"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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please help, food poisoning and constipation

Z

zip

Don Juan
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a few says ago i got food poisoning. i spent 2 days on the bathroom floor hugging my toilet. puking everything and ****ting ever 30min.

now i have stopped puking. the poison is out of my body. NOW i am constipated and i don't know what to do.

i bought those choc exlax and took them and they worked, im on day 2 of them now. but my stomach is not getting back to normal.

What should I do? I just want to go back to normal!!! Body is not letting me **** and I don't want to have to relie on exlax forever.

How long till this is over? SHould I go see my doctor?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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T

THE_ADDMAN

Master Don Juan
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yes. you'll definitely wanna see your doctor.

if its food poisoning, it could be very serious
 
T

Throttle

Master Don Juan
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you are probably dehydrated.

you probably have very little matter in your GI to expel.

Get fluids (water is best -- you probably also need some salts), get off the exlax, eat some yogurt (rebalance your gut bacteria), and if you're no longer puking or otherwise rapidly expelling things, a doctor's visit may be superfluous at this point.
 
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