parents issue

[CarbonFX]

hi fellow dj's

im typing this from my phone so the formatting maybe off please bear with me.

ill get straight to the point

there is a girl obviously she is 24, cute and shes in love with me obvious ltr material, i love her back just as much the problem lies that im 18 so shes 6 years older then me, and the fact that shes indian and i'm white, she was married but she got divorced about half a year ago because the guy was a **** this was also a prearranged marriage. everything is fine and all

but i kind of want her to eventually let her parents know shes scared well worried id say of how they would react to such a relationship with her and me. everything has to be done in secret she does not have her own place either if she did this would not be an issue. i sort of brought it up but she said that its complicated but this is the only thing that is bugging me. also the fact that her parents are trying to prearrange another marriage again they are worried about which i think is not surprising so there is not a whole lot of time at most 1 year she said.

does anyone have experience with this? is there any way that the issue can be resolved or is this doomed to fail? please note that she has a say in the marriage as well. help would be greatly apprieciated

 

[BlakeW5]

Honestly dude, it may not work. She's 24. If she can't talk to her parents about it or stand up to them, she'll never be able to.

Either way, if the two of you are going to be together the parents are going to have to find out one way or the other. Do it now while your "relationship" is still new. If it doesn't work out you won't waste too much time chasing a losing deal.

 

[CarbonFX]

Thanks for the reply.

Aye, I was thinking of that. Yeah, that's the only way.

Yeah, this is somewhat complicated but that's probably because I'm involved. The way I see it is she doesn't want to be on bad term with her parents because of this. She told me she can't picture the reaction whether it'd be good or bad. But then that doesn't matter, their say is out of my control nothing I can do about it. So what I'm gonna do is just tell her to eventually clue them in on it or whatever as long as they find out in the near near future otherwise it's pointless for both of us and would result in more pain down the road. Who knows maybe it works out haha gotta be somewhat optimistic eh?

My first post might not have pointed it out but or made it kinda hazy but we've been together for approximately 2 months and yeah we had sex not sure if that makes a difference but it kinda shows how committed she is. That's just how i feel about it

 

[BlakeW5]

It can work out. Don't think I'm implying it can't. It has HUGE potential to be a rough road though.

I went through the same thing with my last girlfriend. Her mom hated me because of lies others had told her (i did drugs, had another girlfriend, was only with her for sex, yada yada) and because I was 25 (she was 17). She, the gf, basically told her mom that she wouldn't break-up with me and got kicked out of the house for it. It finally got a little better when I practically cornered her mom and had a heart to heart with her. However, it all went back to sh#t when the gf's stepbrother told her mom I was a druggie (he was thinking I was a different Blake). Well, she got kicked out once again.

We held together through it all but eventually the relationship caved in. The whole situation was stressful. Both to her and to me because I knew that her having to go through the stress was my fault. All the tension just lead to us fighting all the time, so we called it quits rather than ending up hating/resenting each other.

Parent issues are tough to deal with. She's in a spot were she probably feels like she has to choose between you and her family. If she chooses you she'll hold it against you at some level, trust me. She has to be the one to bring up the subject with her parents. At the same time you've got to be willing to talk to them afterwards. Really, it's a crappy situation to go through. Just deal with the issue as quickly as possible and nip it in the bud before it grows into something too big to handle.

 

[horaholic]

I dont envy your situation. If your ages were reversed, it would be one thing. I hate to say it, but you may be doomed by the age thing alone. You have to accept the fact that she may eventually bail because of your age alone. How long have you been dating anyway?

Her parents are throwing up a MASSIVE hurdle for you as well. Im just assuming you mean Eastern Indian, and not Native American, so correct me if I'm wrong. If her parents are the type to prearrange marriages, it says a few things. First of all, they will NEVER accept how young you are. They want a solid provider for their daughter, and 18 years old wont cut it. I wouldnt be happy about with if it were my own daughter, and Im pretty laid back. Secondly, it says they are probably very strict, and may disown her if she dates you, or anyone who isnt Indian, for that matter.

I dont know what to say. The odds of this working out are incredibly against you. That 'new relationship' feel will wear off, and reality will set in eventually.
Not trying to be negative, but realistically, you're pretty much screwed. You're situation is MUCH worse that Blakes, and his didnt work out either.

Good luck, whatever you do, and keep us posted.

 

[Scars]

My last relationship ended because of my girlfriends parents. When they aren't on your side, let me tell you, it makes things extremely difficult. You're going to have to decide if she is worth all the trouble and hassle. In the end it is her decision, and she's going to do what she wants, but her parents will be a big factor in all of her life changing decisions. I would perhaps try meeting the parents and letting them get to know you, don't even mention marriage (whether it's the prearranged one, or thoughts of yours). That's not the first thing parents want to hear.