or her sexy naked body would, years ago that would work now i need so much more physical stimulation to get hard. maybe the propecia hair loss medication was to blame, i stoppped taking it a year ago and month later i haven't been the same. but my general testosterone has dropped im not as h0rny as i was 2 years ago so maybe it's a coincidence.

anyway, i sensed something wasn't right, we cuddled for an hour or so and talked pillow talk get to know you stuff, i asked if i should stay over she said no so i left, i suggested to stay over as i sensed buyers remorse and wasn't sure what to send her the next day.

this morning i just sent a message saying i had a great time.

she basically tells me that we're not compatible sexually as i gave her the impression i could perform on demand and now she feels like a prostitute and it was all a big mistake, cos i didn't look like my pics and we shouldn't have met for sex immediately.

normally this would be a post about what a great night i had and it was but it's just made me feel more inadequate.

my question is after a same night lay, should you message them the next day? does it even make a difference? would i have been better off not messaging till a few days later all while her feeling slvtty.

should i have stayed over to cuddle her so she didn't feel like a slvt this morning?

she was smoking hot in person much better than her pics and i wanted to see her in the regular but now she doesn't want to see me again and i have to accept that.

it seems i went from being a potential provider (she was looking to marry on pof and i spent the whole time gaming her inadvertently turning into a lover) to a lover in her mind, she kept going on and on about wanting something serious and a relationship and i without knowing tripped on her libido wires and turned her on so much she wanted me. she even said her imagination and fantasy goes crazy so creates unrealistic things for her so she always get hurt and guys use her for sex and dont call.

i know there's nothing i can do to save this and my biggest worry is what about the next girl.. i wont be able to perform now so my ego is bruised and i feel inadequate im going to have to take some viagra from now on just to perform but at 31 i shouldn't have these problems.. i feel desensitised from years of lack of sex that i get used to suppressing my urges that now i get all stressed out and cant get turned on cos i associate it with being disappointed.

anyway my main question is, in buyers remorse mode what should you do if you anticipate this? stay over so she feels better in the morning or is there nothing you can do?

yes, i know she met me for sex without ever meeting me etc, she was so ashamed of herself for doing it and she said in her message she never done it before and wont do it again.. i actually believe her but i know she's def had one night stands but the actual meeting a stranger for sex she has not. it must have excited her but the reality disappointed.

even if i f'd her well would she still be having this buyers remorse?

im just annoyed i wont get the opportunity to f her on the regular, she was smoking hot and her body amazing. grrr.

 

[Jaylan]

Theres really nothing to wonder about here OP.

She wanted you for fun, you couldnt perform, and thus you turned her off and she doesnt want to continue anything with you. You staying at her place would not have changed that.

Regarding your sexual issues, Ill let the other guys tackle that, because I dont have advice on that. Though I can say I have the opposite "problem". I dont get as hard when the girl is on top. I just get more turned on from being in control, plus not too many girls can ride properly.

EDIT - Espi is right...when you cant get it up, always go to foreplay. I always give some good oral while Im getting myself in the mood.

EDIT 2 - Definitely give up the porn. I know it takes willpower for me to not masturbate or watch porn. But I need to save my excitement for sex. I have a very high sex drive, and even if I got laid a couple times in one day, I may want to watch porn later and jerk one out. Ive just trained myself to want that self intimacy...but all it will do is make me less ready for sex, even if I desire the sex when its presented to me. So just remember that women should be how you spill your seed, unless you are absolutely sure you wont be getting laid within the next week.

 

[big weezy]

Ha way to go Weez. You seem to have come a long way. I remember a few years back reading posts about your not being able to meet women. So you're improving.

Don't make a big deal out of not being able to perform. You have to act like it's not about you. Make it seem like it's about her. Give her amazing foreplay. "Amazing" simply means, Take your time to suck her t1ts and eat her pvussy before you stick your dvick in her. If you give her good foreplay, it really won't matter if you get rock hard or even fail to cVumm. Of course, I recommend you refrain from masturbating, etc. As your game improves, you'll probably learn the hard way (pun intended) that you can't be masturbating every day while trying to fvuck several different women. I struggled with this when I started rotating women sexually. I still wanted to jerk off and watch porn. I eventually had to pick my poison. I'm 43 and no longer allow myself to masturbate like I used to. I'd rather save it up during the week and fvuck the pants off my plates during the weekend. It's usually worth the sacrifice.

Don't EVER ask a woman if you should stay. NEVER. Let her invite you to stay. As a man, she expects you to be willing to walk away. That's very very important Weez: YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WALK AWAY. As a general rule, I never stay the entire night with a woman I just fvucked the first time. I don't even announce I'm leaving. I just get up and start dressing and I act like I could care less about leaving. I don't make any excuses or lies for leaving, either. Because I could care less about her approval. I leave because I want to. I have a life to live and life comes later that afternoon or early the next morning. It's the same principal as being the first one to end the conversation. When you first meet a chick, YOU, the DJ, approach, get the number, and end the conversation...don't let her be the first to say, "Well Weez I have to go..." You be the first to say, "Well, I'm gonna get going now. Nice meeting you." Then, when you meet that chick for that first date, YOU be the one to end it first. "Well you ready to go?" Don't let her be the first to say, "Well I should get going...." If she's saying that, then you fvucked up and overstayed your welcome. a DJ never overstays his welcome because he understands the theory of making himself scarce in order to create attraction. THAT is how you "make" something desirable--you make it scarce. Be SCARCE with your time, your money, your attention.

ALWAYS be the initiator. YOU command the time spent. On YOUR terms. Not hers. That's crucial to elevating perception of yourself as "the great catch", and that also elevates attraction from other women.

Don't message the next day. Read this post and the comments. Read the entire thread, paying special attention to Jeff's advice:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188587

That thread is gold and will help you immensely. Reading and practicing the principles in that thread can lead to a HUGE improvement for any aspiring PUA who wants to evolve his game. IMO, the PUA who knows how to handle himself between dates 1 and 2 is well on his way to maintaining a constant stable of revolving fvucks that can last him a lifetime of satisfaction and respect from an array of life angles--not just women. His actions and behavior in the beginning phase of attraction are crucial. Build attraction the RIGHT way between dates 1 and 2 and they'll give you orgasms for many years, regardless of how many boyfriends she has. And you'll be a better man for it in just about every regard.

i haven't come that far espi! haha

literally this one success story is like once every 4 years kind of thing im still not getting much success at all, literally law of averages i'll get at least 2 lays a year without even doing much pua stuff just cos the universe is being kind.

i think the problem is that i've had such bad luck and poor results with picking up women flaking and disappointment that i've trained myself to not get excited as i'll juust be disappointed that i think it might be affecting me psychologically and suppressing my urges.

i mean you're 43 but im only 31 and my desire for sex has gone down since one year ago, i dont know if it's related to propecia hair loss medication or just a drop in testosterone but i generally dont have as much desire as before. so when i get in situations like this where i might get sex i suppress it as i dont want to be disappointed so i think i may have learned to do that to my disadvantage.

my only solution is to take cialis or viagra so this doesnt happen again.

i feel annoyed she was so much hotter than her pics and i wanted to see her on the regular. only plate only option. now im back to being 0 option guy who had a one off night of bad sex.

i dont even masturbate much anymore like barely once every 2 weeks and it's the only way im used to getting hard, i've had such little female contact naked wise that im not used to being on top and i think instead of approach anxiety i have performance anxiety seeing as past few times i haven't been able to do it. too much pressure.

i dont know how to resolve that apart from taking meds and be reliant on that till im more comfortable with the woman after a few lays.

i did the foreplay stuff but when i was actually inside her she was asking me to thrust harder physically pulling me in and i just couldn't i was exhausted lactic acid in my legs, maybe i need to relax my legs when im thrusting i dont know i just couldnt speed up the way she needed it. i just feel inadequate now that i cant perform. i couldnt revert back to foreplay cos we already were thrusting and if i pulled out i wouldn't get hard again, it always happens. literally it's performance anxiety that paralyzes me and i struggle to stay and enjoy what im doing, it feels like a service im providing.

i got a leaflet from the sex clinic saying blah blah you need an understanding partner etc to build your confidence and sexual esteem up again but that's not really viable if i have a girl who wants me to do it and do it now.. she didn't want to wait and have to pleasure me with so much work to get hard.. one it turns her off that i couldnt get hard just from seeing her naked as she expects me to.

such a shame. i dont know if even if i did f her well she'd overlook it and not feel dirty, she said i didnt' look like my pics bad sex generally felt like a mistake and she felt so disgusted with herself after like a prostitute mainly cos she had sex with a guy she wasnt attracted to and never wants to feel that again.

but if u told me would u rather meet her for a drink find out no attraction or go straight for sex before meeting i'd obviously take second option so i cant complain, im just annoyed i couldnt enjoy it nor gratified i came and wont get to f her again.

given my current record it''ll be another 5-6 months before i get another opportunity for sex again that i want to make sure im prepared to perform.

i think what i realised now is that because the sex was bad it doesn't matter whether i replied or not or said anything, she was always going to feel slvtty and a prostitute irrespective.. even if i did f her well she may feel like that but may want to see me again who knows. all i know is f'd up and what should have been a glorious night ended in ultimate failure and disappointment but i haeve to take the positives out of it. i had sex. it wasn't good but at least i had it.

 

[big weezy]

Theres really nothing to wonder about here OP.

She wanted you for fun, you couldnt perform, and thus you turned her off and she doesnt want to continue anything with you. You staying at her place would not have changed that.

Regarding your sexual issues, Ill let the other guys tackle that, because I dont have advice on that. Though I can say I have the opposite "problem". I dont get as hard when the girl is on top. I just get more turned on from being in control, plus not too many girls can ride properly.

EDIT - Espi is right...when you cant get it up, always go to foreplay. I always give some good oral while Im getting myself in the mood.

EDIT 2 - Definitely give up the porn. I know it takes willpower for me to not masturbate or watch porn. But I need to save my excitement for sex. I have a very high sex drive, and even if I got laid a couple times in one day, I may want to watch porn later and jerk one out. Ive just trained myself to want that self intimacy...but all it will do is make me less ready for sex, even if I desire the sex when its presented to me. So just remember that women should be how you spill your seed, unless you are absolutely sure you wont be getting laid within the next week.

you're right i didn't perform. end of.

i'll take viagra next time and work on my cardio in the gym so im ready next time.

 

[bukowski_merit]

In my opinion - for 1st date meet and bangs - the game changes a bit if you want to see them again.

- If you don’t perform well on a first date bang – I’d say you have very little chance of ever seeing that girl again (unless she’s a warpig or something). That’s on top of…

- The % of women who will see you for a second date after a first date bang is already low (due to buyers remorse and the type of girl she will normally be).

- One of the best ways to fight this is by treating her well after the bang. I’ve found that cuddling with her all night (normally we’re both so worn out that we have no choice but to do this), kissing her during stirred moments in the night, and having sex again in the morning, followed by offering to go out to breakfast with her, etc. Actually increases your chances of seeing her again vs. Just getting up and leaving when it’s over.

- I also increase my % by building rapport pretty hard before we ever meet. Not just sexual rapport but rapport in general.

- Remain friendly with her the next day. Cute texts. A lot of women who want to see you again will express as much “I had so much fun with you. I hope you want to see me again.”

- In my opinion - the night/day after you bang her are not the time for power moves or asserting your alphaness. IF you want to increase your chances of seeing her again. For women I don't care about seeing again - I follow 0 of the above after the bang.


Now of course – this only applies to 1st date bangs. Which for the normal guy/girl will end up being one night stands.

Sex changes dating dynamics a lot. So if you don’t bang her until the 2nd or 3rd date – none of the above applies as much.

As far as the performance issues – I’ve had a few issues with that in the past. It’s normally mental, and my solution is always to stop, drink more, have her give me head, etc. And eventually I can fvck her. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes, sometimes a few hours….

The last time it happened, I even did some slick sh!t…. We were going at it, and I was noticing that I was getting solid (I was like half-mast) making out, fingering her for 20 minutes or so… Wasn’t happening… So I stopped kissing her, put my finger over her lips and said “that was only a sample” and gave her a big grin. Got up and put my pants on and went back to drinking… She was so worked up and frustrated; called me a tease etc.… A hour or so later we went at it again, and I was hard in a few seconds. This works for me... Might work for you too...

 

[big weezy]

In my opinion - for 1st date meet and bangs - the game changes a bit if you want to see them again.

- If you don’t perform well on a first date bang – I’d say you have very little chance of ever seeing that girl again (unless she’s a warpig or something). That’s on top of…

- The % of women who will see you for a second date after a first date bang is already low (due to buyers remorse and the type of girl she will normally be).

- One of the best ways to fight this is by treating her well after the bang. I’ve found that cuddling with her all night (normally we’re both so worn out that we have no choice but to do this), kissing her during stirred moments in the night, and having sex again in the morning, followed by offering to go out to breakfast with her, etc. Actually increases your chances of seeing her again vs. Just getting up and leaving when it’s over.

- I also increase my % by building rapport pretty hard before we ever meet. Not just sexual rapport but rapport in general.

- Remain friendly with her the next day. Cute texts. A lot of women who want to see you again will express as much “I had so much fun with you. I hope you want to see me again.”

- In my opinion - the night/day after you bang her are not the time for power moves or asserting your alphaness. IF you want to increase your chances of seeing her again. For women I don't care about seeing again - I follow 0 of the above after the bang.


Now of course – this only applies to 1st date bangs. Which for the normal guy/girl will end up being one night stands.

Sex changes dating dynamics a lot. So if you don’t bang her until the 2nd or 3rd date – none of the above applies as much.

As far as the performance issues – I’ve had a few issues with that in the past. It’s normally mental, and my solution is always to stop, drink more, have her give me head, etc. And eventually I can fvck her. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes, sometimes a few hours….

The last time it happened, I even did some slick sh!t…. We were going at it, and I was noticing that I was getting solid (I was like half-mast) making out, fingering her for 20 minutes or so… Wasn’t happening… So I stopped kissing her, put my finger over her lips and said “that was only a sample” and gave her a big grin. Got up and put my pants on and went back to drinking… She was so worked up and frustrated; called me a tease etc.… A hour or so later we went at it again, and I was hard in a few seconds. This works for me... Might work for you too...

slick move man. i should have done that. i wasn't in control of the situation yesterday as i should be, it very much felt like, 'you come over and make me cvm not the other way round, you should feel lucky i'm even letting you see me naked' etc.. that's how it felt a bit when she was reluctant ot give me head.

see i should have stayed over till the morning even though we both had sleeping probs. it may have helped with the buyers remorse.. do you think because the sex was terrible and i didn't perform that would make no difference even if i stayed the night and cuddled her so she didn't feel guilty as much?

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yeah, wouldn't have mattered at all in my opinion.

Unless a woman is really invested in you, she's not going to want you around after bad sex.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Take the Viagra (or Cialis) dude. It's a game changer. And get in shape (cardio). You need to have a baseline of stamina. If you can run 5km at a reasonable clip, you'll be fine.

This happens to most of us at some point. Women are pretty unforgiving. They have a lot of options I guess and dont want to waste time with guys that dont f*ck them like they want to be f*cked. They can also be pretty direct and ruthless in these situations. Don't let this bish bring you down. You'll nail the next one like a (Viagra enhanced) stallion.

 

[foreverAFC]

jesus christ this is depressing to read

 

[El Payaso]

Ah, reminds me of my first time having sex. Jesus, I was a wreck. Not only that but I went total AFC after it. She dumped me within a week and said she doesn't want anything to do with me. Ouch. It took me a while to get over that pain.

All I can tell you is to move on from it. There's nothing you can do to fix it.

Like Bukowski said, most people get soft during sex sometimes. It just means you take a break. You can do it subtly. Just tease her, do some foreplay, get something to eat and cuddle for a bit. Whatever.

 

[NewToTheGame]

A similar situation happened to me several different times as far as not being able to perform.

Two girls were same night pulls. Couldn't get it up, they were disappointed, and I never saw them again despite playing it cool afterward, and even trying to hit them up a few days later.

One was a LTR that became really hurt and self conscious whenever I couldn't get it up. Contributed majorly to the end of the relationship. She thought I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. It wasn't the case, but she developed a complex about it that killed our sex life.

Another situation happened with a girl I had re-attracted after going full AFC. Couldn't get it up, and never got a good chance to bang her again. That one still hurts a bit, haha.

After the last one, I said "never again", paid the 95$ to order 30 100mg generic Viagra pills from a reputable overseas online pharmacy. Just re-upped my order a month ago. It is such a great feeling to have those at my side. And my performance in general has never been better.

IMO, its 2014, there is no reason (other than possible drug interactions) to not have an erectile aid. You work out, make money, clean your house/apt, approach women, etc, etc. You better be able to seal the deal when it all works out. Or you will be replaced. Complain about hypergamy, modern women, or whatever you want. But it is the way things are. Be prepared.

One other thing: I would have tried to stay the night. There was a situation with a really hot girl where I couldn't get it up after a night at the bar. She fell asleep at my place, I woke up with a semi that quickly turned into morning wood as I looked at her body and thought about fvcking her. Rolled her over and gave it to her good. Problem solved.

The girl I'm seeing now knows I take those pills and loves it. She knows that I do it so that we will both have the best time possible during sex.

 

[JoeMarron]

Yeah this was simply about you not living up to her expectations. The thing about sexting is that after you get her all excited and wet for you, you really have to rock her world in person just as good as you did through text. I guarantee you if you would've fvcked her silly, she wouldn't have had a shred of buyers remorse. You're simply going to have to get your sex game figured out. Google sex god method and David Shade and that should teach you all you need to know. Give her a fer orgasms before you even stick it in and she won't be too concerned about you going soft. As far as getting it up is concerned these guys should be able to help you out http://www.pegym.com/.

And get in shape (cardio). You need to have a baseline of stamina. If you can run 5km at a reasonable clip, you'll be fine.

I'm sure that'll help but I certainly didn't need that. Back when I didn't exercise and had a garbage diet I was able to pound a chick just fine. I'm thinking it's more of a mental issue.

One was a LTR that became really hurt and self conscious whenever I couldn't get it up. Contributed majorly to the end of the relationship. She thought I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. It wasn't the case, but she developed a complex about it that killed our sex life.

I can relate to this. Even after marathon sessions some women will still get upset and take it personally when you can't get it up. Silly women, even after several orgasms on both sides they still expect us to be able to pop back up and perform on demand.

 

[sylvester the cat]

me just thrusting her pvssy should be enough to turn me on or her sexy naked body would, years ago that would work now i need so much more physical stimulation to get hard. maybe the propecia hair loss medication was to blame

anyway, i sensed something wasn't right, we cuddled for an hour or so and talked pillow talk get to know you stuff, i asked if i should stay over she said no

this morning i just sent a message saying i had a great time.

i'm so sorry OP, but:

:crackup:

 

[Yewki]

she wanted me to go faster but my legs were exhausted full of lactic acid and i was out of breath so i lost it

Hit the gym consistently... lift and do some cardio involving your legs.

If you still have problems, buy some viagra/cialis and keep a pill in your wallet. Just having it there will help alleviate performance anxiety.

Happy f**king!

 

[big weezy]

ok well she messages me on whatsapp today (not surprised looking for my attention to see if she still 'has' me) i probably should have waited to post on here before i replied but i guess it makes no difference now.

she sent: hi, im really sorry. i really enjoyed talking to youand i can bet we could be great friends but nothing more.

how are u?

(typical let's just be friends speech and the famous 'how r u?' at the end to see if she still 'has' me and any response that's positive will tell her i still want her)

what should i have replied to that or should i have ignored? ( i'll write below what i did write but i'd like to know what i 'should' have written or not written)


my reply: well im not on pof looking to be friends. that's not what im in it for or reason i messaged you on there. i find it funny though you think we can be nothing more when we dont really know each other.

(i think this was wrong to send but im sure you guys can explain why and what i should have sent instead)

her: u said u dont want to be lead on again when there is nothing. i did feel the spark. there was no chemistry so it cant work. im so sorry. i wish i could feel something because you were really nice but u cant force it.


i just ignored the last response.

let me give a bit of background info, her best friend is asian so i quizzed her before meeting if she's dated asian guys before (usually i find they are either into them or there's an underlying reason) turns out her best friend is asian and she would have married him if he wasnt already married and she wasn't too. then i find out she likes latin guys. red flag already. the 'led' on part was i said during the gaming phase of talking on pof that i've been out with girls before who werne't into asian guys and just used me to take them out for attention etc that's why it's better for me to go for women who are into them in the long run. she tells me she'd tell me straight away if she's not into me.

basically she's been hurt before messy divorce grieving, her best friend is prob afc orbiter and she feels that she should 'try' an asian guy ie me even though it goes against what she's attracted to.

also by her responses i get the impression i was overly nice to her cos i felt sorry for her when really she's prob attracted to guys who hurt her and treat her bad. i gave her too much validation etc.

anyway i'll let you guys tell me what i did wrong.

the problem here is that she was looking for validation, would i have been better off just not replying at all in the first place? (i would look moody and stroppy but who cares what she thinks)

cos i feel that my reply shows im still interested (which is what i want to show, or at least less interested) and cos she's just looking for validation i should not give her it.

i basically told her that im still interested or only interested in dating nothing else.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Yes replying to her shows you are still interested but most importantly she is maintaining the frame here. YOu are dancing to her tune.

Either get her dancing to your tune by calling the shots and telling her to meet up and such and such a time or you call time on this one.

She's already expressed non-interest, whether true or false she needs to be ejected forthwith if you can't get her dancing.

 

[big weezy]

Yes replying to her shows you are still interested but most importantly she is maintaining the frame here. YOu are dancing to her tune.

Either get her dancing to your tune by calling the shots and telling her to meet up and such and such a time you call time on this one.

She's already expressed non-interest, whether true or false she needs to be ejected forthwith if you can't get her dancing.

ah i knew it.. usually no reply is the right answer 95% of the time. so you're saying i just shouldn't have replied and ignored her completely? then sat and wait.

from now on i'll post on here before i reply, im always in a rush to do things sometimes you need to sit back and let the experts give their 2 cents.

 

[sylvester the cat]

ah i knew it.. usually no reply is the right answer 95% of the time. so you're saying i just shouldn't have replied and ignored her completely? then sat and wait.

from now on i'll post on here before i reply, im always in a rush to do things sometimes you need to sit back and let the experts give their 2 cents.

there are no experts.

not sit and wait. get out there and find a new lead. this one is dead in the water.

 

[JoeMarron]

Dude it's over, go NC. Imagine if you fvcked a chick who looked worse naked than she did with clothes on, scraped you with her teeth while giving you a BJ, had a smelly pvssy and was a starfish during sex. You'd get a reverse boner every time this chick called or texted and wouldn't even bother responding. Let this one go and get your sex issues in order so this won't happen again.

 

[skinnyguy]

You guys didn't go on a date, went straight to sex, and "now she feels like a prostitute"

LOLLLLLLLL

Hey man, you need to see a doctor. I fap quite often and have no problem getting a boner.