Please just don't look at me that way

[CuddleJunkie]

Ok guys, so I'm improving a lot thanks to SoSuave and focusing on innergame, also since I'm taking a more taoist approach to life, which takes off a lot of pressure from your back while at the same time allowing to do the hard-work of self-improvement. Anyhow, so I'm having the same problem almost always.
I meet some group of people, befriend the guys and go grab a beer with them. I play it cool, displaying value to the guys and being ****y+funny to the girls, and then some of the women just gets like super interested on me and starts looking at me with eyes that basically make me nervous as ****. Like I feel too much pressure about what I'm going to do next in the interaction because before it I was just having a good time with people but after those eyes I'm in for the real thing.

So do you know what I'm talking about? If yes, what do you do in this situation? Should I just say "fuk it" and accept rejection if it becames the case? I think that maybe I feel that pressure because I genuinely like hanging out with these different groups of people, and as I'm trying to build new social circles I care too much about fukin things up inside the group.

Thank you guys, as always.

 

[Serenity]

Wow, creepy girl. The female equivalent of a creepy guy making people nervous with their gaze. Women have the correct response to this event which is thinking "wtf is wrong with this idiot?".

Creepy women are creepy, just ignore. Nothing to be nervous about.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Keep your social groups separate and don't hang out with women other than for the purpose of tagging and bagging. Nothing good comes from interaction with mixed groups for the reason sighted in another thread: White Knights.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

The issue is not a woman looking at you with "those eyes." The pressure you feel comes from the story you are telling yourself about them. What story are you telling yourself that is creating expectation and pressure on you?

You could see those eyes and suddenly panic inside and think, 'She's really into me and what do I do now? I need to move to closer. I need to say something funny. I need to work in some kino. I need to say something else funny. How am I going to transition her away from the group? Should I push to go home with her or ask her back to my place? Should I go for the a kiss in front of our friends or will that be too weird for everyone? Is this as awkward for her as it feels to me? Yikes!"

Second scenario (out of tons of possibilities.) You see those eyes and think, 'Bingo, here is another one. She likes me and now she wants me to herself. She's probably getting wet and can't wait for me to fvck her. Hmmmm. How long will I make her wait? An hour, two, a day, a week, Hmmm. Sure is fun to see her want me. I am having fun with my friends right now. No need to interrupt the fun. She can wait. Let her want me for a while. She's not going anywhere. It's just a matter of timing. So fun to see her attraction rise."

The first is a stressful mindset that causes pressure and expectation. The second is a mindset that is laid-back, relaxed, playful and confident that enjoys "those eyes" without creating internal pressure about it.

These are extreme examples to display the difference one might experience seeing the same eyes by telling oneself a different story inside.

Consider what story you are playing inside when you so "those eyes." Can you rewrite it so you create less pressure on yourself and allow more fun and confident flow, next time you see those eyes? Create a new story inside, with less pressure and more playfulness and more confidence, perhaps. Whatever you do, have fun with it.

You hit the nail. I'm full into the first story when this happens. I really thanks that the case is because I was trying to expand my social circle, as I used to be an introvert and only a group. So now that I have more circles to hang out with and make the opportunities happen, I will start gaming women that are outside of them, so that, even knowing that I will feel that pressure, I can work on it without getting rejected having consequences. So yeah, I will try to make the second story the things that I tell myself when this happens. Thank you very much!

Keep your social groups separate and don't hang out with women other than for the purpose of tagging and bagging. Nothing good comes from interaction with mixed groups for the reason sighted in another thread: White Knights.

Yeah, this is why I had such a hard time when I perceived interest inside the group, because I value expanding my social circle more than banging (at least at that moment). Now I can focus on gaming women outside the circle.

 

[fastlife]

So do you know what I'm talking about? If yes, what do you do in this situation? Should I just say "fuk it" and accept rejection if it becames the case? I think that maybe I feel that pressure because I genuinely like hanging out with these different groups of people, and as I'm trying to build new social circles I care too much about fukin things up inside the group.

Girls naturally hold eye contact longer than most guys are comfortable with. Seriously, practice looking into her eyes for as long as possible--75% of girl will maintain straight creepy doll-status eye contact the entirety of an interaction; shyer girls will look down more often. In both cases, meeting them eye for eye is a huge turn on (don't practice on your friends' wives/gfs, but start practicing on waitresses, cashiers, etc.); maintaining direct, unapologetic eye contact is probably the single biggest boost you can give your game with the least amount of effort.

Practice it with guys too (not your longtime buddies--that social hierarchy's already balanced and you'll make them and yourself uncomfortable), but waitstaff and guys you're meeting for the first time; you'll notice immediate results as far as deference, respect, and preferential treatment.

Why? Subconsciously, eye contact is a signal for dominance. It's why guys feel uncomfortable staring at each other--and why girls eat that **** up. Next time a girl does that, meet her head on, stare into her eyes and think to yourself, "God, I want to **** you. God, I want to **** you." You can talk about the weather or sports or where she's from, but she'll know that's not what the conversation's about and she'll love it. Quit worrying about guys in the group; if you feel like the top dog, they'll treat you like that. Most guys will actually try and help you **** the girls in their group to garner your favor and get access to your perceived power--you can reward them by passing girls their way (get a guy laid and he's your friend for life) and not stealing their girls. I can honestly say I've only met one or two c0ckblocks my entire life and they were socially uncalibrated weirdos--more autistic than dangerous; I've also opened girls with their boyfriends right beside them--usually he'll play super nice with his girl flirting with me right in front of him and he'll love me for displaying mercy and leaving her with him or just get harmlessly passive aggressive.

If a guy gets heated then apologize and compliment the **** out of him and his girl. De-escalate and GTFO; but I've yet to have that happen.

 

[RangerMIke]

The issue is not a woman looking at you with "those eyes." The pressure you feel comes from the story you are telling yourself about them. What story are you telling yourself that is creating expectation and pressure on you?
.....
Second scenario (out of tons of possibilities.) You see those eyes and think, 'Bingo, here is another one. She likes me and now she wants me to herself. She's probably getting wet and can't wait for me to fvck her. Hmmmm. How long will I make her wait? An hour, two, a day, a week, Hmmm. Sure is fun to see her want me. I am having fun with my friends right now. No need to interrupt the fun. She can wait. Let her want me for a while. She's not going anywhere. It's just a matter of timing. So fun to see her attraction rise."

The first is a stressful mindset that causes pressure and expectation. The second is a mindset that is laid-back, relaxed, playful and confident that enjoys "those eyes" without creating internal pressure about it.

Yep spot on... It also helps if you have the mindset that all women want you, so it's only natural that this one wants me... the rest LiveYourDream pretty much spells out.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Girls naturally hold eye contact longer than most guys are comfortable with. Seriously, practice looking into her eyes for as long as possible--75% of girl will maintain straight creepy doll-status eye contact the entirety of an interaction; shyer girls will look down more often. In both cases, meeting them eye for eye is a huge turn on (don't practice on your friends' wives/gfs, but start practicing on waitresses, cashiers, etc.); maintaining direct, unapologetic eye contact is probably the single biggest boost you can give your game with the least amount of effort.

Practice it with guys too (not your longtime buddies--that social hierarchy's already balanced and you'll make them and yourself uncomfortable), but waitstaff and guys you're meeting for the first time; you'll notice immediate results as far as deference, respect, and preferential treatment.

Why? Subconsciously, eye contact is a signal for dominance. It's why guys feel uncomfortable staring at each other--and why girls eat that **** up. Next time a girl does that, meet her head on, stare into her eyes and think to yourself, "God, I want to **** you. God, I want to **** you." You can talk about the weather or sports or where she's from, but she'll know that's not what the conversation's about and she'll love it. Quit worrying about guys in the group; if you feel like the top dog, they'll treat you like that. Most guys will actually try and help you **** the girls in their group to garner your favor and get access to your perceived power--you can reward them by passing girls their way (get a guy laid and he's your friend for life) and not stealing their girls. I can honestly say I've only met one or two c0ckblocks my entire life and they were socially uncalibrated weirdos--more autistic than dangerous; I've also opened girls with their boyfriends right beside them--usually he'll play super nice with his girl flirting with me right in front of him and he'll love me for displaying mercy and leaving her with him or just get harmlessly passive aggressive.

If a guy gets heated then apologize and compliment the **** out of him and his girl. De-escalate and GTFO; but I've yet to have that happen.

Yeah, I always maintain eye contact, but that's not what I was talking about. It's more like a change in the general expression of the face, like it goes from just friendly-interested to "I can't wait to see what you're doing next". It's difficult to explain, but you can FEEL it. So far I've yet to have a problem with any guy. Anyhow, I think that, as you said, befriending the guys is a key step.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Are you saying you feel her unspoken anticipation?

Yes, that is a good way to put it into words. It's just like something clicks and you know that she's interested.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I'd even venture to say it's mix between admiration, excitement, curiosity and an intense eagerness for more. It's likely that pull you feel, her eagerness for more that creates expectation and stress in you in addition to your story. You are likely accustomed to fulfilling an energetic pull rather than letting it sit in tension, longer than necessary and intentionally. We are often so unconsciously trained to relieve tension between two people, that considering letting it sit there and even enjoying it with her, on purpose, is a whole different practice.

You are right, I don't like that tension, and that is exactly why I made the thread, to see how I could relieve it. And it is the wrong point of view, I have to get into the tension and enjoy it. Also it's maybe the fact that I'm not accostumed at all at getting positive reactions from people because I used to act from a passive-aggresive stance, and now I just try to express myself freely, and I'm discovering many people like my personality, but as I said, it's all new and weird for me. But I'm not stopping this ****, I'm going all the way, because I'm loving it.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Ok, so I'm watching Pimp by Julien Blanc and I think this thing is the "sexual hookpoint". I'm loving the series btw, the guy has a ****ton of energy. Anyone watched it?

 

[Glumix]

Cuddle, the fact that you lose yourself is because what you say, do and think are not well aligned. It's easy to learn what to say and do. But to have the matching mindset is hard. Women can feel when you are not congruent and they will destroy you for that.

Being a DJ start when you wake up in the morning and build your life. It doesn't start when you hit a girl. Enjoy the fear and the struggle in every aspect of your life.

 

[fastlife]

Ok, so I'm watching Pimp by Julien Blanc and I think this thing is the "sexual hookpoint". I'm loving the series btw, the guy has a ****ton of energy. Anyone watched it?

Never watched Pimp but I'll watch a couple of his Youtube videos whenever I feel like I hit a wall--all around great stuff (game & personal development).

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Cuddle, the fact that you lose yourself is because what you say, do and think are not well aligned. It's easy to learn what to say and do. But to have the matching mindset is hard. Women can feel when you are not congruent and they will destroy you for that.

Being a DJ start when you wake up in the morning and build your life. It doesn't start when you hit a girl. Enjoy the fear and the struggle in every aspect of your life.

Indeed. The thing is I think I have the matching midset, I always was a "I'm ****in awesome" guy, but got a gf really soon and never got the opportunity to game girls, so I get nervous because I lack the practice. But I can notice how things are getting easier. I mean, I'm pretty happy with my life and with who I am, the only areas lacking are my job (which I will change in 2 years max), and my body that I let go but I'm getting it back again. I found very scary to increase my social circle, but I discovered it was easy and fun to do, and that I'm much more social than I thought.

Never watched Pimp but I'll watch a couple of his Youtube videos whenever I feel like I hit a wall--all around great stuff (game & personal development).

He explain his stuff like straight-forward, and you can see how he enjoys what he do.

 

[Huffman]

Late reply, but this is a classic case of you being afraid of success (instead of failure).
Ever caught yourself calling somebody and then feeling relief when they don't pick up?

That feeling. Don't have a recipe for you but I think there's something in the DJ bible, or just google the concept "afraid of success".

 

[WanderingMan]

Late reply, but this is a classic case of you being afraid of success (instead of failure).
Ever caught yourself calling somebody and then feeling relief when they don't pick up?

That feeling. Don't have a recipe for you but I think there's something in the DJ bible, or just google the concept "afraid of success".

I was about to mention something like this. I believe it has something to do with low confidence or self-esteem. In my younger days, I was pretty good looking, and there was a time where my self-esteem was absolutely demolished - for multiple reasons. During this time, I had the classic case of "putting ***** on the pedestal". Women would show obvious interest in me, and I would purposely self-sabotage myself, to eliminate the pressure of trying to live up to these women's perceived standards of me. Although, inwardly, I did feel that I'd make a great boyfriend, and was a "good guy", I couldn't handle women who I felt were above me (simply because they were good looking), being submissive or showing obvious interest in me. I know it sounds very strange, but it was a type of leveling the playing field, of making sure the pecking order wasn't out of place.

 

[Huffman]

Right, this entire notion of pressure stems from the belief that the woman will be difficult to deal with, because of her high value or his own inexperience (read, low value). Hence the sudden idea that only Master Don Juan Moves could help him with a woman so far above his own level. Now anyone reading this can see the problem right there, but solving it is another story.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Yes, you are right, I perceive I have low value in this area, but not so much in others. I'm not a confidence monster either, but I'm putting a lot of things in the right places and that is making me see that I really have the power to do it. So anyhow, another girl from a group meeting I go to with a friend is showing a lot of interest, and I will try to deal with it and make her into a plate. I'm going to get nervous, so it will probably won't work, but I need the practice. Also, I need to start cold-approaching, I can't depend only on girls I already know, I want the freedom to approach whoeve I want to.