Hi Guys,
I am writing this post as a rough draft of my thoughts. I have no clue why I am creating a post, but I feel I have something important to say for myself if not for everyone. Also, in the past sosuave has served in almost a group therapy kind of relief for me, when all you need is to get problems off your chest.
I started here at sosuave as a young highschooler. Through the use of the DJ bible and the advice of others on this forum I got a gf and lost my vcard before I moved out for college.
When I got to college I still had my girlfriend for the first 4-5 months. All though looking back on it we only really were "dating" for maybe 2 of those months. She got really distant and neither of us were having any fun. Looking back I wish I could slap myself across the face because I should have realized that my girlfriend was getting her emotional fix elsewhere. Technically she was still dating me and I don't think she was cheating, but after we broke up it didn't take her long to start dating another dude who was also long distance.
Needless to say I eventually broke up with her. Back then I felt so in control, like I had everything. I had good looks, I was going to have a career that would make me money in the future (computer science), and further more I had women's attention even though I had a gf.
Well our break up came at a bad time. I didn't live in the dorms because there was no room available and I have never been good at initiating friendships with people that I mantain. I had a few friends at college, but for the most part when I came home after 6 I was alone except for a few roomates. I was used to having my family around.
I used to talk to my gf for hours into the night when our relationship was good. So I went totally AFC and tried to get her back. I knew what I was doing was wrong but i genuinely believed I was better than the other dude she was dating and that I could do it. WRONG.
What ensued after that was a destruction of my confidence. Not only did I not get her back, but I was miserable. It's almost like my ego was intact until I realized I couldn't get her back. Once, my confidence left I spent a few months in some kind of a depression I don't understand. I think a large part of it was this was my first relationship and someone that i cared about. I never really recovered the confidence that I lost even today five years later.
*Note 5 years later I wouldn't want to date her. If you guys are feeling the way I did cause you just broke up with a girl its such a drop in the bucket you will move on. In fact I am such a different person now that it would be like putting a square peg in a round hole , I don't think we could tolerate each other.
Well for me dating in college has sucked. I have had sex probably 15 times in 5 years. A few times with a crazy black chick that I think roofied me because I didn't want to commit to being her bf, a really fat chick that got me drunk and basically was relentless in getting me to **** her, and a couple of times with my exgf from before who I kept in contact with. None of these were really "overwhelmingly passionate" for me.
This last semester I have gone out every weekend. I met girls who I wasn't very successful in talking to. I can honestly say though that I have perfected getting girls to dance with me on the dance floor, but it never leads to anything more because I just lack the ability to talk to them afterwards. Sometimes I take a step forward, only to feel like a take a few back the next time I go out.
To me it almost feels like I am more of an AFC then when I started. I think honestly it all stems from the fact that I can't seem to make a ****load of friends. I have friends, great ones in fact. Most people who spend more than a week with me usually have my back and think that I am interesting. However, in this game its crucial to get people instantly interested in you though conversation. Something that usually takes time for me to develop in people.
Now I am 23 and although I realize I have much life yet to live I am hardly the DJ i pictured myself becoming. My closest friends are moving on with girlfriends taking them out of the dating game, there are almost no chicks in my classes (Comp. Science), and I am going into my last semester of college feeling like I never really got to experience ****ing any of the hot 20 something year olds on campus.
Reading over what I just wrote, I can see how the thoughts in my head must effect my confidence. I have accomplished some things in these five years, but despite all my efforts I haven't been able to get a girlfriend that I genuinely like throughout college. I guess I just have to hang in there and hope for the best. Never give up is one lesson my father ingrained in me and something that I truly live by.
I just don't understand why I can't get better at talking women into relationships. Thats basically what it is. Yes I do let my approach anxiety get the best of me sometimes, but I have approached and each time It is as if I turn them off.
A few times girls have told me that I am not aggressive enough. I guess something in the nature of my personality must turn them off.
Since you made it through my rambling to the very end, I would like to ask for any input or advice you would like to give a struggling DJ.
Thanks,
Pathgen
I am writing this post as a rough draft of my thoughts. I have no clue why I am creating a post, but I feel I have something important to say for myself if not for everyone. Also, in the past sosuave has served in almost a group therapy kind of relief for me, when all you need is to get problems off your chest.
I started here at sosuave as a young highschooler. Through the use of the DJ bible and the advice of others on this forum I got a gf and lost my vcard before I moved out for college.
When I got to college I still had my girlfriend for the first 4-5 months. All though looking back on it we only really were "dating" for maybe 2 of those months. She got really distant and neither of us were having any fun. Looking back I wish I could slap myself across the face because I should have realized that my girlfriend was getting her emotional fix elsewhere. Technically she was still dating me and I don't think she was cheating, but after we broke up it didn't take her long to start dating another dude who was also long distance.
Needless to say I eventually broke up with her. Back then I felt so in control, like I had everything. I had good looks, I was going to have a career that would make me money in the future (computer science), and further more I had women's attention even though I had a gf.
Well our break up came at a bad time. I didn't live in the dorms because there was no room available and I have never been good at initiating friendships with people that I mantain. I had a few friends at college, but for the most part when I came home after 6 I was alone except for a few roomates. I was used to having my family around.
I used to talk to my gf for hours into the night when our relationship was good. So I went totally AFC and tried to get her back. I knew what I was doing was wrong but i genuinely believed I was better than the other dude she was dating and that I could do it. WRONG.
What ensued after that was a destruction of my confidence. Not only did I not get her back, but I was miserable. It's almost like my ego was intact until I realized I couldn't get her back. Once, my confidence left I spent a few months in some kind of a depression I don't understand. I think a large part of it was this was my first relationship and someone that i cared about. I never really recovered the confidence that I lost even today five years later.
*Note 5 years later I wouldn't want to date her. If you guys are feeling the way I did cause you just broke up with a girl its such a drop in the bucket you will move on. In fact I am such a different person now that it would be like putting a square peg in a round hole , I don't think we could tolerate each other.
Well for me dating in college has sucked. I have had sex probably 15 times in 5 years. A few times with a crazy black chick that I think roofied me because I didn't want to commit to being her bf, a really fat chick that got me drunk and basically was relentless in getting me to **** her, and a couple of times with my exgf from before who I kept in contact with. None of these were really "overwhelmingly passionate" for me.
This last semester I have gone out every weekend. I met girls who I wasn't very successful in talking to. I can honestly say though that I have perfected getting girls to dance with me on the dance floor, but it never leads to anything more because I just lack the ability to talk to them afterwards. Sometimes I take a step forward, only to feel like a take a few back the next time I go out.
To me it almost feels like I am more of an AFC then when I started. I think honestly it all stems from the fact that I can't seem to make a ****load of friends. I have friends, great ones in fact. Most people who spend more than a week with me usually have my back and think that I am interesting. However, in this game its crucial to get people instantly interested in you though conversation. Something that usually takes time for me to develop in people.
Now I am 23 and although I realize I have much life yet to live I am hardly the DJ i pictured myself becoming. My closest friends are moving on with girlfriends taking them out of the dating game, there are almost no chicks in my classes (Comp. Science), and I am going into my last semester of college feeling like I never really got to experience ****ing any of the hot 20 something year olds on campus.
Reading over what I just wrote, I can see how the thoughts in my head must effect my confidence. I have accomplished some things in these five years, but despite all my efforts I haven't been able to get a girlfriend that I genuinely like throughout college. I guess I just have to hang in there and hope for the best. Never give up is one lesson my father ingrained in me and something that I truly live by.
I just don't understand why I can't get better at talking women into relationships. Thats basically what it is. Yes I do let my approach anxiety get the best of me sometimes, but I have approached and each time It is as if I turn them off.
A few times girls have told me that I am not aggressive enough. I guess something in the nature of my personality must turn them off.
Since you made it through my rambling to the very end, I would like to ask for any input or advice you would like to give a struggling DJ.
Thanks,
Pathgen
I'll bet you a years pay that it wont be.