Please share your wisdom - what should I do?

[iqqi]

Chicago is often referred to as the Second City, for a reason. It is right behind New York City in terms of sophistication and options. Our transportation system is only beaten by NYC. DO NOT stay near the airports, when downtown is a super easy $2, 35 minute train ride away. Also, you are in luck because it is a warm winter so far, and most likely you won't freeze your balls off in the mad dash to secure a taxi at 4am, if you even need one.

You can plan ahead and spend some money on tickets to a bash, or you could just dive bar hop, either way you'll have a great time if your open to it. If you've never traveled alone before, it is very scary at first, but the most of fun I've ever had, and I am a girl. My first solo trip was at 19 across the country, and then when I was in my early 20's I found myself unexpectedly alone in LAS VEGAS of all places. I had a great time. I'm shy and antisocial as a matter of fact, so I have those hurdles to cross before I can even have a good time, and even so I can reassure you that it is definitely possible to have a great time, make all new friends, and have a NYE to remember.

Especially in a city like Chicago.

 

[Harvey_Poon]

Victor, you sure are a glutton for punishment aren't you?

Let's take a step back and look at this thing through clear eyes and with a rational mind. Ok?

This woman embarrassed you and made you feel very foolish. She made you feel that there was something more between you two than there ever was. Just because you had a good time with her and felt that there was something more, doesn't mean that she felt the same towards you. You are obviously still hung up on her even after this whole experience. You can see now that she does not have the same feelings towards you from the way she treated you.

Your mistake was booking a trip after you came back home. You should of waited until later to do that to see if there was any connection between you two. I still say you kept in poor contact with her during these last few months. Otherwise you would of known how she was really feeling towards you. You could of gauged her attitude and her behavior towards you. You could tell if she responded well to you or was lukewarm in your conversations She would of been bringing up the trip to you in conversations if she had a strong interest in you. She wouldn't of blown you off right before this thing was about to take place. That shows you that her interest was never that high at all like you thought it was.

This is the risk you run with long distance relationships, or in your case an acquaintance, especially with a huge time gap between the next meeting. Even women that have boyfriends cheat on them because they are not around often. She is exposed to many different men everyday. She could hang out and be in a relationship with any guy she wants. She is not going to wait to hang out with you or give you preference because it was never that serious. You say you had a handful of women as well. What if you became involved with one of these women in a relationship? The trip to see her would of never occurred either. See what I mean? That is why it was foolish of you to hastily book a trip that many months far in advance. You should of flown to see her earlier if you wanted to meet up with her again. 5 months later is too long to wait despite what she was telling you or not. She was wrong for what she did as well. But when you step back and look at this thing with clear eyes and a rational mind, you know that it was foolish to partake in this little endeavor.

You indicated that "I am not infatuated by her she was a fun girl to hang out with and I enjoyed myself." Which confuses me to as why you would spend so much money to see a woman that you weren't that serious about .Especially during the holidays when she could get other offers from other men. It's great you had fun with her but there is no reason to spend that much money to see someone that you are not serious about. Unless you have a lot of money to burn, but still, you could of used it for someone else that was serious and was more serious about you. I spent time with a couple of girls in Daytona Beach during spring break. I had fun with both of them. I didn't rush home to book a trip to see them months later because it wasn't serious. I had my fun with them and that was that. Next time don't make plans or book a trip unless you know it is serious or if the thing is even going to take place

Why the hell would you even respond to her message? What purpose does it serve? She showed you
her true feelings in that cold message. Which was none. She blew you off with no regard for you at all. Why on earth would you want to continue to embarrass yourself even more with her? You sat there at home for all these months expecting a fun filled New Year's trip to go see her and she treats you this way. She didn't even have the decency to call you earlier so you could cancel the trip. Her excuse sounds made up to me now that I think about it. But that doesn't matter. The bottom line is that she made a fool out of you. She strung you along with great expectations of a trip that she had no intentions of ever having.

No, you are not going to convince her to reconsider so that is why there is no need to even contact her. Why would you want to acknowledge the fact to her once again that she made a fool out of you? All she is going to do is continue to make you feel worse about the whole thing. She doesn't care about you. You shouldn't even give her the satisfaction that you do.

Chalk this up as a valuable and expensive lesson. Next time don't make hasty decisions like this in the future. I still say you should take someone along with you because it beats going alone. You will have a better time than going by yourself. Hope you have a great time on your trip. Forget about this woman because she isn't worth the bother.

May your days be filled with much greatness and plenty of poon.

Dr. Harvey Poon

 

[Harvey_Poon]

Well, you could try and blame him for something he couldn't have anticipated.

What the hell are you talking about? How could he of not anticipated it?

He was foolish enough to come back home to book an expensive trip nearly a half a year later on a woman he barely even knew. Didn't he? Then he kept in poor contact with her throughout the months not knowing if she still wanted to see him or not. Then he still expects a fun filled New Year's trip with this woman? C'mon man. He should of known better and anticipated that.

He would of known the changes in her life or the fact that she didn't want to see him. She wouldn't of waited 2 weeks before to blow him off in a cold message. She would of said something to him sooner if he was in regular contact with her. My guess is he contacted her recently and she blew him off. Obviously she never felt much for him in the first place. She wouldn't of blown him off in a cold message. She still would of been excited to ring in the new year with him. He is to blame for his predicament.

You don't know he had had no clue or not, you just heard him talk about it briefly.

He had no clue because he didn't know of her recent life changes. He was left in the dark. He had no clue. I know enough to know that he was foolish to book this trip in the first place with a woman he barely even knew. The outcome is what matters here. That should of been obvious from the start. You don't make big plans with a woman you just met months in advance. You shouldn't expect a fun filled trip when you're not sure that if she feels the same for you or not. You don't book a trip unless you know for sure that this thing will even take place. Hasty decisions always lead to disappointment. He would of known her true intentions if he waited to book this trip. It would of saved him from the embarrassment and a lot of time and trouble.

You don't know the details of their arrangement and how hot things were when they had been together.

Who cares about what the arrangements were or how hot things were between them then. That was then. Months ago. This is now man. Things change. His trip is a bust. That is what matters now. He should of waited to book his trip because things change.

Anything can happen when you are away;

YES!!!Hallelujah!!!!You have seen the light!!! This is the exact point that I'm trying to get across to you and to the man who has this predicament. That is why you don't hastily rush home to book an expensive trip on a woman you just met. Because anything can happen as this man has just found out.

and he kept hitting on other women when he came back.

And she is banging another man back home.

Who cares if he was hitting on other women. She didn't know that. That is what he is saying. That isn't the point nor does it matter. The point is that he made the mistake of booking a trip on a woman that he didn't know very well. He kept in poor contact with her expecting things to be the same as it was before anticipating a fun filled trip. He learned a valuable and expensive lesson not to do that again.

There was no reason to cancel this trip,

Never said he should because he will be out some dough if he doesn't go. Going alone is no fun either and is a waste of time.

and he could keep his chin up and turn his into a better experience.

I really don't see how that is going to happen. But I hope he still has a good trip. He should take one of the other women because it beats going alone regardless if he doesn't feel much for them.

 

[Boilermaker]

hey, look, troll. Looks like I shredded your old account, heh?

True, I have a no-bullshít attitude.

Why don't you act like a man and come out, pvssy?

take another puff from your joint and sit back.

Nobody cares about your mind-blowing analysis, nor your idiotic advice,

because OP has already decided to take the plunge and go solo, but you can keep trolling all day long, yeah?

 

[VictorK]

Ok let me set some things straight...

1. I was not interested in this woman for a relationship. I was interested in her as a FB. The fact that she lied to me and couldn't be straight with me was disappointing but I'm not losing sleep over it. I've been dating women since I posted my message and will continue to. I was upset more so for being lied to...no one likes to have their trust betrayed.

2. We communicated about 2/3 times a week since September but we both had our lives. We both knew this was fun, the fact that she couldn't be honest with me to tell me she was starting to like some other guy and led me on to think we would have more fun is what made me upset. We planned this meetup 3 weeks ago and I Booked my tickets and then now she realizes she's met 'the one'. From her message I know this one of her guy friends... she showed herself as VERY immature if she couldn't figure out she may like someone yet still encourage me to visit all this time.

3. Being the richest person in the graveyard isn't appealing to me. I don't care about the money...I am looking to experience new thing and grow..what some of the guys on here like boilermaker have helped me see is this could be a blessing in disguise.

I have learned from this experience and look to make the most of it.

 

[Harvey_Poon]

Ok let me set some things straight...

1. I was not interested in this woman for a relationship. I was interested in her as a FB. The fact that she lied to me and couldn't be straight with me was disappointing but I'm not losing sleep over it. I've been dating women since I posted my message and will continue to. I was upset more so for being lied to...no one likes to have their trust betrayed.

Yes, she was an acquaintance, like I said, with the hopes of being an FB. Actually, you did make a point that you still wanted to respond to her message. Like I said before, that is the risk you run with having a long distance relationship, or in your case, an acquaintance with someone that you never get to see. What they tell you and what they are actually doing is two different things. You have no way of knowing and are left in the dark. She did lead you on which was wrong. But if she was interested enough to have this thing happen she would of wanted it to go through. Just to blow you off like that shows her true intentions

2. We communicated about 2/3 times a week since September but we both had our lives. We both knew this was fun, the fact that she couldn't be honest with me to tell me she was starting to like some other guy and led me on to think we would have more fun is what made me upset. We planned this meetup 3 weeks ago and I Booked my tickets and then now she realizes she's met 'the one'. From her message I know this one of her guy friends... she showed herself as VERY immature if she couldn't figure out she may like someone yet still encourage me to visit all this time.

Long distance communication is not the same as actually being with the person especially when they aren't taking it as serious. She has other men around her and she is going to sleep with them. She had you in the background but she found another man. You were her long distance chat buddy. She needs a man near by. She wasn't taking it serious. She could of been telling you anything over the phone. You were in the dark. All you knew is what she was telling you and what she wanted you to know. She led you to believe that there was something more to this just like I said. Women will tell you things and not follow through with them. They say that they like a guy and flake on them for the date. Hell they even tell men that they love them and wind up cheating on them or dumping them. This is what happened to you. She flaked on the expensive date after she had you believing that it was going to go through. Like I said you should of made plans to visit her sooner if you were able to. Not 5 months later when things can be different and especially when she can date other men. You can't expect things to be the same and especially around the holidays when she can get better offers. That is why long distance flings are risky unless you know the person well enough to make sure that it will happen. You met her once on your trip and only talked to her long distance the rest of the time. You never had any other hook ups with her. She didn't feel it was that serious and she wasn't serious about your friendship.

Next time try to get someone closer to you so you don't have to go through this long distance stuff again.

Dr. Harvey Poon

 

[VictorK]

UPDATE:

Ok, I'm back from my trip and thought I would share with everyone how it turned out.

Before I left I told myself I would not blame anyone for the predicament I found myself in. This meant I had to eliminate all thoughts of this girl who screwed me over. I told myself this was going to be a growing experience and one I would learn lessons from...and I opened myself to this experience.

Once I got to my hotel, I decided to hit up the shopping district to check out the sights and sounds. I ended up in a conversation with a sales associate at a store. Turned out he is a semi professional athlete (arena football) and I told him I'm heading out next few nights. He said he wanted to join me and could tell me which spots were the ones to hit up. Athletes seem to have a certain mindset when it comes to women/groupies and he would turn out to be a valuable partner in crime.

We ended up going to about 12 bars/night spots the entire weekend (the wingman seemed connected and with a few words got us in every bar without waiting in line) First night we met several groups of women. (Every woman I met was in a group so the use of a wingman was vital to all our success). I ended up picking up one of the girls in the group and spent the night with her. Once in the bars, the wingman and I would sometimes work in teams and sometimes work solo...but we worked the room.

The next night we repeated the exact same thing...and although we met more women, the success of the first night wasn't achieved. But that was ok...I had taken this step, stepped out of my comfort zone...and took a negative situation and turned it into something positive.

I also used the experience to try new things with women...there is a certain freedom that one attains when travelling - the crap that runs through our mind of 'what is she thinking' 'i hope i don't screw this up' is all washed away.

All in all, thanks to all for the advice. As I returned home, I did miss my friends/family but I also returned home with a valuable growth lesson in my life. Oh and I didn't even think about the woman who I had originally planned to see...until writing this post.

 

[sodbuster]

Good man

 

[HeadLightsOn]

You'll hear back from this flako at some stage - I guarantee it. When you do DON't just reach for the text keys (or if she calls I wouldn't pick up - wait if there is a V mail).

Instead have a good think about what you could do, and even ask on these forums again.

The Windy city? Heck you could have ALL sorts of fun there. No joke, I would seriously just go out and have a ball.

We're guys - we can hang on our own without crying about it.