Philosophical question... Do not enter if you are not willing to think.

[You ain't a DJ]

As a don juan, I think this is very important question. I believe the seeking of the answer will be more valuable then the results itself, but the answer will be very valuable to aspiring don juans.

My question is; "Why do one give importance to others". From, close and personnal friends, to aquaintances and strangers.

This has been on my mind for so long. I have fragments of answers but can't explicitely give a full explanation.

Do humans believe that an individual's social status depends on the outsider's opinion? Outsiders as in, whoever that is not 'me'.

or do humans believe that one's value is dependant on another's point of view???

I'm sure the answers can be yes and 'it depends'...

but what I am really interested is in the why. Why does an individual guage it's own value on another's opinions?

I believe that once we found the true answer, we can resolve it and therefore rationally and fully erase the fear of other's opinion or when you feel self-conscious.

please be mature about this.

 

[Kwah]

I place very little worth on most peoples opinions of me. I look at from the point of view of doing what I know if morally right and if people have a problem with that they can lick my balls. Only people I really care about have any influence on me, and that is because I know they will not try to influence me in the wrong way.

 

[HuuBinh]

You give importance to a person is because that person has directly or indirectly impacted you.

 

[Krassus]

Only weak-minded people base their self-worth on the opinions of others.

 

[High Voltage]

Here's my take:

True self-confidence arises from not CARING of what others think. It allows you to be more at ease and in general a more fun person to be around.

However:

Humans are social creatures. We must be AWARE of other people's opinions of us in order to be successful in life. Certain people have to like us in order for us to get ahead and accomplish our goals, because there is no escaping in dealing with people.

The key is not to CARE what other people think but to be AWARE of their opinion of us in order to achieve our goals.

For example, it would be much harder to advance in your career if your boss and all your coworkers think you're a jerk. Or to get decent references.

This sounds manipulative and indeed it is. It does not agree with what society teaches us. If we cared what other people thought and worried overmuch about consequences then we would all be emotional wrecks never leaving our homes. Hope this sheds some light.

- HV

 

[BobbDobbs]

There was a study published recently that found that even people who said they didn't care what others thought about them really did care what others thought about them.

Caring about what others think about you is not the same as allowing it to control you. But it does have a big influence on everyone.

The universal nature of caring how you are perceived is probably due to it being a genetically acquired trait, useful for social cohesion, leading to successful evolution.

 

[Nine Breaker]

Everything that defines what kind of person we are seems to come from an external perspective. In other words, we are defined through our interactions with others.

In your post, you have asked whether an individual's social status depends on the outsider's opinion? The simple fact of the matter that social status cannot exist if there is no society to have status in - we cannot expect to have a position in a society we do not interact in. Our social stature comes from how we are perceived and valued by other individuals - an external perspective to our own point of view.

As I mentioned above, we are somewhat defined by this external perspective of us. This is because a great many of the defining characteristics of each person (things such as good or evil, outgoing or shy, wise or gullible, to name a few) are all based around social perspective. The phrase "social perspective" refers to the overall social view as to what makes a person overall good or overall bad. An example of this would be Adolph Hitler. To a great proportion of the world, he was (and is) viewed as a tyrant who was almost single-handedly responsible for the most horrific war in the whole of human history. But to a considerable number of the German population at the time, he was viewed as a man who could not only help the Germans who supported him in a time when germany was economically and socially weakened, but also put Germany in a position of great strength and significance in the world forum.

Now, I don't pretend to know a thing about Hitler himself, but I can say with certainty that everything that defines what sort of a man he was comes from how he interacted with others, and how others interpreted his actions upon others. I only use him as an example because virtually everyone on the planet has an opinion of him.

Now, I hope that I am making my point clearer. Society as a whole tends to decide upon the qualities that make a person deemable as successful or a failure. As this is so, the very definition of what sort of person we are comes from this social perspective. If we have the qualities that society deems to be "good", then we are deemed to be "good".

This entire process is one that is not done through our conscious mind, it is our subconscious that largely creates and edits opinions about others - and it knows that others are fully capable of the same thing.

This is what leads us to caring about what others think - we do not wish to be viewed unfavourably by others. Our subconscious would tell us that if we do something that results in one person viewing us in a negative way, then the perspective that person has could spread and spread until it becomes a social perspective - and we are widely renowned in a negative way. This could then lead to lost opportunities, a loss of options in the future, and an increased risk of failing to achieve things in our lives.

Just because we think that way, does not make it so.

To live a life without others thinking unfavourably of us at any point in time is an impossibility. Jesus Christ was supposedly a flawless and righteous man - and look where he ended up. The point is that we do not need to be concerned with those who do not view us favourably - but be concerned with those that DO see us in a positive manner.

We cannot stop having some people disliking who we are - that is inevitable. However, we can make friendships, and we can break them. Because it is far harder to make others like us, we tend to care more about losing that friendship. It is far easier to lose a friendship that has lasted a lifetime than to make a lifelong friendship, isn't it?

By having others around us that see us as "good", we derive an increased sense of self-worth from it. The same thing applies to each and every one of those "others" around you.

If you only take one thing from this post of mine, take that point.

Take it easy.

 

[B9]

I practise Zen, which basically teaches you to rely on yourself for everything. I am always watching out for the tendency to spill out my own emotions and and personal stuff on others, simply because I prefer to internalise it and deal with it myself.

I reckon most people who want to be around others and socialise as much as possible is because they are not to happy with their own company. I don't mind company, and find it quite enjoyable as long as it is in well rationed doses, but I do definitely make sure to get plenty of time on my own.

The way we define ourselves in contrast to others is also how we impose limitations on ourselves in dealing with others. I agree with what High Voltage said about being aware, though I would say just be aware of the tendency to define yourself through others when you do that. investigate it when you find it happening. those definitions are only real to you, because you to choose to invest yourself in them.

Those that think 'I don't give a ****" are the ones I often find caring the most. If you really don't care, the issue just becomes irrelevant. There's no need to think "I don't care" at that point.

 

[Walden]

Others opinion of us is important it is the best tool we have for judging our actions. You see crazy guys walking down the street with urkle pantys and lime green sunglasses on it's cos they're not using awareness of how they're percieved as a social tool.

The trick is to use it rather than have it use you.

 

[PreceptMan]

Very simple my man, detach yourself from this statement and develop your character to your liking. You are not who you think you are, you are not who others think you are, you are who you think others think you are. Louis.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

There is a quote whose author I don't know:

"We wouldn't worry so much what others think of us if we realized how infrequently they do."

 

[B9]

Someone I know shared and observations of hers, on how she came to be a lot more relaxed in her social interaction:

"I discovered that most people spend more time worrying about what I think of them, than really thinking about me."

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

Where as you must try to go about and be yourself, the reality is, the majority of the world must rely on other people's opinions.

If you work, your boss or supervisors opinion of you really matters. If they think you are a lazy worker, you won't be at that job that long. ANd in economies like now, where work is hard to find, even for graduates of grad school, this does affect your.

How can it not if you have car bills, a mortgage(or rent), insurances, credit cards, food, etc etc etc the list goes on. And if you have kids and a significant other, you have even more bills and worries.

Where as you might not really care how somebody else perceives you, you are fooling yourself to think their opinion of you does not matter.

Many people are defined by what they do.

If you constantly get looked over for promotions, raises, etc, either you begin to hate your boss and other superiors even more or your self-worth drops some.

Go on to other things, Celebrities are defiend by what people think. They can complain and say what they want, but without FANS and critics, they wouldn't be anything.

Businesses rely on reputation.

If you don't care about what your reputation is, your business most likely would'nt last a year.

Many a successful business has been built on word of mouth. Or, what other people thought about you and your business.

Some people rebel against their parents, bosses, etc, some people follow whatever other people ask and tell them to do.

We might pretend what other people think does'nt matter, and in many cases, we do worry to much about it, but in reality, everything we do, is either because of, in spite of, or for somebody else. Thats reality.