Please Help Solve the Riddle

[Cruz McBang]

I wouldn't normally come to a forum like this and start asking questions as I usually have more than enough confidence in my own abilities. But for the last three months now I have felt myself attracted, VERY attracted to a girl I work with. Just over a month ago I went to her birthday party which was a night out round town; it was painfully obvious at the time that we liked each other. We were holding hands and there was even a bit of touchy feely by the end of the night.

So why o why have we not so much as even touched hands since? Don't get me wrong, I haven't come over all shy and avoided her for no apparent reason. I told her that I liked her just a few days later and she said she "didn't know how she felt about me yet" and that "we need to discuss it." That 'discussion' never came. I don't know why now, looking back on it, we never arranged a discussion and now neither of us (certainly not her) will mention that once imminent 'discussion.'

Anyway, for the last couple of weeks we text each other a lot, she kept writing 'text back' in her messages, but even that has now stopped. We haven't text for days. I guess my question is; what should I do now? Should I text her and if so, what should I text? I want a resolution on this. I really like her and I still think (hope) that she likes me, but I just don't know any clear way forward...any ideas??

(p.s. I'm 19 and she's 18...and yes I still don't understand girls.)

 

[darth yoda]

I told her that I liked her just a few days later and she said she "didn't know how she felt about me yet" and that "we need to discuss it." That 'discussion' never came.

Mistake.

I wouldn't normally come to a forum like this and start asking questions as I usually have more than enough confidence in my own abilities.

It's great to have confidence in your own abilities, but confidence can be naive sometimes.

You see this happen alot, guy tells girl how he feels, girl gets polite, but really is feeling awkward.

So much to say on this one but I gotta get to class. Hopefully others will chime in and help you out, young one.

 

[Holland]

It's not a good idea to tell a girl you like her (if you're being 100% serieus towards her). It kills the/some fun in the interaction

 

[italostud]

Here's what I think happened...

Yes, she did like you. Girls don't hold hands with guys they don't like. She probably wanted you to make a move , not tell her you like her. Telling a girl you like her is a puzzy move. You should have taken her somewhere quiet during that party, given her some strong eye contact, ****y smile, and kissed her...taking that wherever you want it, because you're the man.

Unfortunately, you said "You know, I li..li...like you". Leave that stuff in gradeschool. You took away all of the mystery surrounding your feelings. Girls thrive on mystery, drama etc. Ever hear of girls saying "Dark and mysterious"?

Anyways, she's probably had experience with guys like you, saying "I like you" or even worse "I love you", gushing over her, eventually becoming pathetic. You triggered a negative feeling inside of her.

When you said "I like you", you might as well have punched her in the face, because that's the same emotional reaction she had in her head the moment those words came out of your lips: Disgust.

She was looking for a man to ask her "Who's your daddy?" while giving it to her in the bathroom.

Be a man of action, not words. Leave the sissy talk for chumps and little girls.

Remember this shyt for next time.

 

[Hound_of_Love]

I reckon Italostud's got it spot on or thereabouts.

I made the same mistake a long while ago. Met this girl who was really petite and pretty and the most innocent looking girl you've ever seen. She was innocent too - had led a sheltered life and was probably a virgin. All of that, to me, added up to 'taking it slowly' with her...

...In all of my love career I never made a bigger, more AFC mistake. I told her I liked her, same as you did and she too "wasn't sure" - I never kissed her because I thought it would freak her out.

It was probably still recoverable from there. I could have changed tack and become that aggressive (alpha) person (after a suitable cooling off period of not talking to her much). Maybe you still can...

...Maybe it's not worth the effort - depends on your POV.

 

[Tazman]

Could it also be that she wasn't THAT into him? Maybe there's even another guy in the picture? In my experience, a girl will almost let you get away with murder if she likes you. Of course it will only last but so long depending on how bad you mess up.

 

[Hound_of_Love]

Originally posted by Tazman
Could it also be that she wasn't THAT into him? Maybe there's even another guy in the picture? In my experience, a girl will almost let you get away with murder if she likes you. Of course it will only last but so long depending on how bad you mess up.

Definitely a possibility. For me the quick change of heart made me doubt that scenario, but then again she could've just realised the next day that taking on our man Cruz meant ditching prospects with another guy for good and she wasn't prepared to do that.

 

[rockstar88]

she liked you up onto the point where you said. "i like you"
just like the DJs before me posted. Saying i like you to a girl is like telling that girl i would rather play with legos and fire trucks than go surfing and sky diving. Your no longer a challenge as soon as you say that, no more adventure, no more excitment. She says wow ok i got him lets see who else i can get. the do you like me do you love me do you want to be my friend shet only works in 7th grade. there is hope to get her back tho. She's only one girl and you shouldnt care if you have her or not. So act that way, dont text her dont call her try to avoid all conversasion with all together unless it is when you see her at work and she asked what you did last weekend and your telling her all about weekend end trip with the 4college girls to the rockclimbing,surfing, swiming with the sharks followed by a mid nite skinny dipping adventure that you had. Excitment and mystery are just as important as confience if not more

 

[Tazman]

Little story. A friend of mine met this girl (friend of a friend) and he said they talked on the phone and really hit it off. She would ask that he come along to hang out whenever she was with their mutual friends. He said she would laugh at his jokes, kino him, etc. He took her out to dinner and basically began to court her. Shortly thereafter, I met her at the movies for the first time with other friends and the first thing she said to me was she liked my shoes (O....K.....).

Another friend said she was still commenting on my shoes days after I met her (I think you get the picture). Coincidently, my friend that was trying to hook up with her calls her and gets her answering machine, he leaves a message basically saying he likes her and would like to get to know her better. She never brings it up so he asks her if she got the message. She says "yeah, it was sweet" and never talked about it again.

Whenever I saw her she was giving me the "I like you" vibes (I never went after her because I'm an insecure AFC, another story). My point is that things were moving forward with my friend until AFTER she met me. Simply put, she liked me and decided she was going to go after me instead of him. I know this wasn't a result of him telling her he liked her, she just had a sudden change of heart.

 

[Cruz McBang]

Let's get one thing straight. This girl is insecure, she's a virgin. If I had spontaneously kissed her etc she would have ran a mile or at the very least felt uncomfortable. The night I told her I liked her (about THREE weeks after originally flirting with her) we shortly discussed the earlier events in which we were flirting and she said "I don't think I was ready to kiss." I knew she wasn't too, usually I am the spontaneous type, I hate over analysing POTENTIAL relationships but this girl does like to over-analyse. Again, I'm becoming increasingly aware of her insecurities...she always writes TB on text messages for instance but then won't text me unless I text her.

This is the first girl I genuinely like and can foresee a long term relationship ahead. That's why I'm putting more effort in than usual. The problem is I don't know what move to make next. I think it is worth it but the general advice here seems to be that I should just ignore her? I shouldn't make the next move, it's down to her? (keep in mind that she is insecure and unlikely to just go for it.)

My idea is to try and meet her when she is out, I've noticed when she drinks she, like everybody else, loses all inhibition and that is the time to pounce. But we're never out at the same time, I work weekends and she's always driving (and unable to drink) and I'm loathed to make a date out of it. Basically it will be a while before we're next out and I want her now.

I'm trying to specialise not generalise here. I don't think sweeping generalisations apply to this girl. I'm certainly not use to this situation. How does a guy deal with a relatively insecure girl he likes? I fail to see how delegating the move making to the shy one will work...

 

[Tomb]

Cruz: It's not her insecurities that stop your advances. It's what you did wrong.

 

[Hound_of_Love]

she said "I don't think I was ready to kiss."

Cruz, it may be that this is one of the rare moments where a girl comes out and tells it like it is in one of these situations. Often however, what she says and what she means are two different things.

I knew she wasn't too, usually I am the spontaneous type, I hate over analysing POTENTIAL relationships but this girl does like to over-analyse. Again, I'm becoming increasingly aware of her insecurities...she always writes TB on text messages for instance but then won't text me unless I text her.

I could've written this post myself when I was in your situation. She'd always text me, e-mail me etc. Then it all just stopped. I never knew why. Man that hurt.

A few months later I saw her at a mutual gathering of friends and she spent a large part of the night trying to get my attention, but I'd had enough by then and was cold with her. She e-mailed a bit afterwards and I stayed cold - kept it short. She just gave up (little tip there for those who go for the 'total ignore' - you have to throw a bone every now-and-then if your aim was to keep her interested. Me? I was just hurt and had enough).

My idea is to try and meet her when she is out, I've noticed when she drinks she, like everybody else, loses all inhibition and that is the time to pounce. But we're never out at the same time, I work weekends and she's always driving (and unable to drink) and I'm loathed to make a date out of it. Basically it will be a while before we're next out and I want her now.

Taking her out and getting her drunk is probably your best bet and you know it. Your problem here is that you have 'oneitis'. I know you don't want to hear that, no-one ever does, but whilst you're focussed totally on her, you'll make every mistake that desperation can cause and you'll hurt your own game.

I don't think sweeping generalisations apply to this girl.

I thought that...and then I found out through the grapevine that 'my girl' had got drunk at an office party and made out with some guy - I don't know how far that went, I never wanted to know, but it proved what I never came to terms with. Namely that she was a woman and she was perfectly capable of doing what we're all programmed to do deep down - sex.

How does a guy deal with a relatively insecure girl he likes?

If I'd ever tried to fight my lost cause I'd probably have more to tell you. As it is I don't know what I should have done. If I had my time again though, I'd take control of it, tell her we were going on a date and kiss her.

But I'd have to be prepared to lose her altogether and I wasn't. But I lost her anyway through inaction not action...which is even worse.

I'm not even going to suggest what you should do from here. I'm just trying to give you some perspective. Your situation may not be as unique as you think it is.

 

[Danny001]

I'm to the point that discussing feelings with women is simply the wrong thing to do. Women discuss feelings, men discuss resolutions. Even then, discuss nothing. Just DO! what feels right, and utter not a word.