Boyos, I briefly touched on this topic in this post right HERE but I feel this topic needs its own thread to catch as many eyes as possible. Because so many men are clueless on the concept of Perceived Value vs Actual value.
In the post that I linked , I used the analogy of a job interview where the applicant is given the chance to present his value to the company, but whether or not he gets hired is ENTIRELY based on the hiring manager's PERCEIVED VALUE of what he's actually worth.
In relationship dynamics, a better analogy to illustrate this point is the age-old question of why females choose the badboy instead of the niceguy.
Men drive themselves to the brink of insanity trying to understand female logic: Why would women choose the unemployed badboy instead of a niceguy with a stable job and no criminal record?
The answer is simple: she PERCEIVES value in the badboy.
"Why?"
"What value can he possibly offer?"
These questions are irrelevant. It doesn't matter what value she sees in him (or thinks she sees in him), and it's even more pointless to waste time and energy trying to understand her logic.
The bottom line is that she see's value in him. There is nothing you can say or do to change her mind, because attraction is NOT based on logical reasoning. You can't win her attraction by presenting all your positive qualities on an itemize list.
At best, even if she "chooses" you, she didn't really "chose" you, she SETTLED for you because she PERCEIVES you as nothing more than a betabuxxer to subsidize her and her children's living expenses.
In interpersonal relationships, ACTUAL VALUE doesn't carry nearly as much weight as PERCEIVED VALUE.
To finish off this post, I'm going to reference a scene from one of Scorcese's finest films: Casino. This is the scene where Ace Rothstein wastes his own time and energy wondering why Ginger keeps going back to her pimp ex-boyfriend even though he abuses her and exploits her....
In the post that I linked , I used the analogy of a job interview where the applicant is given the chance to present his value to the company, but whether or not he gets hired is ENTIRELY based on the hiring manager's PERCEIVED VALUE of what he's actually worth.
In relationship dynamics, a better analogy to illustrate this point is the age-old question of why females choose the badboy instead of the niceguy.
Men drive themselves to the brink of insanity trying to understand female logic: Why would women choose the unemployed badboy instead of a niceguy with a stable job and no criminal record?
The answer is simple: she PERCEIVES value in the badboy.
"Why?"
"What value can he possibly offer?"
These questions are irrelevant. It doesn't matter what value she sees in him (or thinks she sees in him), and it's even more pointless to waste time and energy trying to understand her logic.
The bottom line is that she see's value in him. There is nothing you can say or do to change her mind, because attraction is NOT based on logical reasoning. You can't win her attraction by presenting all your positive qualities on an itemize list.
At best, even if she "chooses" you, she didn't really "chose" you, she SETTLED for you because she PERCEIVES you as nothing more than a betabuxxer to subsidize her and her children's living expenses.
In interpersonal relationships, ACTUAL VALUE doesn't carry nearly as much weight as PERCEIVED VALUE.
To finish off this post, I'm going to reference a scene from one of Scorcese's finest films: Casino. This is the scene where Ace Rothstein wastes his own time and energy wondering why Ginger keeps going back to her pimp ex-boyfriend even though he abuses her and exploits her....
