Persistance? Popular Media observation and question

[irocknike23]

So around here we preach(as well as the DJ Bible) that if a girl says no, you bounce and move on the the next one. Last night I was watching The Breakup and it hit me.....this is one of the MANY and I mean MANY movies that all start out the same way:

Guy seems interested in a girl and tries talking to her. Girl wants nothing to do with the guy and makes it very clear. Guy keeps trying again and again. Girl does not budge, makes it more clear she does not want him. Eventually girl breaks, and not only gives him a chance but is sprung on the guy!

At the beginning of the Breakup, the dude is at the ballpark trying to hit on a girl, not only is she telling him to bounce, but she is running away from him as she is doing so. 15 seconds later the movie cuts to a photo collage of them being the happiest couple ever. This is not the first movie I seen this in, as a matter of fact I have seen this in a good 20 other movies with the similar scenario....


But big question is, is that only in Movies? Or is it true that if you keep asking a girl out and she says no the first 15 times, the 16th time she will say yes? Thoughts?

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

At the most you'll never be anything more than a backup option to her and she may even marry you, but she'll never love you.

On the flip side I've seen horror stories on this site where guys have spent 10 years or more pursuing someone only to get the hot and cold treatment for years.

 

[Gunner26]

I know what you mean, I have never seen it work. I've only ever seen it turn the girl off even more.

If the guy were to flirt constantly for weeks/months without asking her out, I would say it could work, just because the girl might never be sure if he is serious or not and that might get her interested.

Repeatedly asking a girl out just shows desperation in my opinion.

The only way I can see it working is if the guy improves drastically in some way, and on the 16th time of asking the girl finally realises the difference, that or somebody has been positively affirming the guy to her for a long time.

Gunner

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

The only way I can see it working is if the guy improves drastically in some way, and on the 16th time of asking the girl finally realises the difference, that or somebody has been positively affirming the guy to her for a long time.

Gunner

This is a mindset that a lot of AFC's have. I'm all for self improvement, but it's 100X times better to start with a clean slate with someone new than go back to impress someone that rejected you.

 

[sharkbeat]

Is it a romantic comedy with a female lead actor?

You are watching the wrong movie, son.

 

[Gunner26]

This is a mindset that a lot of AFC's have. I'm all for self improvement, but it's 100X times better to start with a clean slate with someone new than go back to impress someone that rejected you.

I agree with this, I would much rather start with the clean slate than repeatedly pine for a girls attention/love/feelings who has already rejected me.

I'm just saying that in the situation OP describes, the self-improvement theme seems the most likely reason, to me at least, as to why a girl would change her mind about a guy, rather than just giving in to his desperate attempts to woo her.

Gunner

 

[Bokanovsky]

So around here we preach(as well as the DJ Bible) that if a girl says no, you bounce and move on the the next one. Last night I was watching The Breakup and it hit me.....this is one of the MANY and I mean MANY movies that all start out the same way:

Guy seems interested in a girl and tries talking to her. Girl wants nothing to do with the guy and makes it very clear. Guy keeps trying again and again. Girl does not budge, makes it more clear she does not want him. Eventually girl breaks, and not only gives him a chance but is sprung on the guy!

At the beginning of the Breakup, the dude is at the ballpark trying to hit on a girl, not only is she telling him to bounce, but she is running away from him as she is doing so. 15 seconds later the movie cuts to a photo collage of them being the happiest couple ever. This is not the first movie I seen this in, as a matter of fact I have seen this in a good 20 other movies with the similar scenario....


But big question is, is that only in Movies? Or is it true that if you keep asking a girl out and she says no the first 15 times, the 16th time she will say yes? Thoughts?

Although it may be contrary to "DJ ideology", from my experience, things like that occasionally happen in real life too. One of the guys I used to hang out with in university is a case in point. He met a girl at a party and later got her number from a mutual acquaintance. Called her up and asked her out on a date. She agreed...but only because she mistook him for another guy she met at the same party! I can only imagine how awkward that date must have been. In any event, after realizing her mistake, she wanted to have nothing to do with the guy. He chased her for six months, called her repeatedly, showed up at her house, etc. Eventually, she caved in. This was over 10 years ago and they are now married.

Does this mean that persistence always pays off? No, it does not. He could have just as easily ended up with a restraining order. Or, he could have ended up a heartbroken man, rejected by the woman that he spent so much effort trying to "conquer". Personally, I think that the downsides of chasing far outweigh the potential benefits. There are so many women out there, you can always find someone you won't have to chase.

 

[Zarky]

Keep in mind that Hollywood tends to perpetuate socially accepted myths. One is the construct of marriage and of male devotion to females.

Rom coms and related movies almost always have the man chasing the woman, and in the end he "gets" to marry the woman. Marriage and child-bearing is something that our society likes to perpetuate, and it uses stories to do so. This is the social contract involved: You show how devoted you are to a woman, and you get a monopoly over her reproductive system via the institution of marriage.

The "chase" is what shows your devotion to her. Of course these days with the marriage laws in tatters, the contract is no longer enforced on the woman's side. I personally think it's always been a bad contract for men so I don't cry to see it go, but that's my opinion.

The more effort a man puts into a woman, the more likely he will overvalue her and end up promising his entire future to her. This may make women happy and even lead to stable child-rearing structures, but it's now widely considered to be a bad choice for men.

If you want to marry a woman, chase her. If you want to have great sex with lots of women, then let them chase you.

 

[HalfAddict]

Could not help myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH_V09v2BTI


But from my past experiences persistence is pointless unless it is persistence in dusting off and moving to the next.

 

[Zion]

This has been discussed so many times before..


Ofcourse persistence works...


The reason you usually get a 'no' is because there is not enough comfort. Some people need more some need less to agree to a date or whatever the 'yes' means.


Even the social butterflies have some sort of anxieties and are somewhat intimidated by new people. And remember ,most people are not social butterflies at all.


By being persistent , you create a form of unnatural comfort.Superficial comfort. You create it simply by insisting.Conversational volume leads to it.
So insecurities and anxieties tone down.

So yeah,as more and more comfort builds , they might eventually accept. And when they do , they might actually like you.



Why it doesn't work for everyone is because it's very easy to go from persistent to needy / annoying / awkward / weird. It's a fine line between the two , and very few people can walk it properly.In movies , people walk it perfectly. That's why they're movies.

 

[VladPatton]

It's Hollywood fantasy of the chump getting the girl so the audience can feel a sense of hope from the film. Guys with no options that get hung up on one girl chase. They automatically put on the blinders and see only that one girl. They give up their power to her instantly. He gives her his entire future. He is infected by an incurable case of Oneitis.

Why the fück would you do that!?

Even if she does eventually cave, she'll forever regurgitate the story of "oh, he was chasing me forever until I said yes!" And you'll be standing there, pot bellied, with a beer in your hand, flipping burgers, nodding like a true AFC.

Do you really want that tag the rest of your life?

 

[sageproduct]

In my view this does reflect real life in a way - NOT the AFC or beta orbiting a girl until she gives him a chance, but instead the @$$hole blatantly hitting on the girl. She's attracted and turned on but resists because her conscious mind says he's an @$$hole. Then eventually she gives in to the gina tingle.

 

[Plutoman]

Confident persistence can work.

Desperate persistence will not work (at least not favorably, in that if it works, it's entirely in the woman's favor).