Please Read!!! Need Advice, Opinion, Interpretation! Paragraphs form!

[FireMan]

Hope you guys are ready for my story. Naturally all of us guys are subconsciously looking for that one person we all want to spend the rest of all life with. If you are saying that this is not true you are in denial and I do not want to hear it, that is why I am looking for intelligent people to answer this, and those that know what I am talking about.

Well, here we go. I met this girl about a month and a half ago, and she exhibited a lot of the qualities that I have been looking for in a girl. I tend to usually fall for girls that are usually quiet and a little bit shy, and not whorish, which is the vibe that i got from her (I am tired of girls that are sluts and are easy). I like to usually make them get out of their shell and open up to me. Well, this one happens to be extra special, because she is a challenge. I met one other girl, last year same as her, but I gave up on her, and she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend. I do not want to lose my chance again.


So here is what I did. We have been hanging out a few times, from going out to eat, to movies, to parties. Every time we were hanging out her best friend was there also. It was never one on one with her, except one night.

The ONE night she happened to stay, her best friend left. We had some good conversations, and learned a few interesting things about her, such as her family, but I still felt like she still did not open up fully, she is holding something back, and I cannot figure it out. I think she does not want me to be judgmental. I really felt a connection with her, and to be honest, I did not even feel like making a move on her (hopefully if she is the kind of girl I am looking for, she appreciates it).

So we went to bed and we just looked in each others eyes like two people in love (for those of you that KNOW the look). We cuddled, i gave little pecks and kisses here and there, but we never made out. Next morning I played a romantic song for her when she woke up; she said thanks after the song.(Steve Holly--good morning beautiful).I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. So we hung out some more with her friend, went out to eat, etc..

Anyways, me being an assertive individual that I am decided, to let her know how I feel about her. So I went got her a rose, wrote a letter, made a CD with a song (named special girl), and chocolates. I had her FRIEND come pick it up and give it to her, since they are roommates. It was her move now. She texted me telling thanks for the flower, chocolates, etc.. There is more. From what she interpreted, she pretty much made it sound like i proposed to her, which is not at all what i was telling her in the note, and her friend told me she was "moved back". All i was asking her was to go out on a date, which i think is what we need to get to know each other better, and I made sure i told her that i wanted to go on a date.

She said, "yea we could go on a date and hang out some more, we should take it slow". I am pretty good at reading people, and tell what they are deep down inside, and I told her that in the note. By her telling me that we should take it slow, it tells me that she was either in a bad relationship or she does not want a relationship that her parents were into (they ended up divorcing). Again i know i am reading too much into this because i am a psychology major. Some other information is that we are both in college, she is 20, i am 22. I don't even know if she is willing to get into a long relationship, or if she is out to just meet guys and hook up, but that is not the vibe that i got from her.

I have not spent one on one to where i could ask her private questions. We have been hanging out though after this whole thing, and went out to eat, with her friend of course. I also feel like i turned soft, to the point of being a nice guy. When i met her i was teasing her, and joking around, and did not care about the result. There is also something else. It happened that a couple weekends she went home to see her family (I think she finds comfort in her family, or she re-energizes when she sees her family).

Anyways, her friend hung out with me and my buddies, and she ended up staying in my bed. I do not feel any attraction to her friend (even though I think her friend wants me, I am not trying to be ****y), so i did not try anything. The only way I would do anything with her friend is if I would find out, that she is playing me, and I would get back at her.

This is where you guys come in. Should I keep hanging out with her and see where it leads? It feels kind of awkward now to ask her on a date. I know she loves nature. Should I go to the park, or lake, beach, fishing, feed the ducks, whatever.... and invite her friend and a buddy of mine? She feels I guess safe when her friend is there, so i don't want to invite her by herself. I want her to be comfortable. Also my birthday is coming up and i will have a party, which she says she is coming to.

Should I try to pull back, be indifferent, try to make her jealous, flirt with other girls, or get other girls numbers? Should I use the "let's be friends"? Should i try to give her mixed signals, confuse her? She us pretty attractive, so she could do the same to me. If she would though, I would know she is not the one for me. I think the nervousness or excitement either went away or is higher after i told her how i felt about her. What do I need to do? Maybe I should've make a move when I had a chance!I need as many responses as possible and find a common ground. I need some pointers!

 

[MacAvoy]

For a psychology major, your pretty clueless when it comes to attracting women. You've done almost everything to make this girl force you into the Friend Zone. Your biggest problem is you believe the romance novel crap that you see on TV. Women don't really want what they say, they say one thing and mean something else.

They want to be swept off their feet but not with flowers or chocolate. They want to be swept away by a man who takes control. Taking control doesn't mean spewing your love for a women.

I tend to usually fall for girls that are usually quiet and a little bit shy, and not whorish,

First off, I'm bettin you got burnt in the past by a girl wasn't afraid of her sexuality.

Well, this one happens to be extra special, because she is a challenge. I met one other girl, last year same as her, but I gave up on her, and she ended up getting back with her ex-boyfriend. I do not want to lose my chance again.

Here is your next problem. Scarcity mentality. You had ONE girl last year that you missed out on? Damm life sucks, how did you let her get away? Ok I was being facetious and sarcastic in case you didn't know. Guess what, I let 20 women get away last year but I also enjoyed probably 20 women. You lack options so you build up in your mind, the 1 or 2 that give you attention. There are a tonne of good women out there, you just have to get out there and find them instead of focussing all of your attention on one women.

So here is what I did. We have been hanging out a few times, from going out to eat, to movies, to parties. Every time we were hanging out her best friend was there also. It was never one on one with her, except one night.

This is your next problem, she always has her best friend around because she is hanging around with her friends. This only confirms what I said earlier about you being in the friendzone.

The ONE night she happened to stay, her best friend left. We had some good conversations, and learned a few interesting things about her, such as her family, but I still felt like she still did not open up fully, she is holding something back, and I cannot figure it out. I think she does not want me to be judgmental. I really felt a connection with her, and to be honest, I did not even feel like making a move on her (hopefully if she is the kind of girl I am looking for, she appreciates it).

You are being dillusional here.

So we went to bed and we just looked in each others eyes like two people in love (for those of you that KNOW the look).

Dillusional

We cuddled, i gave little pecks and kisses here and there, but we never made out. Next morning I played a romantic song for her when she woke up; she said thanks after the song.(Steve Holly--good morning beautiful).

Puke

I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

This is your biggest problem. Your building up the fantasy of this women in your mind. But you probably don't know why I'm saying what Im saying.

Anyways, me being an assertive individual that I am decided, to let her know how I feel about her. So I went got her a rose, wrote a letter, made a CD with a song (named special girl), and chocolates. I had her FRIEND come pick it up and give it to her, since they are roommates. It was her move now. She texted me telling thanks for the flower, chocolates, etc.. There is more. From what she interpreted, she pretty much made it sound like i proposed to her,

A prime example of how I said earlier your doing things wrong. Look what she thinks of you, she thinks your some idiot who proposes to someone that they haven't even dated. Things are not looking good for you. She thinks your coming on way too strong, stalkerish strong.


Now for my advice. If you truly like this women here is what you should do. Slowly cut contact with her, read the DJ bible, get some experience and practice with other women, get good at dealing with women, then in a years time, follow up with this girl. However, I'm willing to bet your going to continue on the same path.

Remember, you are 22 years old, how many 22 year olds do you know that end up meeting a great girl and stay happily married for the next 40 years? I don't know anybody that married at 22-24 and is still married. I guarantee this women won't be your future. Thats a fact of life.

 

[The Deacon]

Hmm. I have some experience with shy girls so I'll try to shed some light on this.

Shy girls are strange. One moment they'll be opening up to you, the next they'll have really reclusive body language and they won't tell you what's up. It's really hard to read them. I usually just become persistent with my eye contact and my flirting until they reciprocate, and when they subtly reject it, I turn my back on them too. (This is kind of like Mystery Method, if you've been reading your PUA stuff). Usually shy girls won't tell you that they're attracted to you or give you very consistent signs. This has to do with their inexperience. They'll flake, they'll give you all sorts of signals that could jam a radar screen, etc.

Right now it sounds like you moved in too strong. You bought this girl chocolates and you made her a CD, and she's a little taken aback by this. I doubt her reaction has anything to do with her parents' divorce, I think it has to do with her just being a normal girl. Don't express too much interest too early. You cuddled with her one night and then basically told her that you're in love with her when you should've just played this one safe. You could've asked her out without all those gifts, is what I'm saying.

Since you expressed too much interest, she's probably getting the "desperate" vibe from you, whether you intended it or not. She could be still attracted to you, but she's going to put you on the backburner if she thinks that you're always going to be sitting on the sidelines. One way to get off those wretched sidelines is to be dating other girls (like you said in your post), and making sure that she inadvertently knows about it. Don't advertise it to her, cause she's a girl. She'll be perceptive enough to know that you're just trying to make her jealous.

Happy hunting, and whatever you do, don't make a move on her best friend. That's just when the drama turns really, really weird.

 

[MotownMack]

^^^ An excellent analysis of your situation by McAvoy, OP.

The best analogy I can think of right now is that where you are with this girl is like registering for a class in Calculus, when you haven't seen the inside of an Algebra book. You're in pretty far right now, and it doesn't seem like you have the knowledge to deal with it just yet.

I am actually surprised you knew about this site or even thought to post here, because you've made some horrible, horrible mistakes that are so basic that even people who have a passing knowledge of this stuff wouldn't make.

Trust me on this, right now you need knowledge. Back off with this girl and do some reading. The DJ Bible and message me privately if you want some other reading material as well-and you'll see how far off the mark you really are right now, it will be an real eye opener for you.

Good luck.

 

[dannyegg4575]

back off dude... don't call her, don't think about her, don't do anything now. you just turned into a wuss and you don't even know it.

those things are sweet when she gives you the signal, but if you turn into an AFC, you're as good as dead.

good luck

 

[Mavrick]

Don't confuse your neediness with love. I don't believe in "falling in love" or that there is "the one". The only "the one" you should be falling in love with is yourself. You neglect yourself, you mistreat yourself, and as MacAvoy stated, you're delusional.

You are the only one you should fall in love with and treat to the best that life has to offer. When you start doing that, all that other stuff will fall into place.

 

[dannyegg4575]

Don't be so harsh on the guy. It's hard to get through this phase when we've been brainwashed for so long by the media.

Get a grip and start taking care of yourself. i don't agree only loving yourself... i do think that you should first of all love yourself first and build strength from that and the rest will follow. it's like an overflow of energy that you want to get rid of.

 

[Mavrick]

Don't be so harsh on the guy. It's hard to get through this phase when we've been brainwashed for so long by the media.

Get a grip and start taking care of yourself. i don't agree only loving yourself... i do think that you should first of all love yourself first and build strength from that and the rest will follow. it's like an overflow of energy that you want to get rid of.

He isn't going to listen until it hits rock bottom. Not until he finally wises up and sees that his way is the wrong way.

I didn't say only love yourself. I said the only person you should "fall in love" with is yourself.

 

[dannyegg4575]

Great advice Maverick.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

bump

 

[reset]

I am actually surprised you knew about this site or even thought to post here, because you've made some horrible, horrible mistakes that are so basic that even people who have a passing knowledge of this stuff wouldn't make

How DID you find out about so suave? Back in the day when I had the same experiences, I'd have replied to this thread about 50 times already if it were my post lol.