people love me but i get no girls

[ohiobohio518]

Both genders of all races absolutely adore me - I'm apparently an outgoing, friendly, funny person with an awesome personality. I know this because people tell me on a daily basis. Basically I'm your typical regulation hottie who knows she's hot because all the guys drool over her - except I'm not a girl and all the attention I'm getting isn't because I'm "hot," but because I'm such an .. awesome person to be around.

PROBLEM:
Even though people love me, I can't get any attractive girls. Sure, they loove me as a friend, but they don't find me attractive. I have pretty high standards. I don't want to hook up with average girls. I think you all know where I'm going. I'm not getting any, and in my opinion I'm doing everything right. I'm not Mr. Nice Guy or an emotional tampon, and never have been - I know how to talk to girls. I have a superb reputation and people talk to me like I'm flawless! But hot girls dont find me attractive! (And it's not like I'm ugly or anything..)

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Assuming that I wasn't exaggerating and people do find me as such a great guy, you would be scratching your head right now, wondering why this is true.. unless of course...... I'm ASIAN.

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Picture 3 Asian guys on a college campus. What do you see?

I'll tell you what you see. You see 3 creepy, socially weird, introverted geeks with glasses, they all look alike, have funny voices, and are talking about World of Warcraft.

In the back of your mind, you know this stereotype doesn't fit every Asian male, but who cares, it fits the vast majority.

As a white-washed Asian at Cornell interested solely in caucasian girls, this stereotype constantly plays a role in whatever I do. Unless a girl knows me well, the first thought that enters her mind when I approach is "creepy asian!!" To override this stereotype, I feel the need to act overly outgoing and friendly and to flaunt my fluency in English. This usually works. But it only gets me past the point where the girl believes that I'm not creepy and have social skills.

I never get to really initiate kino, etc until I get to know the girl well, for fear of being considered creepy, just because of my ethnicity. And when it gets to a point where I know her well enough to pull something like that off, I'm already in the friend zone! Am I making sense?

For this reason, I tend to wait for the girl to come to me. People are always like, "guys always have to make the first move!!" but as far as I see, interested girls WILL approach guys while at a party/drunk and put her arm around you or something to drop a hint. I've never had this happen to me except by girls I'm not interested in. This makes me reluctant to initiate things with girsl that show no initial interest.

I keep thinking that it's the fact that I'm an Asian male - girls automatically put me under the asexual, antisocial, geek cateogry even when they know I'm not, and won't let me out.

You know it's true. I know so many Asian guys who are just so damn creepy - and I know people judge me because of that, just because I'm an Asian guy. I keep trying to be as uncreepy as possible and that inevitably encourages platonic relationships.

What am I suppose to do? I've talked to some of my white female friends and they agree! They've been hit on by asian guys and they were ALL creepy! Many of the guys don't know social boundaries and go overboard.

I act in a way so I won't fall into that category and keep getting screwed over!

What am I to do?

 

[Bvbidd]

I'm ASIAN.

Oh okay.. Yeah just give up and power lvl on worl..

lol joking.. yeah racial streotyping is a terrible thing.

Go for asian girls? srry best answer.

 

[ScrewIt]

I dont think race should be an issue here, however stereotypes hurt us in one form or another early on, it shouldnt as someone gets to know you. Aside from those, dont forget people always judge by first impression (a book cover).

Friendly/outgoing isnt a bad thing, but maybe thats how the girls view you as. Perhaps you're lacking sexual appeal, it can be achieved by creating sexual tension. You say you dont kino a girl until she gets to know you, well kino her when you meet here...just dont be weird about it

It could be a slew of things, especially body language...which i assume is likely your problem.

One can be friendly/sociable and lack sex appeal. One can be disliked by others and have sex appeal...its all about balance, think about it.

 

[wayword]

Maybe you could be the exception (anything's possible?), but the only "well-known" Asian PUAs I've seen who do decent are good-looking or average-looking but relatively tall ones.

Now, you do sometimes see an ugly one with a hot babe, but those are probably lucky fool's mates who couldn't replicate that success with other women. Or have some special skill and celeb status (like local club DJ).

Bottom line is, if you look like Ken Watanabe, you might have a shot. But if you look like William Hung, sorry but get used to the friendzone...or start dating down.

 

[specialed]

show them the best time of their life when you are with them...dress awesome...smell great...i bet you had girls flocking with you...even if they were a little above average...and the hotties saw that, they would automatically want you more.

but the fact is...people have racial types they prefer. recently i approached a hb9 that was half asian and half white i believe...something like that. and everything went fine, but she was like..."sorry i actually like black guys...but i'll still give you my number and maybe hook you up with some of my friends."

so who knows.

 

[Distant Light]

Don't try to play your race as if that is the reason you're not getting none of the girls. Look at all the Asian PUAs who are in the game. (papa, loverboy,hoobie, asian playboy, spirit fingers, etc)

It is something with you're game but I think it's more of a belief thing as far as the post goes because you have this perception of how you think they view you or how you think they should be viewing you.

 

[ohiobohio518]

It could be a slew of things, especially body language...which i assume is likely your problem.

can you elaborate?

 

[DarkLight]

Don't try to play your race as if that is the reason you're not getting none of the girls. Look at all the Asian PUAs who are in the game. (papa, loverboy,hoobie, asian playboy, spirit fingers, etc)

It is something with you're game but I think it's more of a belief thing as far as the post goes because you have this perception of how you think they view you or how you think they should be viewing you.

DingDingDing!!!

Its easy to pawn it off, as "I'm asian" or I'm this/that.
Its all fvckin game, homey!

Don't make me bring up the Vern Troyer analogies, and dwarfs who pull a$$. Sh!t like that. Imagine what preconcieved stereotypes they're under.

Get in shape, pimp some fresh clothes, tighten your game up... and suave those women like a MAN. Fvck the fact that your asian. Your a MAN, she's a woman. Become the intoxicating magnetic pimp... suaver than suave. Then whats she to do!? I'll tell you....................she'll RESPOND!

Actually, see it as an advantage. Think about your preconcieved stereotype, then think about how hard you'll rock their world, when you shatter that stereotype being the Suave DJ pimp. They won't know what hit'em. Which will only serve to hype your mystery allure more.

Get your mind right.
The only issue you have stopping you, is the way your seeing things.
Embrace a more self-assisting DJ perspective.
Its all game.

(you mentioned your not a Nice Guy, and are percieved to be "Flawless" etc., I would def. reccomend the book: No More Mr. Nice Guy. Nobody likes to think of themselves as a "nice guy", but the fact of the matter is... the mass majority of todays male society has a lot of these NG traits conditioned into them on the subconcious level. The book is very well written, and illucidates the paradigm of such unconcious behaivors, very clearly... check it!)

SuaveOn'

 

[Le Parisien]

Ok, things like that are usually pretty complicated. In my opinion and according to my personal experience, it's NEVER one thing (like you are blaming your race alone), but a combination of several things.

I don't know you, how you look like, how you actually act (not how You think you act) infront of other people. I don't know the people you hang out with or the girls you go after... etc...

So I can only try to guess:yes:

- You are from Ohio, so maybe there are not many Asians around. People feel like you are somewhat "foreign". It's ok to be your friend, but not to date you. Because they don't see other hot white girls dating Asians. The same way if you see nobody around you or in your city or your country eating stinky cheese, you probably won't either, thinking it's not supposed to be this way. But since the French do it, many would follow and call it "fine cuisine"... In one word: habit.

- Maybe you are not that attractive. If you are like the "stereotypical Asian", you know, short, especially with short legs, and topped by a small frame, the don't be surprised if the hot white girls don't want to date you. It's not about you being Asain, it's about you being unattractive. Don't get me wrong, I don't know you, so it's just a possibility. If you are good looking, then great.

- Maybe the people you hang out with are just not "open minded", you know the "each race to its kind" people, and maybe the girls you go after are from this crowd. I never think being Asain is a big disadvantage, even when I was in the States, I didn't feel like the negativity was that big. Sure I needed to work a little harder, but it was alright, it was acceptable and "workable". Only once I felt like there was NO chance. I was crashing a white frat party with some of my Frenchie homies, they got pretty much "screened out" because of their bad accent. My English is pretty good. But by the second I set foot inside the frat house, many girls just had this disgusted "WTF does he think he's doing" look. That was the only time I felt my race worked as a "veto card" against me. Nevertheless, it was just that specific crowd. The average white American chicks I came across were rather more or less open minded.

- Do you do things that are typically Asian and do NOT do things that are not "typically Asian"? Or the opposite, you work too hard to prove how unAsian you are? I believe both these two cultural/social "extreme" behaviors might push people (girls) away.

Personally, being 100% Chinese, I don't feel handicapped by my "Asianness". By this I mean me being the same me, everything else being equal, I won't gain any edge by being a white guy.

I might not be "good enough" so to speak for some HB9s or HB10s, because I'm too short, because I'm too skinny, because my face is not attractive enough, because I'm not funny enough, because I'm not rich enough etc... ... But not because I'm Asian.

 

[wayword]

- Maybe you are not that attractive. If you are like the "stereotypical Asian", you know, short, especially with short legs, and topped by a small frame, the don't be surprised if the hot white girls don't want to date you. It's not about you being Asain, it's about you being unattractive.

Agreed, plain unattractiveness is the primary factor here, although bad Asian stereotypes are also a secondary corollary.

YES, if you are a William Hung-type Asian, you will have to mad compensate for having a double-whammy!

As far as the Asian PUAs listed, they are all at least good-looking, tallish or average in both.

papa - not a bad-looking guy with decent style, appears of average to tall height
loverboy - relatively good-looking Asian guy with a good flair for style & living in the EU, skinny but appears of average to tall height (hence his oneitis before learning game was still pretty hot)
hoobie - short, but decent looking - and flashes the wealth and connections derived from his mom in the entertainment industry, also moved to the EU (after flopping in L.A.)
asian playboy - short but good-looking guy with a hip, bad-boy fashion sense
spirit fingers - "cute" college-ish kid with very trendy punk/indie rock dress

Sorry, no William Hung's here... I think due to racial sexual stereotyping, Asian guys have to be better-looking whereas White and especially Black guys can be far uglier (e.g. Notorious B.I.G. or Cuba Gooding Jr.).

BTW, does anyone notice that they can pull much HOTTER girls after learning game, or just MORE girls...of the same level of hotnees? I'm guessing it may be more of the former, although perhaps a little of both?

 

[DJ_in_making]

I was actually starting to find the post interesting and thought I could contribute to it but after a while all I started to read was

"I'm Asian, I'm Asian!!!!" But, I want white girls what can I do?....get to the back of the line you're just like the others. Do a search on this topic and you'll get a strange feeling of de ja vu.

 

[Instinctive]

When you say that you "have pretty high standards. I don't want to hook up with average girls.", it sounds as if you are being slightly narcissistic. In other words you are using this as an excuse for you not getting girls, so that you aren't actually getting rejected; its their problem.

Being asian is a benefit, not a negative thing. It is only a negative thing if you think it is. Think about it, you are different from most guys, almost exotic. The other day I watched a Room Raiders episode where the hottest girl said that she only dated Asian men. Race doesn't mean ****, you're a human like eveyone else. Ive got three close asian friends, and they all get laid like rockstars.

'For this reason, I tend to wait for the girl to come to me.' This is your problem. You need to be more PROACTIVE for your dating, because as a man you are in control of your sex life. You need to create more opportunities to be with girls on there own. You seem like you've got a good skill level, all you need to do now is play the numbers game - the more girls you date, the more girls you'll shag. Get over any anxieties - remember the fear of failure is nothing compared to the regret of doing nothing!

 

[Nighthawk]

Why are you solely interested in caucasian girls?

 

[Ace of Flames]

Why are you solely interested in caucasian girls?

I was going to ask the same question. What's wrong with your fellow asian girls? There are some pretty fine ladies in there. Also, every race has hott women.

31 flavors. Try them all.

 

[ohiobohio518]

What's wrong with your fellow asian girls? There are some pretty fine ladies in there.

Ive dated enough asians and caucasians to come to an informed conclusion that i click better with white girls, or rather, girls with white personalities. I am fine with asian chicks who act white - but there are so little of them! I just can't keep up with the whole hello-kitty, anime thing that comes with legitimately asian girls.

I will also admit that part of it is because i enjoy the challenge and status that comes with having a white girlfriend. the norm would be an asian guy dating an asian girl. I know how it feels like to be asian and have a white gf. It sort of gives you a confidence boost because everyones like, "wow good job you're one of the few asians with a white gf."

I know its shallow, but i like that feeling. it makes me stand out and unique, apart from the "norm." it's like asking why i would rather own a european sedan vs. a similarly priced domestic car. for me, "domestic" would be asian girls.

When you say that you "have pretty high standards. I don't want to hook up with average girls.", it sounds as if you are being slightly narcissistic. In other words you are using this as an excuse for you not getting girls, so that you aren't actually getting rejected; its their problem.

you got me. you're aboslutely right. but it is also true that i dont even feel sexual desire for many girls who my friends think are "O.K. and would do if drunk."


also, whoever mentioned about having a small frame is correct. im 5'9" so im not that short, but i'm not big either. i weigh in around 160 - i have ginormous legs but have nothing to show around my upperbody. i biked a lot as a kid, lol. im not ken watanabe in looks but im sure as hell not william hung.

 

[ScrewIt]

It could be a slew of things, especially body language...which i assume is likely your problem.

can you elaborate?

I believe you're better suited to answer this question.
How do you carry yourself?
When you speak with a girl where are your hands...etc.

I understand that you're trying to be 'different' apart from the norms and the white girl would be a prize, yes its about ego. But hey everyone has personal preferences and i have nothing against yours.

whatever you decide to do is your decision.

 

[DJ_in_making]

I was going to ask the same question. What's wrong with your fellow asian girls? There are some pretty fine ladies in there. Also, every race has hott women.

31 flavors. Try them all.

Hell yea! do as ya please my ultimate goal is to taste every color of the rainbow!

 

[typical]

Hell yea! do as ya please my ultimate goal is to taste every color of the rainbow!

Even green ??? jokes LOL

To the OP umm maybe your just not sexual enough, talk is talk anyone can talk, you have to be able to isolate the girl and get what you want, if you cant do that then it doesnt matter how hot you are or how cool people think you are you just aint gonna get any.

Keep it sexual and stop thinking too much about hooking up and just well hookup.