Physical Flirting - Allowable or not?

[ParMak]

I’ve been dating this girl for 11 months who is separated from her husband (him to blame from all accounts). I’m the second guy she has dated since her separation and do believe that she has always been faithful to her partners. Our dates have not been in the open as this may affect her divorce and as we are of different race, her side of her family and friends, who at this stage appear to enjoy me, may not initially accept our union. As I do love her very much I think I’m prepared to be patient with that side of the problem but since we started, while we cannot be seen too close to each other, she continuously flirts physically with the guys when we’re out especially if the other girls in our group are around.
I do believe that she does not and will not go beyond the flirting barrier but the one guy that she flirts with sent her flowers on Valentines day and is continuously pursuing her. She responds to his advances and says that she likes his company but will not ever go beyond that.
I couldn’t take it anymore so have had it out with her. Her response is that she adores me and does not ever want to lose me but at the moment is not ready to give up her flirting or company of the valentine’s guy. She has always gone home with me on these occasions and she does say if she was forced to make a choice there would be no question that she would sacrifice all else for me.
On all other occasions when were alone or with people who are aware our relationship we are extremely happy.
Although I truly believe that she does adore me I’m insecure with her flirting and don’ know if I should make her an ultimatum or should I accept that it’s okay as long as she does not cross the barrier.
Please help, as I’m scared I’ll make an ultimatum, which I may live to regret.

 

[kyokon]

Dont be insecure, and dont make an ultimatum. Youve had it out with her once already which is enough to let her know you are not completely turning a blind eye. Is she one of those people who just naturally touch other people more? Maybe you could try a little flirting of your own... see how she reacts.

 

[ParMak]

Thanks KyoKon. You're right, although I do flirt a little myself I think I should step it up a bit as she has always admitted that she would not be able to handle it if I flirted like her. She does say that she is extremely possessive but may not show it in public. Yes she is the friendly sort of person who does naturally touch other people more but her flirting does involve hugging and holding hands which I’m not totally against except for the one guy.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Girls that are 6-9 rating enjoy flirting. I had a problem with my girl doing that with a bunch of guys at parties and they would go goo goo gaa gaa. I told her this several times but she says she won't change for that (ya, attention *****) - she does get pretty possessive/jealous if I give other girls hugs or talk to them for long periods.. DOUBLE STANDARDS??

Be the patient confident man. That is far more attractive that a guy that will follow his girl around due to jealousy/fear. She will see that and value you as relationship material.

Women usually stop doing this flirting **** by 31+ since they are no longer able to be attractive as they used to.