Picking up girls in bars/clubs

[MikeYikes122]

I realize I run the risk of getting flamed with this post because it's kind of a problem where it would seem the solution is pretty simple. But this forum is for all sorts of women problems, even dumb ones, so I'm going to put mine out there.

My problem is, I'm just not good at picking up girls in bars/clubs. I have no idea what the issue is, but seldom can I find things to say to open up conversation with random chics at a bar. Sometimes I can isolate a couple of them and think of something interesting/funny/entertaining to say, and then I have no trouble going from there. But that kind of a situation is pretty rare for me. Something like that only happens maybe like once or twice a month. Initiating the conversation on a cold approach in a bar or club is damn near impossible for me, and I don't know why.

But the crazy thing is, I'm great at cold approaching in public. I have no anxiety whatsoever about walking up to a random girl at Wal-Mart and finding something to say to her. I was at Blockbuster earlier tonight looking at movies alone and some decent looking girl walked by. I noticed she was wearing sandals (it's like 10 degrees where I live), and without even thinking I said to her "How have your feet not frozen off?" That might not have even been the exact line, but that really isn't important. What is important is that I had no issue with randomly approaching her and talking to her for a second about the new release section. I didn't get her number, but in all honesty I really didn't even want it.

The point I'm trying to make is, talking to a random girl in public is almost an instinct for me. It's something I just do without thinking. But cold approaching at a bar or a club is anything but. Some of you are going to say that this is because the women out in public aren't expecting me to hit on them, and that's something that gives me a heightened sense of confidence. But I honestly don't think it's that at all. I just simply don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say. A line like "How have your feet not frozen off?" isn't going to work at a bar or a club, or so it would seem to me.

The only time I have success with girls in bars or clubs is when they're friends of my friends, or I have a solid opener with them because of some sort of past connection. Last weekend I saw a girl out who I recognized as one of my best friend's girlfriend's roommates. Her and I had never spoke previously, but I recognized her, so the opening line on her was easy: "Hey do you know (insert the name of my best friend and his girlfriend)?" Of course, the response was yes, and the conversation went well. I wasn't even really trying to pick up on her because last I remembered she had a serious boyfriend, but as I was leaving the bar her friend walked up to me and told me that she (the girl I was talking to) really wanted me to stay because she thought I was cute and was too shy to tell me herself. I got the girl's phone number and kind of went out with her last week before she went home for the holidays.

In college all my friends thought I was the man because girls would walk up to me, approach me and talk to me when we were out at bars. But the reality of the situation was, these girls were only approaching me because I would usually talk to and get to know every attractive girl in all of my classes. That way, when I was out at bars or clubs I had a way to initiate conversation with multiple girls at every nightlife spot. Even if I simply recognized a girl from class and saw her out at a bar, the opener on her was easy: "Are you in my American History class?" It was that simple.

Now, I'm in my mid-20s and I've hit the point where I have to start learning how to game girls in bars and nightlife settings. I realize my problem is kind of unique. Looking at past threads it seems most posters on here have trouble cold approaching in public, not in bars or clubs. But I guess I'm just different. Hopefully some of you guys still have some good advice.

 

[iqqi]

Simple idea here, Mikey. At many bars/clubs the music is pretty darned loud, and when men try to have these interesting conversations with me, it can be annoying, unless they have that sexy wit attribute. Then it can be a fun back and forth, because it is easy to hear one liners, and we tend to "get each other" so there tends to not be a problem hearing.

Besides that, in places like those, your most important weapon is body language, eye contact, and the such.

 

[ketostix]

A line like "How have your feet not frozen off?" isn't going to work at a bar or a club, or so it would seem to me.

This is where I think you're totally wrong and is probably what's giving you approach anxiety in bars. Your day time opener example is a situational opener, so of course it doesn't have to be totally similar to the example you gave when using it at a bar, but situational openers work just fine in bars.


You're problem is the opposite of most guys. Most guys can approach in a bar due to alcohol and that it's expected people wil approach at a bar, but have difficulty with day time approaches. I think, while you deny it, the reason you have trouble with bar aproaches is because you feel the ice shields girls have up. And because you think the same situational approach doesn't work in bars, and this maybe because of the ice shields you perceive, you are having this problem.

 

[Phyzzle]

Read this

And look up Gunwich method. Don't be a boring ear yeller!

 

[MikeYikes122]

You're problem is the opposite of most guys. Most guys can approach in a bar due to alcohol and that it's expected people wil approach at a bar, but have difficulty with day time approaches. I think, while you deny it, the reason you have trouble with bar aproaches is because you feel the ice shields girls have up. And because you think the same situational approach doesn't work in bars, and this maybe because of the ice shields you perceive, you are having this problem.

I think you're right to an extent. It's certainly a lot easier for me to approach a girl who is dressed in a sweatshirt at Wal-Mart because I know she isn't expecting me to hit on her. The girl at a bar who is all dressed up is certainly a lot different in that respect, and I guess that does make it somewhat harder to approach her.

But when I enter a bar and there are tons of attractive girls, sometimes it's literally just like an information overload. It's too much for me to handle, and I can't focus in on one girl and think clearly enough to find something decent to say.

I think I'm going to read what Phyzzle suggested, and I'm also going to stop drinking a lot of alcohol when I'm out at bars. That will make me more perceptive to things and give me a clearer train of thought.

 

[ketostix]

But when I enter a bar and there are tons of attractive girls, sometimes it's literally just like an information overload. It's too much for me to handle, and I can't focus in on one girl and think clearly enough to find something decent to say.

I understand this completely and experience the same information overload. Bars are dark and loud and crowded and basically designed to be a high stimulus enviroment. But for me it could happen anywhere there's many attractive girls, like when I was in college.

What you're saying I think is you're more comfortable in low-key enviroments. I assume you don't go to bars a lot and have more poractice gaming in everyday situations. With practice you'll get more settled in with bar and club PU. I'm now actually more comfortable gaming in a bar than outside of it.

My point is you don't need to dance or really change what works for you outside a bar once you get comfortable with approaching girls at bars. Situational openers work fine.

 

[synergy1]

I have had limited success in the bar scene, but find it is hardly the optimal place to be trying to pick up girls. they are out with their friends, which creates a huge amount of peer pressure not to be the slut. There are 100 other guys you have to compete with also. That said, their ***** shields are at full power those nights. Bar nights are for nights with the boys, or girls if we go out with them. Its a little easier to get chicks you bring , if you know they are in to you.

Stick to the day when girls don't have a ***** shield. Most of my ****y friends with their "bar" game, don't even talk to girls during the day. It is the opportune time to strike.

 

[MikeYikes122]

ketsotix, I think we're a lot alike in how we pickup girls and how we respond to overly active environments. Sometimes if there are a ton of attractive girls in the area I am in I can't even have a conversation with anyone, I just get too distracted. In college when I was in a class with a ton of attractive girls, I'd have all sorts of trouble paying attention to my professor. Sometimes it would get so bad that I would just sit there during a lecture and rate the girls in my class in order of most attractive to least attractive.

Phyzzle, that was a great thread you linked me to, really informative. I feel like it helped me a lot reading it even though I don't often go to clubs with dancing and live music. But I couldn't find the Gunwich method anywhere. Does anyone have a link?

 

[ketostix]

Yes I know exactly what you're saying. I could never study and concentrate in the student lounge with hot girls walking by constantly. What you might want to do is go to bars and clubs that aren't as loud and hectic. Then either wait for a girl to give you an approximaty approach invitation, or just focus on a target, approach and run your situational material.

Gunwitch Method was/is in the DJ bible but I couldn't find the link. GWM 3 pertains to nightclubs. Here's a link to GWM:

http://www.bristollair.com/methods/gunwitch.html