"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Phone Sex Routine

I'm Joe Dirt

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Today I was out to lunch with a girl from work and I decided to kind of expand on 26's routine using cell phones to role play.

Basically 26 is a guest speaker in David DeAngelo's seminars and he has this routine where he takes the girls cell phone or uses his own and then pretends the cell phone is talking and does this whole role play thing where he goes "hi im [girls name] and im a big dork" and stuff.

Now anyway, in that spirit I was walking with her to lunch on our lunch breaks and I took her phone and I took out mine and I made her phone move closer to mine and then I had my phone react positivley and I started kind of banging them together as if they're having sex.

She was like "wtf?" at first but then she got into it and took the phones from me and said "this is how phones have phone sex" and she opened them (both flip phones) and started doing what I was doing with them open.

Then we kinda laughed and she gave me my phone back and I looked at her and paused and said "so does this like uh.. mean.. uh.. that my phone has to call yours tomorrow?"

And she says "no, this was no strings attached.. it was wireless!"

More giggling ensued.

Then I pointed at the bottom of my phone where most people have a rubber thing that protects dust from getting into the part where you charge your phone. Mine however is missing.

So I say "uh oh.. look.. see here where the charger is.. my phone isnt wearing a rubber!"

LOL!

It was soooo funny.

Any suggestions on developing this routine more?

I think if I work on it a little bit it could turn into something really funny to do when there isnt anything else to talk about.

Maybe if some lingo or situations were acted out with these phones in a silly way that communicated that YOU "get it" it could turn into something more powerful than just a way to make her laugh and be silly.

There's gotta be some ways to strenghten this routine on many fronts. Let's see what we can come up with!

(Note: This wasnt a girl I was interested in, but just someone I work with)
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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jprjrjr

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Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
Today I was out to lunch with a girl from work and I decided to kind of expand on 26's routine using cell phones to role play.

Basically 26 is a guest speaker in David DeAngelo's seminars and he has this routine where he takes the girls cell phone or uses his own and then pretends the cell phone is talking and does this whole role play thing where he goes "hi im [girls name] and im a big dork" and stuff.

Now anyway, in that spirit I was walking with her to lunch on our lunch breaks and I took her phone and I took out mine and I made her phone move closer to mine and then I had my phone react positivley and I started kind of banging them together as if they're having sex.

She was like "wtf?" at first but then she got into it and took the phones from me and said "this is how phones have phone sex" and she opened them (both flip phones) and started doing what I was doing with them open.

Then we kinda laughed and she gave me my phone back and I looked at her and paused and said "so does this like uh.. mean.. uh.. that my phone has to call yours tomorrow?"

And she says "no, this was no strings attached.. it was wireless!"

More giggling ensued.

Then I pointed at the bottom of my phone where most people have a rubber thing that protects dust from getting into the part where you charge your phone. Mine however is missing.

So I say "uh oh.. look.. see here where the charger is.. my phone isnt wearing a rubber!"

LOL!

It was soooo funny.

Any suggestions on developing this routine more?

I think if I work on it a little bit it could turn into something really funny to do when there isnt anything else to talk about.

Maybe if some lingo or situations were acted out with these phones in a silly way that communicated that YOU "get it" it could turn into something more powerful than just a way to make her laugh and be silly.

There's gotta be some ways to strenghten this routine on many fronts. Let's see what we can come up with!

(Note: This wasnt a girl I was interested in, but just someone I work with)

Ummmm...........errrrr.......nevermind....
 

I'm Joe Dirt

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Thanks Metallica :)

Any ideas on how to expand it? I wanna turn it from a 2 minute routine to maybe a 5 minute routine that conveys all the right information. So what kind of things should I add to it or do? How do I make it better?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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h2o

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I honestly don't know how you could improve this...but it's funny as hell and I'll probably be trying it sometime...sounds fun for when there's a lull in the conversation. If I do try it though...obviously on the fly, I'll probably end up saying stuff, and if I remember, I'll be sure to let you know what I added to it.

Although, I gotta admit, it's one of those things that has to be congruent with your character. You can't be a serious guy, and do this...you gotta be naturally funny, relaxed guy who does crazy stuff occasionally...so I'd probably do it. I love random stuff like this.
 

B-Lemond

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Originally posted by I'm Joe Dirt
"so does this like uh.. mean.. uh.. that my phone has to call yours tomorrow?"
Maybe if you didn't stutter and you said it in a confident way you couldn't gotten some digits. You could have said:

"My phone needs to know your phone's number for his bootycall."

In that one your telling her, NOT asking.
 

I'm Joe Dirt

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I did the stuttering on purpose. I already have her number, we take our lunchbreaks together every week.

The stuttering was meant to convey that since our phones just had sex its all awkward. So I did my uncofomortable impression and said what I said. It was intended to be funny, and it succeeded.

sounds fun for when there's a lull in the conversation. If I do try it though...obviously on the fly, I'll probably end up saying stuff, and if I remember, I'll be sure to let you know what I added to it.
Awesome. I can't wait to hear about that.

I think this is the perfect routine if your opener fails or doesn't carry the conversation for more than a few minutes and you can't think of another routine on the fly.

You could at that point make this something you default to. So the thought process would go: moment of brief silenece is happening or is imminent, I can't think of a way to continue the opener and/or another routine to jump into, default to PHONE SEX ROUTINE.

This routine then can buy you a minute or two of time to get yourself together again and keep gaming.

I just wanna hear some more suggestions, lines, etc. to expand this so it becomes a routine that buys even more time.

Maybe there are some ways to turn this into an opener, like if you see a girl holding a phone or something and you approach and say "here let me see your phone for a second"

Of course doing that without seeming creepy will require more phone "foreplay" before you do the nasty, but maybe it will work?
 
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