Phoning

[disfunktional]

Hi,

I don't have much experience in setting up dates by phone, in the past mostly done face to face. I got the number of a girl I would like to persue last week, and said I would call her to arrange a drink. I called yesterday afternoon (I was away at the weekend) to arrange something for this week. It just rang and rang, didn't go to answer phone, but she has my number so she will have seen I tried to call. I did not get a return call from her.

Now my friend says she is quite shy, so either she is being really shy or is just not interested. I have not tried to ring again. I'm thinking maybe to send a text message instead, and if no reply then leave it at that. She seems nice but I'm not wasting my time. I tend to think "2 strikes and your out". Thoughts?

 

[squirrels]

A phone call takes what, 2 minutes? Sometimes I'll call a girl 5 or 6 times, usually when I'm having a slow day, and throw the offer out there, even if it's likely to be rejected.

Something a lot of people don't realize is that girls have lives too, especially attractive ones. She's got so many damn friends and suitors calling her, maybe even a boyfriend or two, so you can't always expect her to be able to drop everything and go out with someone she just met.

Of course if she denies you, it doesn't phase you...you're a very busy person yourself with all the things you have going on in your OWN life, and if you can't connect, it's just a tough break. But it's OK to call every now and then (not every day, maybe like once every week and a half-two weeks) until you get new girls' numbers and the old girls just fall off the calling list.

That's the true meaning of "next"...it's not, "I'm going to PUNISH her for not accepting me", it's, "I have too many women on my plate to waste time on those who don't answer the phone." Maybe she has a good reason, maybe she doesn't. Who cares? Not your problem.

 

[disfunktional]

Thanks for your post, see what you are saying. Maybe I'm thinking too harshly. I have no free time now this week anyway So I'll try again early next week.

 

[MacAvoy]

I have no free time now this week anyway So I'll try again early next week.

If you don't have time for a 3 min phone call, how do you have time to come here and post what you've been debating in your mind for the past 2 days?

By next week, your history, she'll have met 15 guys by then. That means she'll have svcked 2 c0cks while you've pulled your monkey 6 times. You have to capitalize while she still remembers who you are.

Quit pvssying out and get on the phone. Just don't call 15 times in a row ala Swingers

 

[disfunktional]

No, I mean I'm busy every night this week so couldn't arrange to do anything this week.

 

[MacAvoy]

Who says it has to be a whole night long date? If she's shy, get together with her for a quick coffee. By getting together with her for a short time, it makes her realize that your the catch and that she's got to attract you.

I know your not out on 5 other dates this week, cuz you wouldn't be askin about this date, so get out there and call her already. I'd say call at least 3 different times over a 2 day period, then next her if nothing by then.

Waiting will only make her forget about you. You gain nothing by waiting till next week.

 

[squirrels]

There is some truth in that she may forget you if you wait too long, but I wouldn't feel rushed or feel the need to cram her in. Set something up for next week. Even if it's the ambiguous, "I'll call you Sunday and we'll set it up" deal.

 

[amoka]

Great post, Squirrels. Now, my phone book is full with ladies numbers but I hardly gather the ball to call them. Even when I try calling some simply refused to pick-up. You can imagine the disppointment in that. Some of them I tried calling them back the second time and they pick-up. Others simply dont want to hear anything from you. When exactly should one stop calling them and next them?

 

[Old Buck]

Even when I try calling some simply refused to pick-up. You can imagine the disppointment in that. Some of them I tried calling them back the second time and they pick-up. Others simply dont want to hear anything from you. When exactly should one stop calling them and next them?

After my divorce when I re-entered the dating world, the first thing I noticed was that most women now have wireless phones and the number they usually gave me was their cell. I didn't think much about it initially but soon realized when I got a lot of no-answers that things had changed from the good old days. There was a time when I considered getting a phone number was practically the assurance of a date because that's the way it worked out 90% if the time. But now with cell phones being every woman's accessory, I think a lot of them will give out their number just to avoid telling a man she isn't interested for whatever reason. Think about it, you can't figure out where she lives just by having her cell number and when she sees your number come across her screen she can easily ignore the call. I would much prefer the girl just refuse to give a number if she isn't interested so I wouldn't waste my time but I imagine some guys would get belligerent if they were shot down and most women want to avoid a confrontation at all costs. I usually employ a "three strikes and your out" rule. I will call a couple of times without leaving a message. If on the third call she doesn't answer, I will leave a brief message. Something to the effect of "Hey this is John, give me a call when you get a chance". The ball is now in her court and if she doesn't return it then forget her. If you actually establish contact then you really have to go with your gut. If she can't ever find the time to go out or she makes a date and at the last minute cancels for a less than plausibe reason, then she is being a flake and not deserving of you attention.

 

[R5D2]

Hmmm, I've always worked on the basis that if you phone once, its up to her to call you back. With mobile (cell) phones now your number flashes up, and if she misses the call then it displays as "missed". The most I would go to would be to text once a while later if I'd still not heard. The ball is in her court then.

But don't take my suggestion as gospel, I'm not playing 5 girls or anything, but it seems to work. You find out pretty quickly if she is interested then.

 

[Old Buck]

Hmmm, I've always worked on the basis that if you phone once, its up to her to call you back. With mobile (cell) phones now your number flashes up, and if she misses the call then it displays as "missed". The most I would go to would be to text once a while later if I'd still not heard.

Sometimes mobile phones will fail to display your missed call if she happens to be in a bad reception area. Also some women will not respond to missed calls if they don't recognize the number and there is no message. Maybe she would see the missed call and intend to call back but got busy with something and let it slip her mind. Only calling once presents a very narrow window of opportunity to make a connection. I won't normally text anyone until I have gotten better acquainted but then, I don't really like texting in general because I am on the road so much that it's an aggravation, not to mention perilous, to drive and text simultaneously.