Plates, oneitus, single moms with game and 3 dates in 3 days

[MOTU]

I am not sure this post will have a point, so be warned that I am typing this on a lazy Sunday afternoon with a ****tail in my hand. To any newbie reading this, I am living proof that the sh!t you can learn on this site works. Self improvement, confidence, mystery, charm. It's a deadly combination.

I began a plate upgrade a few months back, with the goal of getting hotter women and meeting them in the real world instead of online. It has gone pretty well. I have discarded all of my old plates and now 2 of my 3 are real world meets: one at a bar, one during the day. The last is a Tinder pull.

They are all prettier than my previous plates. By a long shot. Turns out I pull hotter chicks in person than online.

Plate 3 is a tinder pull met me for open mic night Thursday. She is a little chubby but sexy - typical mexican woman with curves and big chi-chi's. She is very flirtatious and her interest level is very high. Rubbing on her gave me a woody at the bar and I poked her with it. She liked it and has texted me about it. Talking to her takes effort but I guess she won't say much when I have my d!ck in her mouth. She smelled good too. I am a sucker for that.

Friday I went out with plate 1. We went to a cool restaurant on the lake, sat on the patio and had a few drinks, listened to some live music. I met plate 1 at open mic night about a month back and this was our third date (plus one group hangout). The time went by really fast Friday, the conversation flowed easily. She looked great. She is clearly into me. I think she is a quality woman.

Last night (Saturday) I had a date with plate 2. She is the hottest of the three, and she is my first day game pull, which I am really proud of. I think she might be batsh!t crazy. This was our first "date" and I got the whole backstory and she talked constantly about God's plan for her life. Might be a little bit damaged goods. But she wasn't unpleasant or too weird. She says she hasn't been on a date in 2 years until last night. She was trying pretty hard and was somewhat awkward. Did I mentioned she looked really hot?

So today I am tired, and this has me thinking - what's the point of all this? Getting laid isn't hard (anymore), so that can't be it. I need a clearer picture of the endgame. Maybe one plate I bang regularly (2-3x a week) and a couple more I bang once a month or so? I do like to go out and date and I have an active social group so someone who is good company would be great too.

Some background: I married young, and then after my first divorce I got married again pretty fast, to the first chick I banged after my divorce. So I clearly have some tendencies toward being in a long term relationship, and I have never really lived a single life for any long period of time. This time around I am determined I will be single for at least 2-3 years. I am not lonely or bored, but I seem innately drawn toward the comfort of a relationship. I need to understand that psychology better so I can make better decisions.

Which brings me to plate 1. I like her. She is funny, smart and sexy. Time flies when I am with her. But she has a 4yo and a 6yo!. Girls. And I have three daughters. My kids are grown (youngest is 18 and leaves for college in August) and I am really enjoying being able to do whatever I want, when ever I want. Financially I am in very good shape and my career has progressed to the point where the pressure is off. All together, my life is VERY good right now.

But plate 1 haunts my thoughts. I respect her - when we were out Friday, she only had one drink because she had to pick up her kids. But she wasn't a buzzkill for me at all. She has an MBA and she likes her job. She is tall and sexy (actually taller than me) and has soft, warm lips.

She is respectful to me and thoughtful. But this girl has game for sure. She knows how to arouse and keep my interest, engage me, fascinate me. I am not sure if she is working me on purpose or she is just a natural, but d@mn she has it going on. She even bought us sailing lessons for next weekend.

So, what I need to get my head around is: what kind of boundaries do you have with single mom's? I love kids and am very good with them, so I bet if I met hers I would take a liking to them and then be in even deeper. And knowing my natural tendencies, if I am not careful it won't be long and I'll be back to having fvcking disney channel on the TV all the time. WTF am I thinking?

Thanks to anyone who has made it through my ramble, just writing this has been cathartic for me.

 

[logicallefty]

I am with you Sir, I can spin plates and make the best of it but I do lean towards the LTR route when possible.

I don't ever see kids as a problem when I date a woman for a potential LTR, SO LONG AS they have a dad in their life who at least has them every other weekend with consistency. Preferably more, but at least that.

If there is no dad around and she has the kids 24x7x365, best I expect at that point is a late night lay when the kiddies are in bed.

Good luck to you Sir. Overall it sounds like you are handling things well.

 

[MOTU]

Plate one spent the night last night. My kid is out of town and she got an overnight sitter. We fvcked like rabbits and man is she sexy, and I definitely dig her. Our values, preferences, etc, all seem to line up and I find her very engaging.

I definitely need to get my head around what a relationship between me and her would be like from a boundaries standpoint. I like kids and wouldn't mind some involvement with them but I sure don't want any responsibility for them.

She hasn't even mentioned me meeting them. I think she is pretty protective of them, and rightfully so. I think that's a good sign that she isn't looking for an insta-family. It has come out in convo the their dad lives close by but isn't particularly active in their lives. He left when the youngest was 6mos old.

Maybe it's possible for her and I have the relationship we have now - see each other once or twice a week, fvck like possessed people, do fun active dates, and leave it at that. But that would take some self control on my part - it seems I get on LTR cruise control a little too easily.

 

[MtnMan]

Plate one spent the night last night. My kid is out of town and she got an overnight sitter. We fvcked like rabbits and man is she sexy, and I definitely dig her. Our values, preferences, etc, all seem to line up and I find her very engaging.

I definitely need to get my head around what a relationship between me and her would be like from a boundaries standpoint. I like kids and wouldn't mind some involvement with them but I sure don't want any responsibility for them.

She hasn't even mentioned me meeting them. I think she is pretty protective of them, and rightfully so. I think that's a good sign that she isn't looking for an insta-family. It has come out in convo the their dad lives close by but isn't particularly active in their lives. He left when the youngest was 6mos old.

Maybe it's possible for her and I have the relationship we have now - see each other once or twice a week, fvck like possessed people, do fun active dates, and leave it at that. But that would take some self control on my part - it seems I get on LTR cruise control a little too easily.

Just try to slow you mental process down! I have the same issue. My brain goes way down the road of relationship with a girl that I dig, even after only banging her a couple times.

Being in an LTR with a chick with kids would be a big deal I would think, and should take careful consideration.

The thing that seems to happen for me is: I like the girl, I have a great time with said girl, start to go down oneitis road, girl senses it somehow, looses interest and BAM. Its done.

Good luck! Try to keep it rational and keep fvcking like possessed people :yes:

 

[The Duke]

Here's something to think about...

I approached the single moms the exact same way. Didn't mind some involvement as long as I wasn't responsible for them. This worked until things went long term. Eventually you get in deep enough that you end up in the position where you can't separate the involvement/responsibility thing with the kid. The time will come when you are involved with the kid some how and have to step up and be the "responsible" adult and provide some direction for whats right/wrong or possible attitude correction. Then the kid gets mad, talks schitt, walks off mad, and you will get put right in the middle of all the drama between the kid and mommy. Its becomes an ordeal with how you handle things and the mom handles things. She will side with her child, not yours. She won't stand up for you either.

 

[dasein]

Sounds like you are doing great, you already know due to past history to go real slow and casual. As long as you aren't making boyfriend noises or allowing them to escalate that, then you can keep control of the pace. Please these women with fun and good times intermittently, that should be enough for resonable people, only more if and when you are certain it is the best for you, and that should take lots of time to decide. Understand that you can lose one or two that way, but now you know that better and better is just around the corner, so losing one every now and then shouldn't be a big deal. Man of gracious plenty is the goal.

 

[logicallefty]

Here's something to think about...

I approached the single moms the exact same way. Didn't mind some involvement as long as I wasn't responsible for them. This worked until things went long term. Eventually you get in deep enough that you end up in the position where you can't separate the involvement/responsibility thing with the kid. The time will come when you are involved with the kid some how and have to step up and be the "responsible" adult and provide some direction for whats right/wrong or possible attitude correction. Then the kid gets mad, talks schitt, walks off mad, and you will get put right in the middle of all the drama between the kid and mommy. Its becomes an ordeal with how you handle things and the mom handles things. She will side with her child, not yours. She won't stand up for you either.

Right on the money

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Howiestern again.

 

[MOTU]

Thanks guys for the great feedback.

LogicalLefty wrote:

I don't ever see kids as a problem when I date a woman for a potential LTR, SO LONG AS they have a dad in their life who at least has them every other weekend with consistency.

Yea that's a problem is, that doesn't appear to be the situation here. But she does seem to have decent access to sitters at least. Limited access might actually be good for me - I don't want to have to see a chick 3-4x a week. I am too busy.

MtnMan wrote:

Just try to slow you mental process down! I have the same issue. My brain goes way down the road of relationship with a girl that I dig, even after only banging her a couple times.

That is exactly my issue. I don't have a problem nexting chicks that don't make me think LTR, but the ones that do I seem to speed the process. I have to get a handle on that!

HowieWestern wrote:

Eventually you get in deep enough that you end up in the position where you can't separate the involvement/responsibility thing with the kid.

I know you are right. And the fact that I like kids and have raised three daughters already will make that slope slippier. So is that answer to have no involvement with the kids at all? Date her when she can get a sitter but never to the family stuff?

Dasein wrote:

As long as you aren't making boyfriend noises or allowing them to escalate that, then you can keep control of the pace.

Yea. I need to keep the brakes on and not let it accelerate from a relationship standpoint. That's a skill I don't currently have but will need to develop, and fvcking fast!

 

[The Duke]

Motu- yes the answer is to keep yourself out of situations that put you in contact with her kids. No spending the night at her place when her kids are around, no going on activities involving her kids. Easier said than done. Like Dasein said, ride the brake for as long as you can. Sooner or later she will figure out whats up and accuse you of "not being into her"! ;-)

All you can do is draw the line in the sand from the very beginning. Be straight up with her that you don't want to raise any more kids. Set the expectations and hold to them.

Somewhere out there is a girl that has what you are looking for with out the kids(baggage). I'd keep spinning those plates! That will keep you from getting in too deep too fast with this one. And don't forget, they all seem great in the beginning!