paying for date [first date from online in particular]

[afc_2_dj]

Hi,

I was wondering what peoples final verdict on this topic is.
I have a first meeting tonight with a random girl I chatted to on a dating site [no comments re: online dating sucks, I know they suck and the women there-on are flakes but I can't help myself!!].

What do you guys feel is best practice for paying [in terms of it not affecting your chances]?

AFAIK its actually proper ettiquette to split the bill in this case seeing as it is a mutually agreed meeting, rather than me asking a girl from say work out to dinner, in which case I pay as I requested the meeting.

Personally I feel its right for me to pay the first date, even in my case. I guess thats just how I was brought up.

What do you think? AFC? Should expect a split? If she offers to pay I accept others I pay?

 

[jonwon]

Hi,

I was wondering what peoples final verdict on this topic is.
I have a first meeting tonight with a random girl I chatted to on a dating site [no comments re: online dating sucks, I know they suck and the women there-on are flakes but I can't help myself!!].

What do you guys feel is best practice for paying [in terms of it not affecting your chances]?

AFAIK its actually proper ettiquette to split the bill in this case seeing as it is a mutually agreed meeting, rather than me asking a girl from say work out to dinner, in which case I pay as I requested the meeting.

Personally I feel its right for me to pay the first date, even in my case. I guess thats just how I was brought up.

What do you think? AFC? Should expect a split? If she offers to pay I accept others I pay?

Paying for first dates is ok if that involves a chat over a coffee.

Paying for first dates is not ok if that involves:
going for meals ording stacks of stuff then moving onto a bar, then paying for her Taxi home, yes you would be suprised how pathetic some men are.

First date keep it simply, if you want to pay np, but if the night is proving expensive, i would expect any women to help fund the night.

now its not a problem buying them a few drinks or coffee e.t.c it is a problem if she sees you as a ticket to a cheap night out, to me thats no different to hooking up with a hooker tbh about it.

most, actually all decent women dont expect a man to pay, if they do there is something not right.

But remember this:

If you want to pay:
Pay since you WANT to pay not due to feeling forced to pay or TRYING to impress her with CASH.

If you pay in the ideal of trying to IMPRESS her with money, sorry you have failed.

the payment thing is about extending the night not trying to impress your date by buying your way into her pants.

Hence pay, but if the night goes on and you are working fine, drop stuff in like:
Your round.
Hey i will let you get this, this time.
Stuff like that.

I usually pay for the first drink or so, then wait a few seconds to see if she offers to pay for the second, i call that respect and shows she is into me for more then my wallet. which is not there to cater to the femal gender anyway.

 

[Desdinova]

Personally I feel its right for me to pay the first date

It's no longer the 1950s. Women today are able to work and make money. She can pay for her own 5hit.

If you get past the first few dates with her, feel free to comprimise (she pays this time, you pay next time, etc.) Don't let yourself be stuck holding the bill everytime for a woman who's not going to be around for long. It's a waste of money.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It's no longer the 1950s. Women today are able to work and make money. She can pay for her own 5hit.

If you get past the first few dates with her, feel free to comprimise (she pays this time, you pay next time, etc.) Don't let yourself be stuck holding the bill everytime for a woman who's not going to be around for long. It's a waste of money.

:yes: I wholeheartedly agree. An easy way with the initial meeting is to get there 5-10 early, get yourself a cup and when she arrives offer her a seat after she gets herself a cup.

 

[Desdinova]

An easy way with the initial meeting is to get there 5-10 early

I always got there 5-10 minutes late. Gets her mind going a bit and gets her emotions running. Besides, if she's really interested, she'll show up REALLY early. Had a girl show up 45 minutes early once for a coffee date. Add the time I was late, and it's closer to an hour.

 

[afc_2_dj]

OK, that good advice, thanks guys.

If she offers to pay, would it be best to accept? I just don't want to her to see me as a spineless push-over?

 

[jonwon]

OK, that good advice, thanks guys.

If she offers to pay, would it be best to accept? I just don't want to her to see me as a spineless push-over?

It would be rude not to, but in that offer to get the NEXT one.

Stop thinking too much when it comes to the pay things dont worry so much, just get yourself out there and have some fun.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I always got there 5-10 minutes late. Gets her mind going a bit and gets her emotions running. ...

You're evil Des, pure EVIL!!! :nervous:

 

[Bonhomme]

The only time I pay for her part of a date during the first few dates is when the date poses a financial hardship for the gal I'm dating (say it's an expensive concert and she's an impoverished student) or it's such a small cost it doesn't matter. Usually we just pay our share.

 

[afc_2_dj]

I always got there 5-10 minutes late. Gets her mind going a bit and gets her emotions running.

Hehe! Thats interesting, I normally aim to be the first one there by 10 minutes or so. Maybe I'll try it the other way around tonight!

 

[mrRuckus]

I really hate meeting women online for the first time in public places, especially if it's a quiet place.. It's so damn awkward and I just feel like everyone in the place is staring at me and KNOWS i'm meeting some internet girl since it is, while more accepted lately, is still somewhat looked down on.

The last girl I met like this in a mall I pretty much was thrown off for the rest of the night when she jumped up and hugged me when i first met her in front of like 30 people all sitting in a circle quietly in one of those mall seating sections at an intersection. It's just awkward with the dead silence of everyone else and us having to start a conversation in person for the first time in front of them all especially after she made such a big spectacle of us. It's like having to talk about your erectile dysfunction in the library.

me asking a girl from say work out to dinner, in which case I pay as I requested the meeting.

I don't agree with this at all. They sit back and never invite you expecting you to invite them so then you'd always end up paying with this sort of notion. It's not like they're doing you a favor by agreeing to go out with you, so why pay for them? Things are societally set up for them to get everything while you give. Pass.

If I ask out 3 girls a week i simply don't have money to pay for BOTH of us all 3 nights. Well, i do have the money but most of you don't since most of you are just college kids and i just don't want to spend the money because wasting it when they have their own is foolish.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

OK, that good advice, thanks guys.

If she offers to pay, would it be best to accept? I just don't want to her to see me as a spineless push-over?

Easy one, if you want to persue something with her accept and offer to "pick up the next one." This let's her know that you are interested in seeing her again and follow's the taking turns concept of paying for outings.

If you don't want to pursue thing just make a break for the door to run out on the check. Hopefully she'll get the idea.

 

[Vypros]

I've discovered that the more ACTIVE the date, the less money you tend to spend.

Like if you take her biking, or hiking, or play basketball or take her to the pool. They are relatively cheap things to do, and the ACTIVE part will prove to be a lot of fun.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... But the occasional $20-$40 isn't enough to put a dent in my pride or my principles.

I use to think that until I added up how much I was spending going out three or four times a week. That's about $5000 a year. That type of dent in my wallet would put a dent in my principles.

 

[ryannath]

What do I think about the bill?

I went out with a girl from myspace once, and we went to eat, and she ended up paying for my food and hers, and she even voluntered. I got my money out to pay and she goes, "No, i got it." I tried to convince her to let me pay, but she said, "she had it." She is the one that pursued me though online and asked if I wanted to meet her, not the other way around.

 

[vorbis]

i think it depends on the earning power of the people involved. If ye both have decent jobs, it should be a fairly 50:50 split over a couple of dates. (you might pick up the tab for say coffee on the first date)

If one party earns significantly more than the other person, that person usually ends up spending more (not extravagant spending but picking up the tab more often). My current gf is an au pere who earns about 125 dollars a week. I earn a good bit more than that.

I do end up paying for 3 quarters of the dating costs. Most dates though aren't too expensive (12 dollars to 25 dollars total) and she does cook me some food. Its all about what you feel comfortable with.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

i think it depends on the earning power of the people involved. ...

..I do end up paying for 3 quarters of the dating costs. Most dates though aren't too expensive (12 dollars to 25 dollars total) and she does cook me some food. Its all about what you feel comfortable with.

If based on earning power, wouldn't it be fair to spend in proportion of your earning power compaired to that of your partner? If you earn three times as much, why not spend that much? Fair is fair, right?