Performance anxiety and maintaining frame afterwards

[Asbury]

Performance anxiety has been a bit a problem for in the past: I'm an inexperienced guy with her few partners. About half of my sexual encounters have involved some form of ED to varying degrees. Last night I could not get it up with a girl who I really like and I've seen a few times.
I'm the sort of guy who gets up in my head and I can see this creating a downward spiral. Any tips for relaxation before sex so that I can perform?


The second part of my question is how do you stay on top of your game after this happens. The girl obviously has high interest in me and she said it was fine that I couldn't get it up but it still affected me. I lost frame a little and probably came off as weak/beta a little. How would you deal with it?

 

[Bingo-Player]

ive had this too but iv'e slept with too many women for it to be anxiety

it helps if the woman knows what shes doing , instead of piling all the pressure onto the man to make everything happen which is stressfull

let her go on top and initate you shouldnt have a problem raising it then flip her over and do her doggy or something

i find missonary awful probably the worst position

the last girl i this problem with was like a dead sack of potatoes in bed , she would lay on her back and that was it

 

[Juanto]

Go no fap, if you havent already. It tends to help

 

[Asbury]

I'd like a little help in how to play this next. This is a girl I actually do really like and whilst I will keeping seeing others I'm been to keep it going.

She was 100% ok with the performance anxiety and said "there's always next time". The trouble was I acted insecure afterwards and said a couple of things that were a little awkward. Neither of us slept well and hence were both exhausted in the morning. It felt different in the morning but this could be due to tiredness.

She had very high interest in me even after I couldn't get my d1ck hard, though I am a little concerned that this will all be gone now, especially since we won't see each other for at least a week now. How do you think I should move next?

 

[dustmuffin]

Go get some cialis or viagra. That will fix it. If you have problems lasting then rub one out about an hour before you meet and wear a condom.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

Don't jerk off, don't watch porn

Maybe try meditation

Most of all, don't make it a big deal, just don't bring it up or mention it again. I guarantee you've already given this 3x the amount of thought that she has.

 

[Billtx49]

Get some Viagra. If that doesn't aleve your fear, see a psych therapist.
Life is too short to live with a problem that can be fixed.

 

[sazc]

trust me the female hasn't thought about this, you are worrying way more than she is

 

[Jair213]

Get some l citrulline and pycnogenol take together

Take zinc in the morning first thing

You'll thank me later

 

[Tortendieb]

I used to struggle with this. It was especially tough for me because my **** is a bit wide and it's hard to get it inside if not 100% hard.

First of all, find something that works for you most of the time.
What I did is have her give you a handjob (just guide her hand there) and direct her to apply just the pressure you like. Lie on top (penis facing down/sideways - much easier with the blood flow. Do not lie on your back). Meanwhile make sure she's quite wet. Put on condom. Have her jerk you again for a bit then put it in - you on top. Thrust until you stabilize. Then stop worrying and do your thing.

Once you realize that you have this go-to routine that you can always use go "get your boner back", no matter what happens, then your anxiety will start to go away.

 

[JohnChops]

Performance anxiety has been a bit a problem for in the past: I'm an inexperienced guy with her few partners. About half of my sexual encounters have involved some form of ED to varying degrees. Last night I could not get it up with a girl who I really like and I've seen a few times.
I'm the sort of guy who gets up in my head and I can see this creating a downward spiral. Any tips for relaxation before sex so that I can perform?


The second part of my question is how do you stay on top of your game after this happens. The girl obviously has high interest in me and she said it was fine that I couldn't get it up but it still affected me. I lost frame a little and probably came off as weak/beta a little. How would you deal with it?

act as if it was no big deal, just a bad day. **** happens, nothing you can do. Next time, just relax and have fun.

 

[Asbury]

Thank you everyone for your help and suggestions.

Unfortunately things didn't work out with the girl - we had some wonderful dates and built a great level of emotional chemistry, but I guess that sexual intimacy and physical chemistry wasn't quite there and this caused her to lose romantic interest. But on to the next girl, I guess this is something that I just have to f**k my way out of!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you everyone for your help and suggestions.

Unfortunately things didn't work out with the girl - we had some wonderful dates and built a great level of emotional chemistry, but I guess that sexual intimacy and physical chemistry wasn't quite there and this caused her to lose romantic interest. But on to the next girl, I guess this is something that I just have to f**k my way out of!

You got it! Fvck your way out of it no other way around it.

 

[Dingo]

How old are you ?....

Don't believe the.... "girls don't care"... "not a big deal" BS.... If you can't **** a girl good she will find someone that can. She's got choices....You better bring your A game.

Cialis is awesome...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Performance anxiety has been a bit a problem for in the past: I'm an inexperienced guy with her few partners. About half of my sexual encounters have involved some form of ED to varying degrees. Last night I could not get it up with a girl who I really like and I've seen a few times.
I'm the sort of guy who gets up in my head and I can see this creating a downward spiral. Any tips for relaxation before sex so that I can perform?


The second part of my question is how do you stay on top of your game after this happens. The girl obviously has high interest in me and she said it was fine that I couldn't get it up but it still affected me. I lost frame a little and probably came off as weak/beta a little. How would you deal with it?

Hey bro. Was she physically into you enough to drive your passion? In any case its a good idea to get head before you go in. It shows interest on her side and will get you hard. Even adult actors get head to get hard. Also cialis is a great suggestion to make sure your always ready.

 

[Asbury]

I'm not gonna start taking Viagra/Cialis unless this becomes a really frequent problem - I'd prefer to take my time and get it right. I'm only 23.



In the past few months I've had two very short relationships that ended with me being friendzoned and whilst difficult to deal with at the time, they're taught me tremendously about women, what they want and how I should change my approach differently as a result. The first was that I acted to serious too soon and this is the second, where I failed to realise that it wasn't just about emotional chemistry, that girls need to be f**ked hard. In this specific event, there was huge anticipation with no satisfaction, leading to disappointment.
I have worked on the first issue and solved it, now I just need to work on getting better at sex, raising my confidence and then this second issue will be solved. My mentality has changed and I will now aim to be a more sexual mate, rather than a friend. My motivator is that I let something slip with someone I liked and it's not gonna happen again.

 

[Dingo]

Another thing..... learn to eat them out..... I mean good.

Many times they are so done after multiple orgasms they are OK with a quick ****.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

+1
This may seem like a weird question but do you know your own triggers e.g. dom/sub dirty talk, fat girls, boobs etc etc. How would you **** given your choice and not plworries about pleasing her so much.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I think we have to accept that we are simply NOT compatible with every single woman on the planet

There are too many physical & physiological aspects to take into account

If you are just fvcking women for the sake of it then you are going to come across problems , I know you said you liked this girl ……but I mean did you REALLY like her !?! because if you did then I promise you wouldn’t have this problem

This girl obviously isn’t able to make you relax enough around her Its almost like your subconscious saying to you “hang on a second fella I don’t like something about this chick” could be a physical thing could be a mental thing

Iv’e been through this ive had it with 2 girls and afterwards once the dust had settled I realised WHY I couldn’t get hard for them I wasn’t attracted to them in the slightest even though I convinced myself at the time I did


The chick im seeing atm is completely different we connected on both a physical and mental level she knows how to make me rock solid from the minute I see her and when we fvck its magic , if we were to have any problems im confident we could openly speak to each other about it

That’s what pure attraction for each other is

Also as others have mentioned above its not all about penetration , I think if you asked 9/10 women they would take being eaten out over being fvcked every single time

Girls love having they’re \I/ licked and kissed and I promise her orgasm will come a lot quicker than from penetration and she will thank you for it

 

[Asbury]

I think we have to accept that we are simply NOT compatible with every single woman on the planet

There are too many physical & physiological aspects to take into account

If you are just fvcking women for the sake of it then you are going to come across problems , I know you said you liked this girl ……but I mean did you REALLY like her !?! because if you did then I promise you wouldn’t have this problem

This girl obviously isn’t able to make you relax enough around her Its almost like your subconscious saying to you “hang on a second fella I don’t like something about this chick” could be a physical thing could be a mental thing

Iv’e been through this ive had it with 2 girls and afterwards once the dust had settled I realised WHY I couldn’t get hard for them I wasn’t attracted to them in the slightest even though I convinced myself at the time I did


The chick im seeing atm is completely different we connected on both a physical and mental level she knows how to make me rock solid from the minute I see her and when we fvck its magic , if we were to have any problems im confident we could openly speak to each other about it

That’s what pure attraction for each other is

Also as others have mentioned above its not all about penetration , I think if you asked 9/10 women they would take being eaten out over being fvcked every single time

Girls love having they’re \I/ licked and kissed and I promise her orgasm will come a lot quicker than from penetration and she will thank you for it

I think this is partially true - we went on 4 dates and for the first 3 I wasn't that excited. She had high interest in me and was a solid 9/10 and I was therefore keen to keep it going. The 4th date, however, felt a little different and I did genuinely fancy her more than previously.

Ultimately though, I should not have had an issue with getting erect. If I was able to and the sex was bad, so be it, but I do think that we both had high expectations for sex and that the disappointment was greater because it didn't work out how we hoped. That, coupled with me acting awkward afterwards and not going down on her (why the **** didn't I do this?!?!?) made her lose interest in an instant.

Whatever the situation, I need to stop obsessing about what could have been and move on.