People

[SinJester]

Most guys spend half their lives in high school trying to be cool or wishing they were cool. God at the moment I am kind of annoyed with people. What's the point? Why do I waste my time trying to impress someone who doesn't like me? If they don't like me for me why the hell do I bother wasting my time with them? Am I with my friends because they are right for me or because I have known them longest? Are they friendships of values or of conveniance?

Anyone else had thoughts like this? These days I don't really care about being 'cool' or 'popular'. I mean I'm nice to most people, known and well liked... But sometimes I sit there in the cool crowd thinking 'why do I bother'? I have friends their but some people just don't have any time for me, so why should I have time for them?

You put people up on pedestals and then put up with them treating you like ****. Respect them and then they just choose a lot of other people over you. Why... why do we bother?

 

[Quiksilver]

Make people earn your interest and respect with good behavior ... If guys/girls do what you want, reward them with attention/respect. If they do something against you, well you just take your respect off the table man.

You let people walk on you and still show them respect, they think that they are above you and have power over you.

Treat your attention and respect like money in the bank man, that's the best advice I can give you about high school. Don't spend time(attention) with people who aren't really worth it to you.

And if you're somebodies 'friend', ask yourself "WHY am I their friend"... Have a small handful of friends who you'll give your left testicle for(choose them wisely) and the rest of your friends should ONLY be your friends if they deserve to be.

A little confusing , I know , but it all boils down to how much you respect yourself and your time.

 

[SinJester]

Make people earn your interest and respect with good behavior ... If guys/girls do what you want, reward them with attention/respect. If they do something against you, well you just take your respect off the table man.

How do you suggest rewarding or punishing people? Simply by granting or taking away your time?

You let people walk on you and still show them respect, they think that they are above you and have power over you.

True, I'm not naturally an assertive person. I've just always been worried that I'll lose friends or people will stop liking me as much. I've changed now though, not tolerating disrespect, not sucking up to people, rewarding people who deserve it.

Treat your attention and respect like money in the bank man, that's the best advice I can give you about high school. Don't spend time(attention) with people who aren't really worth it to you.

That's the problem. I give value to people that don't value me (as much). People that are cool, funny, likeable and whatever, however when someone doesn't value you as much as you value them it creates a void and brings forth unwanted feelings. Then there's that fact that people want what they can't have. Now I'm starting to believe that the people who deserve my time and are valuable are the ones who value my time.

And if you're somebodies 'friend', ask yourself "WHY am I their friend"... Have a small handful of friends who you'll give your left testicle for(choose them wisely) and the rest of your friends should ONLY be your friends if they deserve to be.

Still its hard because there is certain people you want as friends and you want to have a social web. I'm a little confused about my friends at the moment. Still even if I am not 'friends' with someone I will try to get good relations but not reward a dog for ****ting on the carpet.

A little confusing , I know , but it all boils down to how much you respect yourself and your time.

And also how much you respect other peoples time.

Basically this thread is a result of a buildup of change. I'm learning to like the time more of people who like me, and dislike people don't. I still usually have a 'love everyone' mentality because I'm that kind of guy most of the time, but I'm just learning to respect myself and to stop caring so much about popularity. It's better to enjoy time rather than worry about being popular.

Kind of hard to word but you see where I'm going with this. Curious to how many people have felt like they have had this realization.

 

[Drumstick]

I've realized this. We all have. Most people realize this and submit to it and try hard to "make the best" of it. I think the better thing to do is not give a ****. Is high school a popularity contest? Yes. Do I give a ****? No. If you are spending your time trying to impress other people you fail. Spend your time improving yourself and finding things that define who you are. Thats your quest! Go try a bunch of different things you think may interest you and stick to the things that you relate to and that give you comfort and power in your mind. This is whats called "inner game", we've all heard about it. Go get a real hobby you are passionate about and identify with and rock it. So many people are low-confidence because they have no concept of identity and no foundation of thought. Do your peers aprove? Don't even answer, or think about it, because it doesn't matter. You'll quickly find out if they do or not, but if you are doing it right you won't even give a ****. Indentity is SO powerful. Walk around a city, look at the buildings. Some buildings impress you, some are bland and boring. What do the impressive buildings have in common? They have indentity, they are unified by some kind of aesthetic idea that makes them look prestigious, or proud, or wise, or whatever. A boring building just looks like four walls and a roof because thats all it is.

Then you'll have this epiphany that people are awesome. Every person is so incredibly complex and amazing and we are all bound together in the most mind boggling simple ways. Popularity contest? **** popularity, go find some people who rock. Love yourself and have secure identity, and people will love you. But if you love yourself and have secure identity, you will only love people who you really relate to; your true friends.

This is called "keeping it real", and its one of my favourite concepts EVAR!

You are keeping it real. You are doing what you love and what makes you feel complete. You're spending time with people who your relate to and bond with because they are awesome people. You don't do any bull**** you don't beleive in for the sake of popularity, money, girls, ect. You are keeping it real. If you do this whole dance of working the "social ladder" and all that crap while compromising your true identity and values, you are NOT keeping it real and you fail.

Ever heard the phrase "Knowledge is Power"? Its ****ing true. Know yourself.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Because it gets you laid (in high school) when you ARE popular.

 

[Drumstick]

Because it gets you laid (in high school) when you ARE popular.

But is it worth altering your personality/behaviour even if you don't think its right? No way. When high school ends, its being an awesome person that will get you laid, so I think working on that is more important than being popular. Its an investment, so decide for yourself what you want to do/be.