planning for dates

[carryout kid]

i'm sort of experimenting with my date planning here. well, in actuality it's not the planning so much, it's what i tell the girl.

i pretty much do the same thing on all first dates. well, the first date is sometimes a coffee or drink thing, but i'm not counting that. okay, what i've been doing lately is having the girl meet me at my place, inviting them in for like a second, and then taking them to a fairly inexpensive (maybe 8 bucks an entree, so with drinks and egg rolls and tip i'm spending maybe 25 bucks) but good chinese place to eat, then we go bowling, play pool, or putt putt. cheesy, yes, but for a first date i'm not willing to kill myself planning something complicated (or expensive). and most girls offer to pay for the second part of the date and i don't protest. then i get to drop them back off at the car at my place, which has turned into one spending the night.

okay, here's the question. i usually don't tell them what we're going to do. even though it's completely planned out (i tend towards ocd at times) i act like i'm just winging it. if she doesn't like chinese or doesn't have socks (for bowling) i have second and third options.

this seems to work pretty well, but i was just wondering what the prevailing wisdom is regarding this. if i tell her what we're doing, i'm a take-charge guy. if i don't tell her, i'm a spontaneous guy. plus, if dinner goes badly i can cut it off right there.

i'm just afraid it might make me look sort of unprepared. i like that it makes me look like i don't have a lot of effort tied up in the date, which shows that i'm not desperate. but i don't want the girl to think i don't have any interest at all.

maybe i'm overanalyzing. it's not a huge deal either way, i have a good bit of confidence once i get a girl in a one-on-one situation, so once we get into it it all works out. i don't want to give a bad first impression, but i don't want to give an AFC one either. i just wanted to get some input.

 

[al77]

carryout kid,

There are some questions about a first date:
What do you want to achieve by a first date?
Do you want to impress her with a long line of cheesy entertainment?

Think about: what do you want to achieve? Show her you are a cool guy who knows how to have a good time?
Just give her a good time?
Do you want to impress her with the entertainment?

I dont know about you, but I figured out I dont want anything of that line. What I want is to talk to her and see if she has a decent personality (looks are obvious after 1-2 minutes anyway).
Therefore I dont really need any kkind of date.. I simple go for coffee or a stroll.

So it all depends on what you want from a first date...?

 

[scordate]

i think that the operative word here is

take charge

u da man

u take charge

i think you are doing it all very very well

have everything planned with back-ups, so that you dont stand there discussing where to eat etc

whether to telling advance or surprise her

I know that you know, but for the sake of any readers;
use your head ! if you want to take her to the beach make sure she dress accordingly, likewise if you take her to a fancy restaurant

you can hint to her what kind of clothes would be appropriate

beside that I believe that surprise is better than knowing up front

some girls might have security issues wanting to know where you are going; accept that 100 %

/ scordate

 

[carryout kid]

Re: Re: planning for dates

well, the "get to know you" date is always first, technically. but i don't really consider it a date because it's just meeting at a bar or coffee joint. i consider it more of a pre-date because it's all about screening at that point.

the "real" first date is the second one for me. i'm not out to impress with fancy-schmancy restaurants and the freaking opera or anything. i'm just trying to get some more talking in (dinner) and then something semi-active (pool) where i can get a good look at her and get a chance to get a little closer. plus that little spark of competition seems to open the girl up some. and these type of places seem to be a bottomless font of comedic opportunity, and i can be witty, so that gives me something to roll with (how can you not make fun of other bowlers, or yourself while bowling?).

basically, i'm out there to get to know the girl, to let her know what i'm all about, and to try and build something from that. i'm not trying to have sex with every girl on the first date or trying to "sweep her off her feet" and buy into that princess mentality. i'm just trying to show her i'm a witty, unpretentious, smart, honest, fun guy. that's it.

ck

Originally posted by al77
carryout kid,

There are some questions about a first date:
What do you want to achieve by a first date?
Do you want to impress her with a long line of cheesy entertainment?

Think about: what do you want to achieve? Show her you are a cool guy who knows how to have a good time?
Just give her a good time?
Do you want to impress her with the entertainment?

I dont know about you, but I figured out I dont want anything of that line. What I want is to talk to her and see if she has a decent personality (looks are obvious after 1-2 minutes anyway).
Therefore I dont really need any kkind of date.. I simple go for coffee or a stroll.

So it all depends on what you want from a first date...?

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Re: planning for dates

Originally posted by carryout kid


basically, i'm out there to get to know the girl, to let her know what i'm all about, and to try and build something from that.

i'm just trying to show her i'm a witty, unpretentious, smart, honest, fun guy. that's it.

Then what matter is her IL. If she is interested she doesnt give a damn what kind of date you suggested. It does not matter!
May you just stroll in a park.. doing completely nothing, and she will like it.

Sure some gals have requirements - fancy restaurants etc - but they are high maintanence and I personally would not like to deal with them at all.

Conclusion? Do not worry about what to do on a date.. worry about her IL, i.e. if she has low IL no amount of fun action date would bring this IL on a higher position. You gotta screen her on the first, pre-date for her high IL.

 

[Junior Sanz]

my advice is stick to the K.I.S.S. Theory

Keep It Simple Stupid......

first dates are anxiety-ridden enough.....keep it relaxed and last but not least......ENJOY YOURSELF

 

[milesman]

Re: Re: Re: Re: planning for dates

Originally posted by al77
Do not worry about what to do on a date.. worry about her IL, i.e. if she has low IL no amount of fun action date would bring this IL on a higher position. You gotta screen her on the first, pre-date for her high IL.

This is strong advice. I've adopted the mindset that a man's most important 'planning' is that involving his own self-improvement. F*ck spending time on scoping 5 spots just in case she doesn't like your first choice. I'm investing my time delving in books, working out, working on my social skills etc. In time the whole that I'll offer is what will be desirable. And a woman who likes what she sees won't even try to put up a fuss-no socks? 'Oh that's ok, I go barefoot most of the time anyways'...