pleasing your girl

[LimeSlush]

Hey guys,
I've been with my girlfriend almost 2 years in a committed relationship, 6 months before that we were FWB. The sex when we were FWB was unreal, I would have her gushing multiple times a session, through oral or sex. Over a year ago her sex drive took a nose dive from weight gain and whatever else, and it's been an uphill battle since then.
My question is; she rarely orgasm anymore, I'd guess like 1/8 times maybe, yet when I ask her what's up she says she's completely satisfied and I'm doing everything fine. I've asked her this a few times throughout this year, all with the same answers. A lot of times she will say no to me just going down on her with no expectations of reciprocation on her part, or she'll let me since she knows I want to and she won't get wet or won't orgasm at all.
Last night I went to initiate and she was too tired and had a headache. So today we went at it with oral and foreplay for awhile then went to have sex but couldn't, we use condoms since she's not on BC but I didn't have any, so she finished me off then got dressed. I lost my cool and got frustrated that I didn't finish her off and she got indignant and said she was satisfied everything was good. I'm trying to have a normal conversation on what she wants different or what since she's not finishing anymore and I just blew up and said "fine I don't care then anymore if you finish or not" to which she replied "good! Then maybe it'll actually happen since I won't feel pressured!" I haven't even pressured her at all, or even said anything about it in forever...I'm lost. Do you guys even care if your gf/wife orgasms or what am I doing wrong here do you guys think?

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/how-weight-affects-libido/

 

[Epimanes]

Her orgasm is her respnsibility. Don't worry unless she does. Be cool.. If you worry too much about her orgasm it will create an aversion to it all together because of your negatvie energy associated with the pattern.

Leave. It. Be.

Epi

Edit: Also.. Never ask.. Just do. If she rejects be outcome independant about it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Limey,
Wouldn't your ages seem relevent?

 

[LimeSlush]

I've always tried to believe that her orgasm is her responsibility but for some reason I take it upon myself to make it happen and if it doesn't I feel like I'm not performing.
I'm 27, she's 24.

 

[LimeSlush]

Her orgasm is her respnsibility. Don't worry unless she does. Be cool.. If you worry too much about her orgasm it will create an aversion to it all together because of your negatvie energy associated with the pattern.

Leave. It. Be.

Epi

Edit: Also.. Never ask.. Just do. If she rejects be outcome independant about it.

By outcome independent do you mean just shrug it off and not care so to speak?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Limey,
Yeah I go against the flow,her orgvasm is your responsibility...but as one grows older this becomes more and more difficult...a Woman of sixty for example will come once a Week,but enjoy the pleasures of Svex every night..Seems strange,almost unbelievable that a 24 Year old has problems,in my experience even 45 Year Olds can do it most nights!...Just Saying!

 

[Epimanes]

Outcome independance means regardless of the outcome your response is (should come) from a positive frame. If you nag/whine/complain/ have negative energy regarding pleasuring her then it will create a pattern of negativity that will spin her hamster and trigger negative feelings associated with being intimate with you every time (beenderdun dat with my wife of 20 years). You have to be cool about it and back off then reescelate a little later or another time and keep being awesome or just shrug it off.. And go do something manly like clean your guns or something .. Anything that displays high value.

Epi

 

[sodbuster]

IF you were able to bang someone else and she's got competition, I'd bet the weight would come off and she would get off....

She thinks she has you.... and has gotten comfortable. This is the hard part of relationships.... HOW do you make her feel anxious about losing you without pushing too far?

 

[Married Buried]

Take some good drugs and bang her for a good 3-4 hours. I find they tend to like that and it keeps them coming back.

 

[LimeSlush]

IF you were able to bang someone else and she's got competition, I'd bet the weight would come off and she would get off....

She thinks she has you.... and has gotten comfortable. This is the hard part of relationships.... HOW do you make her feel anxious about losing you without pushing too far?

Well I could bang other girls if I wanted to but I have no intentions of doing that, even with all the stuff I've gone through. I've started not replying to texts as fast, when she's wanted to hang out I'll tell her I'm busy when I always used to say yes, when we hang out I'm a bit more aloof I guess. It's not something I have to fake either, I think she feels that she could be losing me because I agree I think she has gotten comfortable.

 

[hithard]

I've always tried to believe that her orgasm is her responsibility but for some reason I take it upon myself to make it happen and if it doesn't I feel like I'm not performing.
I'm 27, she's 24.

Maybe relax a little, you seem a little too technique driven and making sex a chore. It will only get worse from here. Women need mental stimulation so be flirty, seduce laugh and love. Warm her up mentally and emotionally. The moment you break frame over her not getting off she will close down more.

 

[LimeSlush]

Maybe relax a little, you seem a little too technique driven and making sex a chore. It will only get worse from here. Women need mental stimulation so be flirty, seduce laugh and love. Warm her up mentally and emotionally. The moment you break frame over her not getting off she will close down more.

Thanks man. The other night I went down on her, and while she didn't orgasm she seemed to still enjoy it but I just tried to make the whole thing fun and stress free, hopefully it gets better from me. I'm my own worst enemy with ruminating about stuff like this

 

[jackwalsh]

You can treat sex related problem. Consult this problem with doctor and now many medications are available into the market.

 

[MOTU]

OP, check out The Married Man Sex Primer by Athol Kay.

My guess is this drastic change in your sex life is telling you something about your relationship that you need to understand if you're going to keep it together.

 

[logicallefty]

I think the big-O with a woman has a lot of factors; her physical attraction to you, her emotional attachment to you, her current demeanor(is she tired, sick, energetic, etc), your technique/effort into making her cvm, her past sexual experiences good and bad, and luck . I also think c0ck size can be a factor but not as much of one as one may think.

I'm not the biggest hanging horse in the barn, but women comment that "I know how to hit just the right spot".

I also believe the notion that a person doesn't have to orgasm to enjoy sex. There are times when I don't get off myself. but I still enjoy it. that happened to me just last night actually. lady wanted to do it and I did it but I was kind of tired from a long day and I didn't bust a nut. I crashed after she finished.

 

[logicallefty]

Stamina also very important, probably the most important imo

Indeed.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear LS,
Well some advice from an Old Fool,if Svex means a lot to you,then gradually ease out of the relationship...Her weight and Orgvasm problems wont go away,but her commitment to making you No 1 in her life will...These problems would be serious in a Woman of 65 but at 24 Cataclysmic!

 

[Cejay]

I also believe that you are partially responsible for making her cvm and are right in being concerned.

My ex wife and I had a sexless marriage for a while, it was awful. I will never, every put up with that again.
My ex-wife admitted to me about 2 yrs after marriage, to have not properly represented her sex drive while we were dating. Wonder if your GF is like that? I hadn't taken the red pill back then so I also didn't have good frame.

I think the weight gain and no-cvm are some definite warning signs here about your relationship. Especially at 24. My gf is almost 40 and cvms 5x a session and wants it every day.

It could also be a lack of interest or connection in you.

Do you guys have any hobbies or things you do together? Particularly physical ones? If not you should get some.
For example, my GF and I cycle and hike together. Being outdoors and enjoying the same activity really helps with our emotional connection. She likes seeing me "be a man," seeing that I'm bigger and stronger than she is (Not talking about pea ****ing) biking or climbing or whatever.

There are lots of things you could do, even indoors if you live in a winter-city.

Also agreed on the married man sex primer, make sure you're still "leading her."

CJ.