Please critique

[AlwaysExcel]

I just got back from a first date with this girl who has been giving me good signals for awhile. During the date, I thought that my conversation was boring and that I wasn't playful enough. She seemed distracted at times. However, she asked me back to her house to watch a movie and we ended up naked. I licked her ***** and fingered her and she was yanking on my ****.

Then I told her that we should go somewhere more comfortable. She got up to get a drink of water and then led me to her room. Right when we got to her room, I asked if she had a condom up there (I had one in my clothes downstairs). She told me that she didn't think she wanted to have sex tonight.
me: why not?
her: because
me: because why?
her: just because
me: We're both buck ass naked and you don't want to have sex?
her: we won't have anything to look forward to if we have sex now.
me: mmmm
She also later repeated what I said about being buck ass naked and laughed.

We ended up messing around a little more and hanging out and then I left. We kissed at the door and she gave me a hug.

I know that I have to work on my MAJOR problem of conversation--I have trouble connecting with ANYONE regardless of my interest level. I need to loosen up a bit as well. I also feel that I could have handled tonight a bit smoother. Any suggestions? Did I totally shatter the mood by asking about a condom before we had started back in with the physical stuff?


And most importantly, what do ya'll think about her not wanting to have sex? Should this just be translated as "I don't want to fvck on the first date because then you'll think I'm a slut" or "If I have sex with you now, then I won't have any pull in the relationship, because you'll have gotten what you wanted." Or maybe both?

I'm not worried about sex on the first date. I just don't want to make mistakes in the future as far as ruining the mood. I also want to know what to expect for the future. Do ya'll think she going to try to hold out on sex for as long as possible just to make sure I stick around? Any suggestions for handling this female tactic?
Thanks!

 

[Don_Marko]

First of all I wouldn't make too much of a big deal about your conversation skills cuz you did get her naked on first date (either they aren't as bad as you think or she could be a big *****), let's assume the first and say that always calls for props! But yeah... never be satisfied and do work on convo skills.
I'd say you didn't end up having sex because you didn't have condoms (WTF were you thinking?!?!? ) that gave her a chance to think the whole situation over and she decided that it might not be best idea to **** on first date. If on the other hand you just slipped it on while working on pleasuring her, she'd never know what hit her

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You did nothing wrong and it may have been your lack of convo skills that made her take her clothes off and get excitement elsewhere.

This girl is a hor and has the reasoning of a hor...

her:" we won't have anything to look forward to if we have sex now."

There is nothing that you have to do - every hor needs a pimp!!

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Ah! I just read what Grey Fox had to say in jba1234's thread about keeping girls after the one night stand. This girl probably just wanted the sex to be further into the relationship when it would be special. I probably shouldn't have jumped the gun but I felt I was just going with the flow.

What do ya'll suggest I do to put the power back into my hands? Her knowing that I wanted to have sex and then stopping things seems to have given her the upper hand.

The funny thing is, even though this girl is gorgeous, I feel very detached about all of this. I'm not so concerned about ever having sex with her as I am about screwing up in my DJing. I feel more regret about the process than the outcome.

 

[Mercenary]

Women don't want sex to be scripted... they want it to just happen in the heat of the moment. Like Don_Marko pointed out ... if you didn't ask her if she had a condom, she wouldn't have objected to having sex. And even if she did... you shouldn't have asked her why. Do what Fingerz suggests and just say "I know" and continue to do what you were doing.

The general rule is with women, if you talk about sex before you actually have it... it's not going to happen.

For the future, in your interactions with this girl... don't bring up sex... don't bring up what happened (or didn't) that night. If she brings it up, don't discuss it with her, just say "i haven't given it a second thought" and move on. Just make sure your packing some condoms and bring your "A game"

 

[squirrels]

LOL the worst thing you could do is get into an argument with her. (i.e. "Why not? I wanna have sex!") You sound like a whiny child trying to get a toy. You should do one of two things...either acknowledge her protest and back down a step and try again later after you've heated her up more, or just write off the night and say, "Me neither."

You made it to third base on a first date, dude. I wouldn't worry about it too much. The fact that you made it that far at all on the first date means that PRL is probably right in his ever-abrasive style, this girl wants to get off and she wants you to do it, but she wants to pretend to herself that she's not a slut by stifling her own sexual activity. It doesn't sound like you two are really clicking at all romantically, but she's not beyond using your sex to fill the gap in her love life.

You'll have her by date 2 or 3 if you keep your cool and don't argue with her like you did here. And don't force yourself on her, either (but you knew that already). Enjoy the challenge of getting into her panties, because I have a feeling that once you do, unless you're REALLY fkking horny, you're gonna get tired of her real quick.

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Thanks for the replies guys! I really really appreciate being able to get advice in areas that I'm unsure on. Helps the ol' confidence knowing that I'm not totally adrift like I used to be.

Yeah the condom situation sucked. I left the condom downstairs because I was butt naked and it would be obvious if I took it out of my pants and brought it upstairs to her room with me. I basically wanted to avoid what ended up happening anyway. Then, by the time I go up there, I thought "well it will be worse, stopping in the middle of things and running back downstairs." So I asked about the condom etc etc. I find that I second guess myself like this in many different situations by trying to be too calculating. lol!

And alarm bells did go off when I realized that I was arguing /whining about sex. I shut that down as quickly as I could and didn't bring it up the rest of the night.

This girl is going to this 3 day festival this weekend with some friends and I, since we're all part of the same community/scene. We'll see what happens!

Thanks again for the advice!