Personal Boundaries

[collalife]

this is deep inner game david d stuff*nice*

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Why not assest ourselves?

Try it: http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html

This way you can know how to build a stronger personal boundary.

My result is the following:

Locus of Control Test Results

Internal Locus |||||||||||||| 53%
External Locus |||||||||||| 47%

*In the 60s Psychologist Julian Rotter developed a theory called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. His theory centered around whether someone thinks their life is more influenced by external factors like fate, genetics, luck, environment (external locus of control) OR by internal factors like effort, tenacity, and free will (internal locus of control). Your results suggest you believe your life is defined about equally by both internal forces (drive, free will, etc.) and external forces (genetics, environment, fate). Thus, you have an Ambiverted Locus of Control

Test 2:

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were very low which suggests you are extremely reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
introverted, secretive, messy, depressed, does not like leadership, somewhat nihilistic, observer, does not make friends easily, unassertive, feels invisible, feels undesirable, hates large parties, does not like to stand out, leisurely, suspicious, submissive, abstract, unpredictable, intellectual, likes rain, likes the unknown, negative, weird, not a risk taker, unadventurous, avoidant, strange

 

[NHY]

This is an interesting topic

I guess that what it all boils down to, lack of proper personal bounderies in life. As a result, you tend to not get what you really want in life, not just with women. I can bet a AFC is probably unhappy with more than just lack of success with women.

Some people become so frustrated they'll look for anything or anyone to blame for thier ill fortune in life. This could be anything, be it the government, feminism, thier parents, things like that. Instead of improving them selves, they shut themselves out from the world, begin to hate the world and everything around them. They blame the world for thier ills, instead of looking at themselves and saying ' Hey, wait. Look at ME, I am a mess. Man, maybe I should rethink some things about how I see myself and this world. '

Is it any wonder suicide rates are so high these days? And do I need mention all those shootings in American schools? Depressed, lonely kids with poor personal bounderies, who went on to hate thier world and everything around them and look what happened!

Just my two cents.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Guys to complement this, check it out:

"When people grow in character, they grow in the ability to set boundaries"

Boundaries in Marriage - Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

It´s amazing!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

There´s a collection of books!

Another: http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Dr-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310200342/ref=pd_sim_b_img_5

I´m gonna buy them all! :cheer:

 

[LovelyLady]

Bump

 

[mtnkng]

Yes, this mind OS mapping is really good stuff to look at.

Another key aspect, imho, is the decision making power we need to use when we have boundaries. Using our resources, we decide to open the door in our boundaries and let good things inside and keep the bad things out.

If we make a bad decision and let bad things in, we heal and add to our resources that will be used in our decision making - a new boundary is formed or an old one is reinforced. If we make a bad decision and keep the good things out, the door in our boundary is adjusted or is created.

Its one aspect to our personal growth.

 

[LovelyLady]

bump

 

[Interceptor]

Bump.

It seems to me a lot of situations happening because guys are vague on what they want, and who they are. And are letting their women dictate to them what their 'terms' are in a very un loving manner. And these guys are getting played and manipulated, and arent really sure just what exactly is happening.


When you are NOT SURE of Your VALUES, you can be EASILY Manipulated with someone ELSE'S.
That is, when you have no Preference, then someone else can come in and DECIDE for you. If you dont know if thats OK, you will then have a serious PROBLEM.
And thats why you are here.
Do you see the connection?


When you are only connected to your EGO and react to your WANTS, you dont 'hear' your NEEDS coming through.
And when you dont hear them, you dont KNOW how to get them fulfilled and satisfied.

When you work out of your EGO, you look at INSTANT GRATIFICATION, and dont pay attention to your Needs, or your self respect or dignity.
You are in REACTIVE mode. Not RESPONDING to the event that is happening in real time.

When you are TOO 'up in your head', you are not 'feeling' your body connection.
You are way too left brain though/analytical/logic oriented, and not enough 'FEEL" through Intuition. And that comes from feeling your body. And knowing your body. Knowing how you feel in certain circumstances, and what you WANT to feel in certain circumstances.
Knowing and feeling your HEART.


Know WHO you are.
Know WHAT you want.
KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.

Be COGNIZANT of when youre not getting your NEEDS met, and youre getting played.
Dont play the "BAIT and SWITCH Game" with anyone.

Dont be fooled.
Dont be manipulated.
Dont be a mindless zombie.
Dont be checked out.
Dont be complacent.
BE RESPONSIBLE.

Dont neglect what you are feeling.
Pay attention to it. But dont let it CONSUME you. Dont drown in them.
Reflect on what is happening, and then take action.


You dont NEED to suffer to learn things.
But, the less you know yourself and the less you know what you want and need, the more PROBLEMS you WILL have. Thus, more pain and suffering.

Learn about Life through circumstances that being you happiness and joy.

Its not always about suffering.


So, how do you start navigating away from that vagueness when you're being hurt in some way and you dont know exactly what is going on, and what to do???


know yourself.

 

[fertileTurtle]

I have a cousin that gave his credit card to his "GF". Guess what? She spent all money he had, and he went crazy.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

 

[LovelyLady]

Bump. This is powerful stuff

 

[hustleforcash]

this resonated with me on so many levels. i was beaten down so much growing up (especially by so-called "friends") that i developed a 'shell' around my personality. very few people see the real me. it wasnt until a few years ago i decided to improve myself in all aspects of life. not only do i look and feel better about myself but i am starting to express myself more openly to others not caring what they think. the trouble is i'm not really sure if the people i meet nowadays just want me around because they value my personality or they are just trying to use me. anyone else have this problem? it is kind of hard to know who your real friends are when you hang around so many narcissists and greedy people.

 

[LovelyLady]

bump

 

[Don Israel]

Keep bumping useful posts like this!


LOL I use to actually go 'How dare he/she disrespects me... ' whenever I though someone overtepped their boundary!

Little did I know that it's up to us to "Intercept" their actions, and, manage how they deal with us by setting up OUR boundary.

If they're stupid enough to not know how to deal with us (or anyone for that matter) , then let their stupidity affect them and not us. Life's a serious matter...why waste time of outside negative energy...