please help me thru this delicate situation...

[mark420]

ok guys here is the story. so about 3 years ago at work i met the coolest, funniest, cutest girl i ever met. she was single at the time but i was going thru some tough times so i thought id wait a few months then ask her out. well that ended up being a horrible decision because she ended up hooking up with a loser co-worker of mine at the time. i really hated this guy he had no car, 2 kids with 2 diff women and a lame job. he was really a ****y sob though. anyway when i found out i was super pissed and since i talked with her thru email daily she would complain to me about this guy every single day and i would talk **** about him telling her to leave him blah blah blah...i tried to ask her out to the movies and stuff like that and she would always agree but then would give me some lame excuse as to why she couldnt. we'd send 40+ emails to each other daily just talking about random **** and id act like her personal servent getting her anything she wanted...etc...i was basically acting like a hardcore AFC. looking back at it now i realize it was the absolute WRONG way to go about this and once they were together i should have accepted the loss and move on.



after i quit my job there we exchanged a few emails just to see how we were. last time i talked to her thru email was maybe like 4 months ago she got her own apt, good job and a new car. she was still going out with the same guy...


well today she emailed me asking how ive been and stuff...i told her im good and she tells me her bf broke up with her last month and shes been depressed missing him and his kids. she also told me she wants to move from her apt cause its ugly and is looking for another. i was SHOCKED when she told me she broke up with her ex. i didnt think this guy was so stupid enough to break up with her cuz she is really cool. i got really happy and have been emailing her back and forth throughout the day kind of being the sholder to cry on, etc...telling her she will get over it. i didnt ask her to go out with me or anything cuz she knows i have a thing for her. in fact i havent even talked to her on the phone yet...




at this point i stopped and realized....that i am probably appoaching this the wrong way and wanted to approach this the RIGHT way, which is why i have come to you all for help in this. 3 years ago out of my own stupidity i blew a great opportunity because i was acting on my 'feelings' instead of my brain. i am NOT going to make that same mistake again so this is why i am here..to get advice from you all before i approach this furthur...


what should i do in this situation? first off, i do not want her to hook back up with her ex. i really dont want to move slow on this. i dont want to happen what happened last time. and i dont want for some other guy to move in either. i dont think being 'the shoulder to cry on' is the right thing either which is why i stopped in my tracks and came here. i was just thinking of telling her id help her get over it by taking her out to some fun places throughout the daytime(amusement park, some kind of fair, something silly like celeb home tour), just stuff that is not date type stuff and if it works out then maybe go out on a real date. but i dont even trust my own decisions on this and dont want to screw this up. so im asking you donjuans for helps. if it helps, weve pretty much been emailing each other all day, she loves to email people and this is something i did with her alot back in the day. i dont think this is a good idea either so maybe i should stop.

thanks

 

[On_the_Top]

Damaged goods, someone is looking for a meal ticket and or an emotional tampon to tide them over *just until the bad boy comes around.

Stop simping and run like the wind! You will save yourself a lot of trouble.

If she willingly, and knowingly is dating a loser then why would you want to lower yourself to that?

She got herself into that mess, she can get herself out. You step in you might as well call yourself Captain and view yourself as a patsy.

 

[mark420]

when my and my ex broke up, she turned to her ex-bf(the captain in this case and the tampon), and you know what she is with him now so i am not 100% sold that she is waiting 'until the badboy' comes around. and if she is, then i want to 'be that badboy' =)

 

[Igetit!]

When I first read your post,at first I wasn't going to reply. I figured I'd just let one of the other members handle it. And On The Top did a beautiful job of telling you what you need to do. However,you still don't understand what's really going on between you and this woman,so let me see if I can possibly shed a little more light on this thing for you.

Ok,here's the deal. You have a ZERO percent chance with this woman. It's already over with. In fact,it's been over with for a looooong period of time,you just haven't realized it yet. Everything you did completely destroyed any chance you might have had with her. I'll go down the list:

Being the shoulder to cry on: Huge,huge mistake. If there were a "Top Ten" list of things never to do with a woman you're interested in,I'd say this ranks number 2 or 3. Never mind any of the other things you did,this one thing all alone,by itself destroyed any possible romantic feeling she might have had.

Her complaining to you everyday: Another big mistake. Just the fact that she was telling you about these things means that she didn't have any "chemistry" towards you. When a woman has fire,passion,and electricity for a man,she just forgets about all her problems when she's with you,or even when she thinks about you. She's so wrapped up in how she feels,it's like all her cares and worries just fade in the background. This didn't happen with you. She brought her problems up to you. If you had changed the subject,and perhaps flirted with her,you probably could have been that "bad boy". Another thing you need to look at. You said that she dated a "loser",right? You said that he had "no car,two kids with 2 different women,and he was arrogant and ****y". He had all these negatives,and despite all of that,she CHOSE to date him. Want to take a guess why? Because he generated passion in her. If a woman feel passion and excitement for a guy,it doesn't matter how many "loser" qualities he has,she'll overlook them just to continue to be in his presense to keep feeling those feelings.

Let me ask you this: Have you ever heard of the word "typecast"? It's when a actor plays a certain role/character on tv or in a movie,and they become so famous for that role,people get so used to them in that role,that it's hard,if not impossible to see them as a different character.
This happens in real life as well,and this is why you have no chance with this girl. Allow me to explain:

You've known this woman for 3 years. And in the three years you've known her,you've basically just been a friend,a buddy,someone she can confide in and talk to anything about. This is what you are,and this is what you'll always be to her. You've been typecasted as a friend. This is how she's known you for three years,if would make her feel uncomfortable to all of the sudden switch from you being her therapist to being her lover.

You said that you want to be that "bad boy". You can't. You already have your "role" in her life,and you're the one who picked it. You can't change now. If you had started off being this bad boy from the beginning,from when you first met her,you'd be "typecast" as the bad boy. You understand? It's too late now.

Dude,this is predictable. We already know what is going to happen. You're going to continue to be there for her,be her shoulder to cry on,and this whole time you're going to be thinking that you have a chance with her,when in reality,you don't. Then one day,while the two of you are talking on the phone or through e-mails,she's going to tell you about some new guy she's started dating. You'll be surprised at hearing this,then you'll be shocked when you find out he's a worse loser than the other guy. I've seen this a thousand times before.

So yeah,I hate to break this to you,but by pursuing this woman,you'll only be wasting your time. In fact,whether you realize it or not,you've already wasted 3 years of you life,3 years you can't get back. But hey,it's your life. Do what you want.

 

[mark420]

man u guys are so negative. first off, i am not the same person i was 3 years ago. i am not going to be groveling to her like i was back then. ive talked to her like maybe 4 times in the past 2 years and thats it. i havent kept in contact with her daily if thats what your thinking. i had other girlfriends during those 3 years so it wasn't 'wasted' as you way it was. ive always wanted this opportunity to come up, and now it has id just like some advice thats all.


if it doesnt work out then **** it, i have my answer and i move on no big deal. im not going to jump off a cliff or anything. if it works out then great, if not then i know i didnt really have a shot even when she was single and thats it. at least i have my answer in that. but i dont want to come here for what i thought was some simple advice and hear people say 'give up'. with my ex, i asked her out all the time playfully and she always rejected and she gave in eventually, i did not just 'give up'.

 

[bam bam]

And the bell rang

Igetit! and On_the_Top covered this topic beautiful for you. I think you're at the wrong form Mark. You're looking not for advice, but for us to tell you to go for it! You can do it it’s not too late! Just do the following 20 steps and she'll be in love with you. No chance dude.

You're living in a dream right now. You have an ideal of what you're relationship with her will be like. But the fact of the matter is it won’t be like that or anything like that.

The gentlemen on this form are not negative. You posted your inquiry for questioning and advice. They gave it to you the fact that you don’t want to hear that is your issue. Igetit spent a little bit writing that nice post for you knowing that you wouldn’t take the advice and do your own thing. I don’t think you’re in the right by calling him negative.

Like they both said move on date other people. You know how bad you'll look when you tell her lets go on a date and she thinks you've been waiting this whole time for her to break up to date her? lol dude your ass is going to be blown out of the water!

Quick note about your ex. She's an ex isn't she? So what are you telling us you have a bad receipt for success with woman that doesn't work out in the end?

Finally like Igetit said you're going to do it anyways so why start an argument here with people trying to help you? Take the advice and use it or don’t waste people’s time typing it away. You've come to the wrong form if you're looking for a fake advice. Try a woman’s form site they will tell you just tell her how you feel and show her how great of a guy you are. Then bam you guys will live happily ever after!

p.s there are so many women out there in the world you have to keep trying with the one that rejects you? Work on your issue first Mark quick solutions will only be that for you. Find why you act so desperate and go from there.

p.s.s don’t take anything here as a personal attack on you it’s just an perspective of the situation.