POF date, no flake but no commitall from her, why?

[pete101]

ok so i tried setting up my pof date for the next few days. everything SEEMED to be going smoothly, high interest etc. I know this site has the biggest reputation for flaking so i need to expect that.

i told her 2 days to choose and the times, she's come back to say she cant do 1 of the times and she'll let me know if anything changes and she'll check to see if saturday works.. then goes on to say what i got planned sounds really nice.

i have to mention my last msg to her to set this up i think i f'd up by sounding too eager and now she's testing me.. i've been perfect up until now.

basically she's a hot girl with lots of social options outside of the internet esp for the weekend.

she obviously doesn't want to commit to a date with a guy off the internet if she has other stuff going on or might be better..

this is what im thinking, im getting fobbed off potentially. i understand hot girls have so many diff options and exciting things happening that u just need to pick your time.

which obviously means i've messed up somewhere and her IL isn't as high as i thought.

is she testing me now cos of the eagerness in my msg? i did frame it im busy tonight and at this time and i have these 2 times free.

when i get stuff like this i usually give them a time constraint of to let me know by a certain time otherwise i'll have made other plans. is this a smart move or will backfire?

 

[pete101]

this is really confusing me cos i can see that IF i dont say anything at all and she DOES contact me to meet it will make me look too available.. so i feel i should say i cant make it (even if i can).

having said that, i've not met the girl before SO it seems i should probably go meet IF she does contact me. it just doesn't set a good precedent for the future.

the question for me is if i was a guy who had options, what would he do.. he wouldn't care cos he'd have another girl lined up to replace her anyway. so really to communicate that i would have to tell her to let me know by Sat otherwise i'll have made other plans?

i can see both sides of the argument and i dont know which 1 is correct, i feel like if its a girl u met u should say you'll have made other plans by then. the thing is if that backfires and she doesnt let u know, then u just leave it to see if she contacted u.

however cos it's an internet chick you've never met, if i say that for her to let me know to convey im not gona wait around to see if she'll contact me IF she doesn't contact me then well i'll just leave it and if she tries to reinitiate contact the week after i'll have to act disinterested and wait for her to offer me a time to meet?

I know you shouldn't reward bad behaviour. and you need to convey you're a man of options.

 

[maverick72]

....

 

[pete101]

Dude, you are horny as hell for this girl and I can understand that if she is hot.

But you have to slowww downnn. She senses your eagerness. When you are too eager it won't make her ***** wet.

This is what you do.

1. Block her out of her mind. Pretend like you already Nexted her. Then start gaming another girl online. Let her come to you. If she is a hot girl, then she already gets tons and tons of emails from other hot guys on POF. That is a fact. So your competition went up 1000%. Not good.

2. You have to be different and walk away from her. Stop thinking about her and game someone else, then your chances of her pursuing you are higher and it will raise her IL. You create mystery.

3. Stand out from the rest and say NO. Powerful word when used with girls. If you say Yes, she will sense your desperation to get into her p*ssy and start to play you. Let her work for you. Give her a challenge that is what she wants.

Dating is a mindf*ck. AND GIRLS HOLD THE CARDS FOR SEX.

yes you're right exactly.

but should i reply without the ok.

i was planning on sending either a)ok let me know by saturday evening if you can make sunday otherwise i'll have made plans with someone else by then.' or remove the ok bit?

b)let me know by saturday evening if you can make sunday otherwise i'll have made plans with someone else by then. x

i think that's being too in your face maybe?

someone else indicates another girl. but it's being too obvious.. maybe it should just be 'someone'

 

[pdx1138]

it seems i should probably go meet IF she does contact me.

it just doesn't set a good precedent for the future.

That's right.

only if she contacts you.

don't be concerned about setting a good precedent. there are loads of other women out there.

don't initiate contact with her.

Any woman that is interested in you will make time to see you and not play games.


I will add that before the weekend I'm expecting a girl to contact me about setting up a time for us to meet up.

She said she would when she got back from her trip............I won't be contacting her.
It's up to her to do it like we agreed. The ball is in her court.

If she doesn't contact me, I will move on and never contact her again.

chicks can be really flakey....get used to it.

there are many more out there though, so don't stress on it. just move on.

 

[nismo-4]

Dating is a mindf*ck. AND GIRLS HOLD THE CARDS FOR SEX.

This should be your sig! Men need to know that women control the dating game, and the deck is stacked in the women's favor.

 

[maverick72]

Pete

....

 

[SSSS]

Great points there maverick72!

I always set the date/time and if she is intersted it will be "yeah great" or something similar. I have also told girls in the past the date/time and they have been there no problem without confirmation however...

If she changes the date (to the next day for example) on the same day, just don't get fazed, say Ok but if this occurs on the second date blow her off.

If you turn up and she doesn't DON'T TEXT HER OR PHONE HER...Actions speak louder than words ya know.

Go butter up another chick!

 

[SgtSplacker]

Maverick nailed it pretty good there. When it's a high flake scenario I ask my wingman to hang out with me one night so I can meet a female there. Then just tell her "look i'll be chilling with my friend at ... you should come by" if she flakes fine i'm chilling with my bud, if she shows up my bud knows to leave early (bars a couple blocks from his house) and I can solo game her. This method is cool because theres no pressure on her or me and I establish a little social proof by showing her i have cool friends. Also if she ends up being a total goof I can more easily make up an excuse to leave with my bud.

 

[pete101]

Don't use neither A or B. It is too "in your face." It sounds as if "If you don't make plans with me I will make plans with someone else, your loss."
Which translates to her----"awww he is trying to make me jealous by throwing that in my face..well have fun."

The best approach is to gain the upperhand on her and let her know she has to play by your rules or not at all.
If you say "ok, lets meet but if you dont want to make plans then i will make them with someone else" then you have given her the power and she might blow you off. Remember she is a hot girl so she has options.
If you cancel on her and say "sorry I already made plans, maybe some other time." Then you have the upperhand but she may move on with some other guy.

Here is your best option: Reply with 'Ok' and leave it at that.

Don't ask her where to meet you. Don't set a time or place. Just reply "OK" or "Yes." Nothing agitates a woman more than "one word" answers. Because women want to know what you are thinking at all times. When you talk too much then you give her too much ammunition to play games with you.

When you reply with "OK," now you have given her the green light without being too eager. You don't have to go into details.
Then she will wonder why you are not texting her more information to her. She wil get anxious. She will wonder why isnt he being more talkative? Does he like me or not? He didn't ask where to meet me? What time? This will drive her nuts.
Then when the weekend comes and she doesn't text you back. BLOW HER OFF. Next her.

If you reply OK and SHE replys Ok where and when should we meet? Then set date, time place and thats it. DO NOT go into lenghty details in text. Just say "7pm, Chili's 6736 East Lake Rd. Friday night." If she says I cannot. Then do not text her back. Let her chase you for more details.
If she dont reply to your request after you set the time/place(ex. 7pm chilis) ---DONT SHOW UP.

If she does reply by saying "ok see you there"----just reply again "OK" Again, giving her the green eye, but not appearing eager.
Then go there to meet her. Keep your cool. The less you talk the more you are in control.

ahh i f'd up.. you're right.. damn should have seen this before i replied.

the thing is the offer of a time and place was already set up she just didnt agree to them.

i said 'let me know by saturday otherwise i'll have made plans with someone by then '

she says to me 'then we better postpone it as i think it'll clash with my other plans. x'

then she adds me to favorites. this is BS really cos if she was gona let me know or even intending to she should offer another time?? or day? she basically wants to let me know last minute to see if i'll meet, if nothing else is going on. this makes me feel i'm not a priority and my IL has dropped slightly.

should i just say 'ok?' or cos i f'd up be a little sweeter like.. 'ok that's a shame i was really looking forward to meeting you this weekend. ' or 'ok that's a shame i was really looking forward to meeting you. i'm gona go hang out with my friend instead then. enjoy your weekend.'

or cos i made it sound like i was going to see another girl i should mention i'll meet up with a friend instead?

i feel like it backfired so she's a little p1ssed and my next move is critical. obviously the ball is in her court after i reply to this.. but at the end of the day at least i've communicated that if u dont give me an answer and commitment i'm not going to accept it.

bear in mind she thinks i have lots of female friends so is a little wary about me. so mentioning the 'friends' bit could mean guy or girl. she wont know. could work in my favor.

the danger is obviously like u said that i've basically said im gona go meet up with someone else i.e. another girl so if i say i'll go hang with my friend instead.. will it look like she called my bluff?

obviously its damage limitation now.. its like i tried to make her jealous, it's backfired a bit like u said it would.. now i need to respond with something which i guess gets me back into her good graces. i dont know if adding the i'll go hang with my friend instead then will make me look weak cos i've somewhat threw in her face i'd meet up with someone else inferring a girl and now im backtracking to say its a friend.

 

[maverick72]

....

 

[pete101]

Pete 101, not all is lost.
There are two things you can do get back in the game to gain the upperhand. At this point you have to figure out: do you still want her or want to Next her?

Scenario 1: If you want to NEXT HER permently then I can assure you will be walking away with confidence and being happy about not being manipulated by her.
DO THIS: Confuse her by throwing a curve ball at her (figuratively speaking) by saying...

"You're pretty slick. Have a great weekend and good luck with that."

This tells her many things. First, it lets her know you are ONTO HER GAMES. Secondly, it also tells her that you are finding humor in all of this. Thirdly, it confuses her by saying have a great weekend(you are being positive/****y and Good luck with that----is he rejecting me permanently and being sarcastic about it? You just stripped away her power because your radar was up and you knew she was playing you by her telling you "I think it will clash with my other plans." You smelled BS and you call her out. If you were Brad Pitt she would find a way to cancel everything. Also, if you do send that text, do not reply to her texts. Let her work for your attention.

Scenario 2: If you still want her and want to give her another chance...say...

"Plans can be cancelled. If you want to meet, prove it."

DO NOT reply to any of her texts after you send that text to her. It will get her wondering about you. She will ask herself. Why is he being so confident and direct? He is cutting through my b*tch tests. And why isn't he replying to anymore of my texts? She will then wonder why is he being so mysterious? Now you just made yourself "a challenge" and have the upperhand. Her IL will be jacked up a few notches.

Patience, ****iness, and mystery are the keys to getting her IL back up again.

it's not a text, it's a POF message. i prefer to do it this way for now cos it lets me write a bit more without seeming like a freak during the rapport stage. it doesnt matter so much now cos the rapport has been built, it's just about date closing now and getting around her BS.

i decided not to send anything at all as i feel silence is just as powerful as doing something right?

potentially anythign i send could jeopardise the situation and it'll make her wonder what im doing.

it'll let her stew on that i've accepted she is postponeing and im off meeting someone else. by me not contacting her again and waiting to see if she does it'll spark her interest and realise that im not down with 'i'll let u know' answers.

im wary IF she does contact me, not to succumb straight away cos then she knows shes got me.. act disinterested, make her suggest we meet up again. then go for the kill.

tbh i think i see where i went wrong earlier in the interaction, i probably could have met her earlier in the week but my laziness and insistence on going on a 1st day date which would save some money esp if it goes bad had to be done this weekend plus my usual bar i go to has closed down.

i notice that she's on it quite early this morning and im realising im developing oneitis which is wake up call for me to go out and pick up today as i usually do. this internet thing makes you lazy.

i've established that im probably not her no 1 priority anymore despite her adding me to favorites (i reck it's cos she's tryna see when i lost logged in to see if other girls are msging me or not or if i am really as busy and social as i say)

if i check later around the time we were suppose to meet and shes on the site then that'll tell me everything really. next her.

 

[pete101]

....

also maverick.. i was thinking about what you said AND i realise that if she's giving me a 'i'll let u know' response now.. is this not only a 'i'm not that interested yet' and a test? to see what i do IF she contacts me.

secondly.. does it make a difference that it's a POF internet date and she's never met someone from the internet before? (at least that's what i assume given she's only joined recently.. tho her 'plans' could mean a date.. who knows)

i realise now where i made a mistake.. at 1 point she asked me 'what am i up to on a weekday evening like this?' i knew this was a test question but instead of being vague i blurted out in my message exactly what i was doing.. then her next message no longer had questions in it.

she realised i wasn't a challenge anymore. and knew kinda i didn't have other girls i was meeting.

maybe that's why she's giving me the 'i'll let u know' answer.. i didn't make things better by being too eager after coming up with some really great date idea with too much detail.

but if a girl is giving you a 'i'll let u know' answer this early.. and now i have to act uninterested to see if she sets up a date time with me.. isn't she just wanting me to agree to a time and then will just cancel.. as in it's a prelude?

i feel like even if she comes back to me looking to set up a time to meet that's all she wants.. just me to say yes. should i cancel on her before the date then? (bear in mind it's an internet date so i dont know if the rules change slightly)

 

[gaspipe]

You have to act like you have other things asnd other women going on in your life. In fact its better to actually be occupied in other things and spinning other plates in order to avoid any one woman be constantly on your mind. Their ginas get wet if they suspect you are seeing other women.

The key is too act aloof and slightly disinterested with attention wh0res. If they call, you keep it short cut the converation and always tell them you have things to do and never try to set up a date after they first flaked on you. Being aloof drives them crazy. Eventually they will submit and do almost anything to meet up with you.

 

[pete101]

You have to act like you have other things asnd other women going on in your life. In fact its better to actually be occupied in other things and spinning other plates in order to avoid any one woman be constantly on your mind. Their ginas get wet if they suspect you are seeing other women.

The key is too act aloof and slightly disinterested with attention wh0res. If they call, you keep it short cut the converation and always tell them you have things to do and never try to set up a date after they first flaked on you. Being aloof drives them crazy. Eventually they will submit and do almost anything to meet up with you.

does an 'i'll let you know' msg count as flaking?

 

[gaspipe]

does an 'i'll let you know' msg count as flaking?

It just means that her IL in you isnt so high that she is going to discount other options.

Since I only go out with girls with high IL I will toss a girls number if she gives me such a lukewarm response.

 

[pete101]

It just means that her IL in you isnt so high that she is going to discount other options.

Since I only go out with girls with high IL I will toss a girls number if she gives me such a lukewarm response.

if she contacts you to get your attention do you ignore the message unless shes looking to meet?

 

[Iceberg]

if she contacts you to get your attention do you ignore the message unless shes looking to meet?

Yes. You ignore.

Remember, you're not looking for a new long distance penpal or text-buddy. Some of these girls will text you just to kill time in between TV shows or painting their nails.

You made more than enough effort. If she wants to meet you, she'll ask you out.

Don't take texting as a sign of interest. Especially after you've already asked her out 2-3 times and got nothing.

 

[pete101]

Yes. You ignore.

Remember, you're not looking for a new long distance penpal or text-buddy. Some of these girls will text you just to kill time in between TV shows or painting their nails.

You made more than enough effort. If she wants to meet you, she'll ask you out.

Don't take texting as a sign of interest. Especially after you've already asked her out 2-3 times and got nothing.

I only asked her out once though.. but bear in mind this is a POF date and she's new to online dating. I know obviously i'm probably not her top guy on there now which appeared i was a few days ago till i failed one of her tests.

we just swap POF messages. given what i know about her now she'll probably contact me on monday to ask me how my weekend was seeing as i've ignored her last message of 'in that case we better postpone it then as it might clash with my other plans'

i find this insulting tbh. it seems like cos it's the internet you're put into the bottom end of her options and just have to accept it until you've actually met her. it's bad enough meeting girls in real life having to deal with this let alone 1 from the internet.

either way i ignored that last message and maybe my last msg of 'let me know by saturday otherwise i'll have made plans with someone by then ' may actually work in my favor as she'll be wondering who this someone was im meeting tomorrow. she's added me to favorites probably to check when i log in so i wont log in tomorrow to keep her guessing.

oneitis is a b1tch. im already fed up of her.

btw is not only responding with 1 line answers acting disinterested not enough, do you need to delay how quickly you reply to them? like make her wait longer than normal before you give a reply.. i assume that'll make her frustrated im not replying swiftly as i was?

 

[the_stig]

It's just funny that you're probably not even a blip on her radar and yet are distraught to the point of writing huge forum posts about it.

Let me save you some time and aggrivation. These "don't reply and make her wonder" games do not work on pof unless you're model material, and even then. She's getting inundated with messages, scheduling lots of dates, dropping guys as soon as a prettier face appears, and you think she's going to wonder why you didn't reply?

In the online dating world, anything other than a direct yes followed by an agreement of a time/place is a blowoff and one should immediately pursue other interests. Just don't even bother unless they come back to you. These girls could care less and won't be phased by men with game unless they've got an emotional investment or he's a standout, obvious catch.

I've been around the block on pof, and can't remember once when the wishy washy "I'll let you know" panned out to be anything more than wasted time.