Patterns I need to break.

[OneofOne]

I've taken note of some rather basic but detrimental patterns in my behavior that I need to break out of. Any advice will be appreciated.

1. Developing feelings toward a girl way too early. This is a big one that I wish I could get rid of completely.

2. Telling a girl directly or indirectly about said feelings. Sometimes things I do without thinking tend to tip my hand.

Ideally I would like to be able to not go through this at all, but getting a grip on it would be awesome. It's gotten in the way far too many times.

 

[zekko]

1. Developing feelings toward a girl way too early. This is a big one that I wish I could get rid of completely.

The answer to this is to have options. Spin more plates, or at least gain enough experience to realize that you can always get another girl. If you don't have any options, you can get overly excited about it when one girl pays some attention to you. It's good to have beautiful women around you in your life.

2. Telling a girl directly or indirectly about said feelings. Sometimes things I do without thinking tend to tip my hand.

Keep practicing not telling her, and work on developing a more masculine mindset.

 

[pipe007]

I think I can help a bit, specially on number 2

first you are conditioned to develop strong feelings for a girl you find attractive, and I assume that as soon as she gives you any signs of interest, then your feelings for her increase.... and you lose control of them... and start acting unnattractively (thinking of her, being too nice to her, texting and calling her a lot, being too touchy feely with her, clingy, needy)

which causes her to lose attraction for you and back away from you more and more, which again causes you to want to tell her more and more how attractive she is and how much you like her, hoping that these disclosure will make her attraction for you increase

which never happens...

so if you are not yet at the point where you could control your feelings for a girl, then it just takes time, maturity and experience, you need to date a lot of different women and come to the realization that most women are a pain in the ass, and if you really get to know most of them better, then you would realize they are not good enough for you in the long run and could eventually tax your mental health.

as you become more picky and develop more game, the less needy and clingy you will become and the easier you will be able at handling your emotions.. which will cause you be less likely to show her that you like her either directly or indirectly.

if you are not yet at this stage, then you need to learn to NEVER allow yourself to show her that you really like her either directly or indirectly (non verbally)

you can learn to train yourself to not show signs of interest towards her and it takes practice, even if you really feel attracted and you really really like her to the point where you can do nothing else, you still better off doing nothing and not letting her know...

when you first meet a woman and you really like her, train yourself to:
- Dont call more than once or twice to set up a meeting.
- Dont text her as soon as the date is over telling her how much fun you had.
- wait a day or two to text her again.
- while on a date, dont lean onto her and dont smile too much, learn to keep a rather half smile and serious face, and only reward her with smiles when she does something nice for you or only when she shows interest to you.
- lean back, and stay grounded, control your bodily movements, and remain calmed...
- start notincing her growing rather uncomfortably and try to see nonverbal signs of interest in her part (playing with hair, leaning towards you, smiles, open hand gestures).
- NEVER TELL HER THAT YOU LIKE HER , MISS HER, or are thinking about her,,, specially if she hasnt said it first
- always wait for her to be the first one to say I like you, i miss you, thinking of you, and asking you more intimate quesions, let her be the one to ask you if you have a gf or not...

you can do these behaviors even if you FEEL that you really like her and you have the NEED to tell her... BUT DONT!!!!!

telling her that you like her KILLS attraction!!...ALWAYS!!!

-if you kiss her, at the beginning do it every now and then and don't over touch her,,, give her space and let her come close to you, dont be all over her, stay grounded and let her reorient her body, smiles, posture, and touch towards you, and once she does, you can advance one extra step and then lean back.....

- always wait for her to text you, call you, if she is attracted to you.. she will... because you are not needy... but if she doesn't dont let the interaction die, and call her a week later and set up a meeting.

BE NON NEEDY, NON INTERESTED, DETACHED, careless, indifferent, with women all the time....

you dont care if you have her or not
you dont care if she likes you or not
you dont care if she leaves you or not.
you love yourself, and can live with yourself and take care of your needs if you need to better than she would.
you are willing to walk away from her at all times.

this is power

 

[Interceptor]

1. Developing feelings toward a girl way too early.

IMO this may come more from making observations from an idealized perspective of the woman. You may be projecting what you truly want deep inside onto her, and she may not have actually proved herself to be that and demonstrated those qualities to you.
You may also be a little starved for your own nurturing and self love, so this places more neediness onto any woman you may find attractive, and who may happen to show you some more attention than you're used to.

Some women do tend to test men on how needy they may be if a particularly attractive woman starts showing them attention, complementing them and being more into the man than he's used to. If he reacts with too much eagerness and ungrounded energy she will know he's too desperate and needy inside.

2. Telling a girl directly or indirectly about said feelings.

I think the need to 'tell' about one's romantic feelings usually means that one isnt acting romantic and also may not be receiving the woman's romantic feelings.
When there is true attraction, and chemistry between a man and woman the need to 'tell' those feelings is not really necessary. One can elaborate and can confirm and affirm one's attraction, desire ,etc in the midst of passion. BUt the need to 'tell' usually happens with a man that doesnt really know the When's of the romance/courtship timing between a man and a woman. So he goes into this thought process, a mental paradigm to explain his feelings..using reason...but he is usually not as connected to his body and his more primal urge and masculine instincts.


I wrote this on the go, but Ihope ithelps a little. Good luck.

 

[Maxfarsigth]

Interceptor, Man! whats up! Are you in for some churros? =)
Im no experimented guy, but ill tell you what worked for me.
1. Interceptors advise.
2. I'd recommend to read: Pook's - Kill that desperation.

Hey! Im no DJ but im facing towards...

 

[OneofOne]

Interceptor. You are so money! That's how it keeps going down. I will heed your counsel.

 

[thedude4242]

another thing is dont call the first week. this is a mistake. some women you can but most of the time dont call the first week. its show you are really interested.

 

[badboyjmm]

pipe007 nice summary man. I will keep it as a reminder +1