"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Please critique my conversation with the Ex.

R.C

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Ok so tonight my ex contacted me through IM. Since I've been NC towards her for 1 month (only giving short replies to her texts when she initiated) , she was kinda nervous about it,this is how she opened:

Her: Hey , can I chat you up ?*giggly face*
Me: You can try *smirk*
Her: (a word in my own language - synonimus with a very casual "Babe" - a referance to some older text)
Me::*laugh*
Her:How's it going ?
Her:Why do I feel so pathetic initiating a convo with you ?
Her:****..
Me: you alright ?*laugh*
Her:Yeah but it sucks that we're in this awkward 'phase'
Me: You kidding ? it's great. *laugh*
*random bla bla, tells me about some school success , more bla , was drunk last night and puked , never wants to do it again , more bla bla*

Her:I know this is gonna sound bad but
Her:How's it going with the ladies ?
Her:Someone told me that he saw you with some girl on the street, very in love.

(I think she was trying to gauge a response with a bull**** story, but coincidentally I have been walking around town with a different girl clinging on my arm every day during this past week. Game has been going pretty good.)

Me: Hmm,just one ? :crackup:
Her: very funny (at this point I felt like I hit a little jealousy nerve)
Her: be truthful please , no after-relationship-bull****. We're better than that.Don't be that guy. (she does have a point here , ironically enough)
Me:Yeah,he did see me , but there's definitely no 'love' involved.
Her: Oh, you're fooling around,are you ?
Me: Yeah,pretty much.Randoms.
Her: So you turned into that guy..
Me: No such thing as 'that guy'*smile*
Her: So,you happy ? *smile*
Me: Too soon to tell for sure. I'm good.
Me:You ,are you happy ?
Her:Yes
Her:I am.
Her:I always am.
Her:You know that. (I call bull**** on this. A simple yes would be enough if truth were told, the other 4 extra responses are reinforcements of a lie , imo.She's obviously not gonna admit being unhappy. This girl has a ego the size of my d!ck - very very big :crackup: )

Her:You know...
Her:It kinda sucks
Her:You never initiate convos anymore..
Her:Is it better for you to ignore me ?
Me:You do realize you're in a relationship with that emotional tampon you're using right ? that's a deal breaker for me.
Her: Well,if it helps to know...
Me: It doesn't (intrerupted her ,I know what she was gonna say)
Her:I don't really give a damn...
Me:About ?
Her:Him...the relationship.
Me: So ,you turned into that girl huh ? :crackup:
Her: Pretty much. *smile*
Me: So why were you judging before ?:crackup:
Her: Well I'm with one,you're with many. *laugh*
Me: Yeah,one whom you don't give a crap about and don't even like.
Me: Be with as many as you can , then you'll be able to make a choice that comes from abundance. (I'm actually giving DJ advice to my ex,what the **** ?:crackup: )
Her: No..I'm not like that. *smile*
Her: You know that,I'm not that type of girl. (which is kinda true , she has something that I call absurde morals. She'd shot down Brad Pitt only to not appear a slut.)

*more random bla bla*

*asks me tons of questions about my life. I respond shortly not giving many details , but I did tell her about all the activities I'm taking up. Such as gym , kickboxing , dance , photoshop workshops ,blabla)*
*her asking for me to photoshop her pics , qualifying herself ,blabla*
*I respond with:"Meh,I'll think about it."*

Her: Wow...you have a totally new life.
Me: Indeed I do.

*a little more bla ,at which point I decide to end it first.*

Me: Ok baws , I gotta go. (Yes,baws.As in - boss. I call pretty much everyone I remotely like that. Makes people feel good about themselves. Specially chicks.The kinky ones will reply with stuff like "Oh,you can be the boss baby". Pretty awesome)
Me:Nice talking to you *kiss*.
Her: I hope..
Her: Maybe you'll initiate every now and then.
Her: You don't have to...I'm just saying...
Her: I feel like
Her:I'm the only one missing talking to you.
Her:And I feel like **** for that...
Her: I feel stupid
Me: "Says the girl with the rebound in effect".:crackup:
Her: ...
Me: Well,I'm not making any promises.
Me: I miss some things too , don't worry. (I don't know weather I should've let her off so easy. But this girls has a VERY hard time opening up , so I couldn't let her suffer. But I did leave it quite vague since I said no promises).
Her: ok..I guess...
Her: Good night.
Me: What ? no kiss ? Oh...you're breaking my heart now :(.
Her: Noooo.I'd never do that , here , take two *kiss**kiss*.
Me: A'right , I'm bouncing. Good night *kiss*.
Her:Good night to you too...
Her::)
Her: *kiss*.


That's the 'important' bits. Overall I think I handled it rather good , specially considering my previous interactions with her. At all points I felt in control and holding the vast majority of the power.

To note:
-I'm not trying to get her back , not any time soon anyway. We live 300 miles away now and will be living like this for about 1.5 years.
-We broke about 4-5 weeks ago.
-It was a 3 year LTR.
-I would like to be just friends with her at some point. She's an awesome person. But I am completely aware that my emotions have to be 100% gone before that is possible.
-She was my first,I was hers.
-She now has a rebound.
-She texted me on V.Day. (something about happy vday,blabla)
-She texted me on 1st of March (something about happy spring time,blabla)
-She contacted me via IM several times since our brake-up.

Little question:

Should I throw her a very small bone every now and then(say 2 weeks from now) or continue my NC to 60+ days ? I feel like I'm 80% to 90% in control now.

To be honest I enjoy ,in a quite sick way ,seeing her in the chase mode. It didn't really happen at all during our relationship and it feels pretty good to see her struggle and be insecure.

Verbally ,she always was the underdog. Constantly telling me she's affraid of losing me and **** , but her actions were on the polar opposite. And we all know what should be trusted.
Anyway,her actions are in congruence with her words now.

So yeah,please send me some feedback + your opinion on what I should do in the future.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

Uncharted

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I didn't read the whole thing, but just as a generalization, no contact means no contact. It sounds like you are flirting with her again. Is that what you want?

You're saying you want to continue no contact, but you just talked to her even if it was just a chat window. No contact means no contact.
 

R.C

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NC means never initiating conversation , not ignoring the other person entirely.

About the flirting , no , that's just how I am with all my female friends. I have a very flirtatious nature.

I feel that banishing someone out of your life completely (ignoring them when they make and effort in approaching you) is childish / for the weak and disrespectful both to yourself and her.
 

VladPatton

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Uncharted said:
I didn't read the whole thing, but just as a generalization, no contact means no contact. It sounds like you are flirting with her again. Is that what you want?

You're saying you want to continue no contact, but you just talked to her even if it was just a chat window. No contact means no contact.

Agreed. I didn't read the whole thing either. No contact is a pretty straightforward idea. Exes coming back into your life are a bad idea.
 

Die Hard

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What was the reason you went No Contact?

It seems you went NC to gain the upper hand over her, judging from your comments:

At all points I felt in control and holding the vast majority of the power.
I feel like I'm 80% to 90% in control now.
To be honest I enjoy ,in a quite sick way ,seeing her in the chase mode. It didn't really happen at all during our relationship and it feels pretty good to see her struggle and be insecure
.

But you and I both know this is bullsh!t... You went NC to get her out of your system, to emotionally disconnect from her. By breaking NC, you are undermining this process... This effect is clearly visible from the fact that your thoughts are so occupied with having the upper hand over her.

You are so driven to have the upper hand over her, because you are emotionally connected to her. She is still very much a part of you and you are still quite emotionally attached to her. You hate this...so you want to change it...so you try to gain the upper hand over her.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Your attempts to gain the upper hand over her, will bring you some temporary relief from the emotional turmoil you were experiencing during your attempt at No Contact. But ultimately, these attempts will only reinforce your emotional connection with her and undo the process of emotional detachment that you started when you went No Contact. So you're basically back to square one and have to start the process all over again. Nice going, kid... One month of No Contact, all for nothing!

But I'm sure you'll regain your senses, realize that this conversation was a big mistake and make a new attempt at NC. Hopefully, this time you will stick with it....
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

visions

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R.C said:
Ok so tonight my ex contacted me through IM. Since I've been NC towards her for 1 month (only giving short replies to her texts when she initiated) , she was kinda nervous about it,this is how she opened:

Her: Hey , can I chat you up ?*giggly face*
Me: You can try *smirk*
Her: (a word in my own language - synonimus with a very casual "Babe" - a referance to some older text)
Me::*laugh*
Her:How's it going ?
Her:Why do I feel so pathetic initiating a convo with you ?
Her:****..
Me: you alright ?*laugh*
Her:Yeah but it sucks that we're in this awkward 'phase'
Me: You kidding ? it's great. *laugh*
*random bla bla, tells me about some school success , more bla , was drunk last night and puked , never wants to do it again , more bla bla*

Her:I know this is gonna sound bad but
Her:How's it going with the ladies ?
Her:Someone told me that he saw you with some girl on the street, very in love.

(I think she was trying to gauge a response with a bull**** story, but coincidentally I have been walking around town with a different girl clinging on my arm every day during this past week. Game has been going pretty good.)

Me: Hmm,just one ? :crackup:
Her: very funny (at this point I felt like I hit a little jealousy nerve)
Her: be truthful please , no after-relationship-bull****. We're better than that.Don't be that guy. (she does have a point here , ironically enough)
Me:Yeah,he did see me , but there's definitely no 'love' involved.
Her: Oh, you're fooling around,are you ?
Me: Yeah,pretty much.Randoms.
Her: So you turned into that guy..
Me: No such thing as 'that guy'*smile*
Her: So,you happy ? *smile*
Me: Too soon to tell for sure. I'm good.
Me:You ,are you happy ?
Her:Yes
Her:I am.
Her:I always am.
Her:You know that. (I call bull**** on this. A simple yes would be enough if truth were told, the other 4 extra responses are reinforcements of a lie , imo.She's obviously not gonna admit being unhappy. This girl has a ego the size of my d!ck - very very big :crackup: )

Her:You know...
Her:It kinda sucks
Her:You never initiate convos anymore..
Her:Is it better for you to ignore me ?
Me:You do realize you're in a relationship with that emotional tampon you're using right ? that's a deal breaker for me.
Her: Well,if it helps to know...
Me: It doesn't (intrerupted her ,I know what she was gonna say)
Her:I don't really give a damn...
Me:About ?
Her:Him...the relationship.
Me: So ,you turned into that girl huh ? :crackup:
Her: Pretty much. *smile*
Me: So why were you judging before ?:crackup:
Her: Well I'm with one,you're with many. *laugh*
Me: Yeah,one whom you don't give a crap about and don't even like.
Me: Be with as many as you can , then you'll be able to make a choice that comes from abundance. (I'm actually giving DJ advice to my ex,what the **** ?:crackup: )
Her: No..I'm not like that. *smile*
Her: You know that,I'm not that type of girl. (which is kinda true , she has something that I call absurde morals. She'd shot down Brad Pitt only to not appear a slut.)

*more random bla bla*

*asks me tons of questions about my life. I respond shortly not giving many details , but I did tell her about all the activities I'm taking up. Such as gym , kickboxing , dance , photoshop workshops ,blabla)*
*her asking for me to photoshop her pics , qualifying herself ,blabla*
*I respond with:"Meh,I'll think about it."*

Her: Wow...you have a totally new life.
Me: Indeed I do.

*a little more bla ,at which point I decide to end it first.*

Me: Ok baws , I gotta go. (Yes,baws.As in - boss. I call pretty much everyone I remotely like that. Makes people feel good about themselves. Specially chicks.The kinky ones will reply with stuff like "Oh,you can be the boss baby". Pretty awesome)
Me:Nice talking to you *kiss*.
Her: I hope..
Her: Maybe you'll initiate every now and then.
Her: You don't have to...I'm just saying...
Her: I feel like
Her:I'm the only one missing talking to you.
Her:And I feel like **** for that...
Her: I feel stupid
Me: "Says the girl with the rebound in effect".:crackup:
Her: ...
Me: Well,I'm not making any promises.
Me: I miss some things too , don't worry. (I don't know weather I should've let her off so easy. But this girls has a VERY hard time opening up , so I couldn't let her suffer. But I did leave it quite vague since I said no promises).
Her: ok..I guess...
Her: Good night.
Me: What ? no kiss ? Oh...you're breaking my heart now :(.
Her: Noooo.I'd never do that , here , take two *kiss**kiss*.
Me: A'right , I'm bouncing. Good night *kiss*.
Her:Good night to you too...
Her::)
Her: *kiss*.


That's the 'important' bits. Overall I think I handled it rather good , specially considering my previous interactions with her. At all points I felt in control and holding the vast majority of the power.

To note:
-I'm not trying to get her back , not any time soon anyway. We live 300 miles away now and will be living like this for about 1.5 years.
-We broke about 4-5 weeks ago.
-It was a 3 year LTR.
-I would like to be just friends with her at some point. She's an awesome person. But I am completely aware that my emotions have to be 100% gone before that is possible.
-She was my first,I was hers.
-She now has a rebound.
-She texted me on V.Day. (something about happy vday,blabla)
-She texted me on 1st of March (something about happy spring time,blabla)
-She contacted me via IM several times since our brake-up.

Little question:

Should I throw her a very small bone every now and then(say 2 weeks from now) or continue my NC to 60+ days ? I feel like I'm 80% to 90% in control now.

To be honest I enjoy ,in a quite sick way ,seeing her in the chase mode. It didn't really happen at all during our relationship and it feels pretty good to see her struggle and be insecure.

Verbally ,she always was the underdog. Constantly telling me she's affraid of losing me and **** , but her actions were on the polar opposite. And we all know what should be trusted.
Anyway,her actions are in congruence with her words now.

So yeah,please send me some feedback + your opinion on what I should do in the future.
i don't know what you are trying to achieve, but she's definitely after the c0ck. and you did well shattering her confidence and make her chase
 

zinc4

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R.C said:
Ok so tonight my ex contacted me through IM. Since I've been NC towards her for 1 month (only giving short replies to her texts when she initiated) , she was kinda nervous about it,this is how she opened:

Her: Hey , can I chat you up ?*giggly face*
Me: You can try *smirk*
Her: (a word in my own language - synonimus with a very casual "Babe" - a referance to some older text)
Me::*laugh*
Her:How's it going ?
Her:Why do I feel so pathetic initiating a convo with you ?
Her:****..
Me: you alright ?*laugh*
Her:Yeah but it sucks that we're in this awkward 'phase'
Me: You kidding ? it's great. *laugh*
*random bla bla, tells me about some school success , more bla , was drunk last night and puked , never wants to do it again , more bla bla*

Her:I know this is gonna sound bad but
Her:How's it going with the ladies ?
Her:Someone told me that he saw you with some girl on the street, very in love.

(I think she was trying to gauge a response with a bull**** story, but coincidentally I have been walking around town with a different girl clinging on my arm every day during this past week. Game has been going pretty good.)

Me: Hmm,just one ? :crackup:
Her: very funny (at this point I felt like I hit a little jealousy nerve)
Her: be truthful please , no after-relationship-bull****. We're better than that.Don't be that guy. (she does have a point here , ironically enough)
Me:Yeah,he did see me , but there's definitely no 'love' involved.
Her: Oh, you're fooling around,are you ?
Me: Yeah,pretty much.Randoms.
Her: So you turned into that guy..
Me: No such thing as 'that guy'*smile*
Her: So,you happy ? *smile*
Me: Too soon to tell for sure. I'm good.
Me:You ,are you happy ?
Her:Yes
Her:I am.
Her:I always am.
Her:You know that. (I call bull**** on this. A simple yes would be enough if truth were told, the other 4 extra responses are reinforcements of a lie , imo.She's obviously not gonna admit being unhappy. This girl has a ego the size of my d!ck - very very big :crackup: )

Her:You know...
Her:It kinda sucks
Her:You never initiate convos anymore..
Her:Is it better for you to ignore me ?
Me:You do realize you're in a relationship with that emotional tampon you're using right ? that's a deal breaker for me.
Her: Well,if it helps to know...
Me: It doesn't (intrerupted her ,I know what she was gonna say)
Her:I don't really give a damn...
Me:About ?
Her:Him...the relationship.
Me: So ,you turned into that girl huh ? :crackup:
Her: Pretty much. *smile*
Me: So why were you judging before ?:crackup:
Her: Well I'm with one,you're with many. *laugh*
Me: Yeah,one whom you don't give a crap about and don't even like.
Me: Be with as many as you can , then you'll be able to make a choice that comes from abundance. (I'm actually giving DJ advice to my ex,what the **** ?:crackup: )
Her: No..I'm not like that. *smile*
Her: You know that,I'm not that type of girl. (which is kinda true , she has something that I call absurde morals. She'd shot down Brad Pitt only to not appear a slut.)

*more random bla bla*

*asks me tons of questions about my life. I respond shortly not giving many details , but I did tell her about all the activities I'm taking up. Such as gym , kickboxing , dance , photoshop workshops ,blabla)*
*her asking for me to photoshop her pics , qualifying herself ,blabla*
*I respond with:"Meh,I'll think about it."*

Her: Wow...you have a totally new life.
Me: Indeed I do.

*a little more bla ,at which point I decide to end it first.*

Me: Ok baws , I gotta go. (Yes,baws.As in - boss. I call pretty much everyone I remotely like that. Makes people feel good about themselves. Specially chicks.The kinky ones will reply with stuff like "Oh,you can be the boss baby". Pretty awesome)
Me:Nice talking to you *kiss*.
Her: I hope..
Her: Maybe you'll initiate every now and then.
Her: You don't have to...I'm just saying...
Her: I feel like
Her:I'm the only one missing talking to you.
Her:And I feel like **** for that...
Her: I feel stupid
Me: "Says the girl with the rebound in effect".:crackup:
Her: ...
Me: Well,I'm not making any promises.
Me: I miss some things too , don't worry. (I don't know weather I should've let her off so easy. But this girls has a VERY hard time opening up , so I couldn't let her suffer. But I did leave it quite vague since I said no promises).
Her: ok..I guess...
Her: Good night.
Me: What ? no kiss ? Oh...you're breaking my heart now :(.
Her: Noooo.I'd never do that , here , take two *kiss**kiss*.
Me: A'right , I'm bouncing. Good night *kiss*.
Her:Good night to you too...
Her::)
Her: *kiss*.


That's the 'important' bits. Overall I think I handled it rather good , specially considering my previous interactions with her. At all points I felt in control and holding the vast majority of the power.

To note:
-I'm not trying to get her back , not any time soon anyway. We live 300 miles away now and will be living like this for about 1.5 years.
-We broke about 4-5 weeks ago.
-It was a 3 year LTR.
-I would like to be just friends with her at some point. She's an awesome person. But I am completely aware that my emotions have to be 100% gone before that is possible.
-She was my first,I was hers.
-She now has a rebound.
-She texted me on V.Day. (something about happy vday,blabla)
-She texted me on 1st of March (something about happy spring time,blabla)
-She contacted me via IM several times since our brake-up.

Little question:

Should I throw her a very small bone every now and then(say 2 weeks from now) or continue my NC to 60+ days ? I feel like I'm 80% to 90% in control now.

To be honest I enjoy ,in a quite sick way ,seeing her in the chase mode. It didn't really happen at all during our relationship and it feels pretty good to see her struggle and be insecure.

Verbally ,she always was the underdog. Constantly telling me she's affraid of losing me and **** , but her actions were on the polar opposite. And we all know what should be trusted.
Anyway,her actions are in congruence with her words now.

So yeah,please send me some feedback + your opinion on what I should do in the future.

No offense, but she doesn't sound like an awesome or even good person to me...admitting to using the other guy and not caring...dude, no contact means no contact...its over...go find an actual quality girl..she is obviously not one...she doesn't sound like s nice person to me, just one dominated by her ego...leave her alone.
 

Greasy Pig

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^^^This.
She sounds like a worthless wh0re. Did she cheat on you with him?
If so, why are you even entertaining her?
She's trying to somehow be a part of your life now that it's so awesome without her in it.
Kick the bytch to the kerb.

And despite what you said, OP, NC IS about ignoring that person. You use NC to remove the cancer from your life.
If that cancer tries to gain another foothold in your system, you just block that shyt.
I think she's actually playing you. Because every time you respond to her, you're feeding her ego. Sure, she'll flirt, cry, whinge...whatever she has to do to get you to stop her hamster from spinning.
Do NOT initiate conversation with her.
 

pdx1138

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I'll admit It is fun having the upper hand at the end.

Got a late voicemail from an ex from a few years back a few
months after I broke up with her. She wanted me to pick her
up for some fun since her life had been so boring for the months
after.

It was good to hear that.
 

R.C

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Greasy Pig said:
^^^This.
She sounds like a worthless wh0re. Did she cheat on you with him?
If so, why are you even entertaining her?
She's trying to somehow be a part of your life now that it's so awesome without her in it.
Kick the bytch to the kerb.

And despite what you said, OP, NC IS about ignoring that person. You use NC to remove the cancer from your life.
If that cancer tries to gain another foothold in your system, you just block that shyt.
I think she's actually playing you. Because every time you respond to her, you're feeding her ego. Sure, she'll flirt, cry, whinge...whatever she has to do to get you to stop her hamster from spinning.
Do NOT initiate conversation with her.

No,she didn't cheat on me with him. Like I said,he's an emotional tampon. Huge ass afc. I'm going out with with as many chicks I can pickup , while she has the 1 rebound. I can't condemn her , that would be hypocritical , since I'm doing the same thing , only with more girls.


Obviously the first few weeks were kinda tough on me , but I've gotten a lot better.


Anyway, the main reason for our brake-up is the LD factor. Our relationship turned LD quite a while back , and would've continued being LD for at least 1.5 years (at which point she should be moving to my city ) , but due to the financial situation of her family ,even that is a HUGE dice-roll.

Point I'm trying to make is that there was no huge-ass drama.She didn't do anything to hurt me.The only 'pain' I felt was completely normal considering the brake-up itself , but there was no adjacent factor reinforced by her.
We made that decision in light of the fact that in the long run,it would benefit us both.

Like I said,LD at this age is simply not right.
That being said , she's by no means a 'cancer'. I initiated the NC in order for BOTH of us to heal and move on with our lives easier , rather than torturing ourselves with each-other's presence.


The reason I posted our convo here is to get your opinions on how my progress looks , considering that it's quite difficult to be 100% objective when criticizing your own self.


Anyway , I should not and will not initiate with her. Better safe than sorry.But ignoring her simply seems both uncalled for and childish to vast extremes. I understand your points , and if the situation would've been worse , like say she would've cheated on me then yes,you would be 100% correct.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

JoeMarron

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I think you did pretty good. She's definitely chasing and youre giving off a nonchalant attitude. If it was an ugly breakup and she stomped all over your heart then yes it would be best to completely ignore her but I agree that it would be silly and childish to do so in your situation.
 

Die Hard

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R.C said:
The reason I posted our convo here is to get your opinions on how my failure looks
Fixed that for ya.

And to answer the question: It looks like it will go further downhill from here on...
 

asa_don

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A totally boring conversation

Nothing is worse than uselss and pointless small talk with an ex

You wanted to talk to her

If this chick was so great she wouldn't be your ex :yes:

There really is no point in talking to her

You should spend your time and energy talking to new girls
 

JBB84

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I don't think the conversation was all that bad, but do acknowledge that you definitely aren't in NC when you have a giddy little conversation like this with your ex. I would have kept things shorter, more mysterious, and let her think that your mind is onto something possibly better. Its when she's faced with really losing you, when she has no control over it, that real feelings may come to the surface. You could have cultivated this over a longer period of time. Now I think she knows you'll at least always be there to talk to her. There's no sense of loss or urgency.
 

zinc4

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If you ever give in or get caught by surprised to talk to your ex who is calling...it should go something like this...

Her: Hey, i have been thinking of you..what have you been up to..

You: Just having fun and focusing on work....

Her: Well that's great i just wanted to say i want to be friends still or maybe do something sometime..what do you think...

You: Sorry, but i don't believe in being friends with exes...i just think it's better this way...but look at the bright side....we have a lot of good memories together and we can always think about the good times, so good luck with everything and your new relationship (or meeting new people, depending on what the circumstances are), but i have to get going....take it easy and tell such and such i said hey (family members of her or friends that you liked).

The point is you are breaking NC and that is not good so keep it as short and civil as possible. Don't get caught up in her web of questions.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Vidrio

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You need to completely cut off contact with her, and DO NOT RESPOND to ANYTHING she sends you. NC isn't just not initiating contact, you can't respond to anything she sends you either. You said you won't be living near each other for at least the next 1.5 years. Why are you even wasting your time talking to her? You say you went NC so you would be able to "heal" but you can't heal if you keep contact with her. You need to completely cut her out of your life, as there's no reason for her to be in it. It's obvious you still have some type of feelings for her, so that increases your need for NC. Also, you shouldn't be having extended texting sessions with girls.
 

Cremasta

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You did fine. A good mix of empathy while keeping her on the back foot.
Shows you're mature, but you've also moved on.

If she didn't want you back before, she does now! :yes:
 

Von Huge

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Cremasta said:
You did fine. A good mix of empathy while keeping her on the back foot.
Shows you're mature, but you've also moved on.

If she didn't want you back before, she does now! :yes:
Agreed. I don't see why so many of you guys are screaming for NC, this wasn't a typical "she ****ed me over" type breakup where NC is recommended. I think you handled it very well mate!
 

Darth

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-Trying to get revenge is weak because it indicates there is remaining anger/bitterness towards the girl, wanting to "get back at her." This is weakness.
-Posting this thread in order to get congratulations from the community=weak because it shows an external need for approval to compensate for some sort of insecurity (I don't know what).
R.C said:
Her:I don't really give a damn...
Me:About ?
Her:Him...the relationship.
Me: So ,you turned into that girl huh ? :crackup:
Her: Pretty much. *smile*
Me: So why were you judging before ?:crackup:
Her: Well I'm with one,you're with many. *laugh*
Me: Yeah,one whom you don't give a crap about and don't even like.
Me: Be with as many as you can , then you'll be able to make a choice that comes from abundance. (I'm actually giving DJ advice to my ex,what the **** ?:crackup: )
Her: No..I'm not like that. *smile*

What the fvck is this? What a piece of trash!! Here's how I would have done it (on the phone, if I was talking to her).


R.C said:
Her:I don't really give a damn...
Me:About what.
Her:Him...the relationship.
Me: Then why are you leading him on.
Her: Well, I was just...
Me: That's a terrible thing to do to a guy.
Her: No you don't understand, I was just
Me: Goodbye.
 

R.C

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-Trying to get revenge is weak because it indicates there is remaining anger/bitterness towards the girl, wanting to "get back at her." This is weakness.
-Posting this thread in order to get congratulations from the community=weak because it shows an external need for approval to compensate for some sort of insecurity (I don't know what).
I agree with both your points , however , I did none of those things.

The majority of the guys that replied here did so with the starting prejudice that she's some kind of evil ***** ,although I explained it's not the case, which impaired their objectivity.


I understand why most of you are bashing on me for simply talking to her and not completely ignoring her , seeing as how most brake-ups are fvcked up and are created by some sort of betrayal or emotional assault. However , some of you have fallen in a deep extreme. Not every woman is the devil.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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