Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by wheelin&dealin
But pay the most attention to my advice.

that is damn good advice too

 

[Jasmine]

I'll keep that i mind Wheelin!

I have futher to let y'all know... We were talking on Friday night, and as he was going out Saturday night I playfully said 'Now don't you go out getting a replacement for me on Saturday night' (I was going away for the weekend). He said 'You're a fantastic cook and I love making love to you... I have all I want here at home'. This is #1 that I want your advice on.

Number 2... On our first date I insisted on going dutch, as I did ask him out afterall. Since then whoever pays, but recently he hasn't had cash on him and it is pizzing me off. Is he cheap, is he trying to get a free ride, or is he really not giving it a second thought?

Other than this we are getting along really well.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by Jasmine
'You're a fantastic cook and I love making love to you... I have all I want here at home'...

...Is he cheap, is he trying to get a free ride, or is he really not giving it a second thought?

Nah, what he's doing is TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED. You're his cook, bed-mate and his meal-ticket. Fer fuggsake, stop being his doormat too!

 

[Jasmine]

Thanks Howie... i needed to hear that from someone other than my friends. They are saying that he is taking advantage of my giving nature. This is just something that I am... how can I adjust it to suit this guy? I honestly don't think that he means to do it, he is just falling into a pattern.

I don't want to next him... can you guys let me know if you think that this is my only option, or whether there is some sort of damage control that I can engage?

 

[Howie Farkes]

Well, for a start... next time you're out to dinner and he pulls the "Oh sorry, I have no cash on me!" line, you just say "That's cool, you'll just owe me." Then the very next time you see he has some cash on him you say "Hey you owe me $xx for dinner the other night." If he's just genuinely forgetful when it comes to money he'll pay you right there and then. If he's a tightarse he'll come up with some BS for why he still can't pay you even though he has the money.

But quite frankly if anybody was treating me the way this guy treats you they'd be getting my company a lot less often.

 

[Jasmine]

well thats what I plan to do. Back off, not call or see him, etc, until he calls me and honestly sounds like he's missing me and will do anything to see me. Does this sound like a good idea?

 

[Howie Farkes]

Yeah, just stop being the only one who puts any effort into, for want of a better word, "The Relationship". Sounds to me like he's either lazy when it comes to the two of you or he's fully aware of and exploiting your doormat status. Both situations = Jas not satisfied.

I know you want to hold onto this relationship but you don't sound happy, and for pretty fundamental reasons too. So instead of asking us all how can you modify his behaviour, ask yourself if what ultimately he gives to you (companionship, good lovin', sense of belonging etc) is worth what he takes from you (crippled self esteem, money, chance to meet someone who will treat you good, etc).