Plain_Relationship > or < Serious_Relationship

[forward]

In a relationship. The girl's actually pretty good. Minimal BS, and acknowledges it when called on it. Loves fun, allows me to create it. Seems to be mostly okay with the fact that deep down she prefers for me to take charge. Always ready for sex, and best sex I've had.

Now she's brought up serious relationship talk. Not moving in together or marriage, but talk about the relationship's future, which amounts to the same thing to me. Logically, she seems like great marriage material to me. But when I slightly humor the idea, there's an instant reaction: no.

I'm not sure if it's something about the girl in particular, something about me (perhaps I don't feel I'M mature enough yet to make such a decision), or perhaps I just don't believe marriage or cohabitation is going to ever be something I truly want or that is best for me.

Just about every married guy I know has that 'part of him' that somehow rubs me as pathetic. The best I can describe is that I notice he humors and caters, through words or action, to his wife's BS, despite knowing it's BS. I see this on all sorts of levels. And it's amazing how this can infest his life. Is this a negative mindset or am I on to something?

Here's a problem: I already catch myself doing this sometimes. And it's because I started.... caring about the girl (whoops?). Caring isn't bad, but apparently I'm not mature enough to handle it, as I'll sometimes catch myself not making the choices I truly believe are best to spare her 'feelings'. Logically, I know this is benefiting nobody and certainly hurting me.

Man finds fork in road.

 

[Jitterbug]

How old is she and how long have you been together?

 

[forward]

30 and a year.

 

[squirrels]

What kinds of choices are you making to "spare her feelings"? Piddly little sh*t? Or important things?

 

[forward]

Piddly sh*t. But I figure piddly sh*t turns into important things over time (especially if you live together).

 

[muscleman]

Follow your instinct. If the thought of a serious relationship with this girl makes a part of you go "no", don't do it. Maybe nothing against her - you may just not be ready. And don't move in with a girl unless you're ready for marriage. I've lived with 2 gfs (should have learned my lesson the first time). It's not necessarily bad, but it takes a lot of the mystery and tension out. Needless to say sex takes a nosedive when both people become comfortable. Part of that has to do with maturity as well (or lack thereof). A serious relationship is serious work. It's not easy. I would imagine marriage is even harder. RT is probably gonna come in here and spew something to the tune of "sure it's easy just be a man and she'll be a woman" but the point is you have to work at being a man, especially one who just agreed to let 1 woman have his balls rather than many.

She's older than you (27 vs 30). Typically that means a lot more mature. I'd suggest going for the 21 year olds. Plus she probably wants to have kids soon. She may not be bringing it up, but trust me this is a long process/way of reeling you in. My last GF was all great and then about 8 months into our relationship she got wedding fever. Past the year mark is was insane.

 

[muscleman]

double post, see above

 

[Warrior74]

If you want different things, the relationship is dead at this moment, then its just a matter of how long you want to draw it out. You want to string it along for a few more years before it becomes sour and ends with you growing comfortable and soft and her growing resentful and start cheating? Or do you want just tell her right now that you don't want anything serious and let her go so she can find what she's looking for? Personally I'm to old to be stringing someone along, let em go find their happiness, it was fun while it lasted.

 

[Jitterbug]

30 and a year.

Are her female friends, siblings and relatives around the same age and in serious relationships or getting married (or already married)?

 

[The Asian Lover]

In a relationship. The girl's actually pretty good. Minimal BS, and acknowledges it when called on it. Loves fun, allows me to create it. Seems to be mostly okay with the fact that deep down she prefers for me to take charge. Always ready for sex, and best sex I've had.

Now she's brought up serious relationship talk. Not moving in together or marriage, but talk about the relationship's future, which amounts to the same thing to me. Logically, she seems like great marriage material to me. But when I slightly humor the idea, there's an instant reaction: no.

I'm not sure if it's something about the girl in particular, something about me (perhaps I don't feel I'M mature enough yet to make such a decision), or perhaps I just don't believe marriage or cohabitation is going to ever be something I truly want or that is best for me.

Just about every married guy I know has that 'part of him' that somehow rubs me as pathetic. The best I can describe is that I notice he humors and caters, through words or action, to his wife's BS, despite knowing it's BS. I see this on all sorts of levels. And it's amazing how this can infest his life. Is this a negative mindset or am I on to something?

Here's a problem: I already catch myself doing this sometimes. And it's because I started.... caring about the girl (whoops?). Caring isn't bad, but apparently I'm not mature enough to handle it, as I'll sometimes catch myself not making the choices I truly believe are best to spare her 'feelings'. Logically, I know this is benefiting nobody and certainly hurting me.

Man finds fork in road.

I feel the same way.

Do you want to have children? That's the only reason I would ever consider getting married.