Phone anxiety

[beatoven]

Well I think I got being a DJ down mostly...except for one thing.

Calling after getting a girl's number. I'm a face to face kind of person.

I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. I get really nervous, lose my cool, and turn into a stuttering, bumbling AFC. I try to keep convos short, but even when leaving voicemails my nervousness comes through.

This has cost me several women and it's frustrating me. I've tried a bunch of things to try and ease my anxiety but so far none have worked.

Anyone have some advice for me? I'm really struggling with this.


Thanks.

 

[TheTraveller]

Well I think I got being a DJ down mostly...except for one thing.

Calling after getting a girl's number. I'm a face to face kind of person.

I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know. I get really nervous, lose my cool, and turn into a stuttering, bumbling AFC. I try to keep convos short, but even when leaving voicemails my nervousness comes through.

This has cost me several women and it's frustrating me. I've tried a bunch of things to try and ease my anxiety but so far none have worked.

Anyone have some advice for me? I'm really struggling with this.


Thanks.

I know this is a crutch, and I suffered through this for years but this solution WORKS:

Take notes. Note your entire conversation, the intonations, the words, everything. Read it, practice it, then do the call. Have a script for the machine and for the actual call if she picks up. After some practice you won't even need to do this anymore. You may also be a lot more confident after going through the script of what *you* will say that you won't even need it during the call.

She won't have a script, so just wing it ma brotha once you're comfortable. If she likes you she won't give a donkeys behind.

t.

 

[beatoven]

That's an awesome idea. I am definitely trying this on the next phone call.

Thanks!

 

[speakeasy]

Or what about sending a text message instead of calling. Just something simple like, "hope you're having a good day". She'll probably write back and say, "yes, thanks, and how is yours?" After that, you know she'll be near her phone and in a good mood. If you call right then, she will pick up and probably be warm to talk. It would look silly if she just answered your text but then doesn't pick up. That's a good way to combine text game and phone game.

Also, girls answer texts virtually 100% of the time, but most the time let their calls go to voice mail, and then they are flaky about calling back if you don't have anything established. Don't use texting as a crutch though. Just use it to warm her up for talking on the phone. After she texts back and asks how are you, then text a couple things that make her type "lol" or some smilies and then calling her right then she'll be in the mode and have the advantage of knowing she's not in the middle of something or catching her in a sh*tty mood. You know how temperamental girls are.

When you are on the phone, keep things short. Start with a false time constraint and say you only have a moment to talk(because you're a very busy guy of course or at least want to have that attitude), and get right to the point. Say a few niceties, maybe a brief story of something funny that happened that day just to ease in, even if you have to make something up. Make sure it's funny and something she'd laugh at. Then at the end, tell her that such and such a night you'd like to meet up after work for a drink. When you agree on a time and place, you're done, then get off the phone. The whole conversation should take no longer than 5 minutes. If you're not a phone person(and I'm not either), don't spend hours d*cking around on the phone. It's pointless anyway, you can't get any p*ssy unless she's in person. So just use the phone as a way of setting up the face to face meeting.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

This is normal. The phone sucks, everyone's better in person. Keep it short, and if you're really really struggling, notes won't hurt either. I've never used notes but I've waited until I had a few funny, relevant lines to slip into the convo that I knew would ease the tension.

It's the Costanza method... go out on a high note. Get off the phone after she's laughed a few times and you've made a good impression, lol. The goal is to get together in person anyway.

 

[DondottaJuanpappa]

all this advice will work but only for so long, everything just has to come natural.

One thing that never fails for me is to just not take it so serious. Have fun. A test is suppose to be serious, hence you get nervous and wonder how you did. Not the case with talking on the phone with a women. Try those other suggestions and try mines as well. Be smart and use everyone's ideas that seem right. Good luck!


pimpin

 

[beatoven]

Or what about sending a text message instead of calling. Just something simple like, "hope you're having a good day". She'll probably write back and say, "yes, thanks, and how is yours?" After that, you know she'll be near her phone and in a good mood. If you call right then, she will pick up and probably be warm to talk. It would look silly if she just answered your text but then doesn't pick up. That's a good way to combine text game and phone game.

Also, girls answer texts virtually 100% of the time, but most the time let their calls go to voice mail, and then they are flaky about calling back if you don't have anything established. Don't use texting as a crutch though. Just use it to warm her up for talking on the phone. After she texts back and asks how are you, then text a couple things that make her type "lol" or some smilies and then calling her right then she'll be in the mode and have the advantage of knowing she's not in the middle of something or catching her in a sh*tty mood. You know how temperamental girls are.

When you are on the phone, keep things short. Start with a false time constraint and say you only have a moment to talk(because you're a very busy guy of course or at least want to have that attitude), and get right to the point. Say a few niceties, maybe a brief story of something funny that happened that day just to ease in, even if you have to make something up. Make sure it's funny and something she'd laugh at. Then at the end, tell her that such and such a night you'd like to meet up after work for a drink. When you agree on a time and place, you're done, then get off the phone. The whole conversation should take no longer than 5 minutes. If you're not a phone person(and I'm not either), don't spend hours d*cking around on the phone. It's pointless anyway, you can't get any p*ssy unless she's in person. So just use the phone as a way of setting up the face to face meeting.

Girls definitely do answer texts. However I heard somewhere that texting instead of calling is weak and shows you have no balls? Could be things have changed since that advice was given.

I do like the idea of friendly, humorous texts and then a phone call after I receive a reply back. Seems failproof, unless she’s in class or at work.

Since I despise phone calls, brevity’s not an issue. I try to be concise, set up a date, and hang up.

This is normal. The phone sucks, everyone's better in person. Keep it short, and if you're really really struggling, notes won't hurt either. I've never used notes but I've waited until I had a few funny, relevant lines to slip into the convo that I knew would ease the tension.

It's the Costanza method... go out on a high note. Get off the phone after she's laughed a few times and you've made a good impression, lol. The goal is to get together in person anyway.

Glad to know I’m not the only one who hates phones. I do keep it brief. If it was in person I’d have no trouble with the lines or laughter, but on the phone I just shut down and can’t think straight.

However, this is why I’m here. Self improvement.

all this advice will work but only for so long, everything just has to come natural.

One thing that never fails for me is to just not take it so serious. Have fun. A test is suppose to be serious, hence you get nervous and wonder how you did. Not the case with talking on the phone with a women. Try those other suggestions and try mines as well. Be smart and use everyone's ideas that seem right. Good luck!


pimpin

Excellent points. What throws me off is not being able to read her body language and having to rely exclusively on the tone of our voices. Definitely puts me out of my comfort zone.

I do try to take it easy, but I still come off as nervous and kind of robotic on the phone. I guess practice makes perfect and it'll eventually come natural like everything else.



Thanks for the help.