Hey people. Its been about a year since I have posted here. I was gettin good at the whole ladies thing. I made out with 10 girls last summer, and then I met a girl I really liked and we started dating. Well, I really don't know what went wrong, because even before the day we broke up she was telling me how much she loved me. We broke up after an argument (of course we had them in the past, but we never broke up) and I haven't talked to her for a week now. We dated for 8 months. I have never been a ***** about girls, but this has troubled me deeply, to the point where I just want to lay in my room and stare at my ceiling all day. If there is anyone in here that has broken up after an LTR, I was wondering if you had any pointers on what you did to get your life back on track, because it has been so hard to concentrate working two jobs and going to school. I don't want anyone replying who has never been in love either. This is my first true heartbreak
Please help
- Thread starter fezz
- Start date
Funkopotamus
Don Juan
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I was the exact same way for a bit after my lady of 7 years and I broke it off. I was lost and empty inside. Then one day I woke up and thought to myself. “Ok… I have one life to live… Am I going to just sit here and let the past run my life?
Right now there is a wall in front of you bro. You have two choices. You can stay behind that wall and live in its shadow for the rest of your life. Or… you can gain momentum and bust through that wall and keep on going.
I will tell you this though. After you clear that wall NEVER look back. Not for a second if anything remember that thing and learn from what the hell put you behind it and keep going. I cleared that wall and I happen to love myself for doing it!
##******************
I am lazy and copy/paste that from my earlier post on another question like this. I will get back and post more in a second on steps to help you. I am on lunch atm.
Right now there is a wall in front of you bro. You have two choices. You can stay behind that wall and live in its shadow for the rest of your life. Or… you can gain momentum and bust through that wall and keep on going.
I will tell you this though. After you clear that wall NEVER look back. Not for a second if anything remember that thing and learn from what the hell put you behind it and keep going. I cleared that wall and I happen to love myself for doing it!
##******************
I am lazy and copy/paste that from my earlier post on another question like this. I will get back and post more in a second on steps to help you. I am on lunch atm.
Spartan
Don Juan
Hi Fezz.
My x-wife was my first real love, we were in a relationship for ten years, married for two of those. We divorced two and half year ago.
When we seperated, I moved back to my parents, we agreeded no contact for 3 and half months..3 and half! When you have known some one for ten years, spoken to them most days, lived with them and then all of a sudden it is over it hits you hard.
But I will tell you this my friend. Your first heart break will make you a man but only if you come out of it fighting.
I have a quiet self belief, I can over come any challenge put in front of me and even failures are there to be learned from. You need to grieve, get it over with and then come back fighting.
For me, I believe in the mind, body and spirit. It is my motto, it is what defines me - strong mind, strong body and strong spirit.
You have to come fighting back Fezz because to be honest, she doesn't give a damn about you. She has her life. You have yours. DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR LIFE.
When your back is against the wall, when your heart is broken, learn from it, go out and meet other women, go out and socialize, chat to people but not talk to them about this heart ache, don't bore your friends with it - I know it sounds harsh but you have to be tough. Being tough on yourself will allow you to have fun.
Life is full of humour. You will look back and laugh at your heartbreak, if you don't you are taking life to seriously, you are taking your ex to seriously.
I want to see that warrior spirit in you Fizz. This isn't a time to back down but to come out fighting. Most of the guys on here have done it, some are doing it now, most of us will have to do it in the future. You live your life for you, do not let your ex dictate how you feel each day.
Get some steel in your mind, toughen up and see the funny side of this wonderful life.
Spartan
My x-wife was my first real love, we were in a relationship for ten years, married for two of those. We divorced two and half year ago.
When we seperated, I moved back to my parents, we agreeded no contact for 3 and half months..3 and half! When you have known some one for ten years, spoken to them most days, lived with them and then all of a sudden it is over it hits you hard.
But I will tell you this my friend. Your first heart break will make you a man but only if you come out of it fighting.
I have a quiet self belief, I can over come any challenge put in front of me and even failures are there to be learned from. You need to grieve, get it over with and then come back fighting.
For me, I believe in the mind, body and spirit. It is my motto, it is what defines me - strong mind, strong body and strong spirit.
You have to come fighting back Fezz because to be honest, she doesn't give a damn about you. She has her life. You have yours. DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR LIFE.
When your back is against the wall, when your heart is broken, learn from it, go out and meet other women, go out and socialize, chat to people but not talk to them about this heart ache, don't bore your friends with it - I know it sounds harsh but you have to be tough. Being tough on yourself will allow you to have fun.
Life is full of humour. You will look back and laugh at your heartbreak, if you don't you are taking life to seriously, you are taking your ex to seriously.
I want to see that warrior spirit in you Fizz. This isn't a time to back down but to come out fighting. Most of the guys on here have done it, some are doing it now, most of us will have to do it in the future. You live your life for you, do not let your ex dictate how you feel each day.
Get some steel in your mind, toughen up and see the funny side of this wonderful life.
Spartan
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I never had such a long relationship, but I truly know how you feel right now! It seems as if nothing makes sense anymore, as if life will never be positive and happy again, and all the "love-is-wrong-dont-be-a-wussy-DJ-bible-stuff" does not help at all and is just empty talk!
I personally have no perfect solution for these situations, but I can tell you what I usually do when a girl tries to break me:
...after I have overcome the most painful emptiness ever, I tend to become and live more aggressive in every way! I listen to aggressive music (Lil' Jon helps a lot), watch movies like Scarface or the Godfather (both, Tony and Michael, were left alone by their women, too), I do even more sports, drive faster, flirt more (but stay cold), and dream of a glorious and wealthy future... and after a certain time (either days, weeks, or months) everything is fine again and I meet a new girl who is even better than the old one!
I personally have no perfect solution for these situations, but I can tell you what I usually do when a girl tries to break me:
...after I have overcome the most painful emptiness ever, I tend to become and live more aggressive in every way! I listen to aggressive music (Lil' Jon helps a lot), watch movies like Scarface or the Godfather (both, Tony and Michael, were left alone by their women, too), I do even more sports, drive faster, flirt more (but stay cold), and dream of a glorious and wealthy future... and after a certain time (either days, weeks, or months) everything is fine again and I meet a new girl who is even better than the old one!
HeartlessBtch
Don Juan
Hey... I don't know if you are going to mind the fact that I am a girl giving you advice on this, seems to me like most guys on this site are pretty egocentrical when it comes to women surfing their DJ website. Anyways... I was in a four year relationship ( that involved a few breakups also) and i pretty much know how you feel right now. It's VERY hard to get over someone who you have been in a LTR with and more in your case because you don't really know the cause of the break up. I don't understand why you haven't talked to her. Is it that she is not picking up/answering messages or just because you gave up and you feel that you should move on? I would suggest that if you are interested and feel that you really love this girl you try to get in touch with her one last time and at least talk the reasons why she broke up with you through at least so you know or maybe even work it out between you two. remeber in a relationship COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL. If she truly loves you like she said she does, then she's probably doing the same thing that you are doing but add a littl bit of crying and depression. now, if you think that the best thng is to movethen i will give you all my support and tell you what you can do to get over this girl, but let me just warn you it is not a simple or quick process and you cannot let yourself down...but there is hope for all of us, sometimes (just like me) you end up finding someone better that offers you a more stable reltionship or that in turn you come to find out that what you were in before wasn't the whole 9 yards definition of love.. Good luck :wave:
Spartan
Don Juan
Hello HeartlessBtch
frivolousz21
Master Don Juan
spartan why did u break up after that long?
and were theyre warning signs before the marriage you missed?
and were theyre warning signs before the marriage you missed?
HeartlessBtch
Don Juan
:wave:Originally posted by Spartan
Hello HeartlessBtch
Spartan
Don Juan
Hi frivolousz21,
The warning signs were when I first met her really. She was 26 and had been living in her own place for 6 or so years when we first got together, she was her dad's little princess. She was used to getting her own way, until she met me, that was great and the relationship worked very well.
I on the other hand had lived out since I was 21, was used to living with someone and compromising. I met her when I was 24.
She never really lost that independent streak. She wanted the marriage more than I did, I wanted to wait and live together because my instincts told me, there was a strong selfish streak inside her. Don't get me wrong, she was a wonderful woman, loving and caring but she was a girl in a woman's body, something I just could not see because I was the big protector, I was in love, I saw it as cute. The problem was she couldn't handle married life, living together or the fact I had my own mind. She was a very big family person and came from a large clan, I came from a very small family and was unused to parents getting involved, her mum was a matriarch and was a bit miffed when I didn't tow the line every time.
What finally done it was when she meet an old school friend - Sex and The City was all the rage at the time and this old school friend introduced her to a whole crowd of ex-divorcee's, all of them had from what she told me, had bitter break ups. My ex was a very paranoid sort of person, hated confrontation and if she had a problem with a person she would bottle it up until she herself decide it could not be sorted.
When she told me she wanted divorce, she was unemotional, she had even set aside 5000 pounds to give me if I would accept the divorce petition, since there was no grounds for divorce she said she would go for Unreasonable behaviour, the quickie divorce solution used nowdays. She made stuff up, overblew situations and done what her female solicitor told her, list every damn thing she could think of. When I read it, I laughed and cried, she destroyed me when she did not need to.
This happens to many guys. I am not the only one. Thankfully we had no kids.
The irony of it all is this:-
As the divorce went on I decided, I was not going to be destroyed. I rebuilt myself:
I worked out down the gym and am now 6 foot, twelve and half stone of lean muscle with a six pack. I am learning a new language, studying for a new job and have learned how to jive dance and salsa. I have studied body language, memory technique, social skills, current affairs, mythology and other things that take my fancy, why? Because it is interesting stuff. I love to get passionate about things, to learn to master skills. For this last two years I have lived life the same way your Pook here describes in his posts.
The results:
I am sort after by women, had to tell three women friends they can be nothing but friends. I do not care. I enjoy life and it is a good one. I have a car that is falling to piece, I move from place to place because UK house prices are ridiculous if you are single but as much as a vagabond that I am I am happy. I have tons of friends, many of which regard me as their best friend as I do them.
The final irony:
My ex has teamed up with my other friends ex. These two women, in their late 30's and early 40's are bitter toward men. They met jerks, they been played around. They are unhappy.
I wish my ex happiness. I do not see her, do not wish to see her anymore but I do hope she meets a nice guy, has some wonderful kids and gets everything she wants out of life.
She was my first love but not my greatest love. Love you see, is a learning experience. The woman you see before you now, could be the woman that destroys you tommorrow - if you let it be so.
We are each responsible for our actions and for ourselves. A marriage fails because both people failed, she was not only to blame but so was I.
After your heart is broken you can give in or you can choose to fight.
I choose to fight. I won. I will not be defeated, not now, not ever.
Every one of us men here are warriors at heart. As much as women celebrate their feminity and feminity is the most beautiful thing in this world, us as men should celebrate our masculinity, our strong minds, as our hearts break we will march on or die trying. It is who we are.
The warning signs were when I first met her really. She was 26 and had been living in her own place for 6 or so years when we first got together, she was her dad's little princess. She was used to getting her own way, until she met me, that was great and the relationship worked very well.
I on the other hand had lived out since I was 21, was used to living with someone and compromising. I met her when I was 24.
She never really lost that independent streak. She wanted the marriage more than I did, I wanted to wait and live together because my instincts told me, there was a strong selfish streak inside her. Don't get me wrong, she was a wonderful woman, loving and caring but she was a girl in a woman's body, something I just could not see because I was the big protector, I was in love, I saw it as cute. The problem was she couldn't handle married life, living together or the fact I had my own mind. She was a very big family person and came from a large clan, I came from a very small family and was unused to parents getting involved, her mum was a matriarch and was a bit miffed when I didn't tow the line every time.
What finally done it was when she meet an old school friend - Sex and The City was all the rage at the time and this old school friend introduced her to a whole crowd of ex-divorcee's, all of them had from what she told me, had bitter break ups. My ex was a very paranoid sort of person, hated confrontation and if she had a problem with a person she would bottle it up until she herself decide it could not be sorted.
When she told me she wanted divorce, she was unemotional, she had even set aside 5000 pounds to give me if I would accept the divorce petition, since there was no grounds for divorce she said she would go for Unreasonable behaviour, the quickie divorce solution used nowdays. She made stuff up, overblew situations and done what her female solicitor told her, list every damn thing she could think of. When I read it, I laughed and cried, she destroyed me when she did not need to.
This happens to many guys. I am not the only one. Thankfully we had no kids.
The irony of it all is this:-
As the divorce went on I decided, I was not going to be destroyed. I rebuilt myself:
I worked out down the gym and am now 6 foot, twelve and half stone of lean muscle with a six pack. I am learning a new language, studying for a new job and have learned how to jive dance and salsa. I have studied body language, memory technique, social skills, current affairs, mythology and other things that take my fancy, why? Because it is interesting stuff. I love to get passionate about things, to learn to master skills. For this last two years I have lived life the same way your Pook here describes in his posts.
The results:
I am sort after by women, had to tell three women friends they can be nothing but friends. I do not care. I enjoy life and it is a good one. I have a car that is falling to piece, I move from place to place because UK house prices are ridiculous if you are single but as much as a vagabond that I am I am happy. I have tons of friends, many of which regard me as their best friend as I do them.
The final irony:
My ex has teamed up with my other friends ex. These two women, in their late 30's and early 40's are bitter toward men. They met jerks, they been played around. They are unhappy.
I wish my ex happiness. I do not see her, do not wish to see her anymore but I do hope she meets a nice guy, has some wonderful kids and gets everything she wants out of life.
She was my first love but not my greatest love. Love you see, is a learning experience. The woman you see before you now, could be the woman that destroys you tommorrow - if you let it be so.
We are each responsible for our actions and for ourselves. A marriage fails because both people failed, she was not only to blame but so was I.
After your heart is broken you can give in or you can choose to fight.
I choose to fight. I won. I will not be defeated, not now, not ever.
Every one of us men here are warriors at heart. As much as women celebrate their feminity and feminity is the most beautiful thing in this world, us as men should celebrate our masculinity, our strong minds, as our hearts break we will march on or die trying. It is who we are.
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Junior Sanz
Don Juan
spartan,
i admire your perserverance. one thing i see that has happened for you was since your divorce it has inspired you to accomplish and experience great things.... thats AWESOME!
its the bad experiences in life that really mold us into the people we are today... good for you MAN!!!
i like to hear inspirational things like this...
i admire your perserverance. one thing i see that has happened for you was since your divorce it has inspired you to accomplish and experience great things.... thats AWESOME!
its the bad experiences in life that really mold us into the people we are today... good for you MAN!!!
i like to hear inspirational things like this...
Spartan
Don Juan
Junior Sanz,
You are very correct in what you say about how the bad experience can set us on the right path.
Thank you very much for your kind words Junior. It is greatly appreciated.
This forum gives me inspiration. I am not a DJ, I am not an AFC but somewhere in between. I can learn a lot from the DJ's at Sos and am doing so. My own conclusions are pretty irrelevant to anyone here but my outlook on life is best summoned up by the poster Pook, Senor Fingers, I can relate to Anti-Dump because he to came out of a divorce and a lot other posters as well - this has worked for me, may not work for everyone of course.
This forum has shown me some good stuff and I now understand why the way I am seems to attract the women like flies to a honey pot. However, as with all us guys, I fear to care to much for a particular lass again, but that is my own issue I guess.
If I am honest, I lost something of myself in my divorce, I got a very cold unemotional side to me when a woman shows attraction for me, can't explain it. I am 95% healed, just got this 5% bit which allows me to be fun loving, romantic if I have to be but I do not want to be loved yet, strange ain't it? Anyway.
I still have a lot to learn about myself and women, I know that, that is why I am visiting here and reading your posts everynow and then.
frivolousz21
Master Don Juan
That is great that you were able to move on like that and start building yourself up.
its obvious you overlooked things..but thats ok...as you said it was a learning expierence.
I know I am only 22 yrs old.
ive been in love 1 time before now.
I have had 2 ltr's 3 yrs and 8 months.
no marriage and all that.
I hope to be able to find the right women andl live 1 marriage with her for life.
Ive currently met the most amazing women ive ever met.
actually Ive known her for 2 yrs.
we were friends for a long time.before we both realized we were the people we wanted to be with..and walla..Im in love..and she shares this with me.
grantide we are only 22 and 21.
but its people like you who can come here and share this with me....and others so we can learn and hope to avoid the mistakes of others and live a better life.
not that ur isnt great..but im sure you get my point.
I wish you great luck with the rest of your life.
I also am not a dj i am inbetween...I dont believe a dj is a well balanced man. I think he is what is ideal but not realistic to no means...even if some claim to be that man.
its obvious you overlooked things..but thats ok...as you said it was a learning expierence.
I know I am only 22 yrs old.
ive been in love 1 time before now.
I have had 2 ltr's 3 yrs and 8 months.
no marriage and all that.
I hope to be able to find the right women andl live 1 marriage with her for life.
Ive currently met the most amazing women ive ever met.
actually Ive known her for 2 yrs.
we were friends for a long time.before we both realized we were the people we wanted to be with..and walla..Im in love..and she shares this with me.
grantide we are only 22 and 21.
but its people like you who can come here and share this with me....and others so we can learn and hope to avoid the mistakes of others and live a better life.
not that ur isnt great..but im sure you get my point.
I wish you great luck with the rest of your life.
I also am not a dj i am inbetween...I dont believe a dj is a well balanced man. I think he is what is ideal but not realistic to no means...even if some claim to be that man.
Junior Sanz
Don Juan
your cool peeps man!
i have to admit, (not to repeat myself over from previous posts"
im in a LTR of 8 mos. now (which is all uncharted territory for me) and my GF was once married and she left him due to reasons I WILL NEVER quite entirely understand because i never experienced THEIR relationship...
in the beginning mos alls i thought about was "should i be moving forward with this? is god giving me signs to bail? "
one thought has still kept me in this relationship....actually 2..
1) I CANT COMPARE my relationship with her to a previous relationship of hers. (like apples to oranges)
2) FOCUSING ON THE PAST will get me NOWHERE!
she has proven to me the past 8mos that she is loyal, compassionate, and everything else i personally am looking for in a LTR....
point is after your reading your posts, first reaction of mine was "OH NO THAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO ME" but then i said to my self:
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!!! i can not live in doubt! i would not be were i am today if i did.....
the point i got out of your story is the one i was looking for.....
KEEP MOVING FORWARD! LIFE GOES ON, AND YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, NOT ANYONE ELSE!
i have to admit, (not to repeat myself over from previous posts"
im in a LTR of 8 mos. now (which is all uncharted territory for me) and my GF was once married and she left him due to reasons I WILL NEVER quite entirely understand because i never experienced THEIR relationship...
in the beginning mos alls i thought about was "should i be moving forward with this? is god giving me signs to bail? "
one thought has still kept me in this relationship....actually 2..
1) I CANT COMPARE my relationship with her to a previous relationship of hers. (like apples to oranges)
2) FOCUSING ON THE PAST will get me NOWHERE!
she has proven to me the past 8mos that she is loyal, compassionate, and everything else i personally am looking for in a LTR....
point is after your reading your posts, first reaction of mine was "OH NO THAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO ME" but then i said to my self:
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!!! i can not live in doubt! i would not be were i am today if i did.....
the point i got out of your story is the one i was looking for.....
KEEP MOVING FORWARD! LIFE GOES ON, AND YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, NOT ANYONE ELSE!
Spartan
Don Juan
Thankyou Frivolous. You are correct, it is worth aspiring to be a DJ, from what I understand of the concept it is about being a man in a time in history when the role is not so clearly defined, where we allow media and extreme feminism define how we should act as men in the same way women, for centuries, have had to put up with society telling them how they should act.
If I had any advice to give, it would be this never become complacenent in your relationship, love will only get you so far, once you are an item then the real work begins and 20 and 21 are a great age to be with someone.
I wish you all the best Frivolous, you have actually achieved what most guys have wanted at one time or another, a female friend becoming a girlfriend.
One more bit of real life experience, a friend of mine was involved with a guy for 18 years, they married and it lasted for 2 years. What happened? Well, they built a company together all those years ago and he changed, success in business changed a well balanced young man into a hard edged businessman who loved his work more than anything else. He lost his wife and they are divorcing. She still loves him but she is fed up being a trophy wife, his goals are so radically different from hers.
The morale, if anything is you can go to far, people do change, not always for the good. The man you are now won't be the same man you are in your 30's and 40's. I bet if you asked him when he was in his 20's if he would ever sacrifice his relationship for his business, he would of said no. He is a typical Alpha Male, has to win at everything but he is not balanced. He had to be the best at everything but he lost in the realm of relationships. Believe or not, a lot of us men go down this route.
Good luck Friv.
In my humble opinion you have the right attitude Sanz. It is the here and now that is important, how you treat each other. If you had had a dodgy relationship in the past and met a great gal, I am sure you would hope she would judge you by how you are now than how you have been in the past.
There is always a horizon. A DJ, a real man or whatever description is used is about moving forward and enjoying life, setting goals, making friends, learning new skills, ambition, leading by example and doing it by your actions.
Doubt is unnecessary. It is the same with negative emotions - a total waste of time and energy. You have a great gal, focus on yourself and give a little of yourself to her but not all of you, relationship are about sharing after all. In other words, just continue doing what you are doing at the moment.
There is always a new horizon, when the sunsets there is always a new sunrise to look forward to, life always goes on.
Time is not the healer it is what you do with it, is what I used to say. Those words can be applied to life in general.
Good luck to you Sanz.
Junior Sanz
Don Juan
Time is not the healer it is what you do with it
ill never forget this.....
thanks man!
ill never forget this.....
thanks man!
Hey people. Thanks alot for the help. I have recently taken up some new hobbies and have been hangin out with my bro's alot lately. I have been going to college and working two jobs and have just been so stressed out. I lost power at the end of the relationship and have regained control. I have learned to focus more on my goals in college than girls, and I am sure that will prove to pay off in the future. I lived 18 years of my life without my ex and I can damn easily do it again. Keep Don Juaning fellows, and if you read this and you are still trying to get over a LTR breakup, just remember that there are still good things on this earth, and that there are girls out there that aren't heartless *****es