Please explain the logic behind this

[Yoko Kurama]

Here I go. I met a girl in AIT, I thought our relationship would go past AIT, it didn't. I broke up with her, but not just because we were too far away, but it turned out that a closer crush, a person who I have like for almost a year, turns out she likes me!

However she didn't tell me she liked me until she found out I had a GF. Why is this?

Than whenever she found out that I broke up with my GF she sent me a message on Facebook saying "she was confused and didn't like me to begin with" that really messed with me because I have been friends with her for a while now and have strongly deeply liked her, and she knew that back in November when I told her, than she just decides she doesn't. I don't understand, do you think she can still like me and is she just afraid to tell me?

 

[slaog]

People value things they can't have..Women especially don't value men as much on apperance as men do to women. If a guy walks into a bar with women by his side then all the other women will notice and know he must have something most men don't. That makes him more valuable to the women.


Did you behave differently to the girl when you because single? Did you know the girl for long?

 

[SmoothTalker]

Well your first mistake is looking for a logical explanation when dealing with women...

But this is basically a phenomenon called pre-selection. Humans are generally intelletually lazy, so we don't want to put in the effort to determine if somebody is valuable by doing our own research. Instead, we see that if somebody else has 'selected' them, then probably that person did the research and found the person to be valuabe, so we just follow their conclusion.

That's why it's easier to find a job when you already have one.

Women rely on this concept extensively, though most aren't quite that dramatically hot and cold because of it.

 

[Yoko Kurama]

No, I didn't behave differently. I've know her for a year and a half. I have liked her for the past year.

So what she did is hot and cold even by girls standards?

 

[Igetit!]

Here I go. I met a girl in AIT, I thought our relationship would go past AIT, it didn't. I broke up with her, but not just because we were too far away, but it turned out that a closer crush, a person who I have like for almost a year, turns out she likes me!

However she didn't tell me she liked me until she found out I had a GF. Why is this?

Well SmoothTalker touched on the reason with his preselection answer.


The thing is this....This girl,the one who didn't say anything about liking you until she learned you had a girlfriend...this was all about EGO to her.



People like being liked by others. It makes them feel desirable,it makes them feel wanted. It makes them feel attractive.



It feels good when you know that someone of the opposite sex wants you....even if you have absolutely NO INTEREST in that person.




You said that you told her way back in November that you "strongly,deeply" liked her. Well although you liked her,she didn't like you back,BUT the fact that you (a male) desired,her made her feel good anyway.



It pumped up her ego,made her think she was "all that" because you wanted her.




Now,she wasn't interested in you,she didn't want to date you,she wasn't attracted to you,but she still felt good because she knew SHE was liked by someone.





Well,when she learned that you had a girlfriend,that means that all the feelings and emotions of being desired by you were going to ANOTHER WOMAN.




She felt like you chose someone else over her,which will crush a person's ego.
She took you liking her for granted.




Her ego was injured because your time,attention,and affection which she thought were hers ONLY were no longer there for her,and she wanted them back.





Notice something....she didn't want you,she just wanted you to want her. So to repair her ego and see if she could still have your affection for herself again,she told you that she liked you,and you fell for it.




And not only did you fall for it,you DUMPED the other girl,which proved that you still wanted the first girl.



So when you broke up with your girlfriend and told this other girl that you still wanted her,it repaired her ego,and she was like,"Ah yes,he still wants me. I'm still pretty,guys still find me attractive. I still got it".





She got you to break up with your girlfriend and had you to herself once again,but there was one problem....


SHE WASN'T ATTRACTED TO YOU.




This is what she meant by saying she was "confused". Her taking you from this other girl had NOTHING TO DO with being interested or attracted to you,it had to with her PRIDE.




She was never interested in you or attracted to you. If she had been,she would have dated you a looong time ago when you two first met.



She would have never taken the chance of losing you to another women to begin with.




This was all about HER thinking she's "somebody" because not only did she have you in her back pocket for all that time,but when you showed interest in someone else,she came and took you from them with no problem at all.

I don't understand, do you think she can still like me and is she just afraid to tell me?

Look man,she DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

She's NOT INTERESTED in you.


She doesn't like you,but you're STILL A GUY. You're STILL male,and women like male attention.




This was just female jealousy at play.

 

[sodbuster]

well said. I was going to rep you,but apparently I need to spread the love and rep someone else first[must be the last guy I repped]

If the OP has any questions after this, we'll need to get out the crayons and draw him a picture.

 

[Yoko Kurama]

I understand now, I feel like a fool.

 

[Yoko Kurama]

What should I do now?

 

[Allurre]

Yoko.

Your best move now is to do the opposite of what she expects.

Don't give this girl the attention she never deserved.

Move on. Find another girl, get her jealous again

 

[Yoko Kurama]

Allure I like your thinking. Mwuahah

 

[needstochange]

If the same or a similar situation occured with me, how can I take advantage of her "wanting attention" and lay her?

 

[sodbuster]

Just casually let her know your GF is screwing you[well] and you won't break up with her until you find someone better in bed. THen she knows she has to have a trial run first-before she can steal you. If she's really interested,she'll try.

 

[Yoko Kurama]

Neither of them is like that.