Poem on Valentine's day?

[Engetsu]

I think a poem is a nice gift if you're ghettolike me and don't want to spend money on anything overrated like chocolates, a card, or stuffed animals.

I will be giving a poem to my girlfriend (of 2 weeks) along with a YELLOW rose (red is overdone). I'll put them both in my glove compartment (sp?). I will then stick a post it that says "open me". She should see it as soon as she enters the car.

We'll then go eat and go skating.

Anyone like the idea? Any criticism appreciated.

Oh, and just for fun, here's the poem:

So glad I found a girl like you
So glad I'm honored with such a jewel
I fly high in the skies with my "surprise"
Still I realize, behind those small eyes

Lies a genuine soul that makes me lose control
Of my own heart, my goal to assume my role
As your man, cherish you the way I can,
Your smell: I'm a fan, skin's the perfect tan

Speaking with the only words that I know,
Feeling less lonely now that we grow
Witness my flow, let me explain
No one's more special, I can't complain

About the prize I won, my morning sun
Angel so fun, smiles by the ton
Last flower of the kind that blew my mind
And I find, a diamond that's so refined

Feels so fine on cloud eight-plus-one
Been a short time, the fun's just begun
Love what you say, need you every day, baby
Problems out the way, you're away and I go crazy

Never will be lazy, promise, life with you is bliss
Hear this, too many qualities that I'm able to list,
Fear not, to protect you I'll make a fist

And I miss, hearing you laugh, melody to my ears
Seeing your bright smile, never hope to see tears
I have no fears, and I'll fight yours,
I'm being sincere, I'll open all doors,

For my Sarah that I adore, let's explore
Our ocean of emotions together, forget the shore
Let's keep sailing forever, I'll never get bored

I want to witness your delight, never lose sight
So right, my heart just healed, in your light
Hold my hand tight, never let me go
Never let anything divide our whole

 

[ManOMan]

ya know, If the chick really likes you, the poem will be a delight for her

but if she is still iffy, I think a poem wont win her heart (this just comes from the many women I know who laugh at guys that send them poems)

but overall, its a nice gift thats well thought out.

A yellow rose?? NO!!! yellow is for like hospitals and men, stick with RED, you are trying too hard not to be traditional/unoriginal

and whats with all this "you are the prize" in the poem? I thought the guy was the prize?

 

[Legend]

just dont do poems...enough said.

Played out and will turn the girl off instead of on.....

 

[squirrels]

Two months, maybe. Two years, probably. Two WEEKS...I'd hold the poetry. The flower might still be a good idea, though.

I'm not sure what yellow roses mean...there's like some long list of the different colors of roses and what they mean. I don't know it, but she probably will, so I'd look it up on the Internet to double-check.

Exclusive girlfriend for two weeks, or just "going out" for two weeks? If it's the latter, stay there, I'm going to fly over to drop-kick you in the skull.

 

[Engetsu]

squirrels, it's my exclusive gf for 2 weeks. I looked it up, yellow flowers represent "jealousy", and I don't think that's a good idea to portray... I'll go with the red I guess.

ManOMan, I don't believe in that "you are the prize" stuff after I get the girl. I treat my girlfriends as equals, and the poem is just a token of my appreciation for her, since I know she appreciates me... I mean she made me a CD of love songs to listen to that she picked out because of the words, and she's been asking around to know what kind of stuff I liked to get me a gift.

So you guys think I should hold the poem? Personally, I think it's pretty fitting with my situation.

 

[ManOMan]

if you believe you two are equal, then why is she the prize?

I say spice the poem up a bit, make it more erotic and sensual instead of gushing with emotions, make her think of sex when she reads the poem

 

[WestCoaster]

No on the poetry and no on the flower ...

and I don't care if it's AFC Day.

"Exclusive girlfriend for two weeks" ... what the he-l?!!

No one is a girlfriend or boyfriend after two weeks. You're just starting to get to know each other. If she's your exclusive girlfriend after two weeks you've been AFCin too long. How could anyone know if they want to be your exclusive anything after two weeks?

This is coming from a former AFC (me) and watching a few of my friends (male and female) jump into this exlusive girlfriend or boyfriend thing way to early only to get hammered by someone.

Buy some nice chocolates and call it a day ... please, I'm begging you.

 

[coldcoal]

I always advise avoiding poetry, but, if you know for sure (Not think! Know!) she will appreciate it, don't give it to her on a piece of paper and don't read it from a piece of paper. Pick out the 4 most powerful lines, make EC and recite them aloud from memory as you give her the rose.

The "have no fears" verse is a good one.

I also agree with Westcoaster in that it's too early to put your heart into this. And Manoman in that if you're going to do it, do it for the seduction, not love. Not now, anyway.

 

[Legend]

eh you might as well send her that sicking poem;you seem set in your ways. When she kicks you to the crub in another week or two at least you'll have a reason why.

 

[Legend]

i agree completely with WC....for God's sake pull yourself together man.

 

[Engetsu]

Kind of too late...

I didn't read the replies and I just got back from my date.

In one word: it was amazing. She actually bought me even more stuff: candies, a card, a stuffed bear, and a mug (kind of an inside joke, our first date was for a cup of tea)

Now about the poem... Well she loved it, from what it seemed. She kept reading the poem all night long and said she'd hang it on her wall.

But then again, guys, cut me some slack. She's only 16 years old, and I'm 17. I have this girl on such a leash that no matter what I do or say she'll come crawling back, there's no one my age that's at my level of maturity, trust me. And girls my age basically just want mature guys: that's all I've been feeding her. She feels such a deep emotional connection between us that she's insecure about losing me.

And to clear up that "exclusive girlfriend" thing: we've dated for 2 weeks, seeing each other about once every 2 days before actually starting going out together.

Am I really coming on *that* strong in this relationship?

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by ManOMan
if you believe you two are equal, then why is she the prize?

I say spice the poem up a bit, make it more erotic and sensual instead of gushing with emotions, make her think of sex when she reads the poem

1: We are both prizes. I think I made it clear in the poem by not being insecure.

2: I can't make it erotic... I know this poem will be read by her mother, older brothers, and sister. The erotic stuff is only said orally (no pun intended)

Plus I'm not doing this because I feel the need to win her over. I already have her. I am just doing this because I feel like doing it, meaning no one's forcing me.

I'll tell you guys when I end up fvcking her.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I'm seeing more red flags in this one post than I did in a soccer game between England and Ireland.

You caught the Yellow rose, and props to you for that.

Never mistake that you are the Prize. You are always the prize. It don't matter if you're wearing socks eating lox with a fox in a box in a van from Japan and a man with a tan on a train in the rain on the mainleand of Spain. You sir are the prize. You are always the prize.

Giveher a poem in front of her family, or a sacharrine ssonnet, and she will show it to everyone and their brother's mother's sister's dog. If you're giving her the poem in your car then you can go erotic because ten bucks says she won't be showing it to her family. Instead, she'll treasure that one as a personal favorite for those lonely nights to cvm. Pun intended.

Poems are actually quite the economical solution to holidays requiring tokens of your affection. However keep this in mind: a poem is a bit more intimate than perhaps you should be getting two weeks into your relationship, exclusive or no. Also, a poem will be judged by two thing: effort expended and sincerity.

Without commenting on the merits of this particular poem, its painfully hard to read, the rhymes can be found in almost any bad hallmark card and as such reflect little or no real effort, and with the depth of the emotion being extolled in this poem (after two weeks you're referring to the healing of souls and the parting of wholes and butter on rolls) its just too much at this stage in your relationship and may come off as a bit disingenuous.

But hey, there's always the hope that she won't know her Browning from her brown hair or her frost from her floss. There's also a chance that she'll appreciate the total unswerving devotion you all but sign over to her along with your manhood in written legally binding form.

I know I'm being a bit harsh, but I just don't see anything positive coming from this. Aside from that, I wish you the best of luck in life and love, and let us know how your turn at poetry works for ya.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Duke]

Engetsu, your passionate emotions and a holiday are joining forces to make you do something you wouldn't do under normal circumstances.

First off...
You've dated 2 weeks. A poem is uncalled for. You guys are still building rapport and getting to know one another. You may like her, you may even be in love with her.

But do you really love her?

I'm betting that your relationship has not yet progressed to true love. A poem expressing your undying devotion might seem "sweet" to her, but she will likely dismiss it as insincere rubbish you cranked out because it was Valentine's Day- which it is. You are rushing things too much. Go with the flow and reveal your affection for her GRADUALLY. The minute she knows that she completely HAS YOU EXCLUSIVELY, through no fault of her own her interest level drops tremendously and the sexual tension you once had fizzles out like the flicker of a candle.

If you must write a poem, then write one that maintains your dignity-- one about meeting her, one that is funny and light. Here's an example of a poem I'd write to this girl I have known for 2 weeks...

February 14th
Really jumped out of nowhere!
The flower shop was sold out
And I'm too poor to buy you expensive underwear

You're vegetarian
You might not drink milk
So I skipped the milk chocolates
And the treats of that ilk

Instead I wised up
And sized up the situation
I scrounged around for a pen
Without hesitation

This poem is spectacular
It won't wilt like a rose
Your eyes will joyously weep
When you re-read this prose

When you take in this ink
I want you to think...
Think of me smirking
With a sly little wink

See? I've gotten too mushy
Already, I'm spent
You need to give me back
That CD I lent

I'm looking forward
To fun carefree days
Of smiles, maybe kisses
And a big purple haze

A haze of adventure!
A haze of lust!
A haze to remember!!
A haze built on trust...

Now I must go
For my mind's getting hazy
My mind's getting lazy
Lack of sleep makes me crazy

Take it easy, Theresa
I must turn off the light
Go forth to dream
And fade into the night

Happy Valentine's Day

Meh... maybe I'll show this one to her lol.

The point is, keep things light. BTW, if you want to make a heavy poem, you may want to try unrhymed poetry.
Best of luck bro, keep it FUN!

 

[Dee-Zy]

Yellow roses = Jealousy.

Trust me on that, I know - cuz I love yellow. It's my favorite color and I think yellow roses are beautiful as **** but I can never send them away

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by Dee-Zy
Yellow roses = Jealousy.

Trust me on that, I know - cuz I love yellow. It's my favorite color and I think yellow roses are beautiful as **** but I can never send them away

I feel ya man. I feel ya.

 

[Engetsu]

I think the advice give to me here is $hit. No one ever bothered to take a look at my situation and automatically assumed that ALL POEMS given in ANY 2 WEEK relationship = IL DROP. If I wanted to CBS I'd turn on channel 44! (pun intended)

What ever happened to being a man? What happened to staying true to yourself, and not putting up to anyone else's bull$hit? I felt like giving a poem: my MAN INSTINCTS told me it's a good thing to do, so I did. To hell with the consequences, as long as I know how to handle a relationship, which I know I do. You guys really think I'm stupid enough to give a poem to a girl in order to "win her heart"? Wtf, I'm smarter than that. I thought it was appropriate, so I did it.

Everyone here is quick to judge and automatically starts bashing me because I'm a sucker for romance and corniness. It's my personality, I accept it. If she doesn't accept it, to hell with her, she can go find another boyfriend who will actually treat her like a woman should be treated. But then again, my intelligence comes into play, and I KNOW this girl appreciates stuff like this. I don't do things like this blindly, I've had my bad experiences with poems out of nowhere and declarations of love.

Now that I calmed down...

She called me today, saying she re-read the poem, and thanking me for the "best poem in the world". It moved her so much that she cried last night, and was even crying on the phone. If that isn't appreciation, then she's a pretty damn good actor.

Cyrano: Maybe it sucks, but it worked. There's plenty of inside jokes in it that not everyone can notice. Obviously, you're no newcomer to poetry... so I'll take your words into consideration without a problem. I'll continue writing poetry and get better with time. You're right, should've made it more erotic. That's how the next poem will be. My sincere thanks for some moving advice.

Duke: Thanks bro. You didn't bash me but it still made me realize some things. No, I don't love her. I don't pretend to either. We haven't even told each other that yet. However, referring to the first line of your post: a holiday is a special occasion, OF COURSE I'm going to do something I don't do normally, since it's a SPECIAL occasion...

I think you guys should take a look at my situation before saying the girl's IL is gonna drop just because I wrote her a sincere poem.

Here is why her interest level is sky-high:

- Many girls are after me, and she knows that. She knows I can just turn around and get any girl I want, mostly because of my looks. Even when I didn't have my current mentality, I used to get girls by acting very AFC'ish, not being a man and not having any balls. Blame it on the looks. A mix of both makes the girls go crazy.

- She's told me I'm the best person she's ever met, she loves the fact that I'm the first person she can have meaningful conversations with, she's never been this happy in a relationship before, and many other "first-time" kind of things.

- The tactic I used to get her was to approach her friends first. I made her two best girl friends respect me tremendously. They've both even asked me out on dates that I didn't go on. When my girl announced that she was dating me, they showed lots of jealousy. This makes my gf realize that she's struck gold.

- I am her first non-abusive boyfriend, that actually treats her like a man would. I don't hesitate to tease her, and always say what's on my mind. She is not a goddess to me, obviously. She told me she's extremely happy, and her entourage tells me the same thing about her: no one's ever seen her so happy.

- I already have this girl on a leash, since I caught her lying to me about her sexual past and confronted her about it. She apologized and confessed the truth.

- She keeps complimenting me, I even think it's a bit too much. She always tells me these stories about how she tells everyone about me, how she's crazy about me, thinks about me 24 hours a day, etc. She notices all my qualities, and always wants to know everything about me. Naturally, I don't open myself completely, I'm uncovering my personality bit by bit.

- Her mother saw me last night when I went to pick her up, I did the best of impressions and she's telling her whole family about me. Her sister wants to meet me, so do her brothers.

- I don't trust her. She knows it.

I still plan to keep her interest level high by not being too available, and taking it slow. It's just that it was Valentine's Day, I had to do something, right? And my instict told me that just a red rose wouldn't be enough.

Bottom line is, I think even if I did make a mistake with this poem, it's not that important and won't affect my relationship at all, since the girl is already crazy about me.

Are the red flags still up?

 

[Legend]

Engetsu you are my hero

Send me a poem please.....i beg of you. Send ME ONE.

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by Legend
Engetsu you are my hero

Send me a poem please.....i beg of you. Send ME ONE.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Sarcasm's a b1tch,
And so are you

the best poem in the world just for you

 

[Engetsu]

omg, I'm such an idiot.

I now see the point you guys were making: it was too early, and it was too mushy. But she didn't see that, luckily.

Good thing my relationship is still going very strong.

Sorry for the late reply, but I had to bring this back up...