lizardking82
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2016
- Messages
- 1,884
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My girlfriend left me last October, third day, completely unexpectedly. Had been together with her for 2 years, 1 month. What I will do here is that I will write a compilation of the story up until today and will give what I have learned throughout this 6 month journey post breakup. I hope it comes to good use to someone that might have a similar story now or in the future.
1) First few hours after the breakup, I kept on talking to her. She was still warm towards me and only presented it as "I need some space to think things through, I am not sure if I feel the same way". Girls. She had kissed me and hugged me that same day, 2-3 hours earlier.
CONCLUSIONS:
- I know your instincts are gonna tell you to do it, but when she announces the space, it's not space she's asking, it's a breakup she wants and guys, for your own mind's sake, give it to her fully. Do not resist her request.
- Any guy should be prepared (I was not) for any girl to leave him anytime. I am not saying you live your life in fear, but be prepared to go cold turkey on her ass no matter how special or sincere she seems. They give in to feelings and feelings are momentary. They are so ****in' momentary they can change in a matter of hours. Sometimes it has to do with the way you behaved towards her, sometimes it's her own personal shortcomings mentally/emotionally that will make her go away from you. In any case, welcoming it not only helps you grieve and move on quicker, but it also keeps your dignity/image/integrity in check and in a possible scenario (which you will be hoping for, but you shouldn't), it may also increase her attraction and make her wanna come back with you.
2) After that, she started distancing herself from me slowly. I asked to meet her since the breakup had happened over the phone. I became totally beta and started trynna control her, bla bla bla. I just could not believe that this girl was leaving me. She had told me thousands of times, her eyes shining and full of happiness and lust and life, that she "would never leave me for anything". I met this same girl about a week later to have a drink and talk things over and in my mind, the relationship was not yet over. I was fully convinced that I would turn her mind around and that she would come back running into my arms. Well, the conversation was quite cold to begin with, then I kinda "forced" her to do some things and she ended up crying and kissing me and acting cute and all that. We "agreed" (makes me laugh when I think about it now because there was no other option whatsoever LOL) to let her have her space for as long as she wanted. But of course my anxiety about the situation led to me buying her gifts as I thought she would feel bad to leave such a wonderful guy, right? Well, no. I made her a gift and she was almost completely uninterested in it, guys. That is how it goes.
CONCLUSIONS:
- For a lot of guys, when she dumps them, they feel like they are losing control of the situation. Well, guys, let me wake you up: you never had control of anything else other than yourself and the way you behaved. She wanted to give in, that is why she did. At some point, she did not want that anymore so she doesn't now. No matter what desperate attempt you do to make her give in, it will most probably only lead to her pushing further away from you.
- Please, guys, do not deny reality. When a girls asks for space or wants to break up, realize that the moment has come when she feels she does not want you anymore. Believe that as it will save you days/weeks/months of suffering simply because you do not wanna accept reality.
- I am all for showing a girl the superiority of a manly and logical mind when in conversation before sex, during sex/LTR or simply show her your logical side to have a convo, but she is breaking up with you, guys, the worst thing you can do, is trynna logically convince her why she should not leave you. Her decisions are based on the way she feels most of the time. She acts based on her emotions and justifies later with logic. No matter what you say is gonna appeal to her logic because that is not her nature. If you can appeal to her feelings, do so. However, since she's breaking up with you, you have probably stopped appealing at her feelings already so it's useless.
- Do not try to buy back her feelings with material gifts. You will be wasting your money, to begin with, and to go on with, she will not be impressed and if she is, then she's a cheap ***** and you should not be dealing with a cheap, soulless ***** anyways.
3) One other mistake I did was that I did not delete her off of social media. Guys, you are hurt and still licking your wounds after she left you. Her Instagram and Facebook profiles were the last way I could keep some contact with her and her life and I so badly wanted that. I wanted to see "my" baby's face for as long as possible. Until seeing "my" baby's face faced with photos of her that I would rather not see. I started getting crazily jealous about a person that was not even in my orbit anymore LOL One specific video she uploaded made me so ****in' mad and that was the night I decided to cut her off entirely. I took her off Instagram and Facebook, deleted her number, too. It helped me so ****in' much not having her pop up on my Insta and Facebook feed randomly and also not having her like my posts because she noticed I took her off and stopped that altogether. It helped me heal so much and much quicker without her presence anywhere.
CONCLUSIONS:
- Take her off immediately any social media. I know you will be dying to keep in touch with her in these indirect ways, but it doesn';t do you any good. At all. It is just your ego lying to you that "hey buddy, we're still in charge of this ****". You are not. It's over. The only thing you're in charge off right now is your own actions and your own life. Your brain will keep you seeking some sort of contact with her like a drug dealer seeks to be given his favourite drug if he cut using it a couple of weeks ago, but be ****in' strong as a rock. Do not give in. These are the times when your skin grows thicker and you learn to handle **** differently. It is a fantastic opportunity to learn, to grow as a person, to grow wiser.
4) I stayed without contacting her for about 2 months, like, at all. I got much better at around the end of January 2017. However, at around that time, I got this urge to see what she was up to. She has not contacted me, but I still had this bugging thought that "maybe she wants to contact you, but she doesn't have the courage". I went on and contacted her. She was as cold as ever. Her coldness did not surprise me anymore now, but I had some hopes. My hopes were squashed down to nothing when she told me she had not changed her mind (duh!). Strangely, I did not feel sad or mad or depressed anymore. I felt relieved. I felt relieved for that I had given it every try I could to try and save that relationship while she was the one that had bailed out completely, like 2 years were nothing.
CONCLUSIONS:
- The only thing that will help you heal is alone time. You need to understand that it is not normal for you feel so sad and depressed because a person left your life. It is deeper, underlying emotional reasons you feel like that. In my case, I discovered I had abandonment issues that surfaced when she left me and also discovered that I was unhappy with my life back then. She was the last layer holding me up the ground and when she left, I hit the ground and damn, did it hurt. A person that is working towards their life goals, that is happy with what they have and has a purpose, will have women as just complementary and something complementary cannot make you go into depression. Of course her leaving would not make you happy, but it would not crush you down either. Spend time alone with yourself more often. Work on your passions, hobbies. Work. Workout. Have walks alone. Enjoy nature, enjoy your family and friends. But most importantly, connect with yourself because you probably are (like most people) disconnected from yourself and you cannot healthily/fully connect with anyone without connecting to yourself first.
- Always go for what you want without giving a **** what other people think. If she broke up with you and feel like giving it another shot and she's not coming up with it? Do so. You go and tell her. Propose it to her. However, only after you've healed. This means after you have understood that she is complementary to your (hopefully) already healthy life and that you might get a big, fat no again. Some people will tell you "only go for her after you don't give a ****", but that seems stupid to me because what is the point of going after her when you don't give a **** anymore? Go after her once if you feel this is so important to you. After that, if the answer is no, like Corey Wayne says LOL "walk and never look back".
1) First few hours after the breakup, I kept on talking to her. She was still warm towards me and only presented it as "I need some space to think things through, I am not sure if I feel the same way". Girls. She had kissed me and hugged me that same day, 2-3 hours earlier.
CONCLUSIONS:
- I know your instincts are gonna tell you to do it, but when she announces the space, it's not space she's asking, it's a breakup she wants and guys, for your own mind's sake, give it to her fully. Do not resist her request.
- Any guy should be prepared (I was not) for any girl to leave him anytime. I am not saying you live your life in fear, but be prepared to go cold turkey on her ass no matter how special or sincere she seems. They give in to feelings and feelings are momentary. They are so ****in' momentary they can change in a matter of hours. Sometimes it has to do with the way you behaved towards her, sometimes it's her own personal shortcomings mentally/emotionally that will make her go away from you. In any case, welcoming it not only helps you grieve and move on quicker, but it also keeps your dignity/image/integrity in check and in a possible scenario (which you will be hoping for, but you shouldn't), it may also increase her attraction and make her wanna come back with you.
2) After that, she started distancing herself from me slowly. I asked to meet her since the breakup had happened over the phone. I became totally beta and started trynna control her, bla bla bla. I just could not believe that this girl was leaving me. She had told me thousands of times, her eyes shining and full of happiness and lust and life, that she "would never leave me for anything". I met this same girl about a week later to have a drink and talk things over and in my mind, the relationship was not yet over. I was fully convinced that I would turn her mind around and that she would come back running into my arms. Well, the conversation was quite cold to begin with, then I kinda "forced" her to do some things and she ended up crying and kissing me and acting cute and all that. We "agreed" (makes me laugh when I think about it now because there was no other option whatsoever LOL) to let her have her space for as long as she wanted. But of course my anxiety about the situation led to me buying her gifts as I thought she would feel bad to leave such a wonderful guy, right? Well, no. I made her a gift and she was almost completely uninterested in it, guys. That is how it goes.
CONCLUSIONS:
- For a lot of guys, when she dumps them, they feel like they are losing control of the situation. Well, guys, let me wake you up: you never had control of anything else other than yourself and the way you behaved. She wanted to give in, that is why she did. At some point, she did not want that anymore so she doesn't now. No matter what desperate attempt you do to make her give in, it will most probably only lead to her pushing further away from you.
- Please, guys, do not deny reality. When a girls asks for space or wants to break up, realize that the moment has come when she feels she does not want you anymore. Believe that as it will save you days/weeks/months of suffering simply because you do not wanna accept reality.
- I am all for showing a girl the superiority of a manly and logical mind when in conversation before sex, during sex/LTR or simply show her your logical side to have a convo, but she is breaking up with you, guys, the worst thing you can do, is trynna logically convince her why she should not leave you. Her decisions are based on the way she feels most of the time. She acts based on her emotions and justifies later with logic. No matter what you say is gonna appeal to her logic because that is not her nature. If you can appeal to her feelings, do so. However, since she's breaking up with you, you have probably stopped appealing at her feelings already so it's useless.
- Do not try to buy back her feelings with material gifts. You will be wasting your money, to begin with, and to go on with, she will not be impressed and if she is, then she's a cheap ***** and you should not be dealing with a cheap, soulless ***** anyways.
3) One other mistake I did was that I did not delete her off of social media. Guys, you are hurt and still licking your wounds after she left you. Her Instagram and Facebook profiles were the last way I could keep some contact with her and her life and I so badly wanted that. I wanted to see "my" baby's face for as long as possible. Until seeing "my" baby's face faced with photos of her that I would rather not see. I started getting crazily jealous about a person that was not even in my orbit anymore LOL One specific video she uploaded made me so ****in' mad and that was the night I decided to cut her off entirely. I took her off Instagram and Facebook, deleted her number, too. It helped me so ****in' much not having her pop up on my Insta and Facebook feed randomly and also not having her like my posts because she noticed I took her off and stopped that altogether. It helped me heal so much and much quicker without her presence anywhere.
CONCLUSIONS:
- Take her off immediately any social media. I know you will be dying to keep in touch with her in these indirect ways, but it doesn';t do you any good. At all. It is just your ego lying to you that "hey buddy, we're still in charge of this ****". You are not. It's over. The only thing you're in charge off right now is your own actions and your own life. Your brain will keep you seeking some sort of contact with her like a drug dealer seeks to be given his favourite drug if he cut using it a couple of weeks ago, but be ****in' strong as a rock. Do not give in. These are the times when your skin grows thicker and you learn to handle **** differently. It is a fantastic opportunity to learn, to grow as a person, to grow wiser.
4) I stayed without contacting her for about 2 months, like, at all. I got much better at around the end of January 2017. However, at around that time, I got this urge to see what she was up to. She has not contacted me, but I still had this bugging thought that "maybe she wants to contact you, but she doesn't have the courage". I went on and contacted her. She was as cold as ever. Her coldness did not surprise me anymore now, but I had some hopes. My hopes were squashed down to nothing when she told me she had not changed her mind (duh!). Strangely, I did not feel sad or mad or depressed anymore. I felt relieved. I felt relieved for that I had given it every try I could to try and save that relationship while she was the one that had bailed out completely, like 2 years were nothing.
CONCLUSIONS:
- The only thing that will help you heal is alone time. You need to understand that it is not normal for you feel so sad and depressed because a person left your life. It is deeper, underlying emotional reasons you feel like that. In my case, I discovered I had abandonment issues that surfaced when she left me and also discovered that I was unhappy with my life back then. She was the last layer holding me up the ground and when she left, I hit the ground and damn, did it hurt. A person that is working towards their life goals, that is happy with what they have and has a purpose, will have women as just complementary and something complementary cannot make you go into depression. Of course her leaving would not make you happy, but it would not crush you down either. Spend time alone with yourself more often. Work on your passions, hobbies. Work. Workout. Have walks alone. Enjoy nature, enjoy your family and friends. But most importantly, connect with yourself because you probably are (like most people) disconnected from yourself and you cannot healthily/fully connect with anyone without connecting to yourself first.
- Always go for what you want without giving a **** what other people think. If she broke up with you and feel like giving it another shot and she's not coming up with it? Do so. You go and tell her. Propose it to her. However, only after you've healed. This means after you have understood that she is complementary to your (hopefully) already healthy life and that you might get a big, fat no again. Some people will tell you "only go for her after you don't give a ****", but that seems stupid to me because what is the point of going after her when you don't give a **** anymore? Go after her once if you feel this is so important to you. After that, if the answer is no, like Corey Wayne says LOL "walk and never look back".
