personality shift

[jcarlos_h]

hey people... i have a problem that really bugs me.. everytime i DON'T care much about a girl; im elloquent, smart, funny and i have perfect conversations with her and always end up with her at least for a while...... but when i REALLY REALLY like a girl; i'm not smart or funny or elloquent, i become boring and stupid... hate it when this happens.
And what sometimes happens is that at first i don't care much about her so i'm the good version of myself but when i start liking her I shift to the bad ME. Also sometimes the other way around.

This sucks!

What can i do!?!

 

[Mental]

hey people... i have a problem that really bugs me.. everytime i DON'T care much about a girl; im elloquent, smart, funny and i have perfect conversations with her and always end up with her at least for a while...... but when i REALLY REALLY like a girl; i'm not smart or funny or elloquent, i become boring and stupid... hate it when this happens.
And what sometimes happens is that at first i don't care much about her so i'm the good version of myself but when i start liking her I shift to the bad ME. Also sometimes the other way around.

This sucks!

What can i do!?!

I think some of it is finding the right buds to hang out with. I find I'm better off with being a man about things if I've hung out with certain buds during the week. Otherwise, I feel myself starting to drift back to overly nice mode.

I think at first it also has to be a constant practice. You have to immerse yourself in it. And it might get easier the more you practice.

Other than that, I have no clue. I tend to be the same way, though I've worked hard at being less overly kind to people who don't deserve it.

 

[Leporello]

How easy it is to be brilliant to people you don't care about.

 

[boners]

true true!

 

[Interceptor]

hey people... i have a problem that really bugs me.. everytime i DON'T care much about a girl; im elloquent, smart, funny and i have perfect conversations with her and always end up with her at least for a while...... but when i REALLY REALLY like a girl; i'm not smart or funny or elloquent, i become boring and stupid... hate it when this happens.
And what sometimes happens is that at first i don't care much about her so i'm the good version of myself but when i start liking her I shift to the bad ME. Also sometimes the other way around.

This sucks!

What can i do!?!

My guess is that with the unattractive woman, you are in a better head space to impress her. It may feel easier to QUALIFY
('the dancing monkey" Syndrome, or the 'entertainer" persona) for her.
But with the more attractive women, you find it much more difficult since you may feel they are "out of your league".
If you aren't actually trying to impress and qualify , then there just seems to be an issue of not being in alignment with your desires.
Perhaps you have been shamed for being attracted to women?
Or perhaps the difficulty you feel is because you feel uin worthy of an attractive woman?
Perhaps , you may have low Self Esteem, and simply do not feel you are as worhty and as 'good" as the attractive woman?

There are deep underlying issues at work here.

You feel no pressure when you are with an unattractive woman, but you do feel pressure and 'stunted' when you are with an attractive woman.
Or at least, a woman whom YOU find attractive.

You also might be looking at women Idealistically.
Perhaps you are expereincing the "Halo Effect"?
Do you feel they are Superior to you?
Do you feel ashamed for being attracted and feeling Sexual Desire for them?


Believe it or not, these are very common issues.


Since there isn't much background info I can't pinpoint the problem.
I do feel that here is a low Self Esteem issue at any rate.
This is perhaps the easiest to deal with , believe it or not.

But you will need to sit down and figure out what is going on in your subconscious and these issues.
Ask yourself those questions, and try to pinpoint where these feelings started.
Once you have a better grasp on this, then maybe we can help you to better deal with it, and hopefully eliminate it.

 

[jcarlos_h]

ive done a lot of thinking and i concluded that maybe when i start caring about someone i get nervous thus affecting my personality badly.. iss there any way to deal with this ?

 

[WC2]

I think you're over thinking.

I don't know how no one who replied to your thread didn't admit to being the same way. This happens to 90% of guys who talk to women. It's VERY common.

It's a hurdle that you have to get through. Sometimes you have to take a step back and ask yourself why you like this girl so much.. this can lead to other problems besides being able to keep a convo going (one-itis). To make it easier, think of things you don't care for about her.

I know it's tough going into a conversation with a woman that you're crazy over. Sometimes you just have to DO IT and eventually just get used to talking to her. Be playful, and before you know it she will be sending you signals too. Take these signals straight to the heart and it will up your confidence big time. You'd be surprised how one wink or one long stare can totally change your confidence in talking to a woman.

best of luck