Please Read!!! Need Advice, Opinion, Interpretation!

[FireMan]

Hope you guys are ready for my story.

Naturally all of us guys are subconsciously looking for that one person we all want to spend the rest of all life with. If you are saying that this is not true you are in denial and I do not want to hear it, that is why I am looking for intelligent people to answer this, and those that know what I am talking about.


Well, here we go. I met this girl about a month and a half ago, and she exhibited a lot of the qualities that I have been looking for in a girl. I tend to usually fall for girls that are usually quiet and a little bit shy, and not whorish, which is the vibe that i got from her (I am tired of girls that are sluts and are easy). I like to usually make them get out of their shell and open up to me. Well, this one happens to be extra special, because she is a challenge. I met one other girl, last year same as her, but I gave up on her, and she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend. I do not want to lose my chance again.


So here is what I did. We have been hanging out a few times, from going out to eat, to movies, to parties. Every time we were hanging out her best friend was there also. It was never one on one with her, except one night. The ONE night she happened to stay, her best friend left. We had some good conversations, and learned a few interesting things about her, such as her family, but I still felt like she still did not open up fully, she is holding something back, and I cannot figure it out. I think she does not want me to be judgmental. I really felt a connection with her, and to be honest, I did not even feel like making a move on her (hopefully if she is the kind of girl I am looking for, she appreciates it).


So we went to bed and we just looked in each others eyes like two people in love (for those of you that KNOW the look). We cuddled, i gave little pecks and kisses here and there, but we never made out. Next morning I played a romantic song for her when she woke up; she said thanks after the song.(Steve Holly--good morning beautiful).I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. So we hung out some more with her friend, went out to eat, etc.. Anyways, me being an assertive individual that I am decided, to let her know how I feel about her. So I went got her a rose, wrote a letter, made a CD with a song (named special girl), and chocolates. I had her FRIEND come pick it up and give it to her, since they are roommates. It was her move now.


She texted me telling thanks for the flower, chocolates, etc.. There is more. From what she interpreted, she pretty much made it sound like i proposed to her, which is not at all what i was telling her in the note, and her friend told me she was "moved back". All i was asking her was to go out on a date, which i think is what we need to get to know each other better, and I made sure i told her that i wanted to go on a date. She said, "yea we could go on a date and hang out some more, we should take it slow". I am pretty good at reading people, and tell what they are deep down inside, and I told her that in the note. By her telling me that we should take it slow, it tells me that she was either in a bad relationship or she does not want a relationship that her parents were into (they ended up divorcing).


Again i know i am reading too much into this because i am a psychology major. Some other information is that we are both in college, she is 20, i am 22. I don't even know if she is willing to get into a long relationship, or if she is out to just meet guys and hook up, but that is not the vibe that i got from her. I have not spent one on one to where i could ask her private questions. We have been hanging out though after this whole thing, and went out to eat, with her friend of course. I also feel like i turned soft, to the point of being a nice guy.


When i met her i was teasing her, and joking around, and did not care about the result. There is also something else. It happened that a couple weekends she went home to see her family (I think she finds comfort in her family, or she re-energizes when she sees her family). Anyways, her friend hung out with me and my buddies, and she ended up staying in my bed. I do not feel any attraction to her friend (even though I think her friend wants me, I am not trying to be ****y), so i did not try anything. The only way I would do anything with her friend is if I would find out, that she is playing me, and I would get back at her.


This is where you guys come in. Should I keep hanging out with her and see where it leads? It feels kind of awkward now to ask her on a date. I know she loves nature. Should I go to the park, or lake, beach, fishing, feed the ducks, whatever.... and invite her friend and a buddy of mine? She feels I guess safe when her friend is there, so i don't want to invite her by herself. I want her to be comfortable. Also my birthday is coming up and i will have a party, which she says she is coming to. Should I try to pull back, be indifferent, try to make her jealous, flirt with other girls, or get other girls numbers? Should I use the "let's be friends"? Should i try to give her mixed signals, confuse her? She us pretty attractive, so she could do the same to me. If she would though, I would know she is not the one for me. I think the nervousness or excitement either went away or is higher after i told her how i felt about her. What do I need to do? Maybe I should've make a move when I had a chance!I need as many responses as possible and find a common ground. I need some pointers!

 

[gray_fox_9]

You have what they call "one-itis" and you may already be in the friend zone. My advice would be to lean back a little bit and start gaming other women. Maybe don't talk to your girl for at least a week or two. Right now you are showing your neediness and this is the fastest way to scare a woman away.

 

[godofanxiety]

This has to be a joke, or a story OP made up to show people how it's not done.

 

[MacAvoy]

If you want people to read this, your going to have to edit it into paragraphs.

 

[DavenJuan]

edit this please

i will read once this is done, i had to stop 5 lines in.

 

[Mavrick]

Maybe I should've make a move when I had a chance!

That's pathetic. You missed your chance? What are saying here? What you should be saying is that she lost her chance. Did she do anything for you to shower her with your gifts and attention. NO, she did not. You're being a chump. You only give flower down the road in an LTR, and you do it when it's to reward her. She's not giving you a chance, bud. You've been "friend zoned", and you're reinforcing it by buying her gifts and telling her your feelings.

You have a lot to learn. I don't even know where to start. Start out by reading the "Book of Pook". The read the "DJ Bible". Forget this girl and work on your inner man.

One other thing, you need paragraphs in your posts.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Now that I've sorted this all out into easily digestible chunks, it's time for your education:

Naturally all of us guys are subconsciously looking for that one person we all want to spend the rest of all life with. If you are saying that this is not true you are in denial and I do not want to hear it, that is why I am looking for intelligent people to answer this, and those that know what I am talking about.

This is the most fundamental flaw in your psychology. In fact it's the most fundamental flaw in your methodology as well. You are 22 and you fit the classic personality profile of an AFC. Average, frustrated and a chump, that's you. Why? Because in your adolescence, you, like so many other AFCs, were conditioned to think that monogamy should be the highest aspiration anyone can attain. And not only this, but that monogamy should come at the cost of maturity. You are retarded. I don't mean that as an insult, but rather a critical observation; you are retarded in your maturation by the ego-investment that you have in the soulmate myth. This is why you think monogamy is the promised land. Go read Plate Theory and open your eyes to a new way of thinking.

I met this girl about a month and a half ago, and she exhibited a lot of the qualities that I have been looking for in a girl.

Let's begin with the fact that you're 22 and still using an adolescent set of social skills you've really only acquired in the last 5 years. You simply don't have the experience in any real degree to know what "qualities" you're looking for, but in fact you are basing your assessments on what "qualities" you've been conditioned to think you ought to be looking for in order to be more acceptable for a woman's intimacy. Case in point:

I tend to usually fall for girls that are usually quiet and a little bit shy, and not whorish, which is the vibe that i got from her (I am tired of girls that are sluts and are easy).

And exactly how many "sluts who are easy" have you knocked it out with (at 22) that have jaded you so as you'd come to this moral reckoning? Like most AFCs, you tend to fall for the shy girls, because any other type simply won't respond to you. But rather than let that be a hinderance, you'll turn your necessity into a virtue (again, classic self-righteous AFC thinking) and try to set yourself apart form "other guys" and play the role of savior. "She'll reciprocate her intimacy once she sees I'm 'not like other guys' who are only interested in 'sluts who're easy', boy am I unique!", is the thinking.

this one happens to be extra special, because she is a challenge. I met one other girl, last year same as her, but I gave up on her, and she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend. I do not want to lose my chance again.

ONEitis and the accompanying Scarcity Mentality. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! unless she goes back to her BF, blows me off entirely, moves away, goes to a different college, dies, goes out with me then dumps me, thinks about her little dog more than me, or joins a convent. This is your biggest obstacle. As I stated above, you're an AFC and you think like an AFC. Read up on the dynamic:
Qualities of the AFC
AFC Social Conventions

but I still felt like she still did not open up fully, she is holding something back, and I cannot figure it out. I think she does not want me to be judgmental. I really felt a connection with her, and to be honest, I did not even feel like making a move on her (hopefully if she is the kind of girl I am looking for, she appreciates it).

No, this is because, like an AFC, you think that desexualizing yourself is attractive. You've effectively moved from the uncomfortable attraction stage (assuming she even had an IL in you) to the more comfortable rapport stage. You do this because, as a properly trained AFC, you've been conditioned to think that being sexual at all is counter to what women say they want from a guy. Therefore you avoid it all together due to a petrifying fear of rejection. If she's unresponsive to you it's because she's not aroused by you (God forbid a woman might think you'd want to ƒuck her!), and you simply make yourself look even more pathetic not only by desexualizing yourself, but maintaining the mindset that you should be proud of it and it makes you less like 'other guys' and therefore unique.

You're not unique, trust me. There are far more AFCs who think as you, than the "other guy", jerks you hope to dissociate yourself from.

So we went to bed and we just looked in each others eyes like two people in love (for those of you that KNOW the look). We cuddled, i gave little pecks and kisses here and there, but we never made out.

Awww, how sweet. Nice, safe and asexual. Almost like one of the other stuffed animals on her bed. Not only are you an AFC, you are also a Cuddle B!tch.

me being an assertive individual that I am decided, to let her know how I feel about her. So I went got her a rose, wrote a letter, made a CD with a song (named special girl), and chocolates. I had her FRIEND come pick it up and give it to her, since they are roommates.

Well, that showed her! Real "man of action" you are!

I am pretty good at reading people, and tell what they are deep down inside, and I told her that in the note. By her telling me that we should take it slow, it tells me that she was either in a bad relationship or she does not want a relationship that her parents were into (they ended up divorcing).

Well, either that or she's buying time to formulate some way of getting rid of an asexual guy who's so socially retarded that he thinks smothering her with flowers, candy, sappy CD compilations and poetry delivered by her roommate is a sure way to secure monogamy from his ONEitis. I dunno, something like that maybe?

 

[KontrollerX]

"Naturally all of us guys are subconsciously looking for that one person we all want to spend the rest of all life with. If you are saying that this is not true you are in denial and I do not want to hear it"

Of course you don't want to hear it.

The feminist mentality has been drum beat into your ears for so long and so loudly any extra noise and you just might go deaf!

"that is why I am looking for intelligent people to answer this, and those that know what I am talking about."

Seek and ye shall find.

Turn your gaze towards Rollo's brilliant post in this thread schooling you on all you need to know.

And try not to take offense or insult to it.

This is tough love and has been posted by Rollo for your benefit.

Like Gunnery Sargeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket Rollo's advice is hard but it is fair.

And if you learn from it and can apply it you'll be another Sosuave soldier in the Victory Unlimited army and a better more satisfied man for it.

 

[dannyegg4575]

well well written. You came to the right site for advice and you are among men with great intelligence! Start learning from the bible and you'll never see things the same way again.

 

[MrNotebook]

Wow...this reminds me of the mindset I had when I first discovered PU. He sounds like a wounded puppy.

Dude, you've DEFINITELY come to the right place.

 

[Mavrick]

Fireman, read the following post.

Emotional Attachment