trulymadly
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- Jan 14, 2006
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Ok guys this might be a long read but bare with me, this is crucial to my happiness and is a very volatile situation for me. Please help me out..
My ex (lets call her Jan) and I broke up December 2004. We went out for about 8 months and I absolutely loved her to bits, however the relationship went bad because she felt I was jealous and felt as though I was keeping her from enjoying her youth. (she was 17 at the time and I was 20). She hurt me badly because she was developing a deep relationship with one of my friends and even though she said it was plutonic she ended up telling me she had feelings for him. This was the 2nd time something like this happened in our relationship.
Anyway, I was truly heartbroken for abouth 6 months after we broke up. I couldn't stop thinking about her day in day out. I knew that she was just immature and selfish and also I was a wus.. neither of us knew how to be in a relationship. But she made me feel like noone else has or could possibly make me feel.
We tried being friends but it didn't work out obviously, and she couldn't understand why I couldn't be friends with her. I loved her too much to be just friends and it wouldve hurt me to see her with someone else.
In the past year or so, she tried a number of times to email/call me but I would rarely respond. She said she wished she could talk to me as she very much valued my friendship and she missed me. Her friend told me she talked and asked about me often and was upset that I wouldnt talk to her.
Anyway, cut to 3 days ago.
She pleads with me to answer her call... so I did.
We talk a bit, just about general crap. I found out she just broke up with a guy she had been seeing for 7 months. I told her Ive been seeing a girl for 5 months (I don't have strong feelings for her unfortunately).
We joke around a bit but then I got interrupted and I told her Id call her back the next day.
The next day she told me about all these problems she was having with her ex and how her life seemed to be crashing down around her.
She told me how this guy told her she was ugly, a slut, a liar etc etc. She told me how she went to his place every night and how they spent so much time together and he told her to do his cleaning, make him dinner every night etc. He made her cut off ties from her friends and family, and he didn't want her talking to other guys. He wanted her to quit her job so they can move to cyprus and get married etc. He kicked her out of his house when they had an argument once.
So I asked her why she stayed with him, and she said he made her feel happy and secure. She says how she cant bring herself to hate him.. she still has a soft spot for him, but she wants him out of her life and to stop contacting her.
Anyway.. we've talked a lot over the last few days and we went out to dinner last night to catch up. I've been helping her through her problems, giving her advice on what to do. We had a great night, went to the beach, there was a fair bit of flirting and sexual tension.
On the phone, and on that night we went out, she mentioned a lot about how she was stupid when we went out, how she took me for granted. Told me my gf was very lucky to be with me. She said that she hasnt stopped thinking about me this past year, and how she respects my opinion over anyone elses. She's been calling me (usually about stuff to do with her ex-bf.. like how to handle things like when he tries to contact her.. but also just general chit chat) 3-4 times a day.
She's got insecurity issues im sure, issues with her dad as well. She rebels against her family at times.
I think that her ex made her happier than what I made her otherwise she wouldnt have put up with his ****.. and I told her this and she said that I made her happy in a different way and our problem was that we didnt spend enough time together... but I get the feeling that she simply didnt care about me like I cared about her or the way she cares about him.
Ive hinted to her that I'm not all that happy in my current relationship and that Im not in love with my gf... (im thinking that this was a bad idea as I probably shouldve kept her jealous, but I dunno)
My dilemma is this... I want her really badly. I miss her like hell, I love her and I'd do anything to get her back. I truly care about her, even though she hurt me in the past.
But.. is she just using me? What can I do to get her back?
I hate the feeling that shes just using me as a diversion for her problems or just so she gets attention... I've hinted that to her and she says adamantly thats not true but I guess what else could she say..
I want to go out with her badly.. I've made the mistake in the past right after we broke up telling her that I love her and want to be with her, and she said she didnt share that feeling.
Maybe it's my chance now though? Or maybe I'm just stupid and havent learnt my lesson.. but I love her, please help me
My ex (lets call her Jan) and I broke up December 2004. We went out for about 8 months and I absolutely loved her to bits, however the relationship went bad because she felt I was jealous and felt as though I was keeping her from enjoying her youth. (she was 17 at the time and I was 20). She hurt me badly because she was developing a deep relationship with one of my friends and even though she said it was plutonic she ended up telling me she had feelings for him. This was the 2nd time something like this happened in our relationship.
Anyway, I was truly heartbroken for abouth 6 months after we broke up. I couldn't stop thinking about her day in day out. I knew that she was just immature and selfish and also I was a wus.. neither of us knew how to be in a relationship. But she made me feel like noone else has or could possibly make me feel.
We tried being friends but it didn't work out obviously, and she couldn't understand why I couldn't be friends with her. I loved her too much to be just friends and it wouldve hurt me to see her with someone else.
In the past year or so, she tried a number of times to email/call me but I would rarely respond. She said she wished she could talk to me as she very much valued my friendship and she missed me. Her friend told me she talked and asked about me often and was upset that I wouldnt talk to her.
Anyway, cut to 3 days ago.
She pleads with me to answer her call... so I did.
We talk a bit, just about general crap. I found out she just broke up with a guy she had been seeing for 7 months. I told her Ive been seeing a girl for 5 months (I don't have strong feelings for her unfortunately).
We joke around a bit but then I got interrupted and I told her Id call her back the next day.
The next day she told me about all these problems she was having with her ex and how her life seemed to be crashing down around her.
She told me how this guy told her she was ugly, a slut, a liar etc etc. She told me how she went to his place every night and how they spent so much time together and he told her to do his cleaning, make him dinner every night etc. He made her cut off ties from her friends and family, and he didn't want her talking to other guys. He wanted her to quit her job so they can move to cyprus and get married etc. He kicked her out of his house when they had an argument once.
So I asked her why she stayed with him, and she said he made her feel happy and secure. She says how she cant bring herself to hate him.. she still has a soft spot for him, but she wants him out of her life and to stop contacting her.
Anyway.. we've talked a lot over the last few days and we went out to dinner last night to catch up. I've been helping her through her problems, giving her advice on what to do. We had a great night, went to the beach, there was a fair bit of flirting and sexual tension.
On the phone, and on that night we went out, she mentioned a lot about how she was stupid when we went out, how she took me for granted. Told me my gf was very lucky to be with me. She said that she hasnt stopped thinking about me this past year, and how she respects my opinion over anyone elses. She's been calling me (usually about stuff to do with her ex-bf.. like how to handle things like when he tries to contact her.. but also just general chit chat) 3-4 times a day.
She's got insecurity issues im sure, issues with her dad as well. She rebels against her family at times.
I think that her ex made her happier than what I made her otherwise she wouldnt have put up with his ****.. and I told her this and she said that I made her happy in a different way and our problem was that we didnt spend enough time together... but I get the feeling that she simply didnt care about me like I cared about her or the way she cares about him.
Ive hinted to her that I'm not all that happy in my current relationship and that Im not in love with my gf... (im thinking that this was a bad idea as I probably shouldve kept her jealous, but I dunno)
My dilemma is this... I want her really badly. I miss her like hell, I love her and I'd do anything to get her back. I truly care about her, even though she hurt me in the past.
But.. is she just using me? What can I do to get her back?
I hate the feeling that shes just using me as a diversion for her problems or just so she gets attention... I've hinted that to her and she says adamantly thats not true but I guess what else could she say..
I want to go out with her badly.. I've made the mistake in the past right after we broke up telling her that I love her and want to be with her, and she said she didnt share that feeling.
Maybe it's my chance now though? Or maybe I'm just stupid and havent learnt my lesson.. but I love her, please help me
