Please help me to stop being a schmuck...

[evolvingnerd]

i've been fooling myself for so long, and tonight my mum made me realise what a selfish schmuck i am

on my road to becoming a DJ, i thought i should start focusing more on me, and i now i can't remember even one nice deed i have done for anyone else in the last few months. not to my family, not to any friends, not to any girls

2. i have no friends i like. i have realised that the few friends i do hang out with are among the biggest losers you can find. i continue to avoid the more outgoing people, just so that i can be king of the losers.

these friends of mine wo'nt get anywhere in life, and i choose to hang out with them because i'm better than them. as for people who i could possibly become good friends with, i find one excuse to not like them, such as a little arrogance, or annoying or anything like that, and i burn the bridge

what i want is a few good friends - seinfeld type friends, whom i can chill with, i can hang out with, i can rely on.

is there some secret i'm missing? why can't i form any solid, proper friendships? is there anything wrong with being nice and doing nice things for someone? i can't even bloody think of something nice to do for people i know...

maybe it's just the alcohol, but i need some drastic changes. even though i'm getting much better with my interactions with women, it's not leading to any happiness, no content feeling

 

[Desdinova]

We can only point you in the right direction. You have to do all the work.

on my road to becoming a DJ, i thought i should start focusing more on me, and i now i can't remember even one nice deed i have done for anyone else in the last few months. not to my family, not to any friends, not to any girls

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. You do nice things for other people to make yourself feel good. It also depends on the person you're doing the good deed for. If you have no respect for any of your relatives, don't bother doing anything nice for them. If you do like your relatives, do something nice for them once in a while. Bake your grandmother a cake for no reason, give your parents a thank you for all the things they've done for you.

If your relatives are takers who will walk all over you any chance they get and have no respect for you, your favors will be taken as payback for a debt you owe them. I have only two relatives I do nice things for; my cousin and my brother. The rest can kiss my ass.

i have no friends i like.

Try to make some new ones.

i have realised that the few friends i do hang out with are among the biggest losers you can find.

I'm not sure what you're basing this on. People are people. Look at their qualities, not at how other people view them.

i continue to avoid the more outgoing people, just so that i can be king of the losers.

It really sounds like you're very judgemental of people. Please define the term "loser". Are these people losers because that's how other people view them, or are they losers because of the qualities they posess?

If they're backstabbers, welfare bums, takers, cruel, women haters, they're losers.
If they're intelligent, happy, respectful, have good jobs, givers, they're not losers.

i find one excuse to not like them, such as a little arrogance, or annoying or anything like that, and i burn the bridge

Again, you sound very judgemental.

is there some secret i'm missing? why can't i form any solid, proper friendships?

Possibly because you're too judgemental.

 

[Climax]

Dude....

This problem of yours where u started to only think of yourself & be selfish.... was this because of "Don Juan"? Because if it is, then i'm affraid that u went horribly wrong somewhere along the lines.

I Do admitt though, that one's ego DOES tend to expand when getting all these women etc. And when your ego expands, so does ur attitude! This will make you think that you are better that others (your friends), and this will lead to you playing a power game with yourself. you will always want to be "better" than the ppl around u, or be "cooler" than them.

Thats where u went wrong. You kept on looking at yourself, and always wanted to "be better" than others.

Don Juan is NOT about that!

By you NOT wanting to hang out with other people bhuy your "looser" friends is NOT the solution to anything, ur hiding away, you are running away from the problem, & u will never solve anything the way you are going.

Things that u need to do to get right:

1) Start being nice to your family members/friends ( Be a gentleman, be kind, help out where u can, be a good friend, be playfull/funny, and DONT see yourself as "better" than them)

2) Dont be affraid to hang out with other people or make new friends that u might feel intimidated by.

3) Keep your ego to yourself!

4) Start doing "good" things towards your Family, Friends, And just everyone around you. ( Having success with women and messing everything else up, and making yourself feel the way u do now is not worth it.)

5) If you need to, then take a short break from "macking" girls & rather concentrate onmaking yourself a better person, and then when u go back into the "macking" game, u will go feeling alot better about urself, which will show, and that will also work to your advantage.


From a personal experiance:

One of my friends had the same problem as you, he was macking all these chicks, and immediatelly he started treating everyone as if they were "lower" than him, including me, his BEST friend.

He ended up with his friends, chicks, and everyone around him literally hating him. he obviously lost many friendships, but i knew what he was going through, luckily i managed to keep my ego to myself.

So it was a process of a few weeks that i actually made him come right by giving him lecture after lecture and drilling it into his head that he was "destroying himself! But till this day there are still plenty of people out there that hate him for how he acted and treated them.

Its not too late... u can still come right, so do yourself, AND those around you a BIG favour, and keep your ego to yourself, and ONLY to yourself.

Well, i hope that this was a little bit of a wakeup call for ya, and i hope that u benefitted from my advice.

I look forward to hearing about your situation and your progress in the future

Till then.. go well.

Laterz...

 

[xblitz44x]

http://www.suicidediscussionboard.com/

 

[ScrewIt]

a lot of people have inflated egos if they believe they are better than you or dont need you. that's why when you put someone in power, they often become corrupted and powerhungry, look at Bush.

a few months back, i had a friend of 4 years who flaked on 2 of my phone calls and idndt cal back. so i was like **** it, didnt talk or hangout with him for a month. he thought i needed him to hangout, well, he was wrong. then down the line he talks to me online and tells me i should come hangout sometime.

and so i do eventually, he finds out i dont need him to hangout and have other friends. now we're very cool with each other. he's a better person. but sometimes he'll go out of line if he does better than you in a deathmatch video game or something other.
Like he still does that occasionally with a short friend of ours.

always remember: you wouldnt be where you are without the little people behind you. it's not worth it to backstab everyone just cause you have an inflated ego. in the end u'll realize your faults (like my friend did).

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by evolvingnerd
i've been fooling myself for so long, and tonight my mum made me realise what a selfish schmuck i am

*LOL*
I love my mother but if I listened to every single thing she said.... that would make me a momma's boy, not a man

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Being a DJ isn't about looking down and stepping on other people to gain confidence. It is about knowing you don't need to do any of those things to feel good about yourself.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

Stop being so judgemental with your "old loser" friends, just because they don't have game doesn't mean you should abandon them.

these friends of mine wo'nt get anywhere in life, and i choose to hang out with them because i'm better than them.

Really? What makes you think you're kingpin? That quote of yours is disgusting. Change your atittude and don't disregard people just because "they are sh!t with the chicks"

 

[evolvingnerd]

not only are these people sh!t with the ladies, but they have no jobs, they only play video games, they all still live at home except one (he's mooching off his rich-azz dad)

they only converse about the latest hardware and video games and they always get into arguements about who can get better FPS in a video game cause they recently overclocked something

 

[MetalFortress]

Don't be such a punk, evolvingnerd. Doing nice things for people isn't a bad thing at all. There's a difference between being nice to someone and groveling to someone. And that's an odd way to choose your friends. I choose my friends based on who I ENJOY HANGING OUT WITH, whether they're "cool" or "uncool".

 

[evolvingnerd]

so how do i become less of a judgmental jackass?

 

[evolvingnerd]

see the thing is i'm torn between two things - fun and ambition

when i'm with these guys 'im usually having fun - via nerdy measures of playing video games and talking about em

however, it's been like this for 6 years now. the only thing changing is our hardware, and i do'nt want to continue living like this

 

[Project.D]

this thread is especially interesting because its eerily similar to my situation

i hear you evolvingnerd

sometimes i feel like a shmuck too. lately it seems that i hate anyone who rivals/challenges/is a treat to me, whether it be in social status, academics, sports and even games. ive been *****y to everyone outside my family and im thankful that my gf and a couple of close buddies put up with my bs. i want to see more replies to this thread.

 

[ScrewIt]

look i have some friends like that, no job, no gf, play games often or not. a couple of my closest friends is like that, but i dont look down on them. You think he wants to be that way? he's tried finding jobs and filling out applications but no luck. i accept him the way he is. we've been friends for 4 years, the times i hang out with him, i have fun. and this other nerdy guy i knew since j.h.s. i still talk to him online often although he likes to stay home a lot.

I have a job, other friends and am more socially active with activities to do and plan on doing something with my life. Although their lives may differ from mine, when times comes down when u need someone to talk to, theyre there for u. After so many years of being friends, you grow a bond.

LOOK anyway my point is, dont just ditch GOOD friends just cause you may be growing and theyre not growing with you. Sure along the line you guys may grow distant, and slowly lose contact, if thats so it'll happen. if not then not.

Let me ask you, if they are such LOSERS as you say they are, why the hell are you still hanging out with them?

Look i've been in college for 2 years already, most of the ppl i know or have met, have become acquantances, or those that started out as friends eventually became acquantances. The only true friends i can look back on are the ones i been through the most **** with and knows me the best.

you're 23, you should understand that. think about it.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
http://www.suicidediscussionboard.com/

nice find !

 

[Climax]

-^Read carefully!^-

ScrewIt said:

Let me ask you, if they are such LOSERS as you say they are, why the hell are you still hanging out with them?

Answer:

evolvingnerd said:

choose to hang out with them because i'm better than them.