Please give me your opinion on how I handled this situation

[European-DJ]

Some of you might remember that I 2-3 weeks ago posted this topic on my ex leaving me for another guy, I am attending the NC challenge, and today I ran into my ex, I would really appreciate you opinion on how I handled it, with as feedback as well.

Much appreciated guys:



So today I was actually doing pretty good, me and my friend has just shaven our heads really short 5-8mm (I have always had a nice 5-10cm hairstyle), and was having a blast about our new hair, fooling around and grabbing a bite.

It was getting late, and we decided to go for some desert at this cafe in the city, things was pretty smooth and fun, and we were just about to leave, when my ex and her boyfriend came in.

I could see she was noticing me, and I felt this rush spread from the depth of my chest, to the end of my fingers and toes; my hand even startet shaking and I was in a state of chock, and didn't know how to act.

- I was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, and had just shortened my hair really short, so I defiantly wasn't looking my best, which was frustrating me.

I could see she had noticed me, because she acted in her usual 'Ohh no' way, and she did hers to avoid getting a seat near me and my friend, but were seated near the exit.

So what happened? At start I thought I should ignore them, but on the other hand, I knew that was wrong, and I shouldn't show signs of fear even though I clearly was chocked seeing her again.

We payed the bill, and went to the exit, and I decided to go to their table (right next to the exit).

Me: Hi "New-boyfriends name" (extending my arm, and shaking his hand)
Him: Hi

Me: Hi "ex girl nickname" (giving her a hug)
Her: "Hi European-dj"

Me: I just saw you guys, so just wanted to say hi.
Her: wow, you have really shortened your hair, almost couldn't recognise you! (She clearly saw me when she entered)

Me: Yeah haha, me and "my buddy" just decided to do it today, as I have always talked about trying it for fun.
Her: It's really short.

Me: "pasta dish"? (asking her in a playfully tone, if she ordered the dish she always orders)
Her: yes, you know me *gigles*

Me: Well, I just wanted to say hi, have a nice date you two.
Them: thanks

Me: cya later! (Walking away).


I must admit my voice might have shivered a bit, I was so nervous, but I think I handled it alright. I don't think this was braking NC, even though it did push me two steps back seeing them happy together.


Please, let me know, how do you guys think I handled the situation?

 

[TheGambino]

Two options were possible:

Ignore her, dont show any emotion towards her, have fun at the cafe if you make eye contact with her hold your pokerface and leave when you want too.

the other option was saying hi like you did. and you handled that option perfectly.

just remember DONT contact her. NC at all cost, even if you send her a playful message about her date or so you'll come over as weak.

this showed that you moved on. know focus on other plates and mess around with other girls and keep NC'ing for your own best

btw: next time you see them again or her alone just say hi and leave dont convo anymore

 

[Vekhematu]

There are way too many of these acronyms. NC means "no contact", I assume? I haven't been here in ages.

Analyzing random situations like this is kinda hard when you weren't there. If your friend was watching, you could ask him about your body language and stuff like that. As far as the actual circumstances, I probably would not have done any of that stuff.

First of all, matching haircuts? That's bordering on breaking the bro code! No matching, I'm pretty sure that's a rule. I mean heck, she may have thought you went gay.

Secondly dude, relax. Take a deep breath. And stop fidgeting. You made all men proud this day. You stood up to your fears, that is admirable in and of itself, but the real question to ask is why would you be so afraid of her in the first place? She is just some girl you boinked before, or didn't boink while the other guy boinked. Whatever the case may be. I'm gonna go find that topic later.

The point is, you are a nervous wreck, and feminism made you that way. Do you have a strong male figure in your life? I'm wagering 99 to 1 you don't. You don't need to be ashamed of being a man, or get stuck in a neverending cycle of justifying yourself. Do you. Listen to criticism, but keep doing what you know you like. An example would be matching haircuts, sweatpants and pasta dish.

Furthermore... why would you care to dress nice for a girl who dumped you? How degrading. Get over her already, and no contact MEANS no contact. Further association such as this encounter adds nothing to their lives or yours, it only drains you emotionally and makes you seem creepy.

At the most, I might have smiled with a "How you guys doing?", then say something like "So are you getting pasta? Just make sure you save room for dessert. I had pecan pie... anyway I'll let you get back to your date." Then again, if I was sh**ing myself it might come out more like yours. That convo was BORING.

I think that's all I had to point out. Can't believe I typed all this.

 

[zinc4]

I would have just ignored her altogether....who cares how it comes off to her or what she thinks of it....NC is for yourself, not her...

With that being sad, it wasn't bad at all what you did and showed you were over her and showed character, but just ignore next time and let her think whatever...NC has to be harsh...

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think both ignoring and walking up to the table would be appropriate. It sounds like you handled yourself remarkably well. You didn't break NC as it is normally defined.

Now you need to stick with NC and not call her nor respond to her if she calls. You need to follow up the strong hand that you displayed with the perception that you're over her. If you don't you'll regret it for sure.

Some guys here will insist that you should have just ignored her, but you chose to face your fears and be the bigger man, and that takes guts. It changed you for the better although you may not realize it yet.