Philosophy of Spontanaeity in thought

[Mac]

One thing that I have noticed recently when observing the differences between my friends who are good with women and those who arent, is that the guys who are good with women see dating as a spontaneous process. They make dating fun and dont think about the girl until they are actually talking to them.

Ive noticed most "so called AFC's" constantly think about the girl they are interested in. This makes so much more at stake then there needs to be. Instead of being humorous, light, and fun being spontaneous, they fret and fret and make so much at stake. It becomes very important. A superbowl of risking yourself.

This is why I think it is so hard for people who are just starting to date to get over the hurdle.

Let me make a metaphor:

Ever notice when you go to the doctors office as a kid and you needed to get a shot, if the doctor just gave it to you, without a wait, it wasnt that big a deal. But if you had to wait for the doctor for forty five minutes just thinking about the shot, your work yourself into a frenzy. When the doctor finally came in you would totally freak out.

I think the same effect is seen in dating. If their is no spontanaeity keeping things light, you will make a huge deal out of everything just thinking about what could go wrong. You make to much at stake. But if you keep things spontaeous in thought, not thinking about a girl till your in contact with her or calling her, you will not fret and it will be far easier to talk to women.

This would also explain why it is not a problem to talk to a girl the first time you meet her, but upon reflection that you like her, the next time you see her it is difficult to talk to her.

So, dont obsess over someone until you are talking with them. Thinking about what could go wrong in your head doesn't help. Keeping your thought process spontaeous and light wihtout obsession seems to be a key

Just some food for thoughts

-Mac

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Very insightful! I find this stressing on future dates to be a major hurdle that I need to overcome. Approaching and closing is easy but I'm still hung up on the subsequent process. It becomes so much like work that it tires me to even think about it.

Thanks for posting these thoughts as they caused me to think about this current problem in a new way. I should stress about going on dates as much as I do when I spontaneously do something with a friend on a weeknight.

 

[becker]

Mac,

This is a great post. I agree with you 100% on this. It's tantamount to psyching yourself out and overanalyzing. I have found that when I've been most successful with women, it's when I have just acted without giving myself time to reflect on the situation rather than when I have tried to sort of plan out the attack so to speak.

The problem with overthinking is that no matter how much to try to make it seem spontaneous, you end up tripping yourself and becoming too reliant on stuff you've sort of played over and over in your head to the point that when you have to act, and something doesn't go right, everything sort of falls down.

After I've learned that, I realized that it's so key to giving off a non-needy or independent image to be genuinely spontaneous.

 

[ScrewIt]

true so very true. i think we've all been there where we overanazlye/overthink situations where we've been afraid of screwing something up.

when you're "in the moment" and just let thing happen naturally w/o having second thoughts. the moment will be so much more spontaneous and fun cause u're just being yourself afterall no?