[Please read] Self reflection and my meeting with a DJ

[MattB]

I can honestly say that what happened last night have a major impact on my life.


Last night, I went clubbing with a group of friends. There were like 4 girls and 5or 6 guys. At first I was having fun, but then later I realized I really couldn't get any of them to dance with me(ex.grinding) so I began to get annoyed.

I noticed that of all the guys, I was the shortest and arguably the most unattractive one. This thought keep coming up in my head and I was sort of pissed. At that time, I thought I will never get any ass because of my physical stature and looks.

"This sucks. Confidence is over rated. Tomorrow I am gonna make a post and ***** about it on the forum" I kept repeating that to myself. Later I left and a Friend of mine decided to crash at my place.

We talked and about girls, and I was surprised of our conversation. He said confidence, you need confidence to get girls. Be a bad boy, have the don't give a fvk attitude. I was like wtf, I heard the same stuff before.

I told him I know this stuff, but is very hard for me to apply my knowledge. He agreed that before his "transition", he wasn't getting much either. He said knowing is not enough, you have to actually experience it to actually be good at it.

I was floored. Here I am, talking to a DJ and we just talked about things mentioned on this site. Of coz he doesn't know about this site, but the knowledge we share are the same.

Well guys I need your help. I don't know why but I give off the "geek" vibe. I don't know why, but people just assume that I am a nerd who studies all day and have no social life. I am always like wtf? when I hear stuff like that.

Just a couple days ago after I went clubbing with my friends, later we went to a place to get something to eat. I saw a girl there who's in my university and I went over to say hi. She asked what did I do and I told her I went clubbing. Shes like, is that your first time going?

So yeah guys, what can I do to stop giving off the geek vibe? I mean I play sports, have a social life but people that don't know me always I assume I am a geek.

 

[DankNuggs]

Could be one of 3 things

1.) You look like a dork (get contacts, fix acne. get a better haircut)

2.) You handle yourself like a dork (fix your posture, improve your coordination, walk around with more confidence)

3.) You dress like a dork (trade in the star trek convention shirt for something J-Crew or equivilent...)


Take an honest assessment, ask your friends, girls you know to go shopping or get a serious view of how the world views you...Then report back....

 

[California Love]

The first thing you gotta do it to tell yourself who you truly are. What kind of person are you like, what kind of things do you like, what kind of women do you want.


THen you have to show this to others. Usually, if you have a strong personality and are confident and enthusiastic about the things you do, then people will feel this and respect you. It doesnt matter if you like collecting fossils; portray a positive and confident image of yourself.


To the girl who asked if it was your first time clubbing, you can laugh it off, and joke that "your expertise lies in other fields". Then start a convo.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If these are first impressions of how people 'perceive' you then DJ DankNuggs has the answer in his post above.

 

[MattB]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
Could be one of 3 things

1.) You look like a dork (get contacts, fix acne. get a better haircut)

2.) You handle yourself like a dork (fix your posture, improve your coordination, walk around with more confidence)

3.) You dress like a dork (trade in the star trek convention shirt for something J-Crew or equivilent...)


Take an honest assessment, ask your friends, girls you know to go shopping or get a serious view of how the world views you...Then report back....

Even my DJ friend said I give off the geek vibe. He said once he knows me , he knows I am not one.

I think wearing glasses is one thing, so yeah I have switched to contacts. My clothes are pretty normal I guess. Sweater + Jeans very typical stuff. Is not flashy but I don't think is geeky.

2 is probably the reason. Right now I am very self conscious of my posture.

p.s ppl say my hair or looks like Clay Aiken. Is that a good or bad thing?

 

[Abnigh9]

Originally posted by MattB


p.s ppl say my hair or looks like Clay Aiken. Is that a good or bad thing?

Depends. Clay Aiken looks good with what he has.

Dunno about you.

 

[LordBrian]

I wear glasses, but I dont think i give out a "nerd" vibe.

2.) You handle yourself like a dork (fix your posture, improve your coordination, walk around with more confidence)

3.) You dress like a dork (trade in the star trek convention shirt for something J-Crew or equivilent...)

Good advice. I like to wear dark blue baggy jeans ( i hate faded look), a black leather jacket (because it makes me look tougher), a gold watch (because those cheap casio plastic ones with 30 different functions look bad). I also like to wear novelty t-shirts when I sarge. Dont foget to have shoes to match the overall outfit.


"Im lost. Please take me home with you." Thats my favorite novelty t-shirt phrase.

 

[Shiftkey]

p.s ppl say my hair or looks like Clay Aiken. Is that a good or bad thing?

Clay Aiken looks gay to me.

 

[Shadow Dancer]

"I noticed that of all the guys, I was the shortest and arguably the most unattractive one. This thought keep coming up in my head and I was sort of pissed. At that time, I thought I will never get any ass because of my physical stature and looks."


"My clothes are pretty normal I guess. Sweater + Jeans very typical stuff."



I'll tell you a couple secrets that will go against what you, and most people believe, yet it's the truth. If you, or anyone else, feels the need to argue you truly have no idea how to pick women up.


1-Your looks mean ONE thing and one thing ONLY. It means you must put a bit more work into getting fine women and it CAN be done. Yes, even if from 1-10 you're a 4, YOU CAN GET A GIRL WHO IS A 10. I don't give a phuck how ugly you are, you CAN get a 10. Not everyone is handsome but EVERYONE can look better than they currently do.

I'm tempted to say that looks mean absolutely nothing but that wouldn't be entirely accurate. They do help, though not in the way you believe it.

Quick example of what "putting more work in" means...

Get a couple of average/less than average girls interested in you. Two girls who are 4/5s in looks. Walk into a club with these two girls on your arms. Take these girls with you and talk to a couple other girls who are 5/6's. Walk around, dance, whatever, with the 5/6's. This will allow you to talk to 6/7s. Repeat the process. And keep moving up the scale. Of course you have to know how to talk, entertain, tease, etc, etc., but you get the basic idea of what I'm talking about.

If you are a handsome guy then you can start out going for 7/8s which means less work for you. But whether you're ugly or not, you STILL must put in work. Even guys who are 10's get blown out when talking to fine women.

2- The clothes you described are geeky as phuck. You fit in but you need to stand out. Girls get wet just looking at guys who got superflous, stylish shiet on. Notice how girls are hotter when they wear a cowboy hat, or high heels with matching nail polish, toe polish, streaks in their hair, etc? All that shiet is NOT needed but it makes them hotter. It's all about sexuality. Same goes for a guy. If you're not super handsome or buff, start displaying your sexuality. One of the ways is to wear gay-lookin shiet. Braceletess, chokers, rings, coordinate the colors of your outfit, wear stuff that makes people want to touch it.

Here's a good exercise I learned from Mystery. Take a look at the guys you see next time you're out. Every time you see a guy ask yourself, "Is that guy getting pvssy?". Notice the times you say yes and the times you say no. You'll soon notice a pattern with the way these guys dress, walk, talk, etc. If you say to yourself, "maybe he does", rule it out. You'll learn much more with the guys you can definitely say yes or no to.

I'm very good with style. If you are really interested in looking like a man women lust for, I can help you. But only if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone. If not, don't waste my time.

Take care!

-Shadow

 

[Postal_Priest]

Make sure the jeans look good...not what you think is good, but how you think a girl would like them. Take a look at some of your friends that get women.

Keep a little bit of your dork look if you want to dude. You don't have to sell your soul to the trendy masses to get women. Just meet the trends halfway. Novelty T-shirts are ****in sweet. I'm in the process of filtering out any shirts displaying a company logo in my wardrobe. Don't wear ones that say stupid phrases like that. Wear something with a sweet design on it, a good color too. Shop for these shirts at other places than the mall...the best places are used clothing stores.

Either way, if you are a late starter, mainstream social scene (clubs, bars) is hard to get into. It will take a while. Stick with it man, don't quit.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by MattB
I think wearing glasses is one thing, so yeah I have switched to contacts. My clothes are pretty normal I guess. Sweater + Jeans very typical stuff. Is not flashy but I don't think is geeky.

1: Switching to lenses, atleast when being around other people (esp girls) = VERY GOOD CHOICE!

2: Sweater + jeans... You should only wear a sweater if it's part of your image e.g. a sweater with a hood if you're a skater OR if you are BUILT... Sweaters tend to be baggy or hiding or stuff like that, it's boring etc...

p.s ppl say my hair or looks like Clay Aiken. Is that a good or bad thing?

In my opinion Clay Aiken looked like a dweeeb... If I were you I'd go see a hairdresser/stylist and ask for a fitting cut for your face/persona.... Make sure you are wearing some cool clothes when doing this so it fits in with style...

How is your physique? That is build, muscletone etc?

 

[MattB]

thanks for all inputs

shadow dancer: yes I defitnetly work on my image and confidence. I am sick of giving the geek vibe.

As for clothes I don't really have a good fashion sense so I might to ask a girl to go shopping with me. What do you think will suit me? I am short (174cm) and skinny(140lbs) (going to the gym now to gain mass).

Is looks really not that important? But without physical attarction, how do get those girls to take their pants off?

 

[Yotsuya-san]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
3.) You dress like a dork (trade in the star trek convention shirt for something J-Crew or equivilent...)

Anybody who wears one of those things outside of a convention is beyond help. But by all means, absolutely Leave that Darth Maul or whatever t-shirt at home!!!

 

[DreamerZZ35]

Looks mean FAR, FAR less than you may think.

Let me give you an example. I consider myself to be well above average in teh looks department. Not a week goes by that a woman tells me that I look a lot like Alex Baldwin. So Im knee deep in trim right????


WRONG

Oh thats becuase Im only talking to 9's and 10's right?

WRONG

Its ALL about how YOU define reality. Im just learning this stuff and I can see it but its totally another thing for it to become WHO YOU ARE. It is when you empty yourself of your desire to get into her pants and she sees that VOID that she becomes attracted to yoru FULLNESS. Which of course, is the EXACT OPPOSITE of being NEEDY.

What you have to ACCEPT as truth is that women are RADICALLY different than men.

For 1 woman, a man with blond hair is a definate no but a bald, fat man is ok.

For another the man has to be stocky and thick... for yet another he has to be extreamly tall....

What if you did not like fish? Lets say the waiter at a restaurant offered you fish.... and you declined.... would the waiter think you hated his guts and saw him as a loser because you dont like fish? OF COURSE NOT!!!!

Trust me I am absolutely a newbie... but I get the fact that ITS NOT PERSONAL..... You only need 1 yes from the right woman.

 

[DreamerZZ35]

Originally posted by MattB
thanks for all inputs

shadow dancer: yes I defitnetly work on my image and confidence. I am sick of giving the geek vibe.

As for clothes I don't really have a good fashion sense so I might to ask a girl to go shopping with me. What do you think will suit me? I am short (174cm) and skinny(140lbs) (going to the gym now to gain mass).

Is looks really not that important? But without physical attarction, how do get those girls to take their pants off?

IF you are skinny you want to wear clothing that does not draw the eyes attention to that fact.

You should wear clothing that looks nice but doesnt cling tightly to yoru body.

For example, when you wear a button up shirt, pull enough of the shirt out around your belt line that it slightly over hangs yoru pants... this will give you a fuller looking effect.... try to Stick to Dockers ect WITH PLEATS..... AVOID wearing tight jeans unless you get comments from women about you having a nice ass...

If you are slender you probably need to avoid wearing jeans unless they are baggy... I prefer to wear pleated dockers or the equivelent type pants... always be SLIGHTLY better dressed than anyone around you.... WOMEN NOTICE THIS...Number 2 INVEST IN SEVERAL PAIR OF SHOES...

Women NOTICE SHOES BIG TIME... if you have 5 or 6 pair of nice shoes they last a lot longer and look nice for a long time with a minimum of care.... when you LOOK the part.... you begin to FEEL the part... when you are SLIGHTLY (and thats the key) better dressed you feel more confident and women pick up on that.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

If you dress a certain way and you're comfortable with it, you might be able to get away with just tweaking it a little.

Tell you the truth though? Though I have excellent taste my clothes don't usually reflect that because I don't like buying clothes anywhere but in a thrift store.

More important than how you dress is how you own your look. You need to be comfortable enough in your own skin not to try to be something you're not. Its a case of "if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it". If you're not a geek find a style that represents that but above all make sure you're comfortable. Right now you probably seem like you're trying too hard to be interesting and that reeks of insecurity.

Relax. Enjoy yourself. That is the key to confidence.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Oxide]

Hey man i dont wanna dissapoint you, but even if u buy all this stuff, it will not work if u dont change your mind.
Yes, it will help in the beginning, but once people get to know you, they will be like "wow, another fruit". IF u are one!

But hey, dont be, change the way you think and the way you look, that's money right there.

Another thing... when things go wrong, dont come here and *****, i know its tempting to complain, but TRY TO FIX it first, then if that failed, come and ask for ADVICE, but dont come to complain, people have their own problems to take care of.

good luck
-ox