Please Read - embarassing to the xtreme

[Anonymous1234]

yea, i post here, didn't think I'd be LJBF'd again, and I could not bear the humiliation of posting this with my real user name. Aight so I've known this chick since last semester, and we talked, bla bla bla, hung out at lunch couple of times, class, u know how that goes. But I see shes been kinda "cold" so to speak. Here's a little IM convo, enjoy and comment

me (5:57:53 PM): hey
her(6:00:37 PM): hey
me (6:01:17 PM): what are u up to??
her (6:01:50 PM): studying u?
me (6:02:12 PM): i just ate, lol
her (6:02:16 PM): nice
me(6:02:36 PM): maybe going to a club later on tonite
her (6:03:37 PM): which one
me(6:04:52 PM): wont tell u
me (6:05:14 PM):
her(6:05:15 PM): cool
me (6:06:51 PM): no
me (6:07:22 PM): thats where a girl usually says, "nooo please tell me"
her(6:07:36 PM): haha not me
me (6:07:45 PM): whys that
her(6:08:27 PM): i dont care
me (6:09:13 PM): ouch
me (6:09:34 PM): u shouldnt hurt a man's feelings like that
me (6:09:38 PM): how dare u
her(6:15:08 PM): so what club
me (6:15:19 PM): its in providence
her(6:15:35 PM): oh 18+?
me (6:15:36 PM): Complex i think
me (6:15:43 PM): yea... i hope
me (6:15:44 PM): lol
her (6:15:53 PM): oh geez how u getting there
me (6:16:11 PM): some friends driving
her(6:16:17 PM): cool

 

[Anonymous1234]

me (6:16:43 PM): hope we dont crash in this weather though
her (6:17:55 PM): whats it like
me (6:22:29 PM): what the weather?
me (6:22:44 PM): snowww
me (6:24:32 PM): where are u at now?
her (6:27:01 PM): home
me (6:27:10 PM): boston
her (6:27:17 PM): ya
her (6:27:19 PM): brighton
me (6:27:31 PM): o yea
me (6:27:35 PM): i know
her (6:27:49 PM): ok
me (6:28:59 PM): r u lesbian?
her (6:29:10 PM): what?
me (6:29:20 PM): just wondering
her (6:29:26 PM): why would u ask
me (6:29:31 PM): no offense lol
her(6:29:47 PM): because i dont jump on your ****? no im not
me (6:30:14 PM): woah
me (6:30:36 PM): thats not wat i was saying lol
me (6:30:55 PM): so u got a boyfriend then?
her(6:30:57 PM): well why else would you ask theres a reason for everything
her(6:31:16 PM): no i never said that - i date guys but im not tied down
me (6:32:11 PM): ok that's fine, no problem
her(6:32:25 PM): hahah why would it be
her(6:32:28 PM): so why do u ask then
me (6:33:51 PM): lol honestly
me (6:34:05 PM): im sittin here tryin to come up with a good answer lol
me (6:34:25 PM): ...like with with answer i wont sound like a retard lol
me(6:34:40 PM): with which*
her (6:34:52 PM): ok....
her (6:34:54 PM): which is?
her(6:36:27 PM): ?
me (6:36:45 PM): when u said about that "jumping on ur ****" part...
me (6:37:00 PM): i mean thats not TOO far from reality haha
her(6:37:11 PM): im askign why u aske din the first place...i didnt say that until u asked so whats your initial reasoning for asking
me (6:38:00 PM): i mean cuz
me (6:38:42 PM): now im like okay, this girl doesnt like me... so maybe somethings wrong with ME, or shes not into guys
me (6:40:35 PM): either way is fine im not mad or anything
her(6:42:08 PM): when did i say i didnt like u?
her (6:42:16 PM): i think your a good friend
me (6:42:30 PM): haha
me (6:42:47 PM): okay
me (6:44:04 PM): didnt think id hear these words again
her (6:44:16 PM): what do u mean
me (6:44:51 PM): nothing nothing, i appreciate your friendship completely
me (6:45:51 PM): for a girl, a good friend = guy who didnt make a move early enough
me (6:46:07 PM): a.k.a myself
her (6:46:37 PM): no maybe it means that im dating someone or maybe it means we just dont have a connection or maybe it means that i dont feel like dating anyone right now
her (6:46:41 PM): can mean a bunch of stuff
me (6:48:40 PM): ok i get the point
her (6:49:54 PM): dont be offended
her (6:50:55 PM):
me (6:51:10 PM): im not, im the one that didnt play my cards right, ur fine
her(6:52:26 PM): im gonna study for a lil

 

[DJVladdy]

me (6:16:43 PM): hope we dont crash in this weather though
her (6:17:55 PM): whats it like
me (6:22:29 PM): what the weather?
me (6:22:44 PM): snowww
me (6:24:32 PM): where are u at now?
her (6:27:01 PM): home
me (6:27:10 PM): boston
her (6:27:17 PM): ya
her (6:27:19 PM): brighton
me (6:27:31 PM): o yea
me (6:27:35 PM): i know
her (6:27:49 PM): ok
me (6:28:59 PM): r u lesbian?
her (6:29:10 PM): what?
me (6:29:20 PM): just wondering
her (6:29:26 PM): why would u ask
me (6:29:31 PM): no offense lol
her(6:29:47 PM): because i dont jump on your ****? no im not
me (6:30:14 PM): woah
me (6:30:36 PM): thats not wat i was saying lol
me (6:30:55 PM): so u got a boyfriend then?
her(6:30:57 PM): well why else would you ask theres a reason for everything
her(6:31:16 PM): no i never said that - i date guys but im not tied down
me (6:32:11 PM): ok that's fine, no problem
her(6:32:25 PM): hahah why would it be
her(6:32:28 PM): so why do u ask then
me (6:33:51 PM): lol honestly
me (6:34:05 PM): im sittin here tryin to come up with a good answer lol
me (6:34:25 PM): ...like with with answer i wont sound like a retard lol
me(6:34:40 PM): with which*
her (6:34:52 PM): ok....
her (6:34:54 PM): which is?
her(6:36:27 PM): ?
me (6:36:45 PM): when u said about that "jumping on ur ****" part...
me (6:37:00 PM): i mean thats not TOO far from reality haha
her(6:37:11 PM): im askign why u aske din the first place...i didnt say that until u asked so whats your initial reasoning for asking
me (6:38:00 PM): i mean cuz
me (6:38:42 PM): now im like okay, this girl doesnt like me... so maybe somethings wrong with ME, or shes not into guys
me (6:40:35 PM): either way is fine im not mad or anything
her(6:42:08 PM): when did i say i didnt like u?
her (6:42:16 PM): i think your a good friend
me (6:42:30 PM): haha
me (6:42:47 PM): okay
me (6:44:04 PM): didnt think id hear these words again
her (6:44:16 PM): what do u mean
me (6:44:51 PM): nothing nothing, i appreciate your friendship completely
me (6:45:51 PM): for a girl, a good friend = guy who didnt make a move early enough
me (6:46:07 PM): a.k.a myself
her (6:46:37 PM): no maybe it means that im dating someone or maybe it means we just dont have a connection or maybe it means that i dont feel like dating anyone right now
her (6:46:41 PM): can mean a bunch of stuff
me (6:48:40 PM): ok i get the point
her (6:49:54 PM): dont be offended
her (6:50:55 PM):
me (6:51:10 PM): im not, im the one that didnt play my cards right, ur fine
her(6:52:26 PM): im gonna study for a lil

 

[DJVladdy]

Anonymous my ass... yea, this is yours truly

Yea I just came back home from chilling with some buddies and its late so im a bit tired/tipsy/pissed off... yea, what else is new...

 

[DJVladdy]

maybe we just dont have a connection
yea you little bytch, no connection, that's it!

 

[The Forms]

Man, she really knows how to make you squirm, doesn't she?

Why are you asking this girl if she's a lesbian in the first place? One thing that can really help a guy's game is to put yourself in her shoes. When you're talking to a girl think to yourself, "how is she likely to respond to this?"

The average girl is not going to respond well to "r u a lesbian?" Honestly, where did you plan on going with that question? That isn't something innocuous and normal like, "what's your major." What had you planned on saying if she said yes? What about if she said no?

Think about things like this, "If I say X, what is she supposed to say to that? How is she going to react to this?" This is a big reason why c+f works so well. Because of how she will likely react.

And that, "Now I'm like, okay, this girl doesn't like me," what was that all about? Are you doing some sort of passive aggressive, "tell me you like me" thing here? Because girl's don't really put themselves on the line like that. Even if she really DOES like you, she's not just going to volunteer the information. It doesn't really convey confidence saying things like that.

You spent most of that conversation doing damage control it seemed. She'd get you on the ropes, and you didn't really know to respond. Just keep flirting with girls and this will all get worked out. Not trying to burn on you, just thought I'd throw a few things out there.

 

[DJVladdy]

Thx fellas, i just need to get this $hit outa my system ya know.

Dan, she kinda WAS choosin in the beginning, later on got cold though.
And Forms, I see what your saying, but I wasnt even being passive aggressive, and I meant everything i said: lesbian, OR perhaps I'm too hideous, or too nerdy, or too nice, or door-mat, or can't carry on a conversation? or asexual? Nah bro, I'm none of these things.
She confirmed what i thought all along - shes not someone that would be "tied down" - more of an open-minded type. A freak, Dan knows what I'm referring to. So she prolly has one or more boyfriends. I should have asked her if I'm worse than them, maybe they got a bigger dyck than me, or maybe they're more alpha, or more interesting, riiiiiiight. I bet she didn't tell one of them "you're a good friend"

 

[The Kidd]

u came across too insecure in that convo and she knew she had u wrapped around her fingers

she knew why u were asking if she was a lesbian and was playing at u for u to tell her that u like her just to feed her ego and u did (just not directly).

and u definitely shot yourself in the foot when you started saying stuff like "man never thought i'd hear that again" or "maybe something's wrong with me"

this didn't happen by accident, u just didn't take the precautions to avoid being in the friend zone and that convo sure was AFC

 

[DJVladdy]

What I don't get is that im not the stereotypical nice-guy that girls friend zone, at all. And what kind of "connection" is there can ANYONE explain? I can listen, talk, be playful, make her laugh, etc... maybe the hoes expect me to dress up as a clown and make little dog shapes from those baloons, you know? I just dont get it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Was there a previous conversation where she actually showed interest because it wasn't in this one, there wasn't any vibing going on. Plus, I still don't get why guys prefer text over the phone, this exchange took almost an hour and it could have been done in 2 minutes on the phone and possibly with more success.

 

[Interceptor]

Vlad, kid...stop this ****.

Goddamn it , Man...

You are a fvcking MAN!

Stop this "will you pleaselike me??" begging sh *t.

Don't beg no female!
Never ever ever BEG no female to 'like you'.

And don't PROJECT your INSECURITIES on a female.

She's right, just becasue she ddn't jump your d*ck right then is not something you degrad or condemen. You are NOBODY to make no woman HAVE to jump on your d*ck
She doesnt owe you.
You barely know her.

You diodnt ezstablish a storng enough frame early on IRL.
And you came across as weak.

This is not you.

And not every single female in the world ahs to jump your d*ck.

Let go of the need fro female validation.
let go of the need for Female APPROVAL

Stop that sh*t now.

NOW.


Any chick that doesnt reciprocate in a convo or interaction is then NOT worht escalation.

Do not escalate if she is not IOIing or SOIing.

You got too possessive and insecure too early on.
And she saw that.
She even tried to re assure you with the friend comments.

She didnt want to hurt your feelings, because she saw how sensitive you are that she didnt jump on your d*ck.

Think abou tthat.

Thsi is when you r PROJECT your insecurity and NEEDS on a woman.

Don't do that sh*t.

Do not project NEEDINESS. EVER.

EVER.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You don't display interest over an IM, if you know her. You should have met her in person and then asked questions and then escalated based on the vibes she was given you! Are you a lesbian? Why not just ask if she is a hor?

 

[Play the Game]

That was like watching a world class dog show... you should be embarrassed even posting that here. What Interceptor said, live in your FRAME and quit the neediness and approval seeking.

 

[PerfectCircle]

You came across as reallly awkward.

 

[DJVladdy]

man I had a choice either come off awkward or come off as a complete a$$hole... because I tried other ways, and they werent working with this broad.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Why are you asking this girl if she's a lesbian in the first place? One thing that can really help a guy's game is to put yourself in her shoes. When you're talking to a girl think to yourself, "how is she likely to respond to this?"

The average girl is not going to respond well to "r u a lesbian?" Honestly, where did you plan on going with that question? That isn't something innocuous and normal like, "what's your major." What had you planned on saying if she said yes? What about if she said no?

Well, there IS an angle on the lesbian bit. Throw her a curveball saying, "Are, are you bi-sexual?" and she says (looking at you like you're dogsh!t) "Eww that's gross, I don't like girls" and you say, "Well, um, this relationship isn't gonna work out because, you'll bring home ugly girls" and she'll be like, "No no, I'll bring hot girls, I promise, I promise" and you'll be amazed to see the interaction go from her being the prize you are trying to win over to you being the prize she is trying to win over. You kind of switch it around on her. And there's some Great linguistic tricks that you can use to do this, but the reason you're able to do this and those linguistic tricks work is because you assume in advance that you are the prize she is trying to win over. The more you rehearse these beliefs, the easier and more automatic it's gonna become for you to assume this metaframe in advance with Every woman you interact with. There are also some great visualization exercises you can do to assume the metaframe in advance, and when you assume that metaframe in advance, it's gonna be very easy to establish the metaframe and to stay in control of it.

 

[steve12b]

Funny ****. You should have at least made a more direct response instead of tucking your tail between your legs. Should've said you wanted to know if you should keep going after her, or anything to make it not sound like a totally random ass question.

 

[Answers]

man I had a choice either come off awkward or come off as a complete a$$hole... because I tried other ways, and they werent working with this broad.

Why do you try to look for ways for her to like you? Why not concentrate on you and see if you like her? As Interceptor said you came across as very needy.